People Who Think They Know About Cars

[Negative Creep]

Does anyone else find this? Once it gets around you're fairly into your cars, you always attract the people who think they know what they are talking about but clearly know feck all. I get this a lot at my work now; some recent gems includeYou can get 3 points for having a brake light outYou can get 3 points for having the interior light onA collegue's 306D will do 65mpg around townYou don't need to be insured to be in a towed car as it counts as a trailerSomeone had a 170mph XR3 that would destroy SkylinesI don't really bother anymore, just smile and nod

[ashmicro]

All the time! Back in the day, a local lad had a Nova 1.3SR with some sort of fart cannon fitted to it which was supposed to make it Ayrton Senna's McLaren. Then he got pwned by a well-sorted Skoda Rapide.Fuckin genius Mr Nova was - the oil light came on, and Master Mechanic was puzzled as to why it didn't go off when he topped up the coolant and washers (confused by what he thought was a watering can on the light)His next car was an Uno, which he filled with oil. And I mean FILLED - about 7 litres. Byebye all gaskets.Or the throbbers who think all Rovers have Honda engines, including one knobjockey who told me the V8 in an SD1 was the export Honda Legend lump.Mate, these fuckers are everywhere!

[Milford Cubicle]

I do hate the MPG 'guesstimates', I bet if people took the time to calculate it properly their cars wouldn't be nearly as economical as they thought they were.My car manages 34-49MPG, but I see cars all the time on eBay with the same engine advertised with "WILL DO 60MPG". Aye, but you'll be doing a steady 45MPH with traffic backing up for miles.

[Guest]

I just worked out mine for the week with the Galant, a whopping 24mpg with some motorway cruising thrown in. Anyone know how to fiddle with carbs?People who know about cars are generally more of an irritation to me than people who don't, because they tend to be very picky about what they like.

[TheScrapman]

Ha, great thread subject...I find it amazing how Jeremy Clarkson's opinions are gospel to so many people who 'know about cars'. Some of the opinionated dross he come out with gets repeated around the office as if it's first hand information.

[Pete-M]

I hate it when people who think they know about cars slag off people who actually do know about them. Really boils my piss that does.

 

The other people who wind me up are the ones who insist that nothing good has happened to cars since sometime in the mid-50's. "This modern stuff is rubbish, all those computers, what's wrong with simple points and condenser" when what they actually mean is "I don't understand how modern cars work, so modern cars frighten me.". They'll extoll the virtues of lever arm dampers and SU carbs to anyone unfortunate enough to be within 100 yards of them, they'll look down their nose at anyone who's car has a working radio "I like to hear the car, keep myself in tune with the engine" and every trip they undertake that's more than 100 miles or so normally involves them returning home in the middle of the night courtesy of the AA other breakdown services are available.

 

Owners clubs are full of 'em. My local Land Rover club has loads of 'em, all bearded up with identically tweaked 'series' Landies. They all spend their weekends welding each others cars with maybe one weekend a month spent in the mud somewhere in Wales breaking down / shouting at the wife / waiting for the AA.

 

They've all got one thing in common though. I irritate all of 'em. That's something I'm rather proud of.

[brammy777]

it happens on my college course, although to be fair, most of the ones who knew nothing have quit.Someone cut the engine mounts off a nova for no reason, i think they thought it needed doing so for the engine it was going to have?I guess everyone in the class has their own 'speciality' and thus whenever anyone else is stuck on something, they ask the relevant person for help.Apparently i know every car and what year every reg is.......You always get people who think they know everything, like for example, the worst one i have heard:'Im gonna get this thing which disables the limiter on my car'the car in question was a 1.6 diesel clio.'facepalm'

[pogweasel]

I get cheesed off by people who think you know about cars.Yes, I like cars, but I haven't really got a clue how they work. OK, I get the physics of it, and with something ancient (points, carbs etc) I might just be able to make a not working oe work, but current stuff, haven't the foggiest. So I really don't want to spend my time changing your wheelbearings, thanks!I enjoy the classic bullshit you get on the net re. speed/economy, as these sorts of people eventually selfpwn themselves.There was a lad a couple of years ago on RR who had a Nova that could do 130mph, standard 4speed box. Some sums were done and it was calculated that the car would be pulling over 14000rpm at that speed. MPG heroes are the real odd ones, deluding themselves or what!?"My 1974 Dolomite 1850 Automatic averages 49mpg!!", yes of course it does.....

