The grumpy thread

[ashmicro]

Italian birds are very much FTW. My one Valentina was a football and F1 fanatic, and her uncle Fabrizio owned a vineyard. Valentina's favourite phrase in English is "whadda tha fuck is this?"

 

My colleague Stevie married his Italian girlfriend. She has a Spanish father and an Italian mother, and looks like Angelina Jolie. Stevie is from Larne, and as a result his wife speaks the better English.

[cort16]

Luxo are three of the Polish words you know Locking ,Wheel and Nut?

 

I think you've missed a trick giving her that basket. You should have presented her with a dosier containing her movements over the that last week. This should include what she bought for her shopping with some new menu suggestions added in based on her purchases. It should also contain some pictures of her you've taken from outside her house with comments such as "I really like this jacket" scrolled on them with marker pen. She'll be so impressed by your attention to detail she'll not be able to resist.

 

I 100% gaurentee this will get her attention.

[eddyramrod]

  cort16 said:

You should have presented her with a dosier containing her movements over the that last week. This should include what she bought for her shopping with some new menu suggestions added in based on her purchases. It should also contain some pictures of her you've taken from outside her house with comments such as "I really like this jacket" scrolled on them with marker pen. She'll be so impressed by your attention to detail she'll not be able to resist.

 

I 100% gaurentee this will get her attention.

 

It'll also gain a lot of extremely close attention from anyone whose first names are Detective, Chief and Inspector!

[cms206]

Just bought new shite. I think I've lost all common sense I had now... I don't even know if it's a grump or a grin just now... Not had it over the pit yet... :$

[Guest]

  RedSparrow said:

It's like the pages of Razzle round here.

 

You saying we're a lot of tired, worn out old c**ts?

[Guest]

^^^Did you just pull the pipe off and stick it under the soapy water, or did you get the flame just right for maximum temperature, i.e. perfect balance of natural gas/air ( ) and then pop it under the water?

 

Re the gas/science lab guff.

Nope

Pulled the pipe off.

Turned gas on.

Let gas 'run'.

Lit splint.

Put splint in sink.

KABOOOOM.

Door used.

Suspended.

Indefinitely.

Again.

[dollywobbler]

  cms206 said:

Just bought new shite. I think I've lost all common sense I had now... I don't even know if it's a grump or a grin just now... Not had it over the pit yet... :$

 

Spill the beans!

[sporty-shite]

  Cavette said:

I heard it was an Autoshite Valentines card.

 

Roses are red, my Maestro is blue,

if you be my bonnet, I'll be your Stu.

 

You're on form, Billy!

[cms206]

I've just tried to log in on my iPad. Turns out it's an Etch-A-Sketch I forgot I had, and I don't own an iPad.

 

Also, I'm out of coke.

 

 

This could be a long night...

[Guest]

Everything's gone to shit. I've pissed a shiter off who was doing me a massive favour, because some arsehole sellers were economical with the truth.

I've now got to try and put things right. I feel like a right bell-end asking for this person's help - he probably thinks I've done him over.

[Cavcraft]

Another week off work. How long before I completely flip?

[eddyramrod]

  watanabe said:

Everything's gone to shit.

 

Extremely familiar feeling! I so wish I wasn't able to say that...

[MrDuke]

  Cavette said:

Another week off work. How long before I completely flip?

 

Don't stress. I'm coming up for 10 months now, and I haven't attempted to kill the missus yet.

[Cavcraft]

Could you cheer me up and kill mine then?

[Guest]

  Cavette said:

Could you cheer me up and kill mine then?

 

If you pay me £736.28* I would probably do it.

[tonedepear]

  Quote

tongluyao

 

[Mr Lobster]

^ But at least now the Autoshite community has finally learned not to reply to spammers with stupid, pointless comments.

[Negative Creep]

Retro Rides meet on 25 March that I was really looking forward to. Except work won't let me have the day off, so there goes something i've been looking forward to for quite a while

[RedSparrow]

Constant re-posting and creating threads that are pointless or on topics that already exist.

[trigger]

Which ones are you referring too out of curiosity old bean?

[RedSparrow]

I don't really want to point out particular threads, but I think people know what I'm on about!

[TimothyClaypole]

The neigbours straight across.

