I can haz cupholders - 21st century motoring HAPPENS. E39 Bimmerheap acquired for NOWT

[Guest Breadvan72]

It is a truth universally acknowledged that Pistonheads is an internetz that is chock full o' COOONTZ, but there is one geezer there who is so super-awesome that, wanting his 117K miler 2002 BMW 530i (that'll be an E39, then) to be looked after (or if not looked after, at least vaguely appreciated), rather than sold on eBay for 500 quid  to some innit bruv twattoid, he gave the car to me for actual free. Yes, zippo pounds, which isn't a lot even in the old money.
 
At first, I was was well reluctant to accept the freebie, as I have too many cars already, and assumed that an E39 would be some bland and terrible modern car (and I do think that E39s look a bit bland, but more of that anon), but, having collected the heap this morning at Watford (Gateway of Dreams) and driven it home, I have to say that it is actually pretty fucking ace, and better in all respects than the JRG E34 what I have been smoking about in of late.  

This E39 even looks OK ish in a sort of wine or plum colour, with pale leather seats, and some reasonable looking woody bits. The usual Teutonic gloom is replaced by a light and airy interior.  The car has an autobox that has a sporty-yobbo button, and can also be operated as a five speed flippy trippy clutchless manual.  The car is pretty fast, doesn't wallow in corners, stays on the road well (posh Dunlop sporty tyres), has good brakes and is very pleasant to sit in.   Filling it up costs the GDP of a medium sized African nation, and you have to do this approx every fifteen minutes, but whatevs.

 

The car needs a wash and a good interior clean, but the photos still flatter it, as all four corners have been heavily Londoned. There is a bit of a judder at 75 mph, but that might be wheel balancing, or suspension bushes, or summat.  The pixelly displays on the panel sometimes go a bit fritzy, but this is in the "do I look like I give a shit?" category of life's little problems.

Anyway, all this for the princely sum of big fat fucking dick.  I did try to haggle a bit, but found that I couldn't improve on fuck all.     I had planned to store the car awhile, and then give it away to a pal, or maybe sell it fer cheap. but now I think that I may actually drive it, and there may be an "E34 for sale" thread appearing in an Autoshite near you quite soon.  The E34 needs a service first, to iron out a hopefully minor snag that it has when idling.  The main cockup with that car is that I spaffed top wonga buying it five Michelin Cross Climates.  I doubt that I shall recover the cost of those when selling the car, but, hey.

BTW, the main point of all this is to say that I have at long last entered the modern world, because I finally possess a car that has cupholders.  The cupholders are broken.

 

[Guest Breadvan72]

BTW, photo uploader not working.  Car is sort of plummish colour, looks uncannily like early 2000s biggish German saloon car (because is one).  Has fancy-ass wanker wheels.  Interior is sort of posh.

[Guest Breadvan72]

Phoatarze.  

 

 

 

[RoadworkUK]

Facelift as well! E39 speed wobble is pretty endemic to the breed, there are an army of bushes down there, thrust arms are frequent sinners, it probably feels like it's wandering around a bit, too. Yours is the biggest engined version to still have rack and pinion steering.

 

Fascinating, eh?

 

This is a very good car, I'm afraid. E39 was pretty much the final significant developmental step of the 5 series, they should have stopped then and called it a day. A bit like that episode of Only Fools And Horses where they sell the pocketwatch at auction and finally become millionaires, which would have made a great last episode, but the greedy fucking Beeb had to flog a dead horse and squeeze one, final, terrible episode out of the franchise with some idiotic "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" lowest common denominator theme.

 

But those cupholders are pretty well futile even when they work. So no loss that yours are SNAFU.

[Ghosty]

WTF? Insane you got that for free. Enjoy wafting!

 

I hope you pass it on for free when you're done, that'd only be fair.

First dibs when you do!

[Dave_Q]

A mate of mine works for his dad in an independent BMW/Porsche/Merc garage and they have/had one of these in 523i flava as a courtesy car.

 

I had a borrow of it a few times when my heaps were out of service and I must say I was impressed by pretty much everything except the pez bill.

 

Theirs had the standard fitment wheel wobble and xmas tree ASC/ABS/DSC/TLA lights, but still a good steer that doesn't feel as big to drive as it is on the inside.

[NorfolkNWeigh]

E39's are the best cars ever made. If local licensing regulations allowed it I'd still have one for work now.

My old 2003 525d had done over 300,000 when it was written off and was still the best handling largish saloon I've ever driven. Ive since owned a Merc CLS, a Chrysler 300, an e61 530d and a couple of W211 Mercs, all flashier,faster and newer. Not one of them has managed the compromise between comfort and fun any where near as well as that SE spec 5 Series.

There are a couple of 5 series forums , one is monumentally shit, full of sink estate gangstas wanting to know what the biggest Rimz you can fit and still be able to kerb crawl 5 up. The other is really useful and can save a lot of time and money sorting niggles( like your wobble) . Thing is I can't rember which is which!

My old one ,been used as wedding transport for friends daughter( divorced 3 years ago) bet the cars still going.

[hauserplenty]

*European model shown.

[warren t claim]

http://autoshite.com/topic/13656-bmw-autobox-expert-needed/?hl=gearbox+bmw&do=findComment&comment=421631

[320touring]

Talk to me re the e34;)

 

39 looks good-enjoy!

