Best phrases in car adverts

[sierraman]

Or failed on emissions then passed an hour later after the Wynn’s Stop Smoke has got to work and its roasting hot. 

[HMC]

“Former Dr owner” 

assumption- be impressed, it’s been fastidiously owned and looked after.

Reality- could be that, but just as easily never serviced, driven into objects etc.

[RoverFolkUs]

16 minutes ago, Sham said:

One of the reasons why I'd rather have a 3 month MoT issued 8k miles ago, than a fresh one on purchase.

My favourite that I've seen recently - great condition, will need welding for MoT.

I don't mind a new MOT if it stacks up. For example, I'd be very suspicious if the test station (for a new MOT on sale) is 30 miles from the seller's location, and if possible I'd compare the odometer reading on the advert if shown to the MOT mileage.

Doesn't always work out if the car is in daily use but it the test station is 30 miles away and the odometer reads the same as per the advert when it's supposedly had a new MOT in that time just something to keep in mind sometimes

When I got my Focuses, they both were "new MOT on sale" with private sellers, but they were taken to trusted & fair local test stations so I didn't mind

11 minutes ago, SRi05 said:

I genuinely think there's some folk who don't realise the look up service exists. Pure lies about a car's condition, then you look up the MOT and it has a shopping list of advisories 

Yes, it's the same with car tax, people say it's taxed for X amount of time (as mentioned above) but don't realize it no longer goes with the car. 

In such a situation you describe I'd bet the MOT certificate has conveniently "gone missing" in an attempt to hide advisories without knowing it's all online and a new certificate can even be printed off with the V5 reference number

[RoverFolkUs]

12 minutes ago, sierraman said:

Or failed on emissions then passed an hour later after the Wynn’s Stop Smoke has got to work and its roasting hot. 

Yep, fixed the symptoms and not the cause! Once I saw a car for sale that had failed it's MOT on the airbag light being on. Next retest, an advisory was noted for "supplementary restraint system warning light does not illuminate" - no mystery over what went on there 😅

4 minutes ago, HMC said:

“Former Dr owner” 

assumption- be impressed, it’s been fastidiously owned and looked after.

Reality- could be that, but just as easily never serviced, driven into objects etc.

I've never understood this, what is it about a doctor owner that suddenly makes a car an absolute gem!? I've seen "1 civil servant owner from new" before as well, what difference does that make!?

[LightBulbFun]

6 hours ago, lesapandre said:

'Need to apply for V5' or the more passive-aggressive - 'V5 lost'.

my favourite is when that term is "innocently" used

when the vehicle is something obscure, has been off the road since 1968, has no paperwork at all, never computerised with the DVLC/DVLA, has no owners club on the DVLA's V765 list, and was first registered to a county council that long since destroyed its records 

(so TL;DR good fucking luck getting a V5c LOL)

[lesapandre]

Pet free.

100,000 motorway miles.

Average condition for age (in which case its a fridge).

Average mileage for age 2001-2022×10,000=210,000

Low mileage ....120,000

Few owners....8

Mint...

No rust...🤣

Dull paint...needs T-cutting...in other words needs respray.

[sierraman]

19 minutes ago, RoverFolkUs said:

Yep, fixed the symptoms and not the cause! Once I saw a car for sale that had failed it's MOT on the airbag light being on. Next retest, an advisory was noted for "supplementary restraint system warning light does not illuminate" - no mystery over what went on there 😅

I've never understood this, what is it about a doctor owner that suddenly makes a car an absolute gem!? I've seen "1 civil servant owner from new" before as well, what difference does that make!?

Harold Shipman and Dennis Nilson were Doctor and a Civil Servant. You’d willingly buy a car from either of those.

[RoverFolkUs]

3 minutes ago, lesapandre said:

Pet free.

100,000 motorway miles.

Average condition for age (in which case its a fridge).

Average mileage for age 2001-2022×10,000=210,000

Low mileage ....120,000

Few owners....8

Mint...

No rust...🤣

Dull paint...needs T-cutting...in other words needs respray.

Motorway miles = the car goes on the motorway for a 1 mile stretch during their 30 mile commute. The remaining 29 miles consists of back roads and town driving adding every form of wear and tear imaginable

[GR8 PL8 M8]

7 hours ago, lesapandre said:

'Personal reg included' - whatever that indecipherable jumble of numbers and letters signifies?

"Personal reg included" - the prefix number that the car was issued when new.

[HMC]

“Fully loaded”

Very useful  to the browser only if they happen to know all the specs. Also assumes the vender knows every possibly option the car could have come with. When it come to eg Mercedes that’s quite a tall order. Ok it could just be a figure of speech rather than to be taken literally. Or is it?

#pedant

[GR8 PL8 M8]

45 minutes ago, SRi05 said:

I genuinely think there's some folk who don't realise the look up service exists. Pure lies about a car's condition, then you look up the MOT and it has a shopping list of advisories 

It's true, surprise* and delight* ensued after I looked up a colleagues reg for whatever reason and commented on the MOT history. Cue the next hour being spent looking up everyone else's - none of them were aware that it was a thing you could do or, as it turns out, had checked their car's MOT history prior to buying it!

[RoverFolkUs]

🚨⚠️  Pondlife Alert!! ⚠️🚨

https://www.facebook.com/marketplace/item/973112630076613/?ref=facebook_story_share

Here we have a hat-trick!

