People Who Think They Know About Cars

[pogweasel]

S-Express,

Enjoy this trip!

[Dukestar25]

When I first became a driver (18 years ago) I was surrounded by such people and still am to some extent, some were experts some were not. For example..."My bird's 2 litre Cortina can do 130 mph" ( I don't know, can it?)"I've got a 2.9 litre Granada and I was doing 150 in it the other day" (and the police didn't notice, eh?)" Me and me mate were in his Imprezza and we were doing 170" (Really, I'm soooooooo impressed... NOT!)I only know about cars I've either owned or fixed and even that doesn't cover everything as sometimes i've sold them on without having to any work to them. I have got non-working cars to work again and changed some major bits before but regarding modern cars, I haven't got a clue.Those figures that flash on the Diagnostic Computer may as well be written in Chinese...

[nigel bickle]

I was forcefully told last week that my Datsun 411 is actually an Alfa.Silly me-put the wrong badges on.

[Pillock]

Top Speed lies are the best kind.... everything can go faster than everything else.A colleague's old chavvy-kitted Celica doing 160mph, which is faster than a stock one - apparently the huge fibreglass spoiler makes it faster?!Mk4 XR3i's doing 140mphSaxo 1.1 doing 120mph.All of which are far faster than the manufacturer could get it to go.... good work there!

[pogweasel]

Does a Saxo have a sppedo that reads to 120? Yes, therefore it goes 120. Simple schoolyard calculation. I think it was some Carltons/Senators that had speedos marked up to 160, so when I was at school, anyone's dad with one of those automatically pwned.

[dollywobbler]

"oh, you've got one of them 2CVs? They've got two stroke engines haven't they?"

[Volksy]

I've mentioned this before, but the number of people who used to come up to me when I had a VW Type 3, saying ..."Ooh lovely Volvo"...

[Pillock]

Does a Saxo have a sppedo that reads to 120? Yes, therefore it goes 120. Simple schoolyard calculation. I think it was some Carltons/Senators that had speedos marked up to 160, so when I was at school, anyone's dad with one of those automatically pwned.

SWMBO's stepdad's Transit's speedo reads up to 140mph, it's the long wheelbase with the puny 90bhp engine. I doubt it'd see 140mph if you dropped it out of a plane.I've also heard someone say that their 6-speed Peugeot diesel could do 150mph, because of the extra gear. They'd sat at 75mph and noticed it was only doing 2500rpm or something in top, so worked that out to be 150mph redlined in 6th. The physics of redlining a diesel Pug estate in 6th gear escaped them

[Rocket88]

As any fule kno, and white Transit/Trafic/Sprinter etc will do at least 130 mph [well they seem to be when they pass me........] Once knew a bloke who'd just bought an old Victor fb swore his clutch had gone. I drove, it was fine, then I noticed when he drove it that he was trying to change gear by pressing the floor mounted dipswitch...........................

[OwdChina]

Gawdon bennit, just had a chinese slapper pull up out side the bar in one of those two seater merc thingys (nice car). V8, slush box, locked diff.... ...bla,bla,bla. Anyhooos turns out this thing is stuck in first & been back to the dealers twice..............various new parts etc etc... Can "I" have a quick look......OK. Five minute check through the owners manual. It's in manual gear select mode (paddles on steering wheel) and neither she or the dealers have noticed this. A button next to the auto shift. God help us.

[Milford Cubicle]

It does sound like a pretty wanky feature to me. I'd ignore it too.

[AnthonyG]

Best one was a 'BMW 316M'A what? I ask - 'A BMW 316M' my mate goes (To be fair he has no interest whatsoever in BMWs)'They never made one' 'But his wife (of dead third person, owner of said vehicle) said he said it was a special edition, should be worth something'How old is it? 'One of those square ones from the 80s'How many doors? 'Four''Hmm..'I say.Turns out its a old shitter of an E30 saloon with M badges stuck next to the 316 ones. Value? About £50 on a good day.

[oldford]

I've been in a 2.9 Granada when it was reading a 138 on the speedo, apparently it was still accelerating when it had to slow down. Knowing Ford speedometers it was probably around 125 true speed.

[Cavcraft]

Top speed lies are ace. Don't know how many on here are a similar age to me but when I was in the last year at school everyone knew someone who had a FSIE that would 86mph on a flat road 'because it had a Micron and drops'

[Richard]

My Yamaha RX-S 100 would do 80 eventually, that was 1000rpm over the red line and me lying flat on the tank.

