The grumpy thread

[trigger]

Just watched that Coppers on Channel 4, that was a bit sobering at the end with the caravan crash

[Guest]

Turned room \ car upside down.

 

Cannot find Uni folder.

 

FUCK.

[autofive]

its snowing

[maxpower]

Get a bottom-rung office job and spend all day quietly doing your work, but occasionally make comments which give people an idea that you're not to be trifled with, know a bit too much about how you'd dispose of a body, casually mention nailbombing the management, escalate everything to a murder threat no matter how trivial, use the phrase "he's finished", etc.

 

I'm not going to the work Christmas party as they're rubbish - wish I'd figured this out years ago. You pay something like £15 to go to a rented-out room in a lousy local hotel and enjoy the same airline-quality turkey dinner you had the year before - no matter where I've been it's always the same turkey dinner - thin slices like you'd get on a sarnie, someone comes round with potatoes, pour your own gravy, etc. The starters are always a choice of melon, pate or something I've forgotten. The desserts are a choice of Christmas pudding, profiteroles, think the third one is cheesecake. Anyway, you tuck into your luxury-price Spar Ready Meal and watch a load of rotten colleagues who spend all year being miserable having an excuse to "act the goat" for one day whilst you stare into a £3.50 pint and a local DJ for Hire plays Come On Eileen from behind a Tandy traffic light.

 

hirst, have you ever thought of a career in the samaritans?

[Guest]

Get a bottom-rung office job and spend all day quietly doing your work, but occasionally make comments which give people an idea that you're not to be trifled with, know a bit too much about how you'd dispose of a body, casually mention nailbombing the management, escalate everything to a murder threat no matter how trivial, use the phrase "he's finished", etc.

 

I'm not going to the work Christmas party as they're rubbish - wish I'd figured this out years ago. You pay something like £15 to go to a rented-out room in a lousy local hotel and enjoy the same airline-quality turkey dinner you had the year before - no matter where I've been it's always the same turkey dinner - thin slices like you'd get on a sarnie, someone comes round with potatoes, pour your own gravy, etc. The starters are always a choice of melon, pate or something I've forgotten. The desserts are a choice of Christmas pudding, profiteroles, think the third one is cheesecake. Anyway, you tuck into your luxury-price Spar Ready Meal and watch a load of rotten colleagues who spend all year being miserable having an excuse to "act the goat" for one day whilst you stare into a £3.50 pint and a local DJ for Hire plays Come On Eileen from behind a Tandy traffic light.

 

hirst, have you ever thought of a career in the samaritans?

 

The last Christmas do I went on with work was fairly shit. Three of my colleagues decided to spend the night snorting coke.

However, singing Mack the Knife like a drunken bastard was quite fun, as was ordering a full tea service at 1.30 am when everyone else was still paggered.

 

Wouldn't do it again though. I had to talk to some of the management. Urrrgh.

[Station]

You notice all the fairly quiet, humourless people in the office party/xmas do (especially the men) turn into animals once they've had a few. A place I worked at had a few ex-police (retired) who were extremely sensible but turned into these savages about an hour into it. A do I went to once (in 1997) had a free bar and out of 300+ members of staff there (I can't fucking remember), I was most paralytic out of everyone. I got a photo of me with Jo Guest and had it signed to my girlfriend (who burnt it when I gave it to her), I cunningly hid all my booze in an F1 car (about 12 bottle of Newcastle Brown Ale) which was on display and accidentally knocked the lot over, I threw a bottle at Jay Kay of Jamiroquai, decided to spark up a big, phat joint at about 10 o'clock and offered a bottle of poppers round (I didn't even smoke pot), and then threw up in a taxi and then got chased by the police through Birkenhead on the way home. There was a food fight at the start of the night on our table, and the director of the company had a piece of roast beef land on his shoulder. There were two more free bar parties after that, and I decided not to go because of what I might do. Unacceptable behaviour!! No wonder most of our department were laid off about a year later!

