Choose your neutered American muscle car!

[Madman Of The People]

What happens when a legendary name outlives the era in which it was created? It becomes a neutered shell of it's former self. Now is you chance to choose the best (or worst?) Malaise-era muscle car!

 

Which of these would earn a space on your drive?

 

 

1974 Pontiac Ventura GTO.

 

Replacing the legendary GTO after the first Arab oil embargo was this crudbucket. Based on the Pontiac Ventura (AKA Chevy Nova), the new GTO was powered by a smog-gear strangled 350 V8. This car was so bad, it killed the GTO name for three decades!

 

 

 

 

 

1990-91 Oldsmobile Cutlass Calais 442.

 

In 1964, "442" meant a four barrel carburettor, a four-on-the-floor shifter and two exhausts. When GM's marketing "geniuses" decided to revive the moniker in 1990, "442" now stood for four cylinder, four valves per cylinder and two camshafts! GM couldn't understand why a Quad-4 powered econobox didn't grab customer's imaginations like the 442's legendary ancestors.

 

 

 

 

 

1978-83 Dodge Challenger

 

After lying dormant for a few years, the Dodge Challenger thundered back onto the scene as a rebadged Mitsubishi Sapporo coupe packing a 77 horsepower 1.6 litre four cylinder engine! Real speed freaks could opt for a 2.6 litre four-pot pumping out 105 horsepower. Try not to get too exited!

 

 

 

 

 

1983-87 Dodge Charger

 

No, not the famous Dukes of Hazard Charger. This one was based on the Dodge Omni/Plymouth Horizon subcompact and, in base form, was propelled by a 1.6 litre Peugeot engine producing a whopping 62 horsepower. The optional 2.2 coughed up 94 ponies and the 2.2 Turbo finally broke into triple-digit power figures. For purposes of this poll, however, you can't have the Turbo. You're stuck with the 62 horse Peugeot engine.

 

 

 

 

 

1974-78 Ford Mustang II

 

A commercial sales success but a critical flop, this Pinto-based pony car wasn't put out to pasture soon enough!

 

 

 

 

 

1980-82 Mercury Cougar

 

For 1980, the Cougar (and it's Ford Thunderbird twin) shrunk in size and power. An 88 horsepower 2.3 litre lump, inherited from the Pinto, "powered" this velour-lined, vinyl roofed Cougar. In addition to the Coupe, you could also have a saloon and even an estate. The "Sign of the Cat" had clearly been declawed.

 

 

 

 

 

1988-93 Pontiac LeMans

 

Designed by Opel, built by Daewoo, bought by idiots. This little heap of misery often went to the junkyard faster than most other cars of it's era.

 

[Pete-M]

Someone has to get one of those 'Charger' Turbo engines and shove it in a ratty looking Horizon. Please!

[splatthefat]

It's got to be the Astralike for the ultimate misery.

 

CJ

[fotorabia]

N/A

[Albert Ross]

1979 Oldsmobile Cutlass. Diesel.... Summat like 85 bhp......! Oh how the mighty fell, from a 455ci petrol, to this....

[Madman Of The People]

Pontiac Sunbird was never a muscle car. It was always a crap econobox.

 

The 442 was the performance variant of the original Cutlass and it's regrettable revival is already featured above. The Cutlass diesels were especially nasty, however.

[dieselnutjob]

1983-87 Dodge Charger

 

No, not the famous Dukes of Hazard Charger. This one was based on the Dodge Omni/Plymouth Horizon subcompact and, in base form, was propelled by a 1.6 litre Peugeot engine producing a whopping 62 horsepower. The optional 2.2 coughed up 94 ponies and the 2.2 Turbo finally broke into triple-digit power figures. For purposes of this poll, however, you can't have the Turbo. You're stuck with the 62 horse Peugeot engine.

 

 

Can I put an XUD in it?

[oman5]

The '74 Pontiac. all the smog gear of that era is easily stripped off and not required over here. it at least makes the right noise and doesn't look like a rebadged eurobox.

 

Although not a muscle car, the pinnacle of car strangling has to be the '76 Caddy Eldorado. a whopping 8.2 litre V8 that generated all of 190 bhp, in a machine that weighed not far off 2.5 tons. at least the compression ratio was low enough to run it on 2 star.

[RichardMoss]

I'm a career shite-ist but the only one of ose that I could live with would be the GTO

[gtd2000]

I'm actually running around in a 2012 Dodge Charger at the moment - I'll try to get some pics up for the futureshite threads.

 

Like this one....

 

[Shep Shepherd]

I'd go for the Dodge Charger, or to be more precise, its Plymouth relative, the Turismo Duster, mainly due to the 1985 "Lee Iacocca's Cocaine Factory" TV ad:

 

 

Best car ad EVER!

