Reading the Ads...

[Timewaster]

1 hour ago, anonymous user said:

Favourite for buggering up searches

"Not, GTI, Sri, Turbo, Teasmade, etc"

Why the fuck do people do that?

"I really wanted a Cavalier SRi, but I think I will buy this 1.7D ex-taxi not Sri,Gsi,CD instead".

[Bstardchild]

I can't believe this one hasn't been mentioned

Aircon just needs a regas - cos that's always the case

[spartacus]

17 minutes ago, Bstardchild said:

I can't believe this one hasn't been mentioned

Aircon just needs a regas - cos that's always the case

Because it's true, don't be so cynical! 🙄

[Jerzy Woking]

16 hours ago, Split_Pin said:

"Bought it for my wife but she didn't like it" = I didn't check it over properly before I bought it and its fucked. 

My (then) wife went to visit her mum for five weeks, three days after passing her test. When she was away, I bought her an MX5 Eunos, as she found my Saab 9000 too big. Fitted a new hood, new stereo, aircon recessed, and polished it to perfection in the time she was away.

When she got home, I showed her the car, and she said "I don't like it". Never even sat in it. Sold it and just about broke even on the deal.

 

 

[Split_Pin]

No pleasing some people! To be fair, unless its a black Bini, my wife would be the same.

[backache]

Surprised this hasn't been mentioned so far as it really gets up my nose, ' No knocks or bangs' . I dont think  that in 40 odd years of running heaps ive ever had a car with Bangs ! Swiftly move to the next ad.

[Sham]

I read one once that said, 'only uses a litre of oil a month'

To be fair, it was an Audi petrol, but still...

 

I've not had to add oil between changes to any car I've owned since 1996, and believe something needs fixing if you need do. Minor thing, a few drips? No problem. A little haze on WOT on an old heap? Sure. A litre a month? Sod off.

 

[vaughant]

Must admit back in my trading days I have used a number of the above descriptions to "lure" the punter in but bear in mind this was mostly back in the days of the free ads where you didn't get a picture and only 160 characters from memory. 

Ones I'd never use are :

- bodywork commensurate with age and mileage (fucked, but buffed just before you arrive) 

- pulls like a train (clearly seller's 1st Tdi) 

- part will only cost x to fix (week fucking fix it then) 

Again a lot is put into perspective. 

I could spend another £100 sorting my zafira out to get an mot on it, few bits it wants, give it a good valet but what for? To get £4-500, hassle of selling, dealing with timewasters when I can punch the front seat and scrap it for £260!!!

Obvs selling something worthwhile I find you have to prep it to a decent standard or you've got it for life. 

Still maintain the game has changed dramatically. I've been trying to sell some 20" vw alloys. 

Their ok, they need a paint but it depends what you want them for how far to go with it, a decent gloss black rattle can job would do them the world of good but perfection will need a decent refurb.

I started rubbing them down them realised they weren't of any use to me so I'm selling in at a slight loss for advertised price of £275.

Some guy wanted chapter and verse on them the other day, pics of this, had they been filled, tyre depths. Sent them all to him "thanks I'll let you know", never seen again. 

Another "£150 2 nite M8". 

 

FFS. 

[timolloyd]

15 hours ago, anonymous user said:

And "fully loaded" on a base model  but fitted with a Halfords stereo and shiny floormats

Similarly, ‘MASSIVE SPEC’ on what is just a fairly standard 7 series, S Class or Range Rover.

If it has a gun rack, champagne cooler and individual rear seats, then maybe. But usually this term is applied to cars with electric windows all round and aircon (which just needs a regas m8).

[Dave_Q]

I think it was a boat rather than a car but I saw one the other day described as "potential project"

Project = totally fucking fucked m8, big time, but if you dedicate your life to it for 5 years it may see the road again

Potential project = literally beyond any salvation, even the scrap man will struggle to take it away as it will crumble to dust if you try to move it

[warch]

2 hours ago, Sham said:

I read one once that said, 'only uses a litre of oil a month'

To be fair, it was an Audi petrol, but still...

 

I've not had to add oil between changes to any car I've owned since 1996, and believe something needs fixing if you need do. Minor thing, a few drips? No problem. A little haze on WOT on an old heap? Sure. A litre a month? Sod off.

 

With Audis etc I think it was lost in the combustion process, my shite Golf diesel needed topping up between services because of this. 

[Tadhg Tiogar]

3 hours ago, Sham said:

I read one once that said, 'only uses a litre of oil a month'

To be fair, it was an Audi petrol, but still....

 

Also rotary engines have to consume oil, so you're regularly topping up anyway. 

[solderblob]

I spend a lot of time looking at American imports and I can't count the number of times I've been cockblocked with "car isn't UK registered but it's a simple process". If it's such a simple process then why haven't you done it?

