funny driving test tales?

[cort1977]

Here it's flashing lights at the level crossing and has been for a long time. Same outside fire stations.

Yeah sorry I meant in the UK.   My memory was that it was only red flashing lights at a level crossing but clearly I was wrong.

[seth]

I failed my first test due to very nearly running over two police horses who were being ridden down the left hand lane of a 50mph dual carriageway I had just joined. 

 

It was the first time I had ever come across animals in my path as it was not really a common occurrence in suburban London in the early 1990s.

[Negative Creep]

Failed my first one for speeding. Second one I pulled near the start and bumped the kerb. I was convinced I'd failed for that and just stopped trying, so you can imagine I was pretty shocked to get back to the centre and be told I'd passed. I remember wanting to ask the instructor if she'd not noticed me hit it but decided not to in case she changed her mind!

 

My sister took six attempts to pass hers. My Dad had given her the Uno that I passed in as a present, but she took so long that the MOT ran out and he scrapped it.

[purplebargeken]

Sorry guys, passed the old fashioned car test in 1981 and the bike test in 1992. 

[J-Rod]

Failed on my first go by doing 50 in a 30, due to a really badly placed sign (which has since been removed and put elsewhere on that particular road). Mind you, that said, I had a million minors, so probably would have failed anyway. 

 

Passed on my second attempt because the examiner blatantly wanted to get off and watch the rugby. 

[steve_earwig]

Took my car test in 1982 (I think it was) so no theory or any of that bollocks. Used my instructor's gas-powered Datty, tester looked like a bank manager with a clipboard, zero sense of humour. Memorable moments include having to do a 5-point turn because I'd pulled up next to a tree. And then I had a set of lights die on me. I was at the front of the queue, sitting at the top of a hill too. Things must be bad if the street furniture turns against you. I was so panicked I nearly rolled into the car behind and the examiner had to tell me to put the handbrake on. Then he said just to pull out into the traffic when there's a gap big enough. It took a while but I managed. I really thought I must be well and truly screwed so I was quite surprised when he said I'd passed.

 

I passed my bike test in 1991, nothing to report other than ice on the road for added thrills.

[garbaldy]

I also failed first time, we drove around kelso for half an hour and then the tutter asked the highway code questions, first question was traffic light sequence and my mind froze and went blank subsequently I couldn't answer a single question result fail

second test I was far more relaxed and the tutter had me drive round the block, ten minutes later I was back at base where he must of asked me 50 odd questions result pass.  every thing is easier when you know what to expect.

 

Now the driving lessons where an absolute hoot,  the instructor Tony Bartle with his little silver Nissan sunny was a star, he would collect three of us and one would drive to Kelso and then half an hour round town then swap and the last one would drive back home again,  one of us in the back would distract him by pointing out a fit lass and we would pull the handbrake push the drivers seat forward and flip it back, pull the seatbelt as hard as we could and all while one of us was trying to drive, I even managed to pull up with a jumper pulled over my face from behind,   we used to pull away with little wheel spins and nip the handbrake as we stop to which he just kept saying now now that's not how to do it,   the little 300k miles sunny hosted my first handbrake turn and also my first experience of driving at 85mph with much distraction from two friends before getting a slap on the leg and told to slow down   the record between the three of us was 85 in a 60 and 50 in a 30, yes it was bloody stupid when I think back but at the time it was great fun.,

He was a great bloke full of interesting story's and he showed us how to do a j turn on the back road behind Milfield gravel pit, if he was still here today I wouldn't think twice about putting both my girls with him as even though he let us piss about he was an excellent instructor.

[dugong]

The Corsa I was driving broke down. 

[STUNO]

1963, VW Beetle. Test took 15 mins . Passed because I had 3 years driving already done. Can't remember the details of the test, but am sure there was no question time.

[Bren]

Intercom failed on bike test.

 

Examiner - "Do you want to carry on?"

 

I replied yes because I was doing ok.

 

Examiner " I'll beep my horn once to turn left and twice to turn right."

 

I carried on and passed.

[Andrew353w]

Blimey, what an interesting thread! I took my test in the 1970s, when hand signals were still an option the examiner could ask you to do (and mine did!)   I passed 2nd time, in my granny's Mini, having failed the first one, which I took in my Dad's Capri. It was obvious that, driving a Capri, I was driving like "Jack The Lad." I flashed the lights at my mates as I drove past them and made several serious errors, such as turning left onto a major road without looking to the left, to name but one of them!

 

The irony is that I passed the I.A.M. test aged 24 & took a police driving course at work (compulsory to drive work vehicles) and passed that, too! I'm currently trying to become a driving examiner, which, IF (IF!!) I am successful, will mean I'll be able to see the test from "the other side." Wish me luck.... 

[tooSavvy]

Failure to proceed... too slow [NOT]

 

My test was last of the day so 'grumpy' was looking for a quick exit....