[HillmanImp]

I have the opposite problem of people assuming that i know about cars. Just becuse i have several vehicles and do sometimes change bits on them (sometimes 5 times to find the thing that is actually broken), they seem to think i am wasted working in pensions and should be working in pits at an F1 race.'The guy at the garage who did the diagnostic check says that the light on my car means that i need a new lambda sensor, what do you think?'Do i look like a fucking diagnosic computer? Its probably the fucking lambda sensor then.

[Pete-M]

There was a lad a couple of years ago on RR who had a Nova that could do 130mph, standard 4speed box. Some sums were done and it was calculated that the car would be pulling over 14000rpm at that speed.

How the hell did someone work that out, because it's a bit wrong. Only a bit, mind.. 4 speed Novas have a 3.74:1 diff, 5 speed ones have a 3.94:1. 4th gear in both is the same 0.89:1 but 5th is 0.71:1. Basically a 4 speed one in 4th isn't that far short of the gearing of a 5 speeder in 5th. Sort of 4½th gear. I've just done the maths and if his Nova was fitted with 165/70/13s, had a standard 4 speed box and could rev to 6500 rpm in top he'd be doing 128.36 mph shortly before the engine exploded.mode>

[Volksy]

Thats more James May mode, than trainspotter mode..

[Father Ted]

Now - for me its the opposite way round, I like my cars but am a fucking humungous mechanical numpty. I mean, I will have a go and usually know where the likely suspects are when things go wrong, but if its something I havent encountered before and throwing me a blank I shout for help.This however does not stop work mates trying to get me to mechanic / diagnose on their cars for free.

[Pillock]

Aye, we've got one at work.Basically, whatever is on Top Gear on a Sunday gets repeated as fact and his own belief on a Monday. Recent gems include 'all cabrios are rubbish because they go wobbly when you chop the roof off' (yes, because car design hasn't moved on since 1985, and NOTHING is ever designed from the ground up to be a cabrio, right?), and the Fiesta is the best new small car because it handles far better than any other car. This is a guy who owns a 1998 Corsa 973cc, and hasn't driven any other car, suddenly driving dynamics are what he specialises in.He'll also 'decide' what car he is or isn't getting next, and refuse to budge. Argues with every flaw we point out. Then, a week later, uses our arguments as though he's researched his choice and decides on something else. Repeat.Example: "I'm never getting a BMW, you can't drive them in the snow. I watched a man get stuck in the snow, and he had a BMW"We point out that driven wheels not being steered wheels is actually better for icy driving, BMWs have perfect 50:50 weight distribution, and it's easier to control a longer wheelbase car if it does start to slide. And that this guy was probably just an idiot.A week later: "I'm getting a BMW, they're great. Really good fun to drive" (see note about never driving anything other than a 973cc Corsa). We then point out that they're expensive since he wants to buy nearly-new from a dealer, and you can get the same equipment/same quality/same fun drive from a Mondeo these days.A week later: "I'm getting a Mondeo"

[Justin Case]

I can live with the self-appointed car experts, but what really boils my piss are the self-appointed psychologists who believe they can give a detailed analysis of the personality and motives of someone, just beacause they drive an Audi, BMW, repmobile, Kia Picanto,old shiter, white van, etc etc, ad boredom.

They invariably base their sweeping generalisations on just one observation..............

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

............ of a Jeremy Clarkson tongue in cheek remark on Top Gear

[Futuramic]

Aye, we've got one at work.Basically, whatever is on Top Gear on a Sunday gets repeated as fact and his own belief on a Monday. Recent gems include 'all cabrios are rubbish because they go wobbly when you chop the roof off' (yes, because car design hasn't moved on since 1985, and NOTHING is ever designed from the ground up to be a cabrio, right?), and the Fiesta is the best new small car because it handles far better than any other car. This is a guy who owns a 1998 Corsa 973cc, and hasn't driven any other car, suddenly driving dynamics are what he specialises in.He'll also 'decide' what car he is or isn't getting next, and refuse to budge. Argues with every flaw we point out. Then, a week later, uses our arguments as though he's researched his choice and decides on something else. Repeat.Example: "I'm never getting a BMW, you can't drive them in the snow. I watched a man get stuck in the snow, and he had a BMW"We point out that driven wheels not being steered wheels is actually better for icy driving, BMWs have perfect 50:50 weight distribution, and it's easier to control a longer wheelbase car if it does start to slide. And that this guy was probably just an idiot.A week later: "I'm getting a BMW, they're great. Really good fun to drive" (see note about never driving anything other than a 973cc Corsa). We then point out that they're expensive since he wants to buy nearly-new from a dealer, and you can get the same equipment/same quality/same fun drive from a Mondeo these days.A week later: "I'm getting a Mondeo"

