Project Dr.Fraud's Private Scrapyard

[fatharris]

I'm going with Metro.

 

Sent from my SM-G900F using Tapatalk

[Lacquer Peel]

Seicento not Sporting?

[Sigmund Fraud]

Seicento not Sporting?

 

​WINNAR !

 

 

[Lacquer Peel]

Great colour!

[DSdriver]

Great colour!

which bit? 

[Sigmund Fraud]

Yeah, the colour is one of those funky pearlescent PPG ones that were all the rage in the late 90s / early 00s. It will be a bit of an acquired taste for me, especially considering the clashing complementary electric blue interior...

[purplebargeken]

Verrrrrrrry swish!

[Sigmund Fraud]

Verrrrrrrry swish!

 

Nonsense, it's the perfect car to attract fit, 19-year-old student nurses (or at least it used to be, circa 2003).

[Sigmund Fraud]

As one would expect from a thoroughbred italian car, the Sei has already required tinkering...

 

Problem #1 was a stiff and notchy gear lever. It was bad, even by the traditionally low FWD italian car standards. A bit (OK, OK, a lot !) of grease made things better :

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​Problem #2 was a lack of soundz. A head unit was installed but refused to work without a code. I removed it and was impressed by its shite credentials :

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OMG PROJECT DRIVE ! It's a VDO radio-CD, out of a late 25/45. The internet suggests that the only way to get the code is to access information stored on an EEPROM inside it. Does anyone know if this is really the case ?

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[Sigmund Fraud]

I spent most of the Christmas weekend at work, so I was given today as a day off in lieu... For most people, it would have been a great opportunity to get some rest, catch up on their favourite sitcoms etc. But not for a masochistic Autoshitter !

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Up at 8, bucketful of coffee with a few chocolate hobnobs for breakfast, boilersuit on and off to the workshop...

The first job of the day was to do the cambelt on this :

 

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​A "late registration madness" 6N1 with 40K miles from new that I bought last week for Mrs.F. It will be replacing her current, P-reg 6N1 which has nearly 120K on the clock and is beginning to feel (and look !) rather worn out.

 

VW advises that the cambelt should be replaced every 60K miles or 5 years... For some reason, there's plenty of people out there who think they know better :

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Only* a decade overdue... Dry and cracked but it thankfully survived the collection trip !

Working on such low-mileage cars is a real pleasure ! Fasteners are rarely corroded and no ham fisted idiots have been there before you, rounding off bolts etc. Having done the job before, it didn't take long before the old bits were off...

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...and the new bits were on :

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BUY BRITISH ! Who said that nothing is made in this country anymore ?

 

I took the opportunity to clean the throttle body and replace the air filter... Ample profanity was used when I discovered that the air filter had been untouched from the time the car left the factory !

 

Anyway... Everything was put back together, I filled the cooling system up with fresh OAT coolant, re-connected the battery and turned the key :

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Sweet as a nut ! Next cambelt change due at 100.000 miles or in December 2020 !

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[Sigmund Fraud]

The next job was to book an MoT for the Loopoo. The local garage no longer had their half-price MoT offer on, which was disappointing. They were, however, able to offer me an MoT slot on the same afternoon, which I took.

 

I went around the car looking for potential failure points, but couldn't find anything ! So I wasted my time installing some parts that had been sitting on the shelf for months :





Yawn... I also spent a few minutes getting some PROPA SOUNDZ into the Seicento, as the MGR head unit it came with appears to be beyond salvation.

 

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For period correctness, I should have put up a picture of it playing some Eros Ramazzotti. Unfortunately*, I don't seem to have any of his masterpieces* in my CD collection !

 

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With everything finished, it was nearly MoT time, so I drove the Loopoo down to the garage and stalked the tester (with his permission !) as he checked the car out. The result was a couple of minor advisories and a failure on emissions, which suggests that the catalyst is borked. How irritating !

 

Not the end of the world, I suppose, but I'd much rather spend the £50 on something more worthwhile... like AS raffle tickets ​

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[Sigmund Fraud]

It's been a fairly busy month at Fraud Towers, due to that unpleasant inconvenience called REAL LIFE. Despite this, I have managed to spend enough time with my old shitters to warrant a blog update !

 

 

In the last installment, the Loopoo had just failed the MoT due to its CO emissions being well above the legal limit. I assumed the catalyst was to blame, so I set out to find a replacement.

 

Internet experts* suggested that anything other than a genuine VW catalyst is absolute rubbish - "Chinese crap" that would "not even last until the next MoT". Unfortunately, the cheapest price I could find for a genuine catalyst was £170, which is £5 more than I paid for the whole car a few months ago.

