What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[oman5]

And don't forget to practice that Leslie Philips ''well helllooo there'' till tone perfect.

...with this playing on the 8 track of the jensen

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFpD9ojyB3k

[cort16]

I really need to something with this.

 

IMG_0980 by cort16, on Flickr

[Bucketeer]

What made me grin. Then grin some more. Then fall over a bit.

 

 

My 'welcome back' present. A little bottle of homemade 60+% Rakia.

Perfect for staving off the winter cold, cleaning drains or sterilising cattle.

[Bren]

Just had a letter from the bank regarding PPI that I never requested.

 

Originally they claimed nothing improper had occurred, now they have reviewed it and changed their mind and offered compensation.

 

My SD1 will be on the road this year.

[fordperv]

i ordered a replacement starter motor for my saph from a local factors i use at 1.30 it was here at 4, long live small local factors

[Bobthebeard]

Some guy knocking on my front door like the house was on fire! Dog barking and going mental. I was in the back garden so took a while. On answering the door a bloke with a strong Irish accent ( and a new looking sign written van) told me that some of my trees had " a conker (canker?) disease" and would all need " trimming sir, to avoid killing all da rest of dem". The chap then kept snapping twigs off trees/shrubs various to demonstrate " look sirr, da tree is dyin from da inside, Da conker(?) disease is killin dem all.. All yer trees is brown wit no leafs"

WTF?

It is winter! No leaves eh? Hmmmmm.

"I can sort that for you sirrr. £150 now and me and me men will sort it.... We will cut em back to save em" Etc...

 

I declined. I also Googled the name of the company on the van plus the phone number! Nothing.

Chancers!

Hire a van, spend £150 on magnetic signs then tour the streets telling anyone with trees " Dat dey are all have a disease and need a trimin sirrr" springs to mind......

Lol.

[fordperv]

perhaps he was trying to make out your trees have "tree cancer"

 

make sure you lock up all your valuable shite that would be easy to get, most of them have eyes like shit house rats spotting easy to take stuff, the last one that knocked on my door didnt like daags so when he heard and clapped eyes on mine he shot up the driveway like a rat up a drainpipe 

[dave21478]

My father fell for that. I assumed he would be a bit sharper, but evidently not.

 

Anyway, Irish guy turned up offering to cut any trees that needed cutting....worked for the council...all legit....insured...local job been cancelled, gaffer on holiday, he will do odd jobs for cash.....all the while looking pointedly at the fucking massive out of control leylandi in the garden.

 

So my dim witted father pays £150 or whatever the amount was up front for the guy to fell the tree, cut it all up and remove it all. The guy busts out a chainsaw and fells the tree with barely a glance at the surroundings and which way it might topple, luckily not hitting anything, then tells my dad he has run out of petrol for the saw so will pop down to the petrol station to fill up and just fucked off.

 

LMAO. I cant believe he fell for that one.

 

It took my father months to chop it up with a hand saw into small enough bits to take to the tip.

[Bobthebeard]

My father fell for that. I assumed he would be a bit sharper, but evidently not.

 

Anyway, Irish guy turned up offering to cut any trees that needed cutting....worked for the council...all legit....insured...local job been cancelled, gaffer on holiday, he will do odd jobs for cash.....all the while looking pointedly at the fucking massive out of control leylandi in the garden.

 

So my dim witted father pays £150 or whatever the amount was up front for the guy to fell the tree, cut it all up and remove it all. The guy busts out a chainsaw and fells the tree with barely a glance at the surroundings and which way it might topple, luckily not hitting anything, then tells my dad he has run out of petrol for the saw so will pop down to the petrol station to fill up and just fucked off.

 

LMAO. I cant believe he fell for that one.

 

It took my father months to chop it up with a hand saw into small enough bits to take to the tip.

As I suspected then..... Glad that I politely* declined.

[Bobthebeard]

perhaps he was trying to make out your trees have "tree cancer"

 

make sure you lock up all your valuable shite that would be easy to get, most of them have eyes like shit house rats spotting easy to take stuff, the last one that knocked on my door didnt like daags so when he heard and clapped eyes on mine he shot up the driveway like a rat up a drainpipe

 

Actually he did seem to spend time looking through/past me into the garage. Will put my dag on standby ..

[Bren]

Some guy knocking on my front door like the house was on fire! Dog barking and going mental. I was in the back garden so took a while. On answering the door a bloke with a strong Irish accent ( and a new looking sign written van) told me that some of my trees had " a conker (canker?) disease" and would all need " trimming sir, to avoid killing all da rest of dem". The chap then kept snapping twigs off trees/shrubs various to demonstrate " look sirr, da tree is dyin from da inside, Da conker(?) disease is killin dem all.. All yer trees is brown wit no leafs"

WTF?

It is winter! No leaves eh? Hmmmmm.

