(Not a) Suzuki Alto (any more)

[Jim Bell]

Celebrity New Car Buy © Sky 2015.

 

Hello and welcome to the show!

 

Good afternoon to you fans of the shite and shit!

 

You may remember me from if at all, One Man And His Hob, Through the Keyhole, and X-Factor: Battle Of The Stars!

 

When I am not cooking the fish, or doing all the good singing, I like nothing more than to cast my Shite net far and wide, to trawl up the good best catches.

 

This week I have only been and gone to buy a car.

 

It is extra nice. I had better take all of my dough.

 

 

(this is actually pasta).

 

 

 

 

This weeks car is the colour of Red. Just like a lobster!

 

 

(this is actually a crab)

 

 

 

 

 

A had better get this car picked up snappy!

 

 

 

It has the got the low miles, and it make me want to be like Miles, Davis! With my trumpet of fish.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This car has been in constant production since 1979 and comes origonally from the land of the rising sun, just like this tuna!

 

 

 

 

(this is actually a trout).

 

 

 

 

This car has the five doors so that I can carry all of my shopping or do with the dogging at weekends and bank hollingdays. The ladies will have to be smoll though as smallness is the KEY to this car.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Though this is not an old or horrendous car, this may still be the plaice for me:

 

 

(this is actually a Trout)

 

 

 

With almost no options ticked at purchase, scoring a big zero on the desirability scale, this little number may grow up one day to be a prime Autoshite contender.

 

 

 

 

 

So, look at the clues.

 

 

Can you guess what this weeks buy has been?

 

Just for fun, I have included a red Herring.

 

 

(this is actually a Red Snapper)

 

 

 

 

 

To go through to the Big Money round, TELL ME

 

 

*in unison*

 

 

 

WHATS, THAT, CAR!!!!?

[loserone]

PLAICE BETS NOW!

 

7th of January  22nd December (I may* have insider knowledge)

[AlabamaShrimp]

Starlet, the last one, can't remember the mk number

[eddyramrod]

Suzuki Aldo?

[Jim Bell]

  On 17/12/2016 at 15:46, eddyramrod said:

Suzuki Aldo?

 

Winner.  And so early in the game too. All the clues were there.

 

 

 

 

Pics stolen from cellar.

[xtriple]

I am sad, I have never heard of a Suzuki Aldo. Looks allright though... if you squint

[Jim Bell]

  On 17/12/2016 at 15:52, xtriple said:

I am sad, I have never heard of a Suzuki Aldo. Looks allright though... if you squint

 

They are quite rare. Popular in India I believe.

[Asimo]

Wot no Zil? sadface.

[dollywobbler]

  On 17/12/2016 at 15:56, WilsonWilson said:

They are quite rare. Popular in India I believe.

 

That's an enjoyable bizarre thread. I got it right too!

[cort16]

Is it turbot or normally aspirated?

[hairnet]

is it the cheapo tax or the bent over tax version

[hairnet]

  On 17/12/2016 at 15:59, cort16 said:

Is it turbot or normally aspirated?

stock asthmatic hamster as standard

[Jim Bell]

Auld aht yerrand!

 

 

The car that started Mike on the road to supercar status, WORLDWIDE!

[Jim Bell]

  On 17/12/2016 at 15:57, Asimo said:

Wot no Zil? sadface.

Im a doctor Jim, not a magician.

 

  On 17/12/2016 at 15:59, dollywobbler said:

That's an enjoyable bizarre thread. I got it right too!

We have only just begun.  Im joking. We are finished.

 

  On 17/12/2016 at 15:59, cort16 said:

Is it turbot or normally aspirated?

Very not any turbo.

 

  On 17/12/2016 at 16:01, hairnet said:

is it the cheapo tax or the bent over tax version

£13 per year.  Which is one big billy bargain.

[eddyramrod]

  On 17/12/2016 at 15:59, dollywobbler said:

That's an enjoyable bizarre thread. I got it right too!

Yeah, you can say that now, lol...

 

  On 17/12/2016 at 16:04, WilsonWilson said:

£13 per year.  Which is one big billy bargain.

Bloody right it is, I doubt you could tax a motorbike cheaper!

[DodgyBastard]

  On 17/12/2016 at 16:04, WilsonWilson said:

 

 

£13 per year.  Which is one big billy bargain.

 

Mine's £13 a month to tax...

 

DSC_0218 by srblythe, on Flickr

[Jim Bell]

  On 17/12/2016 at 16:26, FOAD said:

 

Mine's £13 a month to tax...

 

DSC_0218 by srblythe, on Flickr

 

 

Thats a bit strong!

[rantingYoof]

That's sumptuous compared to the bare metal you could see on the doors inside my Alto...

 

 

Mine had 53hp. I can only imagine that yours is interstellar by comparison.

 

In fact between FOAD's proper 1980s box version and mine it seems like the Alto became more basic, somehow.

[egg]

I've lost the plot. Have the 'his and hers' yellow perils long since departed WW?

[cort16]

  On 17/12/2016 at 16:01, hairnet said:

stock asthmatic hamster as standard

 

That fish pun was lost at sea.

You sure it's not got a giant turbot ?

 

[Jim Bell]

  On 17/12/2016 at 16:36, egg said:

I've lost the plot. Have the 'his and hers' yellow perils long since departed WW?

 

The "hers" one remains.  Theres been a few in and our since then for me.

[taxi paul]

Very nice. Chelsea tractor without the Chelsea or tractor. Lovely.

[Cavcraft]

(space reserved for raffle on Monday morning)

[Lacquer Peel]

The font on the speedo is really cheap and nasty looking.

[Jim Bell]

  On 17/12/2016 at 19:16, Lacquer Peel said:

The font on the speedo is really cheap and nasty looking.

They certainly did not push either the boat out, our the envelope when it comes to that font.

[Lacquer Peel]

It looks like it was designed and printed on a home computer. Are these TRIPLES or FOURS?

[Jim Bell]

Todays collectathon will be NOT FAR.

[Jim Bell]

Our steed of choice will be a smoll Suzuki car.  Traveling will be swift and economical.

 

 

 

 

And away we go.

[Matt]

  On 17/12/2016 at 19:28, WilsonWilson said:

They certainly did not push either the boat out, our the envelope when it comes to that font.

 

I don't think they pushed the boat out or the envelope on anything with the Alto.

[Jim Bell]

Mere minutes later and we arrive at destination of choice motor sale.

 

 

Double Suzuki action.

 

 

 

 

Patented handover shot. Seller exits stage right.

 

 

 

 

I do not really fit.

 

 

 

 

 

Pez action!

 

 

Have you ever seen a cleaner filler?

 

 

 

 

 

To the brim we go. VALU!

 

 

 

 

 

Could barely keep up with the Yeller Peril on the run home.

 

 

 

 

 

Barrels along gamely though. Happiest around theres levels of perambumance.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Quality original dealer key ring.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Home safely.

 

 

 

 

 

Pea Shooter!

 

 

 

 

 

All in all, much the same as the last Alto, only newer. I do remember that one fondly. This one is impossible not to like. Clean and tight like a very expensive manhattan prostitute. 5 Stars. Great seller. Great car.