The Worst Cars Ever Sold in Britain

[Negative Creep]

Recently exhumed this from my parent's loft. Does anyone else have it?

 

 

Yes it's lightweight and has it's fair share of conjecture, but there is something I like about it. The author does always seek out positives no matter how grim, and there were a few entries I'd never heard of. It does have the usual shite suspects - Volvo 340, FSO Polonez, Dacia Denem, Allegro, AMC Pacer, Alfa Arna, Tagora, etc but there are some obscure crackers. For example:

 

 

Allard Clipper - looks like it escaped from a fairground. Is there a more miserable/dangerous way of transporting children

 

 

Fairthorpe Atomota - I presume none of these survive. Which is a shame, as if you rock up in one of these you would officially win at life

 

 

Rapport Ritz - an Accord with posh stuff stuck on it for double the price. What were they smoking?

 

 

Stimson Scorcher - if you can think of a more awesome way to kill yourself than flying off this at 100mph after your shonky spanner work fails, I'd like to hear it

 

and my personal favourite.....

The Burney Streamline -just look at that thing! Based around airship design and rear engined, with an apparent propensity to catch fire

[philibusmo]

Yes! I had almost forgotten about that book, my parents got it for me when I was about 12 and it was very well read. Probably one of the main reasons I now buy the sort of cars I do.

I may have to do a spot of searching and see if it is still around.

[wackywacerwill]

Some fantastic stuff in there. At first I was surprised to see an Imp on the front cover though it seems to contain all kinds of greatness.

 

I know modifying doesn't always go down well around here but this vvv

With some roof choppery would blow my mind.

[Negative Creep]

  wackywacerwill said:

Some fantastic stuff in there. At first I was surprised to see an Imp on the front cover though it seems to contain all kinds of greatness.

 

I know modifying doesn't always go down well around here but this vvv

With some roof choppery would blow my mind.

 

 

They did make the Electron, which in itself is quite pretty

 

 

 

But a Google search also turned up this Zeta

 

 

Holy macaroni!

[Luxobarges_Are_Us]

The Marbella 'one of the worst cars ever'? Jesus wept...

[barrett]

There is one Atomota left (Actually it's an 'Atom Major', I think the difference was what engine was fitted but it's the same thing really). That other one isn't a Zeta, it's an Electrina, and there are 2 of those left (one in Denmark or somewhere stupid, one awaiting resto here).

 

This book sounds suspiciously IDENTICAL to 'The cars that time forgot' but with a more contentious title. I suppose it must be better than the last 250 Telegaph Online lists of the 'worst cars ever'' though.

[Spiny Norman]

I wanted a Stimson Scorcher when I was a kid, I thought they were ace, and that Burney Streamline thing looks fantastic!

[gtd2000]

  Negative Creep said:

Rapport Ritz - an Accord with posh stuff stuck on it for double the price. What were they smoking?

 

Never heard of this ever - has anybody actually seen one out in the wild?

[trigger]

I have the same book, It's quite good, It's not too dissimilar to the BBC book "Crap Cars" though.

 

  gtd2000 said:

Never heard of this ever

 

Rapport Ritz Review 1980 (1) by Trigger's Retro Road Tests!, on Flickr

 

Rapport Ritz Review 1980 (2) by Trigger's Retro Road Tests!, on Flickr

[gtd2000]

When you look at a lot of these fibreglass bodied cars the general rule is that they look absolutely shit

 

It's almost as if it was mandatory to make something that looks as ridiculous as possible.

 

If I was making a car, that I actually wanted to sell in any quantity, I'd make it appeal to a wider audience, no?

 

Most of these designs would, by default remove the vast majority of sane customers and leave only the odd, oddball customer.

 

Seems like a very strange way of doing business, I guess this played out as it should in the market place because they were not successful in their ventures.

 

What baffles me, is that they considered they might have a viable product in the first place....

[Craig the Princess]

I would love a Stimson Scorcher. That is fantasically mad.

[Junkman]

The Worst Cars Ever Sold in Britain

 

Ferrari, Lamborghini...

[Junkman]

  Negative Creep said:

Allard Clipper - looks like it escaped from a fairground. Is there a more miserable/dangerous way of transporting children

 

My kiddos would bleedin love it!

