The grumpy thread

[pogweasel]

I'm driving a car back tomorrow and it has predicted heavy snow. Balls! That's enough to make me grumpy.

"HIRST BRINGS MOTORING CHAOS"

edited for accuracy.

[Father Ted]

FFS how frickin difficult is it to get a black fleece? Ordered and paid for 3 now off evilBay to be told "oh we dont actually have any black ones in stock, do you want a grey one?" No I fruiting well dont want a grey one, I want a BLACK one - thats what I ordered, not fruiting grey or blue, even Navy fruiting Blue, its NOT black. :-(Bastards.@ Dan_Hirst_Tan_San_Man - I will avail myself of a Motorway bridge over the M60 and with my thermos of warm weak lemon drink, await your passing in the Taxi so I can cheer you on and wave a little flag

[Guest]

Cheers Ted! You might see me on the local news (or national news if it's a particularly huge pileup).Actually to be fair, I only need to drive down the road from his place and I'm on the M60, then M62, then I can sod off home. No skidding around strange ungritted streets for me. Got to go over the tops though, that might be interesting in view of SNOW CHAOS. Still, the route is so pifflingly simple that I'm going to leave my Lonsdale 1982 UK Road Atlas at home.I reckon in view of the fairly short distance I'll just prepare my essential travel kit - money, pair of aviator shades and Manilow Magic on cassette. Sod it, I'll take Kate Bush: The Whole Story too - might pick up some tasty lass on the way back.

[seth]

One of my best ever journeys was over the M62 twixt Manchester and Leeds in the snow. I overtook two snow ploughs who were chucking the snow over themselves right on to the lines of cars following them. Was much clearer once I got passed them. I had to stop at the services before you get to Leeds to clear the snow from the headlights. (This was in a certain low Morris Oxford BTW) Snow this week really will annoy me. Had a great day working on the car today out in the cold 'cos it wasn't windy and it was bone dry. More snow is really going to boil my piss. Or freeze it.

[myglaren]

FFS how frickin difficult is it to get a black fleece? Ordered and paid for 3 now off evilBay to be told "oh we dont actually have any black ones in stock, do you want a grey one?" No I fruiting well dont want a grey one, I want a BLACK one - thats what I ordered, not fruiting grey or blue, even Navy fruiting Blue, its NOT black. :-(Bastards.@ Dan_Hirst_Tan_San_Man - I will avail myself of a Motorway bridge over the M60 and with my thermos of warm weak lemon drink, await your passing in the Taxi so I can cheer you on and wave a little flag

You should worry, look at all the grief Jason had getting hold of a golden one

[Pillock]

FFS how frickin difficult is it to get a black fleece?

What size are you? We have black ones at work, I can wang an order through if I'm quick before they change the uniform!

[Pillock]

According to the former Mrs Claim's solicitor I am a:DrunkenDrug addictedAbusiveHedonisticViolentUnreasonableWomanising little shit!!!!!!

I had exactly the same.... a divorce claim filled with complete tripe, apparently the solicitor had egged her on so the judge would stamp it without question. I apparently had an affair, worked too many hours, made her feel unloved and wasted money.The fact she suggested I work overtime so she could shag my best mate while I was out of the house apparently didn't make the final cut, nor the fact that the overtime money disappeared from my bank as soon as it went in. And yes, I did make her feel unloved by finding out about her affair I guess. Bitch.But as time goes on, I have a little chuckle everytime I hear about yet another misfortune of hers. So it's not all grumpy.

[Father Ted]

FFS how frickin difficult is it to get a black fleece?

What size are you? We have black ones at work, I can wang an order through if I'm quick before they change the uniform!

Incredibly Fat Bastard size (64" chest to accommodate the rest of me)

[Timewaster]

FFS, frickin, fruiting, fruiting, fruiting!

Have you given up swearing for new year by any chance?