[warren t claim]

You notice all the fairly quiet, humourless people in the office party/xmas do (especially the men) turn into animals once they've had a few. A place I worked at had a few ex-police (retired) who were extremely sensible but turned into these savages about an hour into it. A do I went to once (in 1997) had a free bar and out of 300+ members of staff there (I can't fucking remember), I was most paralytic out of everyone. I got a photo of me with Jo Guest and had it signed to my girlfriend (who burnt it when I gave it to her), I cunningly hid all my booze in an F1 car (about 12 bottle of Newcastle Brown Ale) which was on display and accidentally knocked the lot over, I threw a bottle at Jay Kay of Jamiroquai, decided to spark up a big, phat joint at about 10 o'clock and offered a bottle of poppers round (I didn't even smoke pot), and then threw up in a taxi and then got chased by the police through Birkenhead on the way home. There was a food fight at the start of the night on our table, and the director of the company had a piece of roast beef land on his shoulder. There were two more free bar parties after that, and I decided not to go because of what I might do. Unacceptable behaviour!! No wonder most of our department were laid off about a year later!

 

Fucking ROFL!!!! I hope you got that smug twat Jay Kay in the face!

[Justin Case]

You notice all the fairly quiet, humourless people in the office party/xmas do (especially the men) turn into animals once they've had a few. A place I worked at had a few ex-police (retired) who were extremely sensible but turned into these savages about an hour into it. A do I went to once (in 1997) had a free bar and out of 300+ members of staff there (I can't fucking remember), I was most paralytic out of everyone. I got a photo of me with Jo Guest and had it signed to my girlfriend (who burnt it when I gave it to her), I cunningly hid all my booze in an F1 car (about 12 bottle of Newcastle Brown Ale) which was on display and accidentally knocked the lot over, I threw a bottle at Jay Kay of Jamiroquai, decided to spark up a big, phat joint at about 10 o'clock and offered a bottle of poppers round (I didn't even smoke pot), and then threw up in a taxi and then got chased by the police through Birkenhead on the way home. There was a food fight at the start of the night on our table, and the director of the company had a piece of roast beef land on his shoulder. There were two more free bar parties after that, and I decided not to go because of what I might do. Unacceptable behaviour!! No wonder most of our department were laid off about a year later!

 

 

So what's that doing in the grumpy thread, seems a pleasant enough way of spending an evening

 

Our best dos at the place I used to work for were the 'Alternative Christmas Dinners' We took over the function room in a pub in Netherton, near Dudley (we still have function rooms in the Black Country ) and feasted on faggots (handmade by the local butcher) and mushy peas while the landlord entertained us with his 'spirited' piano playing. The only thing missing was he didn't fire up his traction engine to roast his chestnuts (Ooooh Matron ); that was only for bonfire night. Why Grumpy then? The company went down the tube a few years ago and although we still have a memorial Christmas dinner, it's now standard fare in a pub in Lower Gornal.

[Negative Creep]

Station were the hell did you work to get a party like that? We were lucky to get a discount meal at a mid level "themed" bar! I gave up on staff parties rather quickly, since all anyone would ever do would be talk about work

[Guest]

Still can't find folder.

 

BOLLOCKS.

 

Feel vile. I swear to Christ I have some kind of dairy intolerance. I've cut the sugary shit out and taken to drinking pints of water. This seems to have catastrophic effects on my guts - they go into meltdown and I end up having erm, quite unpleasant clear outs a few hours later. I also live in a soft water area.

 

BLEUGGGGHHHHHHH.

[Father Ted]

Confused.com are cunts.

[Alexg]

The last xmas do I attended was about 5 years ago. I turned up at the posh restaurant half-cut on Vodka, and wearing my favourite oil-stained and scuffed biker jacket. I insulted at least half a dozen colleagues and one of my managers during the meal, then accompanied them into town for a pub crawl, having first applied some eyeliner in the toilets (not the best idea in a small town in North Wales). I vaguely remember stumbling through at least a dozen pubs getting progressively more trollied and boisterous, before winding up in a spectacularly tacky nightclub, where I managed to smash some glasses, clear a large section of the dancefloor, and thoroughly piss off most of my companions. I was eventually kicked out, and remember nothing more until I woke up on my doorstep at 7:00 the next morning, with nothing at all in my pockets. I had to bang on my landlord's window next door to get a spare doorkey so that I could go to bed. The following Monday, no-one in the office spoke to me. At all. 2 people in particular wouldn't speak to me for over 3 months.

 

I've never attended another do since, mainly because I don't think it could ever live up to that one in quality and enjoyment, and I'd just feel horribly disappointed.