[Jerzy Woking]

On 3/27/2021 at 9:21 AM, Sham said:

I read one once that said, 'only uses a litre of oil a month'

To be fair, it was an Audi petrol, but still...

I've not had to add oil between changes to any car I've owned since 1996, and believe something needs fixing if you need do. Minor thing, a few drips? No problem. A little haze on WOT on an old heap? Sure. A litre a month? Sod off.

We had a couple of BMW bikes (RS1150's) at work. Both used half a litre of oil every 400 to 500 miles. They even came with a sticker for the speedo saying "check oil level at refuel" or similar. Never ever any blue smoke evident from the exhausts though.

At about 4000 miles they stopped using oil like someone had flipped a switch.

Terrible bikes, oil consumption the least of their problems.

[goosey]

Lovely Condition = bag of shit. 
 

[Bitzer]

"Formerly owned by a woman/doctor/lawyer/YOB 1945 person"

So what? I know enough women, doctors, lawyers or YOB 1945 persons who are utter twats.

[sierraman]

I know what is that all about, I know a few ‘professional’ people and they couldn’t give a rats arse about their car. Like automatically a doctor would always maintain his car to the guidance. Last doctor I saw weighed about 40 stone, hardly in a position to lecture people about looking after themselves. 

5 speed gearbox is another one. What kind of fucking 10 year old car is going to have a 4 speed gearbox (apart from an Insignia with the M32...)

[neil1971]

Anything with @@LOOK@@ or similar in the title......no thanks

[Split_Pin]

[bunglebus]

4 hours ago, neil1971 said:

Anything with @@LOOK@@ or similar in the title......no thanks

I was going to say that - l@@k and "rare". I'll be the judge of that thanks

[St.Jude]

On 3/30/2021 at 2:43 PM, Bitzer said:

"Formerly owned by a woman/doctor/lawyer/YOB 1945 person"

So what? I know enough women, doctors, lawyers or YOB 1945 persons who are utter twats.

My wife is a woman and a lawyer, and she finds every fucking pot hole in the road. I wouldn't buy a car she's driven or owned.

13 hours ago, Split_Pin said:

You forgot the "Price isn't Free, just don't know what it's worth but got an idea so no low offers".

[HMC]

Bit of a nerd/Mercedes thing but “every option “ is a pretty bold claim; expecailly if it’s a merc. leads you to look at the pics and if several bits are not there it just makes me think the seller isnt as knowledgable as you might think/ or bullshits a bit.  Or a mixture of the two.

[HMC]

There’s also a few slick/ cliche phrases that have been touched on that whiffs of trader a bit.

Drives A1/ First to see will buy/ minter/ FMDSH/ clean car/ etc 
 

 

 

[sierraman]

1 hour ago, HMC said:

Bit of a nerd/Mercedes thing but “every option “ is a pretty bold claim; expecailly if it’s a merc. leads you to look at the pics and if several bits are not there it just makes me think the seller isnt as knowledgable as you might think/ or bullshits a bit.  Or a mixture of the two.

With that in mind I would expect on viewing a W124 it had the 6.0 dropped in it and a full AMG Hammer widebody kit or a Lorinser, hide, pile carpets, a gun cabinet, a mini fridge in the back with crystal glasses, monogrammed luggage, mahogany inserts everywhere and split rim BBS wheels. 

Not a fucking Grundig tape player and electric front windows. 

[artdjones]

I've seen a number of ads where the seller mentions that the engine is badly broken then tells you that it's had a recent cambelt.

[sierraman]

1 hour ago, HMC said:

There’s also a few slick/ cliche phrases that have been touched on that whiffs of trader a bit.

Drives A1/ First to see will buy/ minter/ FMDSH/ clean car/ etc 
 

 

 

First to see will buy. The amount of times I’ve looked at a car and walked away because it was absolute rubbish when it says this in the ad. 

Drives A1. As it it will just about make it to the A1. 

[sierraman]

2 minutes ago, artdjones said:

I've seen a number of ads where the seller mentions that the engine is badly broken then tells you that it's had a recent cambelt.

Engine seized, not had time to sort it out... me neither. 

[HMC]

Also “please read the ad” like some GCSE comprehension exercise a massive issue the car has is buried in an otherwise glowingly positive advert, in paragraph 4 section 3. Here we find that the engine is missing or in pieces or in a mates garage in Derby.

[HMC]

Similar- 11 of the 12 photos are of the car 2 years ago looking reasonably together and tidy. Photo 12 shows it’s current state, stripped to a shell with angle grinded bits missing or having bounced into a field on its roof.

[MJK 24]

“Never driven in the rain”

Quite possible on a 9 month old, 600 mile Ferrari.  Complete unverifiable bullshit on a 17 year old Ford / VW with 9 previous keepers.

☔️