[garethj]

Moo, wind and tree for free?  That sounds like a good deal, I shall revise my cunt-count of Pistonheads down by one, and only by one.

[Guest Breadvan72]

I gather that the E39 was designed in the early 90s, so despite this one being from the 21st century, its excellence perhaps confirms the theory that cars reached their apogee some time in the early to mid 90s.  I would never had thought of one of these cars if I hadn't been given this one on a plate, but now I can see why so many people luuuuurve them   I assume that the four litre version must be quite a beast, and the M5 version just nuts.

[phil_lihp]

These are firmly on my to-do list as they're now starting to become properly cheap and that looks ace, particularly for the money.  They really got the styling right, unusual colour on yours but it suits it quite well.

[brownnova]

Yeah these are good cars for sure... And looks particularly nice in that colour!

 

But I'll be awaiting the e34 for sale thread with eagerness!!

[cort16]

They are great cars an e39 m5 is on my ultimate want list. I've had 3 and they've all that that wheel wobble . The subsequent 5 series is a step down in almost every regard.

 

The good 5 series forum is

 

http://forum.bmw5.co.uk

[Guest Breadvan72]

I saw a minty looking one of these in silver get sold online the other day for 500 quid.  Amazing that such spiffy and good cars are now worth less than a shitty Ikea sofa.  Proof, if proof were needed, that buying a car new is always the act of a mentalist.

[mrbenn]

Was going to post on this last night but was a bit too jealous, not usually a trait I'm given to..

 

Thats bloody lovely, I think possibly one of my all time favourite cars with the "correct" engine, good spec and nice colour. Enjoy!

[cort16]

Leggy 530d sports still sell for well over 3 grand which is a lot comparatively for a 15 year old car. They're quite sought after . The se not so much.

[Six-cylinder]

Free cars taste the best!

[RoadworkUK]

Fatha RWUK has an '03 540i which I sold him when it was three years old. Suffice to say he's never been tempted out of it.

 

Hopefully my driveway will be its next home. It'll make a splendid and rather contrasting stablemate for the Rover.

[billyboy406v6]

A free e39 !! Well at least it aint a Vauxhall ? You lucky sod!!

[Skizzer]

Cor.

 

These are probably the apex of the development of the automobile; the best all-round car that you can buy - or, in this bizarre 21st century world, be given for nothing.  Everything since has become greatly more complex for very little gain, the styling more Neanderthal-aggressive, the dynamics tuned for pubescent journalists, the engineering more cynically disposable.

 

I'm sad that it's markedly better than its predecessor, because the simpler lines of the E34 are distinctly prettier.  I'll buy many, many tickets when you raffle that.

[cort16]

The big step up from the e34 is the interior , which still doesn't look dated 20 years on.

 

i think the engines in the earlier ones are a bit more robust but I think the later facelift one look better . I really need to get a big engined one of these - shuffles off to eBay

[JohnK]

shuffles off to eBay

Ha, I've already done that this morning after reading this thread!

 

I do like the E39. Don't bother sorting them cup holders though they are in a shit location for changing heating settings when you are two's up and have a Starbucks cup in each holder.

 

I've had 2 E39's as dailies, both 528i's. Would again.

[Pillock]

That's lovely.

 

I'll give you double what you paid for it right now. Cash* waiting.

 

 

Ok, triple. Final offer.

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

Well, that's my 100 quid E46 well and truly shafted!

 

Nice work Sir - keep and enjoy. 

 

Well Jel.

[cort16]

Ha, I've already done that this morning after reading this thread!

 

I do like the E39. Don't bother sorting them cup holders though they are in a shit location for changing heating settings when you are two's up and have a Starbucks cup in each holder.

 

I've had 2 E39's as dailies, both 528i's. Would again.

Shuffles back after seeing the price of manual 530 sports

[andrew e]

Ran a 523 to 200k, and still have it, parked up. Fabulous car and you're has the optimum (in my mind) interior combo. If it has the shimmy, but it fitted with proper tyres, it's the bushes, though proper 4 wheel alignment improves this no end as does scrubbing the inside of the alloys of old weights and tar. Two things: don't bother with the sport/button tip tronic, just mash the pedal. Second thing: you might have cup holders below the rear vents - they will be broken too. Have a sniff, I'm happy to post anything useful over.

 

My elderly neighbour has just sold a 70k '99 523 SE (black, factory dechrome, beige leather, small wheels, TV, sunroof, integrated kids seats (!) the works) for £2500...... There on the up.

[Jazoli]

Like this very much, I had a 528i and rated it, although it was very much at the end of its life, it had to go because the wife was using it round town and getting sub 20mpg. 

[Guest Breadvan72]

Down to the local Romanian car wash for some Weaboo Pimpan Magic YO.

Scrubs up OK, although the paint has numerous dings, scratches, chips and blemishes.  In fact, only two corners have been biffed or scraped, and someone has ignored the rear parking sensors and bashed up the rear under-bumper a bit.  The fuel filler compartment is a water trap and there are some rust bubbles below the filler aperture.    Otherwise, no evident blebbage.

 

Toolkit, warning triangle, first aid kit, built in ski bag, and glovebox torch all present, handbook and full service history from new also present. Three keys, all working.  The boot is not so much a boot as a small house.  Officially rated fit to carry four dead hookers at once (six if you chop them up first).