 

I personally don't think you've had a proper night out unless you have ruined someone elses evening

[Inspector Morose]

Our best dos at the place I used to work for were the 'Alternative Christmas Dinners' We took over the function room in a pub in Netherton, near Dudley (we still have function rooms in the Black Country ) and feasted on faggots (handmade by the local butcher) and mushy peas while the landlord entertained us with his 'spirited' piano playing. The only thing missing was he didn't fire up his traction engine to roast his chestnuts (Ooooh Matron ); that was only for bonfire night.

 

Tim down the Swan I presume? Did he ever tell you the story of when he was practising the organ before a funeral at Netherton church by playing 'I do like to be beside the seaside when the funeral procession came in early. No time to change the music; he just dropped it to a minor key, slowed the tempo and carried on!

 

Grump for today. Ordered bed and delivery confirmed for today. Spent yesterday getting rid of bed and rearranging bedroom, doing my back in in the process. Call from Sleepmasters yesterday at 4pm. "Oh your bed won't be delivered tomorrow as it's out of stock. We have rearranged it for December the third" WHAT? You confirmed a delivery date and by your own incompetence in keeping some form of stock control and no I don't accept it is circumstances beyond your control as you obviously can't organise a piss up in a brewery if you don't know when you CONFIRMED the date and time of delivery in writing that you don't have the product you were going to deliver. Sleepmasters you are a bunch of wankers.

 

I am now two days work out of pocket, have no bed and a knackred back because of your shower of shit company and your failure to actually do what you agreed to do. Plus I've got to be up at 4am tomorrow to drive the open topper to London for a job (at 35mph, it takes a long time).

[Station]

Station were the hell did you work to get a party like that? We were lucky to get a discount meal at a mid level "themed" bar! I gave up on staff parties rather quickly, since all anyone would ever do would be talk about work

 

I can't remember much of it, only what I was told (which is a bad way of finding out). I worked for Sony for a few years!

[maxpower]

Our best dos at the place I used to work for were the 'Alternative Christmas Dinners' We took over the function room in a pub in Netherton, near Dudley (we still have function rooms in the Black Country ) and feasted on faggots (handmade by the local butcher) and mushy peas while the landlord entertained us with his 'spirited' piano playing. The only thing missing was he didn't fire up his traction engine to roast his chestnuts (Ooooh Matron ); that was only for bonfire night.

 

Tim down the Swan I presume? Did he ever tell you the story of when he was practising the organ before a funeral at Netherton church by playing 'I do like to be beside the seaside when the funeral procession came in early. No time to change the music; he just dropped it to a minor key, slowed the tempo and carried on!

 

Grump for today. Ordered bed and delivery confirmed for today. Spent yesterday getting rid of bed and rearranging bedroom, doing my back in in the process. Call from Sleepmasters yesterday at 4pm. "Oh your bed won't be delivered tomorrow as it's out of stock. We have rearranged it for December the third" WHAT? You confirmed a delivery date and by your own incompetence in keeping some form of stock control and no I don't accept it is circumstances beyond your control as you obviously can't organise a piss up in a brewery if you don't know when you CONFIRMED the date and time of delivery in writing that you don't have the product you were going to deliver. Sleepmasters you are a bunch of wankers.

 

I am now two days work out of pocket, have no bed and a knackred back because of your shower of shit company and your failure to actually do what you agreed to do. Plus I've got to be up at 4am tomorrow to drive the open topper to London for a job (at 35mph, it takes a long time).

 

can't you wangle a discount on bed because of their stupidity?... or say bollox the date is not good enough that you need a bed pronto...and pick their most expensive bed as a replacement for the price you paid?

[Inspector Morose]

I've got swmbo on the case. She just happens to work for the CAB.

 

I remember, THAT'S why I love 'er

[autofive]

get down the diy store and buy an inflatable mattress before they shut

[Pillock]

Generally, office parties would be a bit of a giggle in the olden days - our place was pretty small so we all got on, the boss would pay for all food and drinks all night and we'd be a happy bunch. As the place grew we ran into problems where so-and-so didn't like wossisname and little factions would set up where certain people wouldn't go. Kinda put a downer on it. The only reason to go would be to watch the girls in the office getting so drunk that they started to behave in an interesting fashion.....

