Day in the life of an Autoshitest. By Alex G, Age 30 1/2

[Alexg]

With trepidation I leaned towards the bottle of supermarket brand tropical fizzy drink that lay on the table in front of me. It needed to be opened. The fear of it exploding in a fizzy mess like an erupting volcano was overwhelmed by my thirst. I looked to my left, Phil Mitchell looked on willing me to unscrew the lid. I grabbed the bottle with my left hand unscrewed with my right and braced myself. The lid unscrewed with nothing but a light hiss, how disappointing, the flat soda will surely lack the taste my dry lips had already began to taste.

 

Shit! What time is it? I awoke with a jolt and began scrambling for my phone. It's 4.45am and the third time I had woken up fearing I'd overslept. It was now just 15 minutes before my alarm was due to go off. Why when I had my alarm set did I fear of oversleeping I don't know, and why I was dreaming of a soap character and a bottle of carbonated drink is perhaps an even larger mystery. Still, its about time I got going, I have an Allegro to collect...

 

The rented garage to keep the little Austin is 5 minute walk from the train station so I travelled down in my company car Nissan Note, slipped through the rediculously slim entrance to the garage block, parked up and marched down to Maidstone East with 15 minutes to spare. I'd booked my tickets online and these required collecting from the automated ticket booth that I'd already convinced myself would not be working. As the train was leaving at 5.45am the manned kiosk would be closed so I'd already planned my arguement with the conductor for lack of ticket. But of course the machine was working, I got my ticket and I was on my way.

 

It was still dark when I arrived in London so I was disappointed not to be able to see Battersea Power Station and the huge rusty cranes by the waterfront that I look forward to before arriving in Victoria. I disembarked and walked briskly towards the tube with all the other commuters looking to the left to see what appeared to be a mirrored partition a long the walkway. Whilst staring at the partition I became aware than my reflection wasn't on there, a momentary freakout followed before realisation that it was actually a perspex sheet that had commuters walking parallel on the other side. I need some breakfast.

 

A tube to Kings Cross, a MacDonalds baconroll meal and I'm on a train to Leeds. 10 minutes into my journey and I remember the promise of free WI-FI. A desperately annoying I-phone registration process takes place only to then explain that the first 15 minutes are free but after this there is a £5 charge. I took my 15 minutes and deside to spend the remainer of the journey staring out of the window. There always seems to be scrap metal dealers alongside railway lines so when I see one its always fun seeing how much chod you can identify at you zip past at 100+ MPH. The only thing of note came about 10 minutes outside Leeds where I spotted 2 DAFs at a distance in a yard. No time for a photo.

 

I arrive at Leeds at 9.50 and hop on the next train to Sowerby Bridge (near Halifax). Lots of scrap dealers on route but, apart from a burnt out Leyland National, no shite of any note. I'm greated at the station by Andrew the Allegro owner who works a stones throw down the road. He leads me outside to a row of parked cars where I instantly spy the cheeky face and luminous bright paintwork of my new car. First impressions are good, bar an annoying dink on the crease of the drivers door and some poor paint on the near side rear quarter. Closer inspection reveals bubbling on the drivers door and rear arch, but it was never described as a minter. I jump in turn the key and it starts first time and taps away in a typical A series fashion. Andrew informed me he had prepared the car for my journey checking all tyre pressures including the spare, topped up all fluids and over filled the oil slightly due to it burning a bit. A spare one litre of oil is also supplied in the glovebox. As usual with the purchase of shite the day of collection reveals more 'forgotten' problems never before mentioned. Andrew reveals fuel gauge has an 'intermittent' fault but he has supplied 5 litres of petrol. In my experience an 'intermittent fault' is something that used to work but now don't, and the use of the word 'intermittent' gives the owner licence to wash his hands of the problem he has sort of told you about..... I hand Andrew the cash listen to his directions to get to the M62 and we shake hands, I'm now my own now.

 

A quick phonecall to Adrian Flux sets up my years cover for £145 and its time to go. This is my first Allegro, actually its my first 1970s car ever! RedSparrows old 1981 MG Metro was the closest I've had to a 70s BL motor (a car I've resently sold to a prominent member of the Metro Owners Club) and this felt totally different. The steering wheel is much skinnier than anything I've been used to, plus it appears to be offset to the right ever so slightly at a very slight angle pointing towards the drivers door. The indicator stalk is on the right rather than the left, there are no headrests, and the switch gear is different to any 1980s or 90s Austin Rover I've had. Its now 11.45am, AA route planner tells me the journey of 255 miles should take about 4 hours 15 minutes to Maidstone. I'd predicted i'd be travelling at a steady 60MPH, slighty less than what I'm sure the route planner predicts, plus I'll have to stop for fuel. Even with this in mind if I add 30 minutes I'll be home by 4.30pm avoiding M25 rush hour chaos, my biggest concern. No time to waste then...

