The definitive too shite for Autoshite list

[CaMIRO]

I never thought that, I just thought that the Chevy cavalier was so much nicer looking (Good job it wasn't for sale)

 

Always liked that Cavalier facelift. 1988-90, before they went aero with the front end.

 

[SambaS]

I was hoping for a list in list form.

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

I've had a late 2004 Lagooner II, a 1.9DCi Sport Tourer* and it was (still is) a fine car. Great looking, superb ride, very good handling, okay but not amazing economy. Easy to work on, decently built and finished, some daft electrics. Parts are cheap and it is just a pleasant way to travel. The common opinion is that they're shit. Fine, whatever. The good car* alternative is a 2004 E46 320d Touring complete with fucked wings, rotten brake pipes, festering arches, swirl flap dramas and all the usual old BMW shit. No thanks, I'll have the 'shit' option.

 

I like Megane II's as well.

 

Dislike Part Time Cruisers.

 

When I first joined up here, I thought (mistakenly) that it was about cheap examples of well regarded cars. Couldn't understand why anyone would rescue a wanked Talbot Solara. I take the opposite view now. At the NEC on Friday I walked past several E Types, the roped off wankerfest Jaguar Drivers Club stand, and headed straight for the Princess Club stand, stopping momentarily to admire an Inca Yellow TR7.

 

On the way back, I was alongside a silver Alfa 166 2.5V6 in silver on a 51 plate. The guy driving was smoking a cigar. Now there is a man with style, and all for the monthly payment ion an Audi A4 2.0 TFSITDI Sportline Quattro Avant.

 

I love old worthless cars. I will even defend the Insignia because they will be £995 ONO before we know it.

[CaMIRO]

Having read the Wikipedia entry, I gather that although some here drive their cars because they like them, the abiding goal is apparently ecological.

 

I fall into the former group. Putting aside design, dynamic competence, and nostalgia, older cars generally appeal to me because of their authenticity, relative to the their newer, multinational counterparts. While the authenticity of stuff like the Citroen ZX and Xsara might have been questionable in their day, I can generally find something else to like about them. Even the "Saabaru" 9-2X and 9-7X vehicles hold some appeal, in the sense that they were mile markers in the slow death of Saab.

 

Older cars were also glorified by writers who wrote better, in an era when it was more important to put a compelling test together, than to be first among peers with a warmed-over press release. Perhaps because of this, the period impact of older cars occupies a more important space in my mind than most press launches today.

 

That said, I would steer clear of...

• Fiat Stilo, largely because there doesn't seem to be anything Fiat about it. They built a Golf, ignoring that a Golf buyer would never set foot in a Fiat showroom
• CityRover (too painful), and the short-lived crop of Chrysler Lancias (same reason)
• Alfa diesels (good though they may be)
• BMW diesels (good though they may be)
• Peugeot 307s, and probably 107s, 207s, and 407s (although I was pleasantly surprised by the 407's dynamics)
• Renault Megane 1.5 "moustache" facelift, Renault Twingo II, first-gen Peugeot 308... and others I find aesthetically jarring

[Sloth in a bowl]

So far I think the only car that hasn't been defended by somebody in this thread is:

 

Mercedes A Class

 

The only car in the world that is too shit for Autoshite, and yet, if somebody turned up at next years shitefest in one, we would all want a go in it.

That's the way we roll.

[dieselnutjob]

NO WAY! Rover Streetunwise is on my list of guilty wants. 2dr dizzler with those lovely steelies pls.

 

I would also love to see a Rover 75 'Allroad', if MGR had survived another year or too they probably would have made it and all.

 

I reckon that you could make one with a 75 diesel + Freelander TD4 transmission.  You might just need a V8 shell.

[dugong]

I'd like to nominate the MG6 for a third time. 

[John F]

Sloth in a bowl, on 19 Nov 2015 - 09:47 AM, said:

So far I think the only car that hasn't been defended by somebody in this thread is:

 

Mercedes A Class

 

The only car in the world that is too shit for Autoshite, and yet, if somebody turned up at next years shitefest in one, we would all want a go in it.

That's the way we roll.

 

Sloth in a bowl, that is the most succinct definition of autoshite enthusiasts I've ever heard.

[Sloth in a bowl]

I'd like to nominate the MG6 for a third time. 

 

 

I like them, I see two of these on an occasional basis.

A blue one that spends time in the car park at Leamington Spa Sainsbury's

A metallic orange one that I see on the M40

 

I want a go, my suspicion is that it will feel a bit like a late MG ZS where everything was a bit rough around the edges and hateful on the motorway yet the car was a joy to rush along a twisty B road in.

[jonny69]

I am TOTALLY going to get a PMT Cruiser and probably a Laguna automatic at some point, just to see how goppingly awful they are, or are not, as the case may be. 

We should celebrate the most dreadful cars by attempting to own some of them I reckon.

 

That is hero-speak right there!

[Formula Autos]

Dodge Caliber?

 

Sold in the UK, but I don't think I've ever heard it mentioned on here.

 

Presumably so shit that we've erased it from our minds/ completely shunned it/ both.

[Lacquer Peel]

I reckon that you could make one with a 75 diesel + Freelander TD4 transmission. You might just need a V8 shell.

There's a ZT-T V8 shell out there with a KV6 and 4 wheel drive.

[John F]

This thread has given me an idea for a kind of "anti-roffle".

 

A PT Cruiser is sourced (by Billy, probably), gets painted up in Autoshite branding (logo, strapline, train/horse pic, Savvy selfie, badly drawn penis, etc.), then all active forum contributors' names are assigned a number in a tombola. Contributors can purchase "remissions" in the same way as raffle tickets, i.e. if their number is drawn it is declared void for that single turn & the number is put back in the drum and the draw takes place again.