 

So I decided to go for some "Chinese crap" from ECP instead. Their own-brand catalyst was only £40, came with a two-year guarantee and was available off the shelf at my local branch. It also hadn't been made in the Far East at all, but in Denmead, South Hants ! BUY BRITISH !

 

With the new catalyst installed, the Loopoo flew through the emissions test and was declared roadworthy for yet another year !

 

 

I've now covered just over 5K miles in the awful little thing, and it's been a brilliant daily. Yes, it's small and spartan and girly and tinny. But it's very easy to drive (even when I'm absolutely knackered after a 13-hour shift), it's never failed to proceed and it has never returned less than 52mpg.

 

In fact, last week I drove it OOP NORTH for work-related reasons, and it managed an unbelievable 57mpg ! I would have never thought that such economy could be achieved by mere shite-driving mortals like myself !

 

Anyway... One thing that had been annoying me since I put the thing back on the road was its uneven idle when warm. A new temperature sensor had improved things, but had not completely fixed the problem. So I decided to go back to the basics, and check the distributor :

 

 

Oh, dear ! The cap was pretty bad, and the rotor was even worse. I was actually suprised that the thing was running at all !

 

Thankfully, a visit to the local ECP and £10 worth of parts were enough to have the poor Loopoo running perfectly once again !

 

 

 

 

The Seicento has also needed a bit of attention. It's had an easy life so far, and its previous owners have clearly looked after it, but the tyres it came with were truly shocking. The fronts were a pair of crappy Simexes with worn-out edges. The rears were still the factory-fit, 15-year-old Debicas.

 

So I took it to the local tyre place for a much-needed wheel alignment and a pair of new RainExpert3s, Autoshite's most favourite tyre :

 

 

I also spent some more time sorting out the absolutely appalling gear change... I first topped up the gear oil :

 

 

Which improved things a little bit. Then I adjusted the clutch cable, which made a massive difference. The gearchange is now fairly pleasant, probably as good as it will ever be in an Italian car !

 

I am pleased to report that the third road-legal car of the fleet, the delightful 214, has not needed any work whatsoever ! If only everything in life was as reliable as a Rover !

 

 

 

The fourth road-legal car of the fleet, the Pooloo, was the first victim of the great 2016 fleet rationalisation and is now in the hands of a new owner.

 

 

Last but not least, Mrs.F's minty, new Polo has proven itself absolutely dependable, so her old, somewhat less minty, Polo is now for sale :

 

[320touring]

good effort on the vagshite front!

 

re the Rainexperts- are they any good?considering some for the 306 as the sidewall size is too high to fit rainsports

[320touring]

Sorry, I'll repeat that..

 

(original post edited)

[Sigmund Fraud]

re the Rainexperts- are they any good?

 

Hard to say, a 899cc shopping trolley is far from the ideal car to test tyres on !

 

The Rainexperts feel remarkably soft, so I would expect them to stick like shite on a blanket but not last for very long.

 

 

My favourite tyre brand is currently Falken. They make some pretty amazing tyres that are cheap, grippy and seem to last fairly long. I had Sincera SN-832s (summer) on my old Megane and currently use AS-200s (all season) on the Loopoo. Both types are truly excellent.

[Sigmund Fraud]

Thread resurrection time !!!

 

Not much has happened here at Fraud towers over the past four months. Life has been a bit of a rollercoaster, and I haven't had much time or enthusiasm to faff about with my decrepit old cars.

 

A much-needed fleet rationalisation has been underway. My first-generation MX5 recently sold to a fellow 'shitter and my three-door Rover 214 is currently looking for a new home. It's likely that one of my DAF 66s will also be up for sale in the near future, which will bring the fleet down to a sensible* size for the first time in years.

 

With life slowly getting back on track, I was finally able to spend some time in my workshop this weekend.

 

The first job was to check the rear brakes of the Loopoo, to sort out a slightly sticky handbrake. Taking the drums apart revealed no horrors, and the problem was solved with just a good clean and a dab of copper grease :

 

 

The poor Loopoo has been my daily since November and has otherwise been faultless - not bad for something that was meant to be scrapped. As a token of my appreciation, I decided to treat it to some cosmetic work :

 

 

Looks mint*, doesn't it ? According to our resident scientists here at Fraud Garages, the new bumper has made the car look 12% less pikey than before, taking its overall pikeyness down to an all-time-low of 88% ! Wow !

 

 

The next job on the list were the front brakes of the Seicento, which appeared to have a sticky offside caliper.

 

This was a complete bastard of a job, as whoever had last worked on the brakes was blissfully unaware of the existence of copper grease and rubber grease. As a result, everything was completely seized : bolts, sliders, piston, the lot !

 

At least, it was a good opportunity to test my new "freeze spray" - pretty good but not better than Plusgas for this sort of use :

 

 

With everything unseized, cleaned and liberally greased, I turned my attention to the auxilliary belt. This had been professionally* replaced just before I bought the car, but the tension had not been set correctly and the belt was really, really loose.