 

After the statutory 'circuit & bumps' we needed to join a busy road at a T, I was having to mentally jiggle roundabout feed to my left and pelicon crossing to my right = no easy gap!!

 

Feeling grumpy 'kind of willing me' out, but not into an accident, I did what anyone would do - FUKKINN NAILED IT (into the offside lane, for right at roundabout).

 

"Nicely done" says grumpy.... Well chuffed was I + and licenced

 

 

TS

[Tamworthbay]

My examiner asked me to read the number plate on the red fiesta. I told him I couldn't see which car he meant. He very arseily said 'THE RED FIESTA OVER THERE'.After I had pointed out it was a polo and read the plate he was much nicer. Despite a couple of minor errors I passed first time. My bike test was better still, the woman followed in a car and said to follow her radio instructions and not to worry about her. I barely saw her at all and passed with flying colours but got a bollocking off the instructor for giving a big grin and a thumbs up when I got back before I knew I had passed.

[makum101]

I took my first test in my own car. Upon walking out of the test centre the examiner stopped at the road side and asked me to read the number plate of the white Vauxhall Viva. I looked at him and said JNL 303P. He looked a bit puzzled but asked me to show him to my vehicle. I led him to the white Vauxhall Viva! Yup, I failed. 

[stormee]

Also as an aside have any of the old farts like me who passed before the theory test was introduced, ever taken it out of curiosity.

 

Guy I knew at work failed twice and everyone was ribbing him, so found an online mock test for everyone,

I think 4 of us out of 12 passed, with some of the fails being quite spectacular.

 

http://www.safedrivingforlife.info/take-official-free-practice-driving-theory-test/car-practice-theory-tests/car-practice-test-one

 

If anyone feels the urge.

43/50 and I am german and have never been on your roads before.

[scdan4]

Also as an aside have any of the old farts like me who passed before the theory test was introduced, ever taken it out of curiosity.

 

Guy I knew at work failed twice and everyone was ribbing him, so found an online mock test for everyone,

I think 4 of us out of 12 passed, with some of the fails being quite spectacular.

 

http://www.safedrivingforlife.info/take-official-free-practice-driving-theory-test/car-practice-theory-tests/car-practice-test-one

 

If anyone feels the urge.

 

 

50 out of 50.

 

Quite please with myself.

[Eddie Honda]

Don't be smug, I got 50/50 too. I think they should only give 10 minutes max to do it though. 57? Pfft!

[cros]

Like Spud my first test was on a tractor at 16. The examiner came to the farm where I worked, I did a few orbits round the village green on a Ford 4000 and got a pass.

I went on to drive earthmoving machinery which needed no test back then, but one company I worked for wanted their plant drivers to have an hgv test so it was back to L plates.

There was some theory in the classroom, along with learning how to tie those nice knots you needed to keep the load and sheets in place.

An early 70's Dodge with a V8 Perkins engine was provided for the driving part and was well worn. With two trainees and an instructor in its cramped cab not my idea of a fun place to spend 4 days. I crossed a light on amber minutes into the hour long test, and the futility of going through all the remaining componants knowing I'd failed still haunts me.

Fortunately when I re-took it a few days later the result was happier, the examiner commenting that I changed gear far too many times. I suppose I naively thought that with 12 ratios he'd be impressed if I made full use of them...

 

I had to drive lorries now and then but preferred to be off the road on something that had levers rather than a steering wheel.

[xtriple]

48/50 both trailer speed limits wrong!

[Parky]

July 1990. A 1987 Nissan Micra was my steed and I passed first time although my reverse around the corner was barely passable, everything else was Ok.

 

Oh the elation. Angie my instructor let me drive back to hers afterwards AND let me smoke out of the window too. What a girl!

 

Walked in and proudly sad I had passed and I was going to drive my dads car over to see some friends. Dad refused point blank and wouldn't let me drive or even touch his car. Even started locking his keys away. So basically after passing my test I don't think I had a chance to drive again for about 18 months, during which time I had forgotten how to drive!

 

Parky Snr was convinced that 1400cc of Renault 9 was too much to handle. Maybe he was right or maybe he didn't fancy me putting his pride and joy in a ditch or hedge somewhere

[Pillock]

I had two minors on my test for not checking mirror and having to straighten up on reversing into bay at end of test outside centre at Kirkby. I was told I made good progression down the a38 on way back. Instructor was a miserable fecker and I thought I'd failed so just booted it off the lights up to 70. Don't try it now folks,average cameras set at 50 all way from just past snipe pub to the Kingsmill island. Pillock are you a local lad then?

 

Aye, local enough to know there's never been a test centre at Kirkby and you probably meant Sutton

I used to get my instructor telling me off for thrashing the Rover 100 in 4th down the A38, we used to go Kings Mill, over the Fire Station, down towards McArthur Glen but then turn right towards Huthwaite, back end of Sutton and home again. He liked me to get to at least 60mph so we weren't holding traffic up and we could merge across to the right for the filter lanes without there being a huge speed difference - all good advice. However, he always forgot that even with the seat right back, in a Rover 100 5th gear exists somewhere directly behind my left knee, so for the half mile or so we'd be up to speed I'd just leave it in 4th.