[autofive]

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

fuckin nazi's at ebay have suspended my selling account for eternity

 

just spent a very frustrating hour and a bit on their 'chat' facility trying to find why, and how to re-instate my selling account

 

they tell me poor seller performance (TRANSLATION: 3 buyers (out of about 150) have items they say are lost in the post in the last 30 days) and poor compliance with ebay policy - see the above translation

 

b'stards

 

and then to cap it all - i cant close my account as it has 'issues' i.e. selling account suspended indefinately

[Justin Case]

Tim down the Swan I presume? Did he ever tell you the story of when he was practising the organ before a funeral at Netherton church by playing 'I do like to be beside the seaside when the funeral procession came in early. No time to change the music; he just dropped it to a minor key, slowed the tempo and carried on!

 

The very same, but at the time he had the 'Elephant' a little down the road to Cradley Heath. The Swan was still 'Ma Pardoe's' even though the good lady had passed away. Great story, but must have been after my time. I feel grumpy that I missed it

[Inspector Morose]

Ah, The Elephant and Castle (with the areas oldest barmaid who's name escapes me! Had a great lock in one night down there with a few chaps from the transport group of the BCM many moons ago. Think we got out about 2ish I think. Now just a shadow of its former self and just down the road from me.

[MrDuke]

Feel vile. I swear to Christ I have some kind of dairy intolerance. I've cut the sugary shit out and taken to drinking pints of water. This seems to have catastrophic effects on my guts - they go into meltdown and I end up having erm, quite unpleasant clear outs a few hours later. I also live in a soft water area.

 

BLEUGGGGHHHHHHH.

 

 

Many people have a low dairy tolerance and don't even realise. I cut out around 80% of my dairy intake a few months back, and instantly started losing weight that I'd been trying to shift for years, plus I stopped dropping evil farts every 10 minutes. I haven't turned vegan or anything daft like that, I just don't have cow's milk on cereal or in hot drinks, and I've cut out cheese completely.

If you think about it, we take in way too much milk in a 'normal' diet - especially considering that it's intended for calves as opposed to humans...

[Rusty Pelican]

Mrs RP is dairy intolerant or lactose intolerant to be presise , she has Rice Dream instead of milk , its horrible in tea / coffee but good for cereals and making cakes etc , The soya stuff makes her worst for some reason , theres the lactofree stuff as well but it smells discusting and doesnt help her at all , theres lacofree cheese about but she hasnt tried this yet .

She uses Pure spread for sarrnies as its dairy free , Watch out for bacon as some has milk residues in it , presumably from what the pigs are fed on

[MrDuke]

I just use unsweetened soya milk in drinks etc - takes a while to get used to the taste, but it's not bad. Some people have a low tolerance to soya, though, so that may not be the ideal solution. You can get dairy-free cheese from health shops, but it's utterly vile and a total waste of time IMHO, I just bit the bullet and went without. That 'Pure' spread is really good, tastes no different to margarine, and they do an olive oil version now as well.

[Guest]

I just use unsweetened soya milk in drinks etc - takes a while to get used to the taste, but it's not bad. Some people have a low tolerance to soya, though, so that may not be the ideal solution. You can get dairy-free cheese from health shops, but it's utterly vile and a total waste of time IMHO, I just bit the bullet and went without. That 'Pure' spread is really good, tastes no different to margarine, and they do an olive oil version now as well.

 

I was completely lactose intolerant as a baby. Soya all the way for me. Can't stand it now though.

[Station]

I just use unsweetened soya milk in drinks etc - takes a while to get used to the taste, but it's not bad. Some people have a low tolerance to soya, though, so that may not be the ideal solution. You can get dairy-free cheese from health shops, but it's utterly vile and a total waste of time IMHO, I just bit the bullet and went without. That 'Pure' spread is really good, tastes no different to margarine, and they do an olive oil version now as well.

 

I've bought that before. Never have the words chalk and cheese been so similar.

[Mat.T]

It seems the pikeys have taken and interest in a some of the vehicles down my street neighbours s11 landrover, my van and a mk2 transit camper. So my hiace is now down the end of my garden Only access is via 2 commercial property's with big gates, so it is secure now although not too happy about parking it on grass.

[Mr Lobster]

Ex wife couldn't drink normal milk so we had to have soya milk with everything.

 

It was absolutely fuggin awful and in the end I just cut milk out completely. Actually, no. In the end I got rid of her so that was better

[Guest]

The "Foot Bag" event on California Games.

[pompei]

A woman gave me a cup of coffee the other day. She was cutting out dairy and she used coconut milk from a carton, apparently not the same as from the tins. Anyway it tasted ok.