What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[chaseracer]

Will she be on next years Autoshite calender?

No - won't fit on A3...

[Guest Leonard Hatred]

Just reading a 1977 Autocar magazine long term report on a Citroen CX 2200 Diesel, What a miserable car! 0-60 in 20.8secs, a top speed of 90 mph and even the mpg isn't that amazing at 33.5mpg, No wonder there aren't that many left.

 

Any scan?

[Mr Lobster]

That hasn't helped with digesting my tea. I wasn't expecting it to be pretty be FFS. I can't even imagine why they'd print that, surely people won't be rushing out to buy it to look at her?

[boobydoo]

Dreams.

 

Aint they weird!! I never seem to remember them, but for some reason last night I dreamt I met Cliff Richard at a party in some country mansion somewhere and chatted pleasantly for a while. He then gave me some CDs and tried to charge me for them. I thought...tight bastard!!

 

I'm not really a fan, don't own any of his music, ( although I suppose I respect his longevity) so don't know why he of all people should crop up.

 

Any ideas?

[Guest]

I had a dream about a very attractive bird I used to work with, it was quite intense. But then if you're going to leave your Facebook pictures open to the public, that's what you get.

[cobblers]

I had a dream about a very attractive bird I used to work with, it was quite intense. But then if you're going to leave your Facebook pictures open to the public, that's what you get.

 

facebook.com > photos > *foreign holiday destination* 2010 by *any girl*

[whitevanman]

F'kin Ada! That has destroyed my evening. Butch as a fitter's dog. Can't get round her with chocolates - can't get round her on a bleedin' moped! I did expect a few "taxed worse" comments. Not from me of course.

funny you should say that................

[Tayne]

.

[barrett]

I had a dream that Hirst had published a book of Mr.Bo11ox quotes. Probably time to get off the internets when shit like that happens.

[Cavcraft]

Played golf yesterday and was absolutely hopeless at it, but like a lot of sports I enjoy playing them. I was also leading contender by a country mile in the 'worse car in the carpark stakes' until some inconsiderate sod in a 'L' reg Mondeo saloon pipped me to the post as I was leaving.

[CreepingJesus]

I was slightly shocked, then a little bit pleased last week, when I nipped over to Glasgow for the party my sister was holding for my nephew. The Meg was the oldest car in the car park by some distance (a T-plate amidst cheap finance 05/55's and up), but not the worst. She rewarded my pleased glow by rattling her N/S driveshaft in a threatening manner.

So I called off work for this weekend, which instead of me fretting about loss of earnings, has led to a nice relaxed glow. I might round the grin off properly, by listening to the football while doing violence to the Mondy's O/S/R drum.

[cobblers]

I'm currently sat drinking a cup of tea while watching my 15 year old sister try and cut the grass.

 

"How do I make it start?"

"Ok so now how do you do it? do you just push it over the grass? how does it turn?"

"Whats this?" (The grass box on the back)

"Can I go over the wire?"

 

It's brilliant. I've told her that if she goes over the wire she will most likely be electrocuted TO DEATH and that you have to empty the grass box every 10 meters or it'll get too full and could set on fire.

[Cavcraft]

I'm currently sat drinking a cup of tea while watching my 15 year old sister try and cut the grass.

 

"How do I make it start?"

"Ok so now how do you do it? do you just push it over the grass? how does it turn?"

"Whats this?" (The grass box on the back)

"Can I go over the wire?"

 

It's brilliant. I've told her that if she goes over the wire she will most likely be electrocuted TO DEATH and that you have to empty the grass box every 10 meters or it'll get too full and could set on fire.

 

 

We used to tell a lad at work if he didn't run to the pump (about 1/4 mile away) and turn it off the minute it had finished being used it would blow up and take the whole place with it. Then we used to stand by the wall and laugh like fuck at him running full tilt.

[whiskeyonesix]

Yesterday made me grin!

 

Picked up a sump plug from Volvo for the 360, and to ask about an Air Filter. They wanted A$130 for one - that's about 60 quid!!!!, although a filter for a 340 would have only cost A$30........

 

The 340 was never sold in Australia, so where their parts dept got a 340 Air Filter from is anyone's guess!

[STUNO]

This little video made me smile. There are some good skilful truck drivers out there.