 

The reason for this became apparent when I tried to do the job myself. Here are the bolts you need to undo to adjust it :

 

 

And here is the gap you need to work through :

 

 

I did my best to follow the manufacturer's recommended procedure while tensioning the belt : at random intervals I would angrily jump up, throw my tools to the ground, gesticulate wildly and shout "STRONZI ITALIANI !".

 

It eventually worked, so I put everything back together and turned my attention to another long-overdue job : the headgasket replacement on my blue DAF 66.

 

This car was bought from fellow 'shitter Ken a couple of years back. It was recommissioned and MoT'd in record time, then rewarded me for all my hard work by blowing its head gasket four months later :

 

 

After weeks months years of procrastination, work has resumed to return the thing to the road for a second time. This weekend I have mostly been cleaning a spare head (kindly provided by fellow DAFfer Steve, creator of the famous Gordini-powered 66) in preparation for re-installation : 

 

 

Needless to say, it's a really tedious, time-consuming and thankless task... After three hours of scraping muck and dried bits of gasket off the head I decided to give up and do something a bit more rewarding, before calling it a day :

 

 

Splendid... One fault fixed, around a hundred left to fix before my barn find classic* is ready to hit the road !

[Sigmund Fraud]

Happy new year to everyone ! It's time for a massively overdue blog update !

 

The Loopoo continues to be my daily and is about to complete 20K miles in my ownership ! It remains efficient, dependable and thoroughly dull, which suits me fine. It's only been in the workshop for routine maintenance, and I hope it won't need anything major for it's MoT later this month :

 

 

The Seicento is also still here, despite the fact that I have yet to work out why I bought it and what I'm supposed to do with it. I occasionally take it to work or to the shops, and it's a pleasant little thing to drive, but I don't think it will be staying in the fleet for much longer. It's only really had a stay of execution due to being exceptionally reliable, and having flown through its MoT a few weeks back.

 

The R8 214 was for sale for most of 2016, but nobody bought it. I had a couple of people turn up, inspect it in great detail, take it on extended test drives, declare it perfect and then proceed to offer half the asking price because "nobody wants them Rovers, mate". It was a frustrating experience, to say the least.

 

So in the end I gave up, paid for another year's tax and insurance, got a fresh MoT (which it passed without any work at all !) and continued using it for local* journeys and for shopping* :

 

 

[Sigmund Fraud]

Random, irrational car purchases are not uncommon on Autoshite, and yours truly is certainly not an exception.

 

You know how it works... A slow, late shift at work... A cheeky ebay bid on a car that seems absolutely shite but is at least cheap... The dreaded email arriving the next day, congratulating you on winning an auction you didn't really mean to win... Then a couple of days and £100 later, you are the proud owner of this garden ornament :

 

 

A low-mileage, well-maintained example of the desirable* Skoda Flabby-a with clear evidence of previous OAP ownership, including a worn out, slipping clutch. Nice !

 

I pondered what to do with it for a while, then decided I should fix it first and ask myself questions later. So I (gently) drove it to the workshop and began taking things apart.

 

 

It gave me the opportunity to use my new toy for the first time. No more manky, oil-stained Haynes manuals for me. THE FUTURE has finally arrived at Fraud Towers !

 

 

Typically, it was an absolute bastard of a job, due to a combination of the usual VAG fastener quality* with the delicate* work of the professionals* who had been there before :

 

 

 

Anyway... After a ridiculous amount of time, the box was finally off to reveal a properly worn-out clutch :

 

 

 

 

Then it was simply a matter of cleaning the flywheel and bellhousing...

 

 

...fitting the new clutch kit (using new, high-tensile bolts)...

 

 

...and putting everything back together. The often-quoted Haynes phrase that "reassembly is the reverse of disassembly" was particularly true on this occasion, as bolting the box back on was also a total bastard of a job that took absolute ages.

 

Eventually, I managed to put the thing back together, but I was trying really hard to hold on to my sanity. For that reason, there are no more pictures from my Fabia-related endeavours.

 

I bled the clutch, started the engine and got ready for a victorious drive around the farm. Only that never materialised, as the pedal remained soft and impotent, failing to rise to the task of disengaging the clutch. An outburst of profanity followed, and I hastily left the workshop to prevent myself from smashing the thing up with a sledgehammer.

 

I returned a few days later, armed with a brand-new slave cylinder. This was quickly installed, clutch carefully bled, engine started, let's go for a drive... FUCKING HELL THE DAMN THING STILL ISN'T WORKING PROPERLY AAAARRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

 

It was obvious that the clutch master cylinder was to blame. Not a major task, but by that point I had really had enough, so the car found itself back on ebay. I was half expecting it not to sell, but it did and was collected the day after the auction ended ! It actually went for a fairly respectable sum, which meant I had lost plenty of time on it but no money.

