The Haynes Book Of Lies thread

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

We've all suffered at the hands of the Haynes manual. My latest was the lack of an auxillary belt diagram for the 1.9DCi Slaguna. Every fucking belt diagram including the Egyptian market only 1.4 Minicab, but except the one I have that just happens to be the most common model. Bastards.

 

The Alfasud manual that STILL (even after me writing to correct them 20 years ago) says you can access the speedo end of the speedo cable from under the bonnet. Can you bollocks.

 

And of course, the a-l-m-o-s-t purchased E46 3 Series manual that 'does not cover diesel models' and as such is about as much use as a kick up the rectum with a pointy shoe.

[Bobthebeard]

We've all suffered at the hands of the Haynes manual. My latest was the lack of an auxillary belt diagram for the 1.9DCi Slaguna. Every fucking belt diagram including the Egyptian market only 1.4 Minicab, but except the one I have that just happens to be the most common model. Bastards.

 

The Alfasud manual that STILL (even after me writing to correct them 20 years ago) says you can access the speedo end of the speedo cable from under the bonnet. Can you bollocks.

 

And of course, the a-l-m-o-s-t purchased E46 3 Series manual that 'does not cover diesel models' and as such is about as much use as a kick up the rectum with a pointy shoe.

 

I bought a HBOL to enable* me to check the timing belt/balance shaft belt tension on my Porsche 944. The only advice in it regarding the belts was to take it to a main dealer. Thanks. That is £19 wasted then.

[dollywobbler]

Use some of the Haynes recommended torque settings for a 2CV engine, and you'll bugger up the threads and cause oil to piss everywhere. It's about twice what it should be for the oil-feed-to-cylinder-head bolts. Also, one diagram (admittedly in the electrics section) shows a 2CV with double wishbone suspension.

[Spiny Norman]

My favourite HBOL quote I ever saw was in the one for the original Volvo 700 series which said that "in the event of the bonnet release cable breaking, access to the release mechanism is by destructive removal (IE taking a lump hammer to) the nearside headlamp"!!

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

Wow, a facebook page:

 

http://www.facebook.com/HBOLofficial

 

 

Lead vocals and keyboards: Terry Davey

[Bobthebeard]

In fairness, Haynes manuals aren't all crap. Have used them in the past on cars/bikes various with good result. Have spotted some real howlers though. As in the 2CV double wishbone suspension type of thing.

The American versions seem the worst TBH.

[beko1987]

I found the ZX one scanned in online so saved a few quid there.

[Split_Pin]

I've not had many probs with my Vauxhall Haynes manuals, but I really wish they would stop printing the word "nut" and replace it with "spherical blob of rust".

[Station]

Ignition timing on sunny - set at 2 degrees to timing mark on crank it says.

There's 8 timing marks on the crank says I!

'Fuck you,' says Haynes manual. :'(

[warren t claim]

Haynes Vs. Googling? Which method of assistance do you prefer?

[cort16]

The bits I hate in the haynes manuals is when they just skip over a really complex bit.

 

Step 1: Disconnect battery

Step 2: Remove Engine

Step 3: Tighten sump bold

Step 4: Re-install engine

[RedSparrow]

True, I've come across bits that are about as useful as

 

1. Open bonnet

2. Fix engine

3. Close bonnet

[Split_Pin]

Googling is definitely worse, because although you might get some more useful tips, there will always be search results that pull up the opinions of MERCHANTS OF DOOM.

 

So that rattling bootlid actually means that your car will split in half at 70mph and kill 46 kittens and poison the entire water supply of Falkirk.

 

Google is still good for diagnosing problems if you can see past the above.

[brickwall]

My Range Rover one is plenty thick and has been quite useful. The problem is that about two thirds is supplementary information and the first third is for what were little built models. I wrote to them and said that after all these years it should be re-edited to have the supp. information added to the chapters. I spend a lot of time flipping between pages trying to find what the flip is going on. The MGB one was at least slightly better.

 

I always cry when a Haynes manual says, "Gain access to XYZ and then..". Aye how the flip do I get access. "Raise vehicle on vehicle lift..." is another. Like, I'll just pop out and buy 4 post lifts.

 

"Simply twist to remove the .....".

 

Aye, right!

[chaseracer]

I *may need to check this, but the seething cauldron of my failing memory is telling me that somewhere in the HBoL for the Dyane is the classic line: "to remove the engine, first take off the front doors"...

 

[Shep Shepherd]

My favourite HBOL quote I ever saw was in the one for the original Volvo 700 series which said that "in the event of the bonnet release cable breaking, access to the release mechanism is by destructive removal (IE taking a lump hammer to) the nearside headlamp"!!