 

I set off and although the interior feels alien the A series engine has the same charm as the Metros I've had with one exception, power. Maybe as its not an A+, maybe because the Allegro is heavier, but probably for both reasons - it ain't quick. First and second gear are fine, third is rather pathetic and forth seems rev-happy at 40. I may have to rethink my timing plans. I hit the M62 straight into an average speed check, 50mph. The car seemed to be reving its nuts at 50 and I dare not push the car harder at this stage, especially with 250 miles to go. The 'intermittent' fault is being constant so I pull into the first petrol station about 20 minutes into the trip home and fill her up. £50 goes in, I reset the trip and plan to fill again in 100 miles. Hopefully this'll tell me how much fuel it uses and will tell me if another fill up is required.

 

Trundling down the M1 i'm worried about driving too slowly in much faster moving trafic. I'd already had 2 white van try and mount me from behind but I'd managed to comfortably nestle behind a Sainsburys Lorry happily doing 50 mph. I keep my eye open for other Autoshite on route only spying an early 70s BMW 2002 nailing it on the outside lane doing about 75, he glances over, I glance back and he continues into the distance. No picture opportunity. A little while later this little Singer appears behind me, convoy perhaps?

 

 

Well, after 5 minutes he was clearly bored of my leisurely pace and hurtled past me hitting eye watering speeds in excess of 60mph. I could only dream. I am now approaching my 100 mile fill up so pull into the M1 services, according to my trip meter its been 96 miles since I filled to the brim. In goes the nossle I queeze on the handle and pump in as much as I can, 9 litres is the most before it flows over. Doing the maths thats 4.5 litres to a gallon. I used 9 litres which is 2 gallons. I did about 100 miles thats 50mpg. WTF - really? Thats as much as my diesel Nissan Note. I'll check again in another 100 miles. I check the oil too and despite the sellers claim of it burning a bit its still just over the Max, excellent!

 

As I rejoined the M1 and continued on my journey three things became apparent, 1 - I was becoming more and more confident in the performance and reliability of the Allegro, slowly increasing my average speed to 55mph, even hitting a rather hairy chested 62 on one occation! 2 - my right foot way getting sore. 3 - travelling at an average of 50 rather than the usual 80 increases travel time massively! A road sign saying 90 miles to London would usually mean you would hit the M25 within an hour, at my pace it meant an hour and 30.

 

Another 100 miles goes by I decide to pull over again, top up with fuel and check the oil. At last I have a crappy dark snap of the Car!

 

 

This time it takes 15 Litres. So basic maths again shows I'm now doing about 33ish mpg. Maybe it's because i've been giving a bit more stick, or maybe its just that my experiment it flawed. Interestingly the oil level is now low on the dipstick. However I give it 5 minutes and check again, its raised a bit. I decide to dig out the litre given to me by the owner as a top-up. The bloke is clearly a shitist, check out the highest quality oil

 

 

Its now dark as I hit the M25 at 4.00pm. Traffic was not too bad for a change until I get towards the toll. A nice thumbs up from a traffic cop is the only relief from the dreaded Dartford Crossing hold-up. I was concerned how the Allegro would hold up in slow moving stop start traffic and apart from a few random vibrations it dealt with it impeccabily. I kept an eye on the temperature gauge but it never ventured even halfway. Good Girl! A good half hour hold up and I'm free again down to the M20 I'm nearly home. A bit more rush hour traffic to deal with and I arrive home at 6.20pm. A good 6 1/2 hours after I left. No breakdowns, no dramas, its all rather boring I'm afraid - but I love the car!

 

Sorry about the lack of pictures and insane waffle. I will post pics tomorrow I promise!

[Felly Magic]

Sounds like you saw the Scrappy at Tingley, they just seem to do trucks.

[John F]

Brilliant write-up Alex, it reminds me of a return trip I made from Canterbury to Leeds one winter on an elderly CB250N fitted with a mahoosive full fairing that reduced cruising speed to little more than 50 mph (but at least kept the worst of the winter chill off me).

 

Look forward to more pics of the Aggro.

[Pete-M]

Ace. Glad you did it. Also glad it did over 30 mpg

 

I do enjoy collecting cars from random bits of the country. Enjoy it so much it's part of my job - but I have to buy chod to enjoy it fully. It's dull in new stuff, there's no death rattles or nasty noises to keep me awake.

