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Things in car adverts that make you go "Oh F*** Off"


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Posted

' Owned by a Mrs Dawlish of Penzance who had it serviced at Dunstones until May 1977 when it was bought by a Captain Armstrong of Sidmouth who maintained an inventory of every expenditure….

 

all reads like it is narrated by an etherial best friend rather than a dealer who bought it at auction the week before.

Posted

The seller states that everything works then goes on to list the things that don't actually work.

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Posted

I've probably said this before but for some reason the line 'xx inch alloys wrapped in xxxx tyres' really bugs the fuck out of me.

 

ONE LEFT IN THIS CONDITION, YOU WILL NOT FIND ANOTHER LIKE THIS' - there's one down the road covered in bird shit and mould that looks in better nick.

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Posted
  On 15/01/2015 at 21:42, Cavcraft said:

Thank God I'm not the only one who hates that. Another stupid Americanism creeping into our language.

 

 

What about those arsewipes who write 'parting out'?

 

No you sorry fucking imbecile. It's 'breaking for spares'. You live in Kettering, not Kansas.    :roll:

Posted
  On 15/01/2015 at 22:36, HH-R said:

I hate it when they list a car as NISSAN MICRA NOT CORSA CLIO HORSEY HORSELESS FORD SCROTE etc. Should be banned from eBay for that IMO.

 

It actually is. Feel free to report it.

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Posted

Aye, that's keyword spamming.   Supposed to be naughty on Ebay - I do report it.  Very often, too.   Pisses me right off.   Trouble is Ebay encourage it - I have lost count of the times I have typed Morris Cowley into Vehicle Parts only to be confronted with 28 Charlies offering me a bee-sting aerial or stinking picture of Lady Diana.  If I wanted a dodgy air freshener or something that looks like it belongs on a crack dealer's Audi then that is probably what I would have searched for.....All Ebay care about is people pressing the "buy" button.

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Posted

Offers:

OK, so what are you expecting to happen? Someone showing up with a pocket full of cash saying 'OMG, that's what I've always wanted' and begging you to take five grand for the £500 POS you are peddling? Seriously? What are you - five fucking years old? Do you still believe in Father Christmas? No, you halfwit, 'Offers' simply says you will be tagged as an idiot chancer and will mean anyone who sees the car will simply low-ball you by definition.

Why not say 'Offers around £x' - this at least establishes a starting point for haggling. Stop wasting peoples time!!!!

 

Americanisms: As said above - angers me alot.

 

A/C needs regas: Really? So when you get a punctured tyre you just pump it up again and all's well then? The gas has gone somewhere stupid - you need to find the leak first!

 

Will MoT easily: Right........ so why have you not done it then and charged a higher price?

 

No time wasters: Always posted by erm.... Time wasters! They can be both buyers AND sellers as I'm sure we've all shown up to look at a supposedly good car only to find it's total misdescribed crap. When I refused to buy the aforementioned POS from  someone, he said he was sick of timewasters - I shouted at him 'If you bother to actually tell people the truth about this POS rather than bullshit them, you may find folk take you seriously. You're the timewaster, you dick' . He just stood there with his gob open unable to respond!!!

  • Like 6
Posted

"Starts on the button" (almost certainly it's a key unless it's very old or very new)

"Back seat never sat on" (check the CCTV history)

"No offers" (no reply to your ad then)

"It had an advisory for X at the last MoT but my mechanic friend tells me it's an easy fix" (borked)

"Surface rust blemish on one door" (borked)

"£thousands spent" (£thousands wasted)

"Car listed elsewhere so reserve right to end auction" (I reserve the right to start with a 99p reserve and then not sell if I don't get enough)

"Part Ex with no warranty" (dear dealer, please read SOGA)

"Warrantee"

 

I could go on.

Posted

Have we had: FIRST TO SEE WILL BUY!!!!!!!! yet? I'd love to turn up and turn the fucker down and then do him for lying! :)

Posted
  On 15/01/2015 at 21:33, chaseracer said:

Bit thin on the ground in TX, small Renners...  ;)

Indeed, if I actually had a Clio here I wouldn't be selling it.   I should have said Toyota Camry, we've got plenty of those.

Posted
  On 16/01/2015 at 15:29, cort1977 said:

Indeed, if I actually had a Clio here I wouldn't be selling it...

 

I wonder whether there ARE any Clios in the States...  <_>

Posted

Whoa, now that's a seriously bad-ass car! Amazed the yanks let that slip into their county!!! Bet the owner has a time of it pissing off muscle car jocks who probably point and laugh (initially anyway).

Posted
  On 15/01/2015 at 23:03, brickwall said:

Easy fix.