 

I vividly recall reading that when I first bought the aforementioned manual, some weeks before I bought The Volvo; I hope that its bonnet release never fails, as headlights for the 'facelift' 740 are very hard to come by secondhand these days. To wit, I have regularly greased all the moving parts of the mechanism since I've owned the car.

 

Personally, I find the Haynes manuals for both of the Volvos to be pretty useful, although they do benefit from being augmented by various Volvoish forums, and websites like the 700/900 FAQ and Matthew's Volvo Site:

 

http://www.volvoclub.org.uk/faq/FAQSummary1.html

 

http://www.matthewsvolvosite.com

[CreepingJesus]

Or there's that point when you realise they've been spoiled by having a fully equipped workshop.

To wit, the two sump bolts on a Passat they said would need the gearbox removing to get to. Not if you spend a few bob on a really long T-handle Torx key, you don't. Cheers Haynes...

[mrcitroen]

The factory BX manuals come in 4 massive ring binders each 3 times as thick as a Haynes. From this, I take it Haynes must be somewhat scant on detail.

TBH I have never really bothered with Haynes stuff.

 

Still, I have Haynes for GS/A, 2CV, Dyane, Visa, CX, Xantia, BX

[jakebullet]

Does anyone else play the 'close enough' game with HBOL?

 

Spent years putting greasy prints in the land rover series diesel book when I had a petrol.

[rml2345]

Close enough? All the time!

Sometimes the detail is so scant that you have to play the same game with whatever it is needs mending.

I can't remember what it was I looking at, but one of the fairly mundane 740 jobs seems to have a bit missing, like the editor cut it out or something.

My absolute favourite though is "Rebuild is the opposite of removal". Gets me every time!

[Split_Pin]

I suppose its dictated by price, but the Haynes manuals that I have really could do with a few more pictures of those parts that I cannot understand the description of.

 

Also, not a fault of the book, but I hate that sinking feeling I get when one step in a seemingly simple process is described as "Remove XXXX as per Section 10.9" and then you thumb to 10.9 and think "oh crap", call the garage.

[Station]

In the precaution chapter in every Haynes book, it warns that some rubber components in the engine gradually break down forming hydracloric acid, and if it gets onto skin, 'it may be necessary to have the limb amputated'.

[brickwall]

I always used to smirk at the basic maintenance section that always showed a guy in flares looking in a header tank or staring blindly at a tyre.

[garethj]

The thing that annoys me most is the pictures.

 

They seem to be printed with 4 shades of grey, and don't show the part you want clearly but are excellent for showing all the other pipes and bolts behind it. For stuff when the background adds confusion, use a drawing

 

 

Robert Bentley manuals sometimes fade out the bits in the background of the photo, that's pretty good too.

 

The other problem with the photos is sometimes they're too close. Looking for a gearbox filler plug I found the picture and it's a nut, on a casing. Farkin brilliant, do I need to lift the bonnet to find this or jack the car up and get under? Or they'll show a closeup of a vacuum pipe, but no idea where it is on the engine. Some engines have a lot of vacuum pipes

[John F]

The HBOL told be I couldn't change the gearbox oil on a 1988 Ford Escort 1.3 OHV without removing half of the car.

 

Lying bastard that it is.

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

HBOL told me I had to very carefully drive a 316i with the M40 mill to my local dealer to get the belt tension checked with a special digital belt tension gauge and a thermometer to measure the engine temp. DO NOT EXCEED 2000 RPM FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!!!!!!!

 

Yeah, right.

 

"Nah. Just set them so the belt can be twisted thru 90 degrees on its longest run. They always slacken a bit after 2000 miles anyway. We never used the special tool, could do a belt in an hour". A BMW dealer mechanic circa 2001.

[catsinthewelder]

If Haynes had thought to mention that it's a good idea to change a waterpump at the same time as a cambelt I'd probably still have my old Renault.

 

Admittedly I should have known better but they do claim to be aimed at the novice

[babydriver]

Well I am some what disapointed, I thought we Autoshiters had put together a thread on how to bullsh1t the other half in our lives when we get nagged to death, mabee with some good anecdotes of tried & tested stories, now that would make a good heynes manual as you can get these books on most things these days

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

My Herald came with a bunch of workshop manuals, all of which were terrible. Most were too vague (covering little more than the owner's manual) but my favourite was the nicely bound early 60s book which was written in big chunks of unfollowable prose rather than useful step by step instructions.

 

After about five minutes trying to follow "Distributor Timing: The Novelisation" I bought a Haynes from eBay (although the Spitfire one was more useful thanks to the better pictures).