 

The losing ticket owner has to own & drive the PT Cruiser for one month, telling us all about the experience in a pinned topic. One month later the tombola is repeated, with the previous loser's number remaining in the draw (i.e. it's possible to lose more than once).

 

The money raised from "remissions" can be spent on champagne & prostitutes.

[Mr A Lawrence]

What about the Toyota previa?

 

Nothing shouts "I've got 9 kids and no job" than one of them.

 

Some proper grim ones floating about too.

[beko1987]

Surely no car is too shite for us. Someone, somewhere will have a like/need/justification for anything at one point or another. As proven by the responses in this thread to certain cars that have been called out so far.

 

Feck, I have a Meriva in the fleet, a jacked up Corsa C with an overweight, flabby body on, shitty, underpowered engine and crappy, revvy gearbox. Yes I hate it but can't deny it has been useful...

[garbaldy]

I'd like to nominate the MG6 for a third time.

Central garage have started selling these

So I may have to go and test drive one to see if your right.

[richardthestag]

http://www.wightbay.com/cars-for-sale/microcar/5306567

 

 

This is just down the road from me. I'm actually quite tempted for a laugh

 

looks like one of those froggy things with negative NCAP safety stars for everything

[Eddie Honda]

Judging by the ad, the novelty wears off very quickly with those Microcars. It's hardly the gift that keeps on giving.

[UltraWomble]

I dont believe there is anything, no matter how shit that would be turned down by a genuine Autoshitist if it was free or very nearly free.

 

As much as I hate the 206 if one was free I'd have it even if it was only for a short while. Same with a Chrysler PT, same with anything really.

[bub2006]

I've worked on a pt cruiser,well briefly before I threw down tools in disgust that I had to drop engine to change alternator belt due to everything being packed so tight and the silly front wings.

[Felly Magic]

The MG3!! FFS, it's got an ancient engine, and is made badly by the Chinese, and only purchased by utter windowlickers/senile pensioners. Worth 50p at just a year old too

[2MB]

I've worked on a pt cruiser,well briefly before I threw down tools in disgust that I had to drop engine to change alternator belt due to everything being packed so tight and the silly front wings.

That's the problem with trying to style a modern car like ones where the front wings were held on with a couple of screws and contributed nothing to the usefulness of the car apart from deflecting rain. I don't have much of an issue with the cars themselves, although I don't like them, but they do tend to attract the kind of fuckwit that loves all things American but lacks the balls to go and live there or even drive something wholly inappropriate

[Felly Magic]

What about the Dodge Avenger? It aint no Hillman that's for sure

[mercrocker]

I rarely, if ever, have to drive anything newer than my 1990 190E.  On occasion, though, it happens....Most of those occasions have been at work and involved whatever miserable pool car is out there.  I try and avoid it to be honest as I end up feeling like Jacques Tati in anything with buttons.   

 

However, there is also the curse of the courtesy car.   Mrs Rocker maintains the Merc by cheque book and ends up with a borrower from time to time, usually a gen 1 C Class or W210 - not my cup of tea but nothing to overly complain about.  However once she was given a Smart and another time an elk spec A class.   

 

Both of these revolting vehicles were absolute shit.   The Smart felt like it was going to tip up like an Acty on Brembos, smelled like a Tupperware box inside and shifted up and down its transmission more times than a 5 year old playing GTA.   Having UPS vans up your arse when there is no arse wasn't any fun either.   It actually used MORE fuel than the 190E on any longer trip than the local Asda without managing to bring home any more groceries than I can hang on the bell of my bike.   The A Class was so ugly I refused to get in it but Mrs R reported that it was like steering her old cabin cruiser and she couldn't see to park it.   People traded in 190Es for these!  

 

Put 'em on the bonfire.....  

[Junkman]

OMGMGBGTBYMG

[mercrocker]

Yeah, I never got those either....particularly as the one all the cloth caps deride was a much more decent drive than the wobbly early ones.

[dieselnutjob]

Here's the thing, some people think that they are car enthusiasts because they get all dewy eyed about the latest Ferrari or Lambo or whatever and aspire to have the latest Audi or BMW   or maybe get a good lap time on a track day or some such.

 

I on the other hand consider myself to be more of a car nut than them because I can enjoy driving absolutely anything with 4 wheels (or probably 3) with an engine (or motor) and a steering wheel.  I will drive absolutely anything just to see what it's like.

 

I'm not even that quick.  I went on a karting thing at work last year and was nearly last.

 

I would love a go in a Prius or that Chrysler thingy just to see what they are like, in fact I would be more curious to try them than the latest Audi or BMW.

 

Nothing is too shite for me to not want to have a go.

[Vince70]

Everyone has mentioned all the worst old shite I thought I would mention what I think is going to be to shite in ten years time.

I know someone who's got one of those Mokka things and apparently it's awful to drive with awful vision.

And unreliable.

Then there's the kadjar thing it looks identical to the Mokka to me and will it be the new Laguna II

Ive come to the conclusion that all modern cars are the same motor as I really can't tell the difference with most of them except for the badge.

I know cars all go through certain similar styling over years but I could always tell the difference between a mondeo, cavalier or A4 but not anymore.

Maybe I should go to spec savers

Or I just have no interest in any car that was built after about 2000 I still class a 51 reg as a new motor.

[Timewaster]

Vauxhall have done it again.

 

The Sintra was rebadged US crap and an embarrassment to the brand.

 

Now they have the Antera. oh dear.

A guy at work had one as a company car and it went back after 18 months as not fit for purpose.

[dieselnutjob]

Sintra

 

I forgot about these. Looked on howmanyleft, only 150 left.