The grumpy thread

[Mash]

Apparently the bar of Dairy Milk Fruit & Nut Chocolate I am currently partaking of contains:

 

a) Milk

Nuts

 

No shit Sherlock.

[dollywobbler]

Why do Police cars not signal when changing lane? That's not really setting a good example is it? Ok, if you're on an emergency with the old blues and twos going, fair enough - you're too busy wondering why every dickhead in the world has just stopped in front of you rather than getting out of the way. But if you're not tearing around like Hot Fuzz, fucking indicate!!

[pogweasel]

STOP. FUCKING. RAINING.I am really pissed off with 'this sort' of rain in the summer. Means I have to truss myself up in waterproof clothing to remain dry, but it just makes you too hot instead. Bastards. And it was raining too hard to take 'amusing' photographs today on my tour of the north east. No photos of Medomsley Road, Consett. No photo's of the 'Pity Me' roadsign, wherever the fuck it is, and no 'spots' either. That said I haven't seen much grot up here on my travels, even in the really remote bits.

[VWPowered]

roasting me arse off here today

[Mr H Sceptre]

Other forums. Cut a long story short, I was mis sold a car, took the guy to court and won. However he never paid me the money, dodged the bailiffs and got of scot free. He still openly posts and sells on said forum. I made a topic about it, it got deleted and mods declared it was nothing to do with them. So a few days ago the topic 'how could we improve our forum?' comes up. So I suggested they may not want to let fraudsters openly operate.What do they do? Delete my posts. Wankers.

Feel free to post the forum/sellers name on here if you want.

[Parky]

To those people flying back from Mallorca yesterday with Ryanair:Firstly, thanks to the bloke who was late at Stansted which delayed the flights departure. I bet you were smiling to yourself as you just made the plane but everyone, but everyone on that flight thought you were a shit. There were 200 people in a hot sweaty airport for two hours longer than necessary because of you. I hope you receive an interesting never seen before STD from some tart. Secondly, a 15kg weight limit for your luggage is a rule, not a guideline. Therefore when the poor underpaid girl behind the counter at check in tells you that your 22kg suitcase is 7 kilos over the weight limit and thats gonna cost you an extra €105, just pay up. Ranting about her jobsworth attitude, or how you are a personal friend of Michael O'Leary aint gonna make her say "oh fair enough, on you go sir". All its going to do is piss me off and considering I have been queueing for two hours with two small children, the only thing I can think is "must.....kill......nearest.....person....."How hard can it be? Your suitcase is too heavy, end of story right? But oh no, not for this guy. He weighed all his bags and found one which had a lot of spare room so he then stood in the front of the queue re-arranging his luggage to get the cases to equal out at 15kg each. He didnt quite manage it but after 30 minutes he reduced his overweight fine down to about €30. He was well chuffed with himself but if I ever see his fat piggy eyed face again I will happily ram a sledgehammer into it at high velocityAnyway, eventually got on the plane with a screaming baby behind me, and a guy in front who had never heard of deodorant. It was an interesting aural / olfactory experience. I actually nearly puked when I stepped into the clean air of Stansted!Ryanair. Nice new planes and the staff are friendly enough but never again. €1.75 for a fucking Twix? Cunts. No wonder they are the only airline making any money at the moment which is unfortunate as these people must be stopped.Thanks guys, feel better now!

[Richard]

The only way Ryanair can be stopped is if people don't use them.

[Mr H Sceptre]

I must admit, I think the weight limit restriction is a load of bollocks. So, I go onto a plane weighing approx 12 stone (me, not the plane), & if my luggage is over the weight limit I have to pay through the nose. But if some really big dude who weights say 18 stone takes the same flight but his luggage is under the limit he doesnt have to pay any extra. That can't be right.Now I'm not being 'weightest' here, people come in all shapes & sizes, but surely it just goes to show that the luggage weight restriction is just a cynical money making excercise.Bastards.

[dollywobbler]

I don't fly. My life is much better for this. Though last time I flew, I did arrive quite late after discovering that an Isuzu Trooper is not the ideal vehicle to flog to death when you're running late. Rear wheel lock-up - not fun!I then managed to leave my camera at the check point, along with my car keys. I remembered to run back for the camera and pretty much made it before the last people had sat down on the plane. Right next to a small child. Great. Almost as bad as the time before when on the flight back from Malta, I ended up next to a baby who dropped unspeakable carnage from its bomb-hatch as soon as we were airborne. That's pretty much the only two times I've flown as an adult and I just refuse point blank to do it now.

[wuvvum]

I fly Ryanair quite a lot, simply because they are the only airline that fly from anywhere near me (Stansted) to anywhere near my parents (Grenoble) on a regular basis. Yes, the service is mediocre, the seats are cramped and they charge through the arse for every little extra, but at the end of the day I got a return flight to the south of France in mid-July for £40 all in. The fugging train to the airport and back cost me more than that (and almost resulted in me missing my flight as the train wouldn't start so I had to wait for the next one, which got into Stansted five minutes after my gate was due to close).

