"it must be a death-trap or, worse, like a Vauxhall"

[Tayne]

.

[boobydoo]

Hmmm.... so they're on a new car launch, necking the vino the night before.....then the morning of the test drive, were standing around in the sun supping chilled chablis, followed by the quick downing of a stiff cognac before setting off in the lovely Renault 16.

 

Irresponsible piss head about sums it up then.....

[Guest Leonard Hatred]

It was a more innocent age of lawful drink driving...

 

I love these pieces, I read one which I think was linked via MacDroitwich and meant to catch up with the rest, unfortunately the Car forum's search facility isn't the best.

 

Here's one on the SAAB 99

 

http://www.carmagazine.co.uk/Community/ ... ic-id=7297

 

Since Saab is the opposite of Volvo, the power goes to the front wheels. This otherwise regrettable arrangement suits the snowy conditions that prevail in Sweden. When it is not snowy, the Swedes are of course not driving but writhing about in various states of undress in the few brief moments that constitute their short summer.

[Guest Leonard Hatred]

http://www.carmagazine.co.uk/Community/ ... ssage57012

The best of Archie Vicar...

 

On the Porsche 911: “ If we British are renowned for taking a jolly good idea and making a hash of it in the details, the [Germans] can be relied upon to take a dreadful idea and struggle heroically to make it work.â€Â

 

On the Opel Manta: “The idea of thousands of Vauxhall drivers travelling unaccompanied on public roads in the Manta is rather worrying.â€Â

 

On the NSU Ro80: “Forward visibility is good which means you can see when the AA man comes to tow away the car the next time the engine seizes.â€Â

 

When did erudite motoring journalism die?

[Guest Leonard Hatred]

Archie HATES the VW Golf

 

http://www.carmagazine.co.uk/Community/ ... art-page=0

Another reason to dislike the five-door configuration is the deleterious effect a fifth door has on the strength of the bodywork. The Golf is therefore a car hopelessly compromised by the fitment of a fifth door. Who will climb into their car from the rear? As many people as will buy this peculiar car, I would hazard.

 

Got that one a bit wrong, squire.

[r.welfare]

Archie Vicar was, I found out recently, a pseudonym for legendary CAR columnist George Bishop (Bishop, Vicar...geddit?).

[seth]

What brilliant writing So he ends up with the one loaded full of wine so scores the great idea of driving it back to the UK for long term testing. Of the car of course!

 

Wolsely 16/60 fuel tank is only 10 gallons though...

[Justin Case]

What a writer; I have been inspired to dig up af ew more of the great man's considered opinions:

 

On Mercedes-Benz cars: “…they neither ride nor handle but offer a lifetime of ill-informed self-satisfaction…â€Â

 

On the Austin Maxi: “A choice of new colours (mustard, brown and umber) will add to the car´s appeal.â€Â

 

On the Bentley T-1´s power output: “It would be easier to discover the secrets of the freemasonry than to share this most intimate of Bentley´s secrets.â€Â

 

On the boot of the Jaguar XJ-6: “It´s like a rear-mounted glove box.â€Â

 

On the Ford Cortina: “The car has coil suspension with telescopic dampers all round and this will help getting to the supermarket at a good clip!â€Â

 

On the Land-Rover: “The car handled high kerbs with aplomb and negotiated the modest spaces in the new local supermarket very effectively.â€Â

 

On the Alfa-Romeo Alfetta: “…most of the main pieces of trim stayed in position over the course of our 210 mile tour.â€Â

 

Pure genius