He is half right about the snow. Saying you can't drive a RWD in icy conditions is arse, what about Volvos or indeed anything American pre about 1988. You can but under certain circumstances it doesn't work. Cue my Volvo geting stuck halfway up a hill and being passed by shopping hatches with less than half my torque.The trouble is lack of weight over the driving wheels. FWD cars finally come into their own as they have half a ton of engine pushing the wheels down. I had an empty boot, so the rears gained no bit at all.On the flat though, did I ever have fun. The Fiesta isn't a bad thing to drive, it never has been - but he clearly doesn't understand anything about handling.The best I've heard is the ST Transit connect. Someone once told me that Ford engineers made an ST Connect and that it was the best ever small van to drive. I've heard engineers often concoct things the factory would never approve, so asked about the difficulties surrounding the five cylinder installation.I was told no, they never did that. They did, in fact, bolt on an ST steering wheel and a gear knob. Apparantly this made the van significantly faster round their track.

[Rusty Pelican]

Ive got a couple of Imps , rear engined RWD , great in snow , Im not up on car pooters but do find some of the applications unnessesary , an example would be on the new Skoda Octavia Diesel , my mate ground to a stop tother day for no real reason , refused to start , not normally a diesel problem , called Mr RAC who quicky worked out the brake light switch has failed , this being linked to the ECU which thought the car had no brakes so refused to start for " safety " reasons , Bloody silly really IMHO.

[AnthonyG]

Aye, we've got one at work.The best I've heard is the ST Transit connect. Someone once told me that Ford engineers made an ST Connect and that it was the best ever small van to drive. I've heard engineers often concoct things the factory would never approve, so asked about the difficulties surrounding the five cylinder installation.I was told no, they never did that. They did, in fact, bolt on an ST steering wheel and a gear knob. Apparantly this made the van significantly faster round their track.

The Belgian Ford guys (or the Ford engineers of unknown nationality who found an old ST170 hidden at the Lommel test track), did showhorn most of the powertrain into a Transit Connect shell. They did this purely to create a 'halo' vehicle for the Connect similar to the Supervans of old - to scare selected journos on a track in, and maybe display at some shows.It was never intended to be a product to sell or build, and, like most of these things, was probably built in people's spare time using bits that would have been binned anyway. The ST170 that donated its running gear was an old prototype destined for scrapping.It did/does exist, unless both Ford and Graham Robson, in his book about the Transit, are pulling a fast one!

[Heep]

They drive me nuts too, but years ago I decided to just smile and nod. I've been studying cars and obsessing over them since I was about 2 years old, but I'm always ready to admit I don't know something and subsequently actually learn. Cars are my primary interest...but unless another person is a close friend and/or known "real" car expert, I'd rather chat anything but cars with people.I just can't be bothered trying to debate with people who only want to think they're right and have no interest in actually learning anything.Just this week I was chatting with a couple acquaintances about the 1980s, and one remarked that nothing good but the people came from that decade. Once the conversation inevitably reached cars, I suggested the DeLorean DMC-12 as an example of a car from the '80s that may actually have been cool, but they quickly dismissed that because it was slow and full of cocaine and such. "It's a really heavy car with all that stainless steel..." "yeah slow cars aren't cool..." so on so forth.I just can't be bothered.

[andrew e]

[fordnut]

Just to post a picture of the Connect X-Press!Focus RS running gear did infact make it one of the best vans ever!Chorley Street Motors a well known Ford tuner has built to similar Connects.

[Mr H Sceptre]

but unless another person is a close friend and/or known "real" car expert, I'd rather chat anything but cars with people.