[Formula Autos]

This looks pretty cool, in a shrunken NASCAR sort of way, so I'd have to rule this one out straight away.

Not shite enough.

 

Is this related to the MK2 Cavalier? The doors look like the Cabrio/2-door ones. If so, related to a competent car. So not shite enough

 

An intriguing prospect - an even more obscure version of a now largely forgotten car. Still, rust issues aside, Saporros weren't meant to be too bad.

Again, probably too competent. 105 bhp doesn't sound too bad (for a car of that size/weight) either.In the words of Duncan Bannatyne "I'm oot!".

 

More like it! Related to contemporary Talbots for added kudos, and with added bonus origami styling. A definite contender.

 

Not the world's best car by a long way, but then this happened, so Ford redeemed themselves:

ATCNBE!

 

Truly awful, but kind of what you expect of American cars of the era. A complete devaluation of the Cougar name, yes - but by that point in time who would have bought something along the lines of a late '60s XR-7 anyway? A necessary product in some ways, but I take your point about the use of the Cougar name - someting like "Velourotron" would have been more appropriate.

 

Another strong contender but, again, based on a competent car. Maybe the wrong car for the US market, but the Astra/Kadett it was based on was a big seller in Europe, for good reason. Plus this thing became the Daewoo Nexia - something of a legend in Autoshite terms.

 

The Charger wins it for me.

[Negative Creep]

1983-87 Dodge Charger

 

No, not the famous Dukes of Hazard Charger. This one was based on the Dodge Omni/Plymouth Horizon subcompact and, in base form, was propelled by a 1.6 litre Peugeot engine producing a whopping 62 horsepower. The optional 2.2 coughed up 94 ponies and the 2.2 Turbo finally broke into triple-digit power figures. For purposes of this poll, however, you can't have the Turbo. You're stuck with the 62 horse Peugeot engine.

 

 

 

This would be my pick. Mainly because I could tell everyone I have a Charger, then see the look of abject confusion and disappointment on their faces when I actually turn up in it

[chaseracer]

 

This would be my pick...

You must promise never to polish it EVAR...

[wuvvum]

Someone has to get one of those 'Charger' Turbo engines and shove it in a ratty looking Horizon. Please!

I think they did produce a Dodge Omni turbo at one stage, didn't they?

[Pete-M]

Ye Gads. They did!!!!

 

[Junkman]

 

OK, the Muscle-Car disciples will tell me the Mustang is a Pony-Car and not a Muscle-Car, but still,

what you see is my prime choice without the shadow of a doubt.

Autoshite race colours are an added bonus and please make mine a 2.3 four with 3-speed auto for

maximum misery. I could seriously warm up to one of these, but they command comparatively

stiff money on the collectors' market, believe it or not.

[vulgalour]

Some considered remarks on the decline of automobiles.

 

The Charger wins it for me.

 

Yes, but now you've made me want a Mercury Velourotron.

[RedSparrow]

Another vote for the Charger here.

Also I can't believe a company would have the cheek to describe an Astra as a muscle car. Pontiac LeMans my balls.

[AnthonyG]

I'm actually running around in a 2012 Dodge Charger at the moment - I'll try to get some pics up for the futureshite threads.

 

Like this one....

 

 

These are meant to be pretty good - at least the 5.7 ones, loads of police forces using them now the Crown Vic is no more.

 

I'd vote for the Mustang II, 'roman bronze' brown with beige vinyl roof and interior please. Four cylinder obv. Mainly cos the styling is so bad it's sort of ironic.

[Alexg]

Great thread MOTP!

[cort16]

Not in the same league as above but the 90's Cameros are honking.

 

[Bren]

When I was at school in the 1980's one of the maths teachers at school had this generation mustang - red with a cream vinyl roof.

 

Even then, it brought laughter from the pupils.

 

I also remember that he had an L reg fiat, not sure which model, a four door boxy thing, that also attracted much laughter.

[John F]

I'll take the Astra, it'd be the least embarrassing of the bunch once it was re-badged as a Daewoo

[eddyramrod]

Not in the same league as above but the 90's Cameros are honking.

 

Are they related at all to Camaros?

 

I almost had a Mustang II once:

Very much like this, but more of a piss-yellow colour. It was hiding in a neighbour's back yard where it had been laid up for several years, and he offered it to me for not very much money really. It was the hatchback, as shown, with the 2.8V6 and auto. The window in the driver's door was broken, I remember, and no doubt there was other stuff it needed. I don't think it was a runner, but can't remember why. BMA 3M, where are you now?

 

Don't go looking for it, this was about 22 years ago! But having been so close (I did get to sit in it) I reckon this would be my choice. The GTO is awfully tempting though...