[Baz]

Scooters' thread "at the vets" the other day, got me thinking....These two bring me much pleasure:

 

Mack....He's a big bruiser of a Trailhound....A real gentle giant, and a daddy's boy....Until he sees certain other dogs, then he transforms into a homicidal maniac....Generally, he'll tolerate small dogs, but anything of any size, anything black, or any Labrador or Retriever, and he just wants to rip their throat out! He a powerful dog too, and takes some controlling....Especially if I also have....

 

Sal....Here, looking all angelic, when they both kindly condescended to join us on the bed yesterday morning....She's smaller than Mack, and is this really wierd combination of the cutest thing you'll ever see/ignorant arsehole! She's very "In yer face" and doesn't care where she sticks her nose, or worse, tongue....She'll steal your tea off your plate while you're not looking (Although in fairness, so will Mack!) or eat your favourite shoes, yet I find it impossible to be mad at her for more than a few seconds....She's just so CUTE!

 

Usually, they decide that they'll join us on the bed in the morning, or....If we're really lucky....during the night! Often, just to fill our cup of joy to overflowing, this happens:

 

Sal decides that Mack's a wuss, and to prove it, she goads him into a "Scrap"....All gnashers, snot, and noise....It often has us in stitches....Until they decide to take it elsewhere, and teararse around the house, sending furniture flying! Then, seconds later:

 

All forgotten....We're all "Butter wouldn't melt" again!

 

They came as part of the package, with my new partner....Along with three kids (Can I have more dogs instead?), and I was slightly worried, as I've always been a small dog person (Japanese Spitz, Mini-Dachshund) and didn't think I'd like two great big, unruly idiots of dogs, but honestly, I wouldn't change them for the world....It's been a difficult Summer for me, and they always make me smile....

[Louise2cv]

Similar theme here... Gruff was more expensive than anything I've ever bought ever (except the house) and possibly the only times he hasn't been a complete pain in the backside have been when he's asleep... and he can even turn that into a problem, my poor plants:

 

He does exactly what he likes and nothing works as punishment. This is what he thinks of dog training:

 

But how can anyone be angry when presented with a face like this?

 

He has put some nasty scratches in the Allegro mind you... so he's treading a fine line!

[Baz]

my poor plants:

 

He does exactly what he likes and nothing works as punishment. This is what he thinks of dog training:

 

Heh heh....Superb pics!

[mattblack]

Dreams.

 

Aint they weird!! I never seem to remember them, but for some reason last night I dreamt I met Cliff Richard at a party in some country mansion somewhere and chatted pleasantly for a while. He then gave me some CDs and tried to charge me for them. I thought...tight bastard!!

 

I'm not really a fan, don't own any of his music, ( although I suppose I respect his longevity) so don't know why he of all people should crop up.

 

Any ideas?

 

Last night I dreamt I was walking down the road near our house when several BL cars drove past. There was a Maxi, a Marina saloon and coupe and an 11/1300. I remember thinking "Wow!, I must post this up on Autoshite..."

 

Maybe I should lay off the cheese before retiring for the night!

[dollywobbler]

Meeting up with fellow shite lovers makes me grin. A very nice (if slightly damp) day. Wonder if the main contingent is still at the pub...

[seth]

Meeting up with fellow shite lovers makes me grin. A very nice (if slightly damp) day. Wonder if the main contingent is still at the pub...

 

Hear hear! Just uploading some photos.

[Mr Lobster]

Agreed! An excellent day out. I'd quite happily have stayed in the pub longer (left about 4) but what with being 200 miles from home and all....

 

Still, a cracking day out.

[Station]

Making a wall mounted garden hose holder out of a mk1a MR2 alloy wheel. No other fooker wanted it, so the hose can have it.

I used a wood saw to cut the old tyre off (which took about 1 hour). It looks absolutely amazing, I love these wheels.

[Rusty Pelican]

Bought a pair of Wipac quadoptic 7 inch headlights for my Imp today , perfect nick for £2 from a car boot this morning , cheapest ive seen is £35 a pair plus post on evilbay , bargainous

[barrett]

Meeting up with fellow shite lovers makes me grin. A very nice (if slightly damp) day. Wonder if the main contingent is still at the pub...

 

4.51? We certainly were!