 

I had an eventful one a few years ago when I bought a P5 off ebay. That made it six miles before breaking down. Then another 40, then it started to piss down and the combination of 195/60/15s on the front and prehistoric Dunlop Gold Seal crossplies on the rear made the rain an interesting experience. When everything else was combined with a carb that had a flat spot you could park an Antonov in, occasional massive backfires, non-functioning overdrive, 15 mpg, and 30 year old wiper blades the journey home was a tad scary.

 

I'd still love a P5B Coupé. The 3.0 doesn't quite cut the mustard.

[scooters]

Well done fellah.

 

Great write up. Very nice wee car.

 

As Ghengis Khan once said:

 

• "The finest thing in life is to spot the old lame camel, to buy it when inebriated, to travel a vast distance to optimistically collect it to bring back to the horde...and to hear the lamentation of your women for having done so!"

[M'coli]

Excellent write-up. Was the Singer giffer-driven? I passed one that colour on the way into Leeds yesterday at about 10 to 11, with its giffer driver parked up talking on his phone!

[Andrew353w]

Lovely story!i love that "slightly frustrated" start, mellowing into an increasingly happier Autoshiter as the journey continues!

[ashmicro]

Great write up Sir.

[retrogeezer]

excellent read for a wet saturday morning, look forward to more photos.

[RedSparrow]

Epic mission and lovely car. Good work!

[trigger]

Fantasic stuff!, I enjoyed that Alex so thanks for sharing, I'm also looking forwards to more photos of the beast.

[Alexg]

Thanks for the comments, I was going to go into more detail on the car and journey but it got later and later last night, and it had been a long day.

 

I parked the car next to my garage at the back of my house last night, it'll only be there a couple of days before being moved to a rented garage. I went out this morning to take some photos and it would'nt quite fire-up . As I don't have much time to fiddle here are some photos of where shes parked.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The huge clock on the dash kept driving me mental. It has a big red second hand constantly spinning around giving me a split second panick out the corner of my eye. I need to remember its a clock - not a rev counter

[Guest]

Fabulous. The 'as found' Radio 1 sticker is what clinches it for me. Keep on top of this one Alex, tangerine motors from the seventies need to be preserved and cherished.

[Cavcraft]

Brilliant write up of a class car, could read reports of this quality all day long.

The car's probably done a B.L and refused to start because it rained in the Outer Hebrides, you'll get used to that!

[Alexg]

Excellent write-up. Was the Singer giffer-driven? I passed one that colour on the way into Leeds yesterday at about 10 to 11, with its giffer driver parked up talking on his phone!

 

 

Bloke looked about 40ish I reckon

[barrett]

Excellent stuff! This is a great colour and the estates look miles better than the saloons I think. It must be quite scary buying a car blind on ebay and then trusting it to get you home over a huge distance, but it looks like you did pretty well here, even if it has decided to break today

[Craig the Princess]

Deleted: Premature posting syndrome!

[Craig the Princess]

The car's probably done a B.L and refused to start because it rained in the Outer Hebrides, you'll get used to that!

 

Indeed, the day we bought our first Allegro it wouldn't start (it was a damp day) so opening the bonnet and having a short chat with it fixed the starting issue!

 

Top work Alex, I remember Andy showing me that car earlier in the year. I was in a garage so I didn't get a good look but what I saw looked good.

[Felly Magic]

I know it isn't an 1100 estate, but threaten it with a 'Damn good thrashing' with a large branch

[HillmanImp]

Great write up. Nice looking car too, I do like the estates.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

Writeup, car... CLASS.

[Shep Shepherd]

Brillliant write-up. Makes a change to see an Agg estate in a colour other than brown, beige or gold

[Felly Magic]

I must admit, well done mate and bonus shite spotting on the journey home

[greengartside]

Superb write up and superb car Alex, thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Have done a similar journey when buying an old Carina-E GTi and driving it back to base in Bury St. Edmunds from North Wales.

 

Seems like yours has got a Dudley reg so it's been about a fair bit in it's life!

[theorganist]

Great writeup, it looks lovely, the colour really suits it.

 

You lucky thing having a lock, my series two had the blank dial there!!

[Angrydicky]

You sir are a winner!

[AnthonyG]

Good write up and a nice looking car in a great period colour . Radio 1 MW sticker sets it off nicely!

[RobT]

Great write up there Alex The old A-series can be an economical engine when set up properly, so not surprised you saw 50mpg if driven carefully in true giffer style!

[michiel]

Wonderful - I have a soft spot the size of something very big for these...

 

 

[wackywacerwill]

Nice, very nice.

Didn't realise it was an estate you were getting, such a great shape. There's something very special about buying blind and getting home in your newly purchased chod, top stuff.