[Mr Lobster]

Meh. I fly if there is no viable alternative. Used Ryanair twice and they were very cheap as long as you can avoid all the extra charges. Trick is to get to the airport as early as you can then you get on the plane first, that way avoiding the unwashed hoards elbowing you out of the way to beat you to a seat. Used British Airways a couple of times and rather liked them though. Bit more expensive like but probably worth it even though Heathrow T5 is ridiculous and full of shops presumably aimed only at wealthy arabs and not normal people.

[Guest]

Right, about time I got the boot in on this place, I have a love-hate relationship with it.

 

 

Greggs - or Thurstons to give it its proper name - is a useful place. I won't say it's cheap, because in my eyes it isn't (99p for a steak bake?!), but the food is consistent and familiar so if you're in some strange town you can get a pasty and know it'll be alright. The food isn't the problem - it's the store design and how it can totally mess up what you actually end up getting.

 

"What are you moaning about Hirst?", well, every store visit for me is something like this.....

 

Hope they've got some chicken bakes, can't see until these people get out of the way, come on, get a move on, oh good, they're leaving, right I can see now, right I can see, crikey it's my turn, best hurry up, err there's no chicken bakes, two steak bakes, loads of boring ham and cheese pasties, I fancy the steak bake, they look a bit burnt mind, wonder what that chicken lattice thing is, I'm starting to hold people up, best get a move on, oh for God's sake "Can I have a ham and cheese pasty, please?" SHIT, I should have said a steak bake, why did I have to be in such a bloody rush, I wish I didn't ask for that now, it's too late, they've put it in the bag, why on earth did I ask for that, bloody bastard place, too late now, relegated to a damn ham and cheese, they don't even look that nice, I should have gone for the steak bake, even if it was all burned and flaky it'd have been nicer than a sodding ham and cheese, well, might as well take it now, CHRIST, it's only just been taken out of the oven, going to have to burn my tongue to eat it now, only got 5 minutes before I get back to work and I'm eating a ham and cheese bloody pasty and it's too damn hot to boot, bloody place.

 

Except no matter what I choose, I always regret it. That's what happens when you are finally presented with a number of similar items and have to rapidly choose from what's there with no prior planning. It's not like Burger King where you can stand far away and decide off the menu, because if it's not there, you can't have it, but you don't know what's there until you get to the bloody front. But then there's all the variables it throws in - some stuff might look overcooked so you have to write them off, other things there's tons of them which usually suggests they've only just got them out of the oven (so they'll be ridiculously hot) and at least two of the main pasty range will be completely absent because they're still in the aforementioned oven. And you've got about 10 seconds to work out mathematically what the best option is because there's a huge queue behind you and you're stood there going "erm" like a fanny.

[dollywobbler]

As someone who purchased his lunch from Greggs this very lunchtime, and who ended up with a Pepperoni Slice that he didn't actually want, I can only roll around the floor under the influence of laughter and agree entirely.I will never go anywhere near the Sausage and Bean melt again and can only liken the first bite to using red hot magma as lipstick.

[outlaw118]

Hmmm steak bake.....must resist....(Goes all Homer Simpson like)but I'll agree, theres not enough "customer" space in those places, obviously they need a lot of "back room" space to bake stuff and make the butties, but as Mr H says, you can't see whats there till you're in there taking up room.Also, why does "Heinz Soup Of The Day" invariably mean tomato or country vegetable? Whats wrong with Cream of Chicken? Oxtail? Mulligatawny?Bastards.

[Mr Lobster]

I quite like the Sausage and Bean melt actually but why they feel the need to serve everything at the temperature of the sun is anyones guess. I don't bother with Greggs now though, like Hirst I find that whatever I buy I end up sat in the car covered in a light dusting of pastry flakes and wishing I'd got something else.It's a bit like when I go to the sandwich shop near work. They have every conceivable filling, bread type, sauce and whatnot. Whatever I get I end up with a sandwich full of FAIL and not really liking it. It would be so much easier if all the shop sold was cheese sandwiches, scotch eggs and proper cornish pasties. Then I would go there for every meal.

[AnthonyG]

Since the shop/bakery in the 'two pints of lager etc' 'comedy' is so obviously based on Greggs, I have never been in one. I cannot see how they could possibly be better than a local bakery?

[whitevanman]

Well............I agree with Mr H...feckin place hardly go into them since they stopped making Macaroni pies..............though the cheese and onion pasty ain't too bad............

[mnde]

Imagine if Greggs was like this:

 

http://www.comedy.org.uk/guide/tv/the_a ... d_miranda/

[Andrew353w]

There's a standing joke in the airline trade that if you moved cattle around the "European Union" in the same conditions as Ryan Air move passengers you'd probably be prosecuted for animal cruelty!'Nuff said!

[Guest]

I cannot see how they could possibly be better than a local bakery?

Try them round here! The problem is with local bakeries here is that whilst many of them look very twee, they can produce some pretty rubbish goods - rock hard pies and crumbly pasties which have sat in the window for hours. There's often some really small/dreary ranges too - jam tarts, plain iced fingers or go whistle. There are some hidden treasures around, but I would honestly say that the majority of them produce stuff on a par with the "Haji's Cuisine" pies I buy from dubious garages (edible, but not great).I love to support the independent, but those bakeries need to pull their socks up - and I'm going to be the one to make them. D HIRST, BAKERY CRITIC

[AnthonyG]

Michael O'Leary keeps on talking about putting coin slots on the bogs.