"I can sort that for you sirrr. £150 now and me and me men will sort it.... We will cut em back to save em" Etc...

I declined. I also Googled the name of the company on the van plus the phone number! Nothing.

Chancers!

Hire a van, spend £150 on magnetic signs then tour the streets telling anyone with trees " Dat dey are all have a disease and need a trimin sirrr" springs to mind......

Lol.

Make sure your back door is locked when dealing with cold callers.

[Richard]

Crap selfie of a late Christmas present I got today.

 

[DS20]

Actually he did seem to spend time looking through/past me into the garage.

 

 

At the risk of sounding like Hyacinth Bucket, this is why I never buy at the door. It's a policy I hold to no matter what. Effin' chancers.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Only idiots and the terminally gullible buy off door knocking 'salesman'

[chaseracer]

The autoshite version-Live long enough to become a caddish lounge lizard pensioner wearing a homburg, smart suit, 'regimental' tie and drive an Audi A6*.

 

HA!  With appropriate amendments, I present... The Owd Giffer himself, fatha_chaseracer...!  77 years old, and still a hit with the young ladies at the gym 

 

 

 

* The Jensen wouldn't pull the caravan...

[the judge]

Loggerheads Market Drayton

Yes Fp, still got the RF.

A run out sounds good. Maybe run up to the Pondy sometime

Ponderosa? Love it

[Bucketeer]

I must have drunk too much last night, I could've sworn I saw that Richard had a t-shirt with Brian Blessed riding a Henry vacuum whilst drinking White Lightning on it.

[Craig the Princess]

I must have drunk too much last night, I could've sworn I saw that Richard had a t-shirt with Brian Blessed riding a Henry vacuum whilst drinking White Lightning on it.

The work of the excellent Jim'll draw it chap. Also top marks fort sticking with that name despite the unpleasantness.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

I bought my mum that T-shirt too!!!

[mercrocker]

Only idiots and the terminally gullible buy off door knocking 'salesman'

Apropos my post on the voting thread along the lines of they can all go to hell, I would willingly put a black cross against the first named candidate who can promise me he will get rid of any other cunts who might knock on my door in future.   Door to door selling of any kind should be illegal by now.   Or boiling pitch in buckets made defensible. 

[dollywobbler]

Running out of bandwidth on our 60gb broadband limit this month. Fortunately, a quick scan of the Plusnet site revealed that I could change to Unlimited and save 50p a month. Would have been nice if they'd told me that was an option, but still quite pleasing. Sadly that won't take affect until next month (three days away) so we're being forced to live the low-telly lifestyle we pretend to have. I think we watched an awful lot of stuff over Christmas...

[Bobthebeard]

Running out of bandwidth on our 60gb broadband limit this month. Fortunately, a quick scan of the Plusnet site revealed that I could change to Unlimited and save 50p a month. Would have been nice if they'd told me that was an option, but still quite pleasing. Sadly that won't take affect until next month (three days away) so we're being forced to live the low-telly lifestyle we pretend to have. I think we watched an awful lot of stuff over Christmas...

You have used 60gb in a month? Crikey.... Also is next month only three days away? I is confused...

[dollywobbler]

Monthly from when I signed up, which was the middle of a month. And yes, we do download a lot. All those Strictly Come Dancing shows, often in high-def. Downloads are our only telly, so my poor laptop does get some hammer. 

[Bobthebeard]

Mrs Beards daily has an extended Honda warranty that was inherited from the previous owner. Seems the chap paid almost £1000 for it. As it is transferable we reap the benefits*.

As we want a tow bar fitting we took it to Blackpool Honda for a quote. A tow bar fitted by anyone else may violate the warranty etc.

The tow bar was quoted at £430. Plus four hours labour. Total cost £830!!!

WTF?

Not in a million years Honda. GTF. £100 an hour labour.... Yeah right...

Only need the tow bar to mount a bike rack. No.

[phil_lihp]

For £280, RobT will sell you a towbar in full working order.

 

It comes with a free Rover 220 as an added bonus.

[Bobthebeard]

For £280, RobT will sell you a towbar in full working order.

 

It comes with a free Rover 220 as an added bonus.

Hmmm. £280 for a tow bar with a fully functional Rover 220 attached...... Hmmmmmm......

[RobT]

YES, please buy it!  You'll be doing Autoshite a service by keeping the old girl in the fold.

[steve_earwig]

The solar panels generated 14kWh today. Middle of bluddy winter too, cool. At this rate it'll have paid for itself in... oooh, about 80 years

[Bobthebeard]

YES, please buy it!  You'll be doing Autoshite a service by keeping the old girl in the fold.

Just checked with Mrs Beard. Seems to be a toss up between keeping my testicles and buying another car..........

[Alan_Green]

Only idiots and the terminally gullible buy off door knocking 'salesman'

 

• Well, that's me told then.  Only yesterday I bought this sign off a guy who was selling them door to door:

​