silly sayings, feel free to add

[sporty-shite]

Rhinosrobeast - Unattractive lady

She's got a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle.

[mouseflakes]

Some that are used in our family - don't know if they're more widely used?

 

"Silly as a sack full of arsoles" (often shortened to "Silly as a sackful") - very silly

 

"You'd laugh to see yer mother's arse on fire" - You're mean

 

"What do you want me to do, stick a feather up me arse and fly?" - I can't work miracles

 

"He took his arse in his hands" - He got in a bit of a huff

 

"Don't you shake a shitty stick at me!" - don't talk back to/blame me

 

Freud might have something to say about my family. But then, he was silly as a sackful.

[Mr H Sceptre]

Mad as a box of frogs.

[ashmicro]

Buffarilla=munter. As ugly as a gorilla and as big as a buffalo

[M'coli]

Christ on a bike!

[Rod/b]

Christ on a bike!

Or

 

"JESUS H. CORBETT!"

[Mr_Bo11ox]

She's got a face like a:

 

fight at a gypsy wedding

 

welders' bench

 

fat wasp chewing a bag of spanners during a sandstorm

 

burned-out minibus

 

blind cobblers' thumb

 

etc etc.

[Station]

Face like a bag of smashed crabs

 

or when procreating with a very slim lady:

 

Like shagging a bag of snooker cues.

 

or when my mate was unnecessarily describing some rancid random porno film

 

She had a face like a plasterer's kettle.

[Rod/b]

 

or when procreating with a very slim lady:

 

Like shagging a bag of snooker cues.

A friend of mine was once talking about the delightful Mrs. Beckham. He said he thought it would be like "shagging a gate".

 

 

or when my mate was unnecessarily describing some rancid random porno film

 

She had a face like a plasterer's kettle.

or, "a face like a painter's radio"

[Guest]

Hit it with the lowering stick. Why not just say ""lower it"

A Biffa - unatractive lady

bobfoc - body off baywatch face off crimewatch

Ugly as a burglars dog - unatractive lady

As much use as a dogshit birthday cake. Your useless.

Everyone has a photographic memory-Some don't have film. He's dumb.

A couple of drops short of a piss - as above

[Mr H Sceptre]

Like throwing a stick up an alley - procreating with a large lady.

[HillmanImp]

Like throwing a stick up an alley - procreating with a large lady.

Thats a slack fanny innit? As in, 'I would not want to bang that Susanna Reid again, it was like waving a sausage in the Albert Hall'.

 

Its a term we used to use for a cartain young lady in Littlehampton many years ago. She was not fat, probably due to all the 'exercise' she got.....

[retrogeezer]

I always thought 'she has a face like she's been bobbing for chips' was pretty funny.

[Father Ted]

Like throwing a stick up an alley - procreating with a large lady.

Thats a slack fanny innit? As in, 'I would not want to bang that Susanna Reid again, it was like waving a sausage in the Albert Hall'.

"its like a clowns pocket"

[VWPowered]

Your only supposed to blow the bloody doors off

[Mr Lobster]

Like throwing a stick up an alley - procreating with a large lady.

Thats a slack fanny innit? As in, 'I would not want to bang that Susanna Reid again, it was like waving a sausage in the Albert Hall'.

"its like a clowns pocket"

"its like a wizzards sleeve"

[Pete-M]

Like chucking a salami down an alleyway.

 

MY favourite of those is "She's got a tw@ like a yawning hippo".

 

[Hudsonpie]

Two that spring to mind if you have a sore bum....

....red tea towel holder...

or...

"I've got a bum like a Japanese flag"

or for a lady who might have been around the block a bit...

"pissflaps like two day old kebab meat"

My mate at work who is Irish said he was snogging a hoooor and she had breath like Kit-e-kat....

[ChinaTom]

A very well-spoken rather senior Project Manager I used to work with used to have a very odd one. When he was challenged regarding something and received the comment "looks like you're f*cked then" during budget or programme meeting, he would respond:

 

"About as f*cked as a c*nt in a buggerer's den old son"

 

meaning he would be fine, and not to worry.

[whitevanman]

on the fanny topic, up here we often use " she's got a divit like a pound of mince on her" ie- well swollen etc

[Albert Ross]

Ford Crossflow engines with dubious maintenance history.

 

Sound like "A skeleton wanking in a biscuit tin"

[Pillock]

Talbot Engines straight from the factory

 

Sound like "A skeleton wanking in a biscuit tin"

Edited for accuracy.

[Slaighty]

Heard someone say today

 

"what can I do you for?"

 

Please, this was funny, once, in 1978. Don't say it.

[cms206]

Some of my favourites...

 

"Sorry, are you in my road?"

 

"I think I've made a Jim Delahunt of that"

 

"It gives me great welcome to pleasure you"

 

"I'd really love to help you, but I'm afraid thats an SEP issue"

"Whats SEP?"

"Someone else's problem!"

 

 

And one which sadly got me utterly blank looks, when referring to a bad stutterer...

 

"One of these days someone's gonna give him a bit more choke and he'll start... "

 

... blank looks were apparantly because no-one present at the time knew what choke was...

[binhoker668]

I seem to remember someone having issues with threads that were unrelated to cars. Maybe was *slightly shirty* about it?

Hey it's ok now! Let's party like 'twas 1899!!!

whoops. drunk online again.

[STUNO]

Jeez cobber, looks like you been shovelling shit uphill with a shovel full of holes.

Yeah mate Ive been up the boohai shooting Pukekos with a long handled shovel

1..your not doing very well

2..no, so I went for a walk. (or whatever suits the occasion)

 

Recipe for cooking Pukeko.

First catch the bird (they cant fly very well)

Remove feathers and gut

put in a large pot with water and a large rock

boil until the rock is soft

then eat the rock

[warren t claim]

Like throwing a stick up an alley - procreating with a large lady.

Thats a slack fanny innit? As in, 'I would not want to bang that Susanna Reid again, it was like waving a sausage in the Albert Hall'.

"its like a clowns pocket"

"its like a wizzards sleeve"

C**t like a ripped out fireplace used to get a reaction of my ex.

[Cavcraft]

Teeth like a row of bombed houses.

[lancashireclamper]

Like throwing a stick up an alley - procreating with a large lady.

Thats a slack fanny innit? As in, 'I would not want to bang that Susanna Reid again, it was like waving a sausage in the Albert Hall'.

"its like a clowns pocket"

"its like a wizzards sleeve"

C**t like a ripped out fireplace used to get a reaction of my ex.

Viz quote, think it was Baz describing one or other of the Fat Slags;

Christ, she had a fanny like Mary Poppin's bag!

(Offically the only time I found Mary poppins amusing!!)

[binhoker668]

Like throwing a stick up an alley - procreating with a large lady.

Thats a slack fanny innit? As in, 'I would not want to bang that Susanna Reid again, it was like waving a sausage in the Albert Hall'.

"its like a clowns pocket"

"its like a wizzards sleeve"

C**t like a ripped out fireplace used to get a reaction of my ex.

Viz quote, think it was Baz describing one or other of the Fat Slags;

Christ, she had a fanny like Mary Poppin's bag!

(Offically the only time I found Mary poppins amusing!!)

"Dripping like a fucked fridge"

-The young lady was rather enamoured with the gentleman in question.