 

I've made a point of parking my van (LWB) on the driveway so it's not sat blocking their view of the grass growing in my guttering but to do so means using about 2 feet of their driveway so I can reverse onto my drive as

the road is quite narrow.

 

They share it with their neighbour so it's not their's anyway as such.

 

They have a garage and space to park 2 cars off road themselves but insist on parking their scabby 4x4 on the street.

 

Yesterday they parked it a few feet further forward so I had to park on the road cue me overhearing them moaning about not being able to get out of their drive without a bit of shuffling about...

 

Slack jawed faggots.

 

 

(The "missus" hates me as they wanted my house for their son but I bought it without anyone else seeing or offering on it).

[tonedepear]

My neighbours straight across! He's got a double driveway, 2 cars and a LWB van. Absolute cunter ALWAYS parks his big van outside my house (blocking all natural light and usually overlapping the edge of my drive by an inch - just enough so I can only just squeeze out of my own drive, but not enough to be obviously parked across my drive) and if it's not there he parks one of his cars there leaving his drive free. Tosser.

 

The highlight of 2011 was when one of his posh cars was repossessed. They hiabed it onto the back of a truck with the alarm going off and him shouting and bawling at them. HA HA HA. Pay your fucking bills then, prick.

[Guest]

Unwelcome 'constructive' criticism from 'professionals'.

 

Did a couple of photos for Shouty Biscuit Man's mate because he has an old Esprit. Apparently it's been featured in some fancy calender by a photographer down South or something. Anyway, I send him the photos, he's dead keen but apparently Senor Photog's had a squizz and said they're 'boring' and 'unimaginative'.

Well, thanks for those comments mate, but seeing as you overexpose every damn shot you take and slap the subject bang in the middle of the frame, I won't be losing any sleep at night. Is that really the best you could do with £20k's worth of equipment? Some people might say my stuff is over manipulated but I'm not a supposed professional charging £100 a shot.

 

Despite this, he wants to 'give me a job' which is some kind of unpaid dogsbody bollocks following him around with his rig. Even though I'm shit, or something. He says it will 'benefit me greatly' and is a 'great step into the industry'.

 

No ta mate, I'd rather stay at home and have a wank.

 

[Albert Ross]

  watanabe said:

 

No ta mate, I'd rather stay at home and have a wank.

 

 

Perhaps take some boring and unimaginitive pics of you doing just this, and send them to him..... He'd never darken your doorstep again!

[Luxobarges_Are_Us]

  tonedepear said:

My neighbours straight across! He's got a double driveway, 2 cars and a LWB van. Absolute cunter ALWAYS parks his big van outside my house (blocking all natural light and usually overlapping the edge of my drive by an inch - just enough so I can only just squeeze out of my own drive, but not enough to be obviously parked across my drive) and if it's not there he parks one of his cars there leaving his drive free. Tosser.

 

Is it a proper dropped kerb? Get him ticketed! I have been ticketed for parking on a dropped kerb despite the fact I was a good 50cm away from the actual driveway (with the road being plenty wide for anything to get in or out).

[Luxobarges_Are_Us]

Tonight's grump...I bought a nice little bottle of Glayva whisky liqueur and I can't seem to be able to open the bloody bugger. I have tried using a number of implements on the cap but it just won't budge (I even cut myself when trying to use a stanley knife). If anyone's got a Glayva minature, please post it FAO LUXO, South of the North, so that I can hammer it over.

[cobblers]

  Luxobarges_Are_Us said:

Tonight's grump...I bought a nice little bottle of Glayva whisky liqueur and I can't seem to be able to open the bloody bugger. I have tried using a number of implements on the cap but it just won't budge (I even cut myself when trying to use a stanley knife). If anyone's got a Glayva minature, please post it FAO LUXO, South of the North, so that I can hammer it over.

 

Have you tried hammering a locking wheelnut key over it?

 

But seriously it would probably work. or drill a hole. mans ingenuity knows no bounds when there is a mere bottlecap separating him from alcohol.

[Luxobarges_Are_Us]

Now that you mention it, maybe I could use a corkscrew on the metal cap...

[Lankytim]

  watanabe said:

 

No ta mate, I'd rather stay at home and have a wank.

 

 

Can't you do both?

 

Seriously though, maybe a bit of unpaid work experience could look good on your CV?