[Albert Ross]

Hey Station, I have in my possession a spare steel wheel for an Astra... The Pineapple spare wheel, or the original for the "Sport" model from around 1997. Looks like an alloy, but isn't. Has a Goodyear 195/55/15 tyre on it also. Yours for nowt if you want it.

[Pete-M]

The Jag.

 

2200 miles in six days (including two 700 mile runs only stopping for fuel and food), 95 gallons of unleaded, 70 mph average speed for first 1000 miles, 23.2 mpg overall.

 

Needed a bit of fettling on the exhaust, and the fuse for the radiator fan replacing twice because the fan was stiff through lack of use. It has been 100% since. Used about a litre of oil going, about half that on the way back.

 

No nasty noises, comfy, quiet, smooth, quick, and pretty much built to do this type of trip.

 

Did tramline horrifically on the bad bits of the Autobahn in the rain, but they did that when new.

 

Ace. Anyone considering buying a big old luxobarge for this type of nonsense, I recommend the Jag.

[cms206]

This should probably be in the grumpy bit: remember that fugly bint on ,'X Factor who punched her equally fugly mate in the face? Well she's posed for topless pictures

 

Like the sick pup that i am, I had to google it... This is really NSFW or for people with weak stomachs. http://www.buzzfeed.com/empressmaruja/x ... for-t-1fox

 

Shes not exactly blessed with large boobs for a chubby girl.

 

 

Just been catching up, when I started throwing up. I'd be willing to put money on that being a bet well won...

 

"I'll bet you can't get that utterly spackarsed moomin looking fucker that punched her pal to go topless"

"Hundred quid says I can..."

 

Definately what I've heard in the bus fraternity as the in-service look, particularly if that service was between Helmand and Beiruit.

 

In fact there are so many phrases I could use to describe her, I'll pick my two favourites...

 

I wouldn't poke her on facebook, and I certainly wouldn't even ride that into battle...

[cms206]

Those of a non public transport interest look away now!

 

Left Glasgow at 9pm on Friday night on an epic worthy of the Autoshite Smokey & The Bandit remake. 500 miles and several hours later myself and a fellow bus shiteist arrive in Bournemouth to purchase and collect a(nother) Mk2 Leyland National which at the time I hadn't seen in the metal or even heard running. Things did not look good. Recent accident damage, short MOT, lots of white smoke on startup and not quite as tidy as our ex North Birmingham Busways example, SHH 389X. Still, it did have an MOT. Sadly, silicon heaven was calling due to the fact it had to be shifted by midnight Saturday, and like those nice people at Dog's Trust, I can't bear to put a healthy dog down.

 

Checked the levels, all good. Interior pretty tidy but one seat removed for easier access via the emergency door, which like most Nationals, was rotten. Refloored, retrimmed, full DiPTAC standard inside and fitted with a buggy bay. Started it up and other than the aforementioned white smoke sounded fine. Bodywork not perfect, couple of dented window frames, windscreen cracked and surround starting to rot, nearside rear wing iffy due to a bollard by the looks of it and both front wings are pretty bodgetastic. Built air no problem and had a full compliment of gears, so it was paid for, filled with diesel and we hit the road with quiet prayers for no major issues for the 500 mile journey back up.

 

 

I'm pleased to say that contrary to all the best Autoshite Expeditions, there were none. She behaved herself impeccably and we arrived back around 3am yesterday morning. Brakes are bang on with no pulls and little fade, steering is nice and light though wanders gently in normal Leyland fashion, selects gear quite happily, superb cab heater and all the ancilliary odds and sods seem to work other than the speedo; other than that it'll need the door rams, step lights and one saloon light looking at and it seems to have a power steering leak. It's got previous for a leak at the reservoir, so I'll check that out at some point. The back axle howls quite loudly so that'll get checked as well, but it doesn't seem too much louder than the other one.

 

Oh yeah, it's also as fast as razz - turns out it's not only got a high ratio gearbox, but it's also been retro-fitted with a Leyland TL11-245 lump out of a Tiger. GR8 4 fuel economiez and teh hill climez! Not sure what I'll do with it yet, but it's looking like another MOT ASAP and I'll see about using it as my winter rail replacement weapon of choice.

 

[Guest]

Nice one! I wouldn't mind obtaining a National and using it as a daily driver - park it in the work car park, take it to Morrisons, etc. Would there be any law against that?