Don't have the time to take it for MOT ✅

Will fly through MOT ✅

No timewasters ✅

Bonus points for the number plate being deliberately out of show so you can't see how fucked it is from previous MOTs

Double bonus points for writing a nice clear, concise and coherent advert description with excellent* use of punctuation and grammar

Land rover ...... No rust ..... Said nobody ever! 

Some paperwork = 1 receipt from Kwikfit for a puncture repair in 2009 

Best go and have a look at it so you waste your own time and not the vendor's !!!

[Daviemck2006]

The all motorway miles when applied to a car here is always pushing the boundaries. Its 40 miles to get to a dual carriageway, and another 70 after that to get a motorway.

Sent from my SM-T585 using Tapatalk

[RoverFolkUs]

Something else which really winds me up is when people deliberately put the wrong mileage in an advert. For example, in the above land rover, the mileage box says '15,700' when it will most certainly be 157,000. 

Same applies when they put, for example, 80,000 instead of 180,000. 

It doesn't matter in the slightest on an old shitter, and deliberately putting it wrong just makes you look like a complete tit who knows how worthless the car is and the high mileage would make it even worse!

It's not a bad thing, just be bloody honest!!

[SRi05]

"Condition in line with age" or "a few dings/scratches to be expected of a X age car"

It's totally phucked m7

[RoverFolkUs]

"The van it is keep it in parking since 4 weeks" 

[RoverFolkUs]

"Has a hornet exhaust" + "LED headlights conversion" = I am the biggest throbber imaginable

[RoverFolkUs]

That's good to know it's had its Campbell changed, I must remember to change the soup in my car too 👍

 

[dozeydustman]

7 hours ago, lesapandre said:

‘Personal reg included' - whatever that indecipherable jumble of numbers and letters signifies?

I normally read that as a £50 NI plate starting with KAZ, JEZ etc

[HMC]

I know it’s a small thing but something that puts me off is if you look at the ad, the pics , price etc and at the bottom of the listing it explains the items pictured on the car that are not included at the price- wheels, stereo bolt on stuff etc. Sometimes the list is long and the price as pictured is a fair proportion more the the price listed.

[RoverFolkUs]

9 minutes ago, HMC said:

I know it’s a small thing but something that puts me off is if you look at the ad, the pics , price etc and at the bottom of the listing it explains the items pictured on the car that are not included at the price- wheels, stereo bolt on stuff etc. Sometimes the list is long and the price as pictured is a fair proportion more the the price listed.

This is a good one 👍

[lesapandre]

1 hour ago, RoverFolkUs said:

"The van it is keep it in parking since 4 weeks" 

'Cathalytic Cat Converter'

[Chas4545]

2022 Renault zoe.   Zero ncap stars.

[NorfolkNWeigh]

2 hours ago, HMC said:

“Fully loaded”

Very useful  to the browser only if they happen to know all the specs. Also assumes the vender knows every possibly option the car could have come with. When it come to eg Mercedes that’s quite a tall order. Ok it could just be a figure of speech rather than to be taken literally. Or is it?

#pedant

I’m looking at XFs and A6s at the moment , most ads make a big deal out of sat nav, leather etc- you can’t buy one without!

[GR8 PL8 M8]

Part and parcel of living in London?

[Mrcento]

5 hours ago, sierraman said:

Will be MOT’d on purchase. At which time it’ll be too late to renege on the deal when it’s discovered it smokes like fuck.

I know a local trader that does this. I have concluded he has gigantic balls of steel given he even tried it on a Discovery recently that hadn't been on the road for over a year.

It went about as well as expected for him.

Somebody bought it. He stuck it in for an MOT, probably gambling that worst case, it would need a patch welded on the chassis and a few small odds and ends.

It was all 4 corners of the chassis. Corroded, holed and deformed. In other words, several grands worth of welding needed, probably more economical to replace the chassis.

I'm assuming he promptly phoned the buyer, gave him a full refund of whatever was paid, scrapped it and will never take that risk again on one.

[meggersdog]

From @Mr_Bo11ox an ebay ad from a few years ago

THE 2.3 POWERTRAIN IS A SILENT IS AS A FISH, AND IT PULLS LIKE A GREAT

also 

"Full luxury cream leather with walnut fascists"

[grogee]

"Here we have..."

"I am pleased to offer..."

"Bombsite and Crook is proud to present"

"A credit to its former keeper(s)"

"Rare"

Best of all: a full potted history of BL, VW or Ford about what else they made at the time of the heap's manufacture.

[sierraman]

32 minutes ago, grogee said:

"Here we have..."

"I am pleased to offer..."

"Bombsite and Crook is proud to present"

"A credit to its former keeper(s)"

"Rare"

Best of all: a full potted history of BL, VW or Ford about what else they made at the time of the heap's manufacture.

Ugh or Mr Billy Bigbollocks purchased this Rover 214sli in 1999. So fuck!

[RoverFolkUs]

Just now, sierraman said:

Ugh or Mr Billy Bigbollocks purchased this Rover 214sli in 1999. So fuck!

... After his devoted wife Mrs Sally Bigbollocks  purchased a Rover Metro in 1994 which was originally part exchanged to purchase the Rover 214 we have here today 😅