 

It was still a fairly disappointing outcome. I put the whole thing down to experience and promised myself not to buy any more cars that I don't need...

 

[r.welfare]

That's a truly horrid colour! Was it the old 1397cc OHV job for maximum shite points? My late father in law went through three clutches in about the same number of years in his, then gave up driving (thankfully).

[Sigmund Fraud]

Yeah, it was powered by the ancient Skoda pushrod for maximum shite points (also excellent for OMGHGF and for sub-40mpg fuel consumption) !

[tommotech]

Bile green, a truly nasty colour.

 

Getting air out of hydraulic clutch systems can be a real ball ache, you have my sympathy. Shame to have had to give the car up though, proper shite credentials in one of these in that colour.

[Sigmund Fraud]

Last Saturday, I drove the Loopoo to the local garage for its annual test.

 

My thorough* pre-MoT check (walk around the car, kick the tyres, make sure the numberplate bulbs are working) hadn't identified any areas of concern, so I was fairly disappointed when I was told it did not "comply with the statutory requirements".

 

The reason for the failure ? Emissions. Regular readers might recall what I had written around this time last year : 

 

Internet experts* suggested that anything other than a genuine VW catalyst is absolute rubbish - "Chinese crap" that would "not even last until the next MoT".

 

Well, turns out the internet experts were right on this one. The £40 ECP catalyst I had bought is completely borked after just one year and 15K miles of use.

 

Unfortunately, trying to find a reasonably priced, genuine VW catalyst at short notice proved to be an impossible task. So another shitty aftermarket catalyst has been procured as a temporary* measure.

 

To maximise the predicted lifespan of said shitty catalyst, I decided to expedite the next "big" service :

 

 

Thinner, fully synthetic oil because winter. Also, because cheaper.

 

 

Air filter looks awful after just 19K miles. VW recommends an interval of 40K miles ! That could* work In London, but certainly not in rural Hampshire.

 

 

I reckon I got my money's worth out of those plugs... Check the difference in the electrode gap !

 

 

The front pads came up as an MoT advisory, as there was only 3-4mm of friction material left. The discs looked like they could be re-used, but I had a complete set of discs and pads in stock, so I went ahead and replaced the whole lot. BIG SPENDER !

 

The Loopoo will be going for its re-test later this week. After all the above work, it will hopefully be declared road legal for another year.

[Sigmund Fraud]

Oh... While we're on the subject of "eating my words"...

 

I promised myself not to buy any more cars that I don't need.

 

 

What can I say ? I was never any good at new years' resolutions.

 

 

[Tickman]

 After all the above work, it will hopefully be declared road legal for another year.

Then will you swap the old cat back on and keep the new one for the test next year?

[Sigmund Fraud]

Then will you swap the old cat back on and keep the new one for the test next year?

 

Good thinking there, but I could never* be that cruel to the polar bears :

 

[Rod/b]

Oh... While we're on the subject of "eating my words"...

 

 

ScAABy.jpg

 

What can I say ? I was never any good at new years' resolutions.

Nice Saab m8 etc

[Tickman]

That is a fantastic picture which is probably not photo shopped

[Noel Tidybeard]

Then will you swap the old cat back on and keep the new one for the test next year?

...or put old cat in new box and take back in 3 months under warrenty

[Sigmund Fraud]

Breaking news : The Loopoo can haz MoT until 2018 !

 

My joy was, however, short-lived : the postman just brought my insurance renewal letter. The quote seemed obscene, but a quick check of the various comparison websites suggests that it is, in fact, very competitive ! Argh !

 

So I will be doing some insurance policy re-jigging, which means that my Seicento will go up for sale. I do like it, but there's no point in spending £££* on tax and insurance to keep two modern* cars on the road. I have enough old shitters to act as backup cars, should the Loopoo need to come off the road for some major repair.

 

A proper* ad will follow shortly ! EDIT : Here it is !

[Sigmund Fraud]

In other fleet news, I've finally managed to spend some time checking my new acquisition :

 

 

A low-mileage car with full service history, which had lain dormant in a somersetian barn for the past three years.

 

A promising buy, especially considering the price, but initial impressions were thoroughly underwhelming. The previous owner wasn't too big in detailing, something evidenced by the fact that both the interior and underbody were caked in mud. The engine ran like shite and wouldn't get up to temperature, the gear lever was more imprecise than a 1970s Fiat, the steering wheel shook like a bugger and the car pulled to the left at anything over 50MPH.

 

Splendid. Yet another quality* purchase, that's bound to keep me busy in the following weeks...