 

He might be joking but I wouldn't bet on it!

 

I have never and will never fly Ryanair.

 

I don't fly that often, so prefer to spend a little bit for a semi-decent experience when I do.

 

Anyway who has the worst uniform colour - Easyjet, Virgin Atlantic or Aer Lingus? (Bear in mind potential co-ordination with orange/brown fake tan most of the attendants have)

 

Would have said Easyjet before last month but the Aer Lingus 'green' has to be seen in the flesh to be believed

[dollywobbler]

I love to support the independent, but those bakeries need to pull their socks up - and I'm going to be the one to make them. D HIRST, BAKERY CRITIC

Agreed. Though out local does very tasty sausage rolls and another does the finest Strawberry Cheesecake. Most of them do seem to have the grumpiest staff though...Sadly, none of these places are anywhere near Peterborough, where lunchtime choice is limited unless you like burgers. It's one of few cities that has a permanent burger van right in the middle of the city, just outside the gates to the extraordinarily beautiful cathedral (where I often head to enjoy the peace and quiet of the grounds rather than mingle with the 'beautiful people' of Peterborough.)

[andrew e]

Ryan air? ARSEHOLES.Mrs E with my mum and two daughters did a Belfast day trip from Stanstead. Almost. The plane couldn't land due to weather difficulties. It was raining.... Lucky Ryan air couldn't give a shit and the staff at Belfast airport turfed them onto the street. CHEERS. I hope your the next PAN AM.They got home the next day. However Belfast was highly reccomend

[Father Ted]

Parkinsons Pies of Leyland are pretty damn good and do a butter pie to die for.

[s2driver]

My 6 yr old appears to have developed an addiction to Greggs' sausage rolls (do they put a little bit of crack in them or what?) He is currently normal size but I will either have to start rationing him or sign him up for the 2019 series of 'Britain's fattest teens'

[Parky]

I fly a lot for my job and have used Ryanair a few times on more obscure routes (Vasteras in Sweden for example - its not Stockholm Vasteras despite what you say, Its like saying Bournemouth Airport is part of London). Normally you arent usually too packed in. One bloke, one small carry on case, no kids to worry about, sorted. I will return to British Airways and VLM now. VLM is a cracking little airline actually, Fokker 50's out of London City, well handy for my trips to Holland and Belgium. And free tea and a sandwich although its often something a bit odd, like a chicken mayonnaise croissant or something. No, after the last experience of stupid surcharges and ridiculous additionals (£40 per person if you need your boarding passes printed at the airport - what are you printing them on, Platinum?) I will never use them again. Well done O'Leary, you have convinced me to pay the extra and go elsewhere.

[Richard]

Greggs is shit. They are cheap in the same way that Ryanair is (i.e. not at all) and their stuff doesn't even look like food.

 

I'm Scottish, I know what junk food is supposed to look and taste like. Even poor quality food has standards and Greggs doesn't come close.

 

Having said that, the local "quality" bakery, called Fisher and Donaldson, is just as bad, but eye-wateringly expensive. It trades mostly on the "Emperor's New Clothes" principle, see also Anstruther Fish Bar.

[pogweasel]

Greggs & Ryanair are examples of cheap shit when there's nowt else available. I'd rather walk/swim than go on Ryanair, but it takes too long. I'd usually opt to go hungry rather than have Greggs, unless totally desperate, i.e. haven't eaten in days.

 

Proper bakery PLS.

 

Though one near us offers the bizzare combination of bacon, egg and beans inside a pastie, which is just plain wrong IMO.

 

Oh and since we are bitching, can I ask that if anyone spies the designer of the Renault Kangoo, they capture this evil, deranged lunatic and bring them to me for a lifetime of torture forthwith. I mean I know that it's apparently hard to make cars comfy these days, but christ, could they not have placed the gearstick a teensy bit closer?

 

With arms comfortable on the steering wheel, my feet are already cramped, so I can't move forward, so have to continually move my whole body forwards to reach for reverse, 1st, 3rd, 5th.... I have done 900+ miles in 4 days in this turdbox, and now my back is killing me.

 

That said they are actually quite good for off-roading/green-laning.

 

Exhibit A:

[seth]

That photo is crying out for some bollox "Paint" type modification Never flown on Ryanair, never eaten anything from Greggs.Carry on.Oh, but if I can add a positive air/food related comment to this. The best in-flight food I've ever had was on a London-New York flight with Air India. Mega proper veggie curry and trimmings. Yummy

[Mr Lobster]

butter pie.

Best. Pie. Ever. However, thanks to my useless employer 'transferring' me, I now work in Liverpool and am unable to get them anywhere around these parts as they are clearly a Lancashire delicacy and the bakers of Liverpool are clearly off somewhere steeling wheeltrims and whatnot rather than producing tasty baked goods.