[binhoker668]

WHY did I say I'd wallpaper the fucking chimney wall of my landlady's daughter's room while they're away? I HAVE NEVER FUCKING WALLPAPERED IN MY LIFE.Have done two 'drops, and bodged the fuck out of it around the angles on the fucking metal fucking fireplace. It's got loads of bubbles. The web sez i didnae let it soak enough. DAY RUINED.FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.Pissed off as hell now.*FUME*

[Mr H Sceptre]

I can only assume yopu fancy the arse of said landlady's daughter?

[pogweasel]

No school for poglets tomorrow. Because of the CHAOS that the 1in of snow we have had today will cause. For christ's sakes.... GR0 for getting tomorrow's tasks done.

[55bloke]

I can only assume yopu fancy the arse of said landlady's daughter?

My thoughts exactly!!

[retrogeezer]

me three!!! Leave the knicker draw alone Chris!! It might dry out flat by the way......some wallpaper does that.

[Mr Lobster]

Four. Surely the only reason you'd do that would be for the chance to get into the aforementioned daughters underwear?

[M'coli]

Binhoker hasn't said what age his landlady or her daughter are, so let's assume that he's getting something for nothing here...

[binhoker668]

Right you dirty bastards.I'm late with the rent (natch) so obviously any housework done eases relations. And any road up, my landlady is well sound and a mate, so I always do homers for her.AND.Said daughter is 14, so less of it you dirtbirds.ANYWAY...Update in progress.Ripped the offending pieces down, scrubbed off the remaining bits, started again after some net studying, and am now a feckin master at the art.That said, I have one more heinously angled bit to do. So I'm off to complete.Whole feckin day gone tho, and I HAVE NO BEER.Hopefully in another hour the rest of this thread will finish on the antidote thread.You should all be ashamed of yerselves.

[M'coli]

What? I reasoned that you were too sharp not to shit in your own nest and that you may be getting free rent/heating/soup/beer, and for that I should be ashamed of myself too? Not fair!!!

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Come on then lets ee some pics (of your landlady).

[Mr H Sceptre]

By the time you've finished the DIY, her daughter will be 16.

[Mr Lobster]

so I always do homers for her.

 

 

 

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[Pete-M]

I had to go for a job interview today, 20 miles away. Listening to the radio I thought it'd be complete gridlock out there so I left an hour early to fight my way through the 99 foot snowdrifts in Rural Merseyside.Got there an hour and 10 minutes early. Ok, so Quattro rocketh the fat one, but it was a piece of piss. Yet the whole of the bloody city was at a standstill, WHY? I was trundling along at the speed limit and there were numptoids sliding all over the place, one particular muppet on the M57 doing around 6 mph in a Clio and looking unsteady, and a load of white van drivers tailgating the fuck out of everyone.Grr.In other news, the interview was for an executive chauffeuring company. Figured it'd be a handy little part-time tickle to earn a few easy quid. Advertised as 20 hours a week (which suits me fine) with bonus hours available (which also suits me). Sent them my CV which is mainly running car hire and limo companies and they basically told me that they don't have anywhere near 20 hours a week available and that I'm probably over-qualified. Fucknuggets. Now I've got to wait and see if they want me for a second interview. FFS.

[Minimad5]

By the time you've finished the DIY, her daughter will be 16.

Free Rent or Just legal goodness What one will he decide ?

[Mr H Sceptre]

Hmmmmm. Go with the free rent. With the money he saves he can buy a Ford Orion & really impress her.

[Minimad5]

hahaA Ford Orion with rusty arches - FTW !

[pogweasel]

In other news, the interview was for an executive chauffeuring company. Figured it'd be a handy little part-time tickle to earn a few easy quid. Advertised as 20 hours a week (which suits me fine) with bonus hours available (which also suits me). Sent them my CV which is mainly running car hire and limo companies and they basically told me that they don't have anywhere near 20 hours a week available and that I'm probably over-qualified. Fucknuggets. Now I've got to wait and see if they want me for a second interview. FFS.