Yep, I'm exactly the same. Not just with cars, but with pretty much anything I'm passionate/knowledgeable about

[oldford]

I have just been watching a couple of episodes of Wheeler Dealers, where they buy an old Range Rover. Ed China takes it to a LPG specialist, the specialist puts the car through a MOT emissions check, whilst Ed explains that the machine checks the CO2 emissions. At the end of the programme Mike Brewer makes the remark that the Range Rover looks as good as the day it rolled off the production line at Longbridge.And slap bang in the middle of it there is a commercial for something called 'Joy', that apparently doesn't stop. The worrying thing is that 'Joy' appears to be a BMW.

[Futuramic]

Aye, we've got one at work.The best I've heard is the ST Transit connect. Someone once told me that Ford engineers made an ST Connect and that it was the best ever small van to drive. I've heard engineers often concoct things the factory would never approve, so asked about the difficulties surrounding the five cylinder installation.I was told no, they never did that. They did, in fact, bolt on an ST steering wheel and a gear knob. Apparantly this made the van significantly faster round their track.

The Belgian Ford guys (or the Ford engineers of unknown nationality who found an old ST170 hidden at the Lommel test track), did showhorn most of the powertrain into a Transit Connect shell. They did this purely to create a 'halo' vehicle for the Connect similar to the Supervans of old - to scare selected journos on a track in, and maybe display at some shows.It was never intended to be a product to sell or build, and, like most of these things, was probably built in people's spare time using bits that would have been binned anyway. The ST170 that donated its running gear was an old prototype destined for scrapping.It did/does exist, unless both Ford and Graham Robson, in his book about the Transit, are pulling a fast one!

I wasn't disputing the existence of the Connect S-Express, but commenting on the fact that the man in the pub believed the van in question had a normal diesel engine, and claimed the gearknob and steering wheel combination made it go faster.

[r.welfare]

I have just been watching a couple of episodes of Wheeler Dealers, where they buy an old Range Rover. Ed China takes it to a LPG specialist, the specialist puts the car through a MOT emissions check, whilst Ed explains that the machine checks the CO2 emissions. At the end of the programme Mike Brewer makes the remark that the Range Rover looks as good as the day it rolled off the production line at Longbridge.

Brewer just gets worse, and epitomises the kind of person this thread is about in a lot of ways. They should just dispense with him completely on Wheeler Dealers, and get Ed back to worthwhile repairs in the manner of the first couple of series, instead of the "ooh, let's fit big alloys/chrome tat/HID headlights" mentality they had now.Oops, this has changed into a grumpy old man post. Sorry.

[ashmicro]

I have just been watching a couple of episodes of Wheeler Dealers, where they buy an old Range Rover. Ed China takes it to a LPG specialist, the specialist puts the car through a MOT emissions check, whilst Ed explains that the machine checks the CO2 emissions. At the end of the programme Mike Brewer makes the remark that the Range Rover looks as good as the day it rolled off the production line at Longbridge.And slap bang in the middle of it there is a commercial for something called 'Joy', that apparently doesn't stop. The worrying thing is that 'Joy' appears to be a BMW.

I remember that one too, and shouting "SOLIHULL!" at the tv.

[254575]

i never understood why they pretended to make a profit. "we bought this car for £500, spend another £500 on a recon gearbox and engine and sold it for £1050" RESULTdoes ed work for free then?!?

[Milford Cubicle]

It's just a TV show, I've heard that a lot of the car sales are staged for camera anyway.I quite like Wheeler Dealers, it's about as 'hands-on' as car TV gets and has prompted me to tackle some bigger jobs than I would have done in the past.I think their budget is too much these days though, should be sub-£1000 like the first series.

[AnthonyG]

Can't stand Jason Dawes, and if Mike Brewer is another fat git pretending to be knowledgeable about the motor trade, then he can fuck off as well. Anything usually only available on satellite/digital (except reruns of Top Gear on Dave!) is pretty awful. Can't stand Classic Gear, for example, even the logo is atrocious.Fifth Gear is great for mock crashes, although usually pointless. Kind of like staged banger races really.

[seth]

S-Express,

Enjoy this trip!

[Guest]

I am no expert on cars. In fact I'm quite happy to call my self an armchair expert. But i's learning slowly.Unfortunately, the fact that I know two tenths of fuck all in the grand scheme of things is still more than the majority of people know at work.Best question I got asked was 'If I buy a Ford Puma, how far will I go if I put £10 in the tank?'Me: 'What engine has it got? 1.4? 1.7 SE?'Gimp: 'Dunno, I want the Zetec cos it's got 4 wheel drive'