Just catching up with this thread but this just plopped into my in box:

 

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/peugeot-406-LX-LPG-Spares-Repairs-easy-fix-/251792959602?ssPageName=ADME:SS:SS:GB:1120

 

  Quote

 

 I am no mechanic so have no idea what is wrong.  It sounds like the starter motor is spinning but nothing engages - a mystery!

Oh and I also found this belt on the floor, I don't know what it is but I don't think it's important.

 

I'm pretty sure I've seen it before too (or one very similar)

 

"Why did it end up in your in box?" You ask. Well, I have a saved search (or followed search as it is now for some stupid reason) for any extremely low miler 406's to stick on the oc forum 'cos it does happen, but all the ones I'm getting come up because the seller is too lazy to ad the thousands on when they stick the mileage in. This car has not done 115 miles.

Posted
  On 16/01/2015 at 13:34, bigfella2 said:

'FIT FOR EXPORT' equals absolutely fucked.

Or maybe "if you try and register it here the rozzers will turn up on your doorstep and do the feeling of your collar thing"

Posted

Fifteen pictures of the exterior (most from the same angle) and NONE OF THE INTERIOR

 

Stupidly overpriced cars (like the 405 GLX Auto that's been on Autotrader for £1990 for ages)

 

No mention of the mileage, the most important thing about the car

 

"Auxiliary Heating", what the fuck's all that about then?

  • Like 2
Posted
  On 16/01/2015 at 17:30, carlo said:

"Auxiliary Heating", what the fuck's all that about then?

Probably a Kenowe Hotstart or a Webasto, either something that warms the engine up overnight or shoves hot air into the cab.

 

Something like this

Posted

Auxiliary heating is fitted to lots of modern semi-posh stuff, especially diesels as they take so long to warm up.

 

E39 BMWs were available with remote control auxiliary heaters. I ran a 540i years ago and it was great on a frosty winter morning to look out of the kitchen window at the car covered in frost, click the remote and 5 minutes later the car was defrosted and toasty. The heater could also be set on a timer to warm the car up (once) in the morning.

 

Merc diesels also have one so you can flick a switch and keep the car warm for half an hour while you're away from it, it normally fires up automatically when you start the engine on a cold morning to a: help the engine warm up more quickly and B: help you warm up more quickly. There's a switch next to the ashtray to switch the aux heater off so the car takes fucking forever to warm up in the morning - it's probably fitted to confuse the hell out of the kind of muppet who thinks any gadget uses loads of fuel. "Fuel burning heater? Switch that off", they then wonder why their mpg drops on cold starts as the engine takes a week to get to 70°c.

Posted
  On 16/01/2015 at 16:52, Junkman said:

CLIOV6.jpg

Not sure that that is legal to register to a private owner, may have been dealer demonstration only.   These days, pretty much everything has to be more than 25 years old before import if not type approved for sale in the US.

Posted

Did it not cross the minds of ANY of those Romanian firemen that it would have been a bit quicker (and caused a lot less damage) to pop the driver's window and use the actual catch to open the bonnet?

 

Disco 3/4s also have Webastos as standard to heat the engine quicker.  Posh ones have timer settings that you can program to warm up the car overnight (£1k option, or 10 mins with the right diagnostic tool), posher ones still have a remote to switch it on.  

Posted

Everything about the new Corsa advert.... Its so bad i am not even going to link it....

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Posted
  On 16/01/2015 at 20:14, JohnDeere said:

Did it not cross the minds of ANY of those Romanian firemen that it would have been a bit quicker (and caused a lot less damage) to pop the driver's window and use the actual catch to open the bonnet?

I guess they were too busy performing their homage to the Keystone Cops.

  Quote

Disco 3/4s also have Webastos as standard to heat the engine quicker.

My pa's Flealander had one, it chucked clouds of smoke out when it was going. I read on the LR forums that they can be removed withouth taking off a wheel, as one member found when he tried to use his.

  Quote

Posh ones have timer settings that you can program to warm up the car overnight (£1k option, or 10 mins with the right diagnostic tool)

Bluddy hell that's shabby :mad: I've seen options being turned on on the Pugs but they usually need a switch or something, 10 minute's computer work only for a grand though, wow

Posted

I've just seen an advert for a 201 van with 200,000 miles on the clock. 'Motorway miles' used to deliver medicines to the NHS. Because, obviously, all hospitals are built on motorway service areas.

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Posted

iirc aux heater was an option for rover 75/mgzt

Posted

Cars with a non-standard engine that don't include an under bonnet picture in the advert.

 

Pictures showing the car with wheels or accessories that the text says it no longer has.

 

Pictures showing the car in two different states with nothing in the text to say which picture reflects its current state.

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