[gtd2000]

  Junkman said:

  Negative Creep said:

Allard Clipper - looks like it escaped from a fairground. Is there a more miserable/dangerous way of transporting children

 

My kiddos would bleedin love it!

 

Thing is, this "car" looks more suited to a fairground carousel than the public highway

[Junkman]

  gtd2000 said:

  Junkman said:

  Negative Creep said:

Allard Clipper - looks like it escaped from a fairground. Is there a more miserable/dangerous way of transporting children

 

My kiddos would bleedin love it!

 

Thing is, this "car" looks more suited to a fairground carousel than the public highway

 

My kiddos told me to tell you they beg to differ.

[rml2345]

  barrett said:

This book sounds suspiciously IDENTICAL to 'The cars that time forgot' but with a more contentious title.

 

Written by the same chap too!

I reckon that Fairthorpe is actually pretty stylish looking. Definitely would given the means/opporchansity.

[dollywobbler]

Aye. I've got 'Cars that time forgot' but it hasn't got all of those marvels in it. Fairthorpe built some truly remarkable machines, at one stage sticking a straight-six Zephyr lump into the Electron!

[Junkman]

It would be difficult to chose between the Rapport Ritz and the Panther Rio...

 

 

 

At the same time BMW decided to move ahead and pocket a few billion with it's 3 series.

[Split_Pin]

I've got this book plus others that are broadly similar with different titles such as 'My Dad Had One Of Those'.

 

This one is the best though and the box on each review containing the 'pros' is LOlz especially the one for the Chrysler 180.

 

The 50s kit cars are really what this book is all about though!

[SambaS]

I have the Rapport Starlight in another book, its a range Rover meets Granada if I remember right

[HillmanImp]

I have a MASSIVE want for a Panther Rio. Sadly I doubt the dream will ever be realised unless I defile a Dolomite with about 3 tons of wob and some Granada headlights.

[Chip]

Yay! Had this book since about 2004.

 

I do wonder about the author's bee in his bonnet about the folding rear seats missing from the FSO Polonez, though.

[Tayne]

  gtd2000 said:

When you look at a lot of these fibreglass bodied cars the general rule is that they look absolutely shit

 

It's almost as if it was mandatory to make something that looks as ridiculous as possible.

 

I think the problem is that the windscreen and lights are expensive to make so get nicked from something else.

Sadly the front lights often come from a different car to the screen and so the line between them is the first piece if styling to go wrong.

The ugliness follows on from there.

[dollywobbler]

I don't think you can blame that necessarily. A lot of parts-bin specials still manage to look attractive. Aston Martin Virage, TVR Griffith (Cavalier rear lights have never looked so sexy), Noble M12 to name just a few. The problem is that these 'specials' creators can clearly never afford an actual stylist, so they always end up looking like they've melted.

[jonny69]

The Clipper is making me think about this:

 

 

http://blog.hemmings.com/index.php/2007 ... tukabaker/

 

Well it's making me think about a miniature one based on an Austin 7, anyway!

[scruff]

I had to double take at Trig's scan, I thought the headline was LUXURY SHITE

[fordperv]

  Mr Scruff said:

I had to double take at Trig's scan, I thought the headline was LUXURY SHITE

 

So did i, it really did give me a giggle

[Junkman]

There seem to be fewer books on the market about all the brilliant cars that were produced in Britain.

This would include countless fabulous kit cars and cars from micro manufacturers.

 

Ultima GTR anyone?

[DSdriver]

The designers also seemed to have a mental block when it came to doors:

why all the straight lines on the doors when everything else is flowing and sensuous? Did the designer just draw the overall shape and leave the boring bit of how to get in and out to the production department who were looking for the easiest way to make them and had no concept of style.

[Simon M]

There was a follow-up book to this, also by Giles Chapman, called Mad Cars, which is also rather lovely - Chapman is a good writer, and has a great collection of photos. Also apparently a very nice chap in real life.

 

In 'Worst Cars......' there's a photo of an RHD Paykan, which I've been meaning to ask PaykanHunter about - I'm guessing it's a British Hillman Hunter in drag, but I'd be interested to know if there were ever any actual RHD ones.