The grumpy thread

[SambaS]

That's possibly one of the most hateful elements to it all, having to sit in a room, as anxiety personified, while you try form some kind of sentence to say to a doctor to explain things.

 

Then filling in one of them how are you feeling forms.... "trouble doing things you normally enjoy doing is this you" 1,2,3,4 or 5. "Do you feel tired all the time" 1,2,3,4 or 5 "Do you feel like there is no hope" 1,2,3,4 or 5

 

Ok Mr xxxxxx you have scored 55 this tells me that you are moderately unhappy, have you tried exercise, do you have a good diet. Maybe you could walk it off.

 

Well doctor I wish I could just explode into one big huge cloud of blue smoke in front of your eyes and then be free. But thanks.

 

Life is 95% misery 4% completely inexplicable and 1% enjoyable but even the good times are in a kind of sarcastic this wont last kind of good.

[SambaS]

And that man upstairs laughing. I want to rip his fucking larynx out.

[Cavcraft]

You'll always find people (seemingly) better off than you are, probably best (though not always easy) to remember those who are worse off.

[SambaS]

I went to a family get together in the summer at my grandparents house, my Dad was surprised to see me. It was nice to meet my uncles fella, it's been a while coming so that made me happy, and my cousin who is about 19 too the time to talk to me. I really was walking anxiety I don't know why I have always been genuinely scared of the people at these things, my family.

 

Primary school was the best years, a small place where everyone seemed to like me. I was Underworlds - Second Toughest in the infants! High scholl was shit, things took a down turn from then on, actually it was the last year in primary school when my parents split up. bo hoo. Get over it you prick, thats what I though and maintained all my life.

 

Lasting memory of my parents being together they never turned the lights on in the house that day I just remember them hugging in the bay window for hours. I didnt know what was happening, but like the family dog could sense summit was up.

 

I used to be quite enthusiastic, very odd, very shy, never knew when it was my turn to talk. I played the cello, badly and the keyboard. I gave everything like that up in high school mostly to silence the bullies, then learned if i smoked weed and got pissed i could befriend them all, this worked but the drink and drugs took from 15 to about 25 to properly sort putting me in hospital on occasion. The things you do to fit in. Strange cos these bullies became good friends and still are in a way although I greatly distanced myself from them in a bid to stay alive.They are having a hard time of life. One friend the main perpetrator from school days actually, is on remand for kidnap, had 20 odd violent offences against him and is looking at prison. When I mentioned on Facebook about my "breakdown" he came down and we had a drink and a chat, he was in hospital the week before from a major overdose. Thing is he's a good person at heart, the kidnap is a load of crap because the girls he likes are properly mental.

 

I've kind of gone full circle now, I'm just picking up where I left off at 9 or 10 years old with the music. its been a big part of my life, and escape, but always listening as opposed to making and shit. I guess if it weren't for horribly miserable people there would be a lot less talent in the world.

[brickwall]

Samba, I went through a meltdown as well. I was manager for Scotland, decent salary, company car and stuff and I just chucked it and got my shite going, got another dog etc. I earn a fraction of what I did, but my disposable income seems to be proportionately the same and I'm a good bit happier.  Have a look for part time work or a job at a motor factors or something or a trade counter of some sort. I will no longer be a part of climbing the greasy pole and have a ton of other peoples crap to deal with.

 

Perhaps a move to a smaller town might help or a place that has good housing association builds and go from there. Get a dog to ride shotgun with you and they're great for exercise

[SambaS]

Cavette. I really think I should work somewhere with these people, either the homeless or people with drug problems, I'd get on a plane to anywhere in the world to help the less fortunate it would do me some fucking good no doubt to see them, to put things into perspective. I know this dont think I dont beat myself up over that as well.

 

Maybe I should set up some kind of charity aid thing were MH people, like myself fly out to help people less fortunate. Win Win eh.

[SambaS]

Samba, I went through a meltdown as well. I was manager for Scotland, decent salary, company car and stuff and I just chucked it and got my shite going, got another dog etc. I earn a fraction of what I did, but my disposable income seems to be proportionately the same and I'm a good bit happier.  Have a look for part time work or a job at a motor factors or something or a trade counter of some sort. I will no longer be a part of climbing the greasy pole and have a ton of other peoples crap to deal with.

 

Perhaps a move to a smaller town might help or a place that has good housing association builds and go from there. Get a dog to ride shotgun with you and they're great for exercise

 

See I do like my job, it is very very easy. Apart from the boss is very difficult, very rude and cantankerous at times. I like sitting in a nice car with a brill sound system driving all the back roads I used to at 17 with my tunes on, using his petrol as fast as I can and getting a wage for it.