[Rusty Pelican]

Before i changed it the speedo in my Imp van thing speedo would read over double the actual speed , could almost get it off the clock around town

[Cavcraft]

Had an indicated 117mph out ogf my much loved and sorely missed GT380 but in reality it was probably doing

[Richard]

I once wound my 1.6 Sunbeam off the end of the clock and back to the start when I got stuck in sand. The diff always whined after that for some reason.

[RedSparrow]

I was pleased to get 92mph out of the MG Metro, back in the day its top speed was advertised at 100.Didn't sound like it was in too much pain either! Just the usual 1275 A+ need for a 5th gear...

[Justin Case]

I was pleased to get 92mph out of the MG Metro, back in the day its top speed was advertised at 100.Didn't sound like it was in too much pain either! Just the usual 1275 A+ need for a 5th gear...

I once got the Metro 1.0 that Mrs A had some years back up to an indicated 95ish on a downhill stretch of the M6. I say ish because it vibrated so much that the speedo was a blur and the radio shook loose, fell off and clouted me on the ankle

[Milford Cubicle]

I don't think I've ever owned anything capable of much less than 100MPH.That must be why I have 9 points on my license.

[RedSparrow]

I was pleased to get 92mph out of the MG Metro, back in the day its top speed was advertised at 100.Didn't sound like it was in too much pain either! Just the usual 1275 A+ need for a 5th gear...

I once got the Metro 1.0 that Mrs A had some years back up to an indicated 95ish on a downhill stretch of the M6. I say ish because it vibrated so much that the speedo was a blur and the radio worked loose, fell off and clouted me on the ankle

Yeah the plastic vent cover (covering the hole for luxury trip computer option) fell off and bounced off the dash!I seem to experience a weird sadistic pleasure when bits fall off a car Im driving, I guess thats all part of the reason we are gathered on this site!

[Station]

The hissing sound from a buses' hydraulics is in fact a dump valve on the diesel engine.

[Pillock]

As any fule kno, and white Transit/Trafic/Sprinter etc will do at least 130 mph

LIES!I hired a Sprinter. I bust a gut trying to get that to triple figures, got to a downhill section of the M1 and it was creeping up.... 87... 88... 89.... 89.5.... then the oil must have thinned to the point that it just wasn't lubricating anything and suddenly the engine sounded like a nailbomb in a gong factory.Pulled over, let it cool, it seemed fine. Bear in mind it was hired, and I really didn't fancy the phone call to the rental place.....However, I also hired a Tourneo. No idea what engine, or what 'Mk' it was even, think it was on an 05 plate.On the M42, at daft o'clock, I got an indicated 110 out of it which GPS said equated to 101mph.

[pogweasel]

Sprinters oughta do more than that Pillock, I guess the one you hired was a bit tired. I remember when the sprinters first came out, the firm I worked for at the time bought some of the extra-long ones to replace the ultra crap 308d's they had, it was like going from a horse & cart to a ferrari.

[Cavcraft]

@ nail bomb in a gong factory.Saw 88mph out of an Iveco Daily 6 tonner thing once going down hill and it'd have done a bit more. But as it was an Iveco it probably would have just fallen to bits even more than usual.

[HillmanImp]

I've been in a 2.9 Granada when it was reading a 138 on the speedo, apparently it was still accelerating when it had to slow down. Knowing Ford speedometers it was probably around 125 true speed.

There are those electronic signs popping up everywhere now that tell you how fast you are going. I have been calibrating my speedo to them, and whilst i do not know how accurate they are they are all giving the same reading that my car is showing 35, but they are showing 28 which is waay out.

 

 

I am told that GPS is meant to be a more accurate indication of your speed too? Never had one, but might be interesting to get for when i am in the bloody average speed cameras on the M1.

[shite_meister]

Nought-to-sixty lies are also as bad, I used to work with a bloke who swore his Nissan 100NX would doing sixty in less than 5.5 seconds Yes, yes thats right of course it will what with its 1.6 with approx 100bhp yep I'm not racing you matey!

[Pete-M]

As any fule kno, and white Transit/Trafic/Sprinter etc will do at least 130 mph

LIES!I hired a Sprinter. I bust a gut trying to get that to triple figures, got to a downhill section of the M1 and it was creeping up.... 87... 88... 89.... 89.5.... then the oil must have thinned to the point that it just wasn't lubricating anything and suddenly the engine sounded like a nailbomb in a gong factory.

I've had considerably more than 100 mph on the clock in a Sprinter, twas a 2.9 turbo jobbie, but over 100 was absolutely no problem. I reckon it'd do 115 tops.

[Milford Cubicle]

Some Sprinters have naturally aspirated 4-cylinder engines. They are very slow indeed.