[Parky]

Oh and I had to do the theory test in New Zealand when I lived there. 48/50 so an easy pass.

 

Very like our test but substitute cyclist or livestock and you are about there.

[IanMacfarlane]

Taking my test back in 1983 I trod in some dog chod walking to the car. It's lucky said the examiner.

 

During the test he asked me to turn right, because nervous I turned left, realised I'd failed and relaxed.

 

After finishing driving and answering highway code questions - theory test pah - he told me I'd passed.

 

Ergo treading in dog chod IS lucky.

[captain_70s]

Passed my test the first time, although my instructor said he'd never seen somebody crumble under stress quite as badly.

 

A Proton Savvy was the offending vehicle, I'd learnt to drive in it on the occasions it wasn't broken which it was, frequently. Firstly it was pouring down and I couldn't read the numberplate of the car in front because my glasses were fogging up, eventually the guy picked another car which I'm sure was considerably closer than the first. I also missed a turn off I was supposed to take because I thought he meant the T junction at the end of the street.

Didn't help that the examiner kept trying to initiate conversation while I was driving, I'm not a multi-tasker, much less so when under stress. Essentially I though I'd failed pretty early on so relaxed a bit which is probably the only reason I didn't fail miserably!

 

I passed with something hilarious like 12 minors, I then didn't drive anything for a good two years because I couldn't afford a car and forgot pretty much everything.

 

Also, I always considered my driving instructor a sound bloke. Here are his Google reviews:

 

 

I mean it's not entirely inaccurate to be fair...

[Slartibartfast]

I'm glad I'm not the only person who has gone into the wrong lane to exit the test centre. I muddled up the "you have to be on the right hand side of a one way if you're turning right" when it was obviously a two way. I had my instructor in the back of the car for moral support and I could feel her internal facepalm in the back of my neck.

 

The most frustrating was a four way roundabout, the kind that in normal driving you just sail straight over. Unfortunately none of the stream of fuckers going the other way were indicating at all, so I was expected to take it on faith that none of them were going to continue round the roundabout. I sat waiting for either a break in this relentless line of fuckers or a vehicle that was clearly indicating and was done on failure to proceed. The injustice rankles to this day, I literally couldn't win either way.

 

The other irritating moment was driving down a very busy high street when one of the parked cars opened their door right in my path. I had enough clearance by the instructor panicked and grabbed the wheel.

[Christine]

48-  50 ... So why can't i change  my flat tyre  on  the hard shoulder ,without calling assistance ?? Off side i probably would , but nearside i'd do myself .. Is it an offence?    The other one i got wrong was arm signals but the pic was so tiny i couldn't see ... so i took a chance and it doesn't count    Mortified i got "one" wrong ..i'm  a  brilliant driver 

[Pieman]

Didn't help that the examiner kept trying to initiate conversation while I was driving, I'm not a multi-tasker, much less so when under stress. 

 

The examiner on my second test did that - trying to talk about the car (Rover 100) we were in.  I sensed a red herring to try and fail me for being distracted so I snapped something like "Don't put me off" at him.  Still passed - and then said "Remember me now?  You failed me a few weeks ago" - it was indeed the same bloke who I'd given a laughable performance to on my first test, after which I actually punched the car in disgust at myself as I walked away.

[Richard]

I got that question right even though I have changed a tyre on the hard shoulder of the motorway. It wasn't as scary as changing an offside tyre on the verge on the A90 in rush hour, or the nearside tyre on the wrong side of the A9 in the snow.

[Eddie Honda]

^^^^ That's the name of the game. You've to tell them what they want to hear, not what you would actually do. If I did that I would be down to about 25...

[artdjones]

I narrowly failed my first test and I'd run out of money so didn't drive for months, had 3 lessons and failed again so after six or seven lessons I went for my third.One of the first manoeuvres I was asked for was reversing around a corner "keeping close to the kerb". I did it and the examiner looked out of the window and said " do you consider that close Mister Jones?".So I thought here I go failed again,will I become one of these people who are never allowed to drive.Then half a mile down the road the car started to mist severely (Instructor's 1.1L fiesta mk1).Luckily I knew which lever to push to get demist and how to turn the fan to Max.Anyway to my surprise I passed at last.I put it down to dealing with the misting situation properly.4th January 1984.

My instructor,Phil Matthews got done for burning out his car some time later,supposedly for the insurance money but was acquitted. All I can say is he was a good instructor.On my first lesson he took me on to Western Avenue, a dual carriageway that runs across Cardiff, and made me drive at 50 mph.I was petrified but it did help my confidence. Can still remember him saying "more gas."