 

I would struggle to simplify my life much more, although the idea of living in a camper and fucking life off completely greatly appeals.

 

I could not cope with living anywhere much more populated than home, I do live in the sticks a bit. Working from the other shop in what is a basically a rats nest of streets and ill looking people I dislike, although the challenge of learning a new town was something I welcomed.

 

I had a cat it ran away! I should really go to the RSPCA and rehome a cat, I keep thinking about doing that.

 

Last night I was gonna fill the car up and just drive and never come back, then I remembered that sadly I would have to go with me, and it's me I need to get away from.

[Cavcraft]

I don't think I've ever had a job where at least one of the bosses wasn't a massive tit, and I was self employed for ages.

[SambaS]

LOL

 

I'm glad you didn't think I was on attack mode in my response to you, or sarcastic or whatever I kept re reading what i wrote and it seemed that way but i couldn't reword it better.

[Junkman]

Have you guys ever entertained the thought that the others might be the arseholes, and not you?

[SambaS]

I suppose a pertinent question to ask oneself in times of struggle is WWJJD.

 

I suppose he's sit on his porch with his dog, a bottle of whiskey and play guitar until the sun came up.

 

[rml2345]

Having some MH issues myself after a sort of breakdown in my last job a few years ago all I can say is that I wouldn't wish it upon anyone.

Mostly anyone.

Hang in there Samba. It's bloody hard getting help for this sort of thing but being massively honest with the docs was a great way to get started. Those "Happiness index" type forms are bullshit though.

If you get that charity idea off the ground I'd be mad keen to volunteer.

[Sigmund Fraud]

It's very brave of you guys to discuss such personal matters in a public forum.

 

Getting support from friends of fellow 'shitters is brilliant but in the longer term some more structured help may be better. I hear the nice people at IAPT usually accept self-referrals, and are certainly worth checking out.

[HillmanImp]

It's very brave of you guys to discuss such personal matters in a public forum.

 

Getting support from friends of fellow 'shitters is brilliant but in the longer term some more structured help may be better. I hear the nice people at IAPT usually accept self-referrals, and are certainly worth checking out.

 

I don't think you are a real psychiatrist.

[Sigmund Fraud]

I don't think you are a real psychiatrist.

 

Neither do I 

[SambaS]

I think the burning need to achieve something is fundamentally wrong. Do this do that do something, but don't sit at home playing on your Sega Mega Drive.

 

I feel like if I don't do something with my day off I have failed. Like if I'm not doing something with my life I have failed. Where has that come from? it has  just struck me how absurd it is.

 

Cat don't achieve nowt, cat sleeps most of the day, eats a bit and runs up and down the stairs like a mad thing once a day for half an hour. Cat ain't bothered. Cat don't need to achieve nowt.

 

Bird don't achieve nowt, just flies around as its own will dictates.

 

HUMAN BEINGS MUST ACHIEVE. YOU MUST ACHIEVE BOY.

 

But what are we really achieving? Everything that is important is lost. All we are really achieving is the destruction of our planet.. while cat sleeps in the corner quietly knowing.

 

I need to stop thinking.

[Station]

You have to remember it is all in your head, and even though outside factors play a part, you can choose to ignore them. It's also important to stay positive and think of the things that matter that make you happy.

I was 'suffering' from it a couple of years ago and had a slight change of circumstances which made me think about my life and just tried to remain positive which made a huge difference and didn't feel that feeling for three years to this day. I think the more your think about it and let it weigh yourself down, the worse it gets.

[Junkman]

My best friend of 30 odd years, a total fruitcake and a venerable Autoshiter to boot, made his second suicide attempt last Tuesday.

He is currently in intensive care, and this being a German hospital, he of course picked up a pneumonia to boot, so they put him into an artificial coma.

[Junkman]

I forgot to say 'shit'.

[dugong]

I forgot to say 'shit'.

Shit indeed. Hope he recovers.

[Cavcraft]

Isn't it funny how some sellers go all 'disappeary' when faced with questions they don't like?

[anonymous user]

I shall probably regret writing this but if I can offer a little advice to all those with MH issues the first bit would be don't give up; easy to say and difficult to achieve I know.