What qualifications do you need to drive a limo?"Limo driver required, must have UK driving licence or basic grasp of british driving regulations. The successful applicant will have previous experience of driving over-long vehicles and getting in everyone else's way and have an enthusiasm for mopping cava brut and sick out at the end of the shift. Desirable, but not essential is a proven track record in ferrying chavvy women between hideous nightclubs and council sink estates, coupled with with no convictions for sexual assault, rape or murder in the last 5 years. Hours are friday & saturday night 17:00 - 05:00, salary commensurate with experience (exceeds national minimum wage, but only just)"

[binhoker668]

Come on then lets ee some pics (of your landlady).

No probs - happy to oblige Mr B...

[Pete-M]

In other news, the interview was for an executive chauffeuring company. Figured it'd be a handy little part-time tickle to earn a few easy quid. Advertised as 20 hours a week (which suits me fine) with bonus hours available (which also suits me). Sent them my CV which is mainly running car hire and limo companies and they basically told me that they don't have anywhere near 20 hours a week available and that I'm probably over-qualified. Fucknuggets. Now I've got to wait and see if they want me for a second interview. FFS.

What qualifications do you need to drive a limo?"Limo driver required, must have UK driving licence or basic grasp of british driving regulations. The successful applicant will have previous experience of driving over-long vehicles and getting in everyone else's way and have an enthusiasm for mopping cava brut and sick out at the end of the shift. Desirable, but not essential is a proven track record in ferrying chavvy women between hideous nightclubs and council sink estates, coupled with with no convictions for sexual assault, rape or murder in the last 5 years. Hours are friday & saturday night 17:00 - 05:00, salary commensurate with experience (exceeds national minimum wage, but only just)"

Yup, that's about it. I've not driven a limo for years, and I'm not going to start now (this job is for ferrying chavtastic 'celebs' about, but that's about as accurate as you can be.Except for the 5 years bit, with a lot of 'em it's "Have you raped any kids since leaving the house this morning?, No?, You've got the job, Mr. Glitter".It's a fucking disgrace the law regarding limousines. Until very recently there was zero regulation other than the maximum number of passengers allowed in (which is a regulation a lot of them ignore). In most areas of the UK you could be released from prison in the morning, buy a shitbox Lincoln with rusty sills and a dodgy MOT by mid-day and be charging £100 an hour to abuse 9 year old kids on the way to the Wacky Warehouse by 6pm. No CRB checks, no operator licences, no safety checks other than the MOT, no COIF, no side-impact regulations. A normal driving licence, hire or reward insurance and off you go.Most of the limos in the UK are stretch Lincolns which have zero rustproofing and once they're three or four years old they don't have much in the way of floors or sills. I've seen 5 year old 'new shape' ones with literally nothing between the outer sill and the floor for 8 ft on either side. They look fine from the outside, but you get under them and realise there's just a bit of rusty 2x2 box section holding a 30ft long 3 ton car together. Not just a bit crusty, holes you can put your arm in for the whole length of the stretched bit.When I went to work driving limos years ago I went for the interview at 11am and was driving customers around at 5pm. The interview was basically "Can you drive this thing?" a quick spin around the block and "Start at 5". A photocopy of my old style driving licence was enough to satisfy the bloke. Insane. I could have been anyone.Personally, I think limousines should be banned unless things change significantly, but I've thought that all along. Tacky pieces of shit.

[brammy777]

Ah bugger, college is open tomorrow.

Great, something to do other than freeze in my room. (My room is the bit of the building joined onto the hotel next door, and is over a driveway/public right of way so GR9 for freezing)

But my bus wont be running, due to the fact the RAF base is covered in snow on the roads still. So how am I supposed to get in? Walk to hook on pavements with 9 inches of snow on? I walked less than the distance to there today, and its unbearable. At 8 in the morning itll be worse.

 

Heres what the snow looked like yesterday morning, bare in mind its still like this in places round here, I just live on a High Street, so the road and pavements have been cleared.

 

[M'coli]

Brammy, we're on day 22 of snow on the ground...