 

It can help to talk, but it needs to be someone you can trust and who won't immediately start giving you "pull yourself together" type advice. Your doctor should be able to get you a referral for counselling, but it may take a while and you might not get many sessions on the NHS. If money's tight paying for extra sessions might not be an option, so go back and tell the doctor it's helping (if it is) and that you need more. (It has worked for me)

 

You can live a "normal" life with severe depression, but if you're at the point where you can't get out of bed or feel suicidal then you really do need medical intervention. If you are battling depression the drugs can work (not necessarily the first one prescribed) although whilst they may take the edge off things, if the underlying issues are still there it's not really a long-term solution. (This has also worked up to a point)

 

Knowing what the underlying problem is can help, it isn't always the answer but can sometimes give you enough of a handle to function or work around things. (This has also worked)

 

I'm one of those people who never feels that they fit in due to my odd outlook and unfortunate attitude, a friend jokingly suggested that I test for autism and unsurprisingly I'm off the scale in certain sectors. (Knowing this has helped a lot)

 

I'm my own worst critic, on a surface level all appears fine where I hold down a responsible job and regularly have to get up on my hind legs to deal with the public and officialdom; however this is all an act that I have trained myself.to achieve as I dread interaction with others.

 

Things have got a lot easier since I lowered my expectations of life, I changed jobs four years ago and have mostly managed not to repeat the mistakes I've made in the past; so far.

 

 

[Junkman]

Shit indeed. Hope he recovers.

 

Well, I damn well hope he does, so I can tell him off for doing such nonsense, that bloody idiot.

I know him well enough to expect him saying 'shit, it didn't work aghain' when he wakes up, though.

[Lankytim]

1) Accept you need help

2) See your GP, tell them everything, be honest with them and yourself. 

3) Accept any help they offer, medication, counselling e.t.c.

4) Take each day at a time.

5) WIN.

 

Oh, nearly forgot. If you find some people being a bit judgemental, or dragging you down, don't be afraid to FUCK THEM RIGHT IN THE ASS.

[Lord Sterling]

Shit me Samba, I really dont know what to say. I must admit though, reading through yours and Hirst's stories, I really am feeling that I am heading in that direction.....

 

I dont wish this to sound like a 'My name is.....and I am a......' but....

 

Around the time my ole_Dad had a Rover Sterling, life seemed really good, really positive, I was just like any other kid from a good background. Eventually, my Dad got tired of this country and left in 1993 taking me with him to Belgium. Back in England, somehow, we ended up losing everything, suddenly going from a nice house in a private estate to a small grotty flat in a council estate.

 

I've lived between Belgium and England since I was around 10 years old. I'd come back to England just when everything was being taken away, so that probably didn't help witnessing that. I'd always vowed to buy that house back, which didn't happen and probably never will.

 

I lived between here and Belgium since, then somehow I made a rather bad decision 12 years ago to come back and live here in England. Like Hirst, I've never really moved on with my life, I have nowt to show for it (apart from 5 broken Rover 800s, various parts, car mags and model cars) I did a few courses back in the day but found that studying just wasn't me, so since then, I've done a load of menial, low-paid jobs.

 

I've got better and better in jobs but have never had a full time contract always ending up staying with agencies or languishing on the dole. Now, the area I live has got considerably worse, the kids have grown up and got feral, thier parents are no better. Its been tolerable for for a fair few years but since this summer, it got really shit 10-fold and its depressing me as much. Now its not unusual to hear kids shouting about in the street at 8pm/9pm, thier parents couldn't give a toss, its not nice when your coming back from wherever you've been to see a load of kids hanging about outside.

 

I'm in a shit job with a bit of a commute that I dont enjoy, pretty much all of my fingers caught some sort of minor infection which I seem to get when I'm doing physical jobs, I did recently have a better paid job but alas it didn't last, it wouldn't with me, would it? I don't look forward to going to work, especially after being in much better position. Saying that, lower end jobs seem to often have better people. Funny how when I'm in a shit low paying job, the people are nice, but the higher paid you get, the shitter, more uncaring and sneakier people seem to be.

 

Like Hirst too I cant help but compare myself to others who seem more successful. Success seems to come easy to them, moving around and meeting other people too. Yet when intry the same thing, it just doesnt happen. Years ago, Old_Dad had a girlfriend and we became friends of thier family ever since. The families kids who I grew up with seem to be doing well for themselves. One girl runs her own job agency in Brussels with her Sister and Brother, yet when Fatha suggested I register with them for work I explained that I would be ashamed to do so as it makes me look desperate. They've not seen or known too much about me since we were teenagers.

 

Now Ma_Sterling seems to have managed to find a job up North meaning that she may be living away again leaving me with Sis_Sterling. Pa_Sterling still hasn't come up trumps with any kind of work in Belgium for me, despite telling me where I am going to be living.

 

Its knocked me for six, and to be honest, I just want to leave here for good and take Ma and Sis with me.

 

Mate, when you meet me, I'm quite an amiable chap, but inside my head, there is a METRIC LOAD of shit going on. I'm ready to burst fella, I feel like I'm I will have a mental breakdown at some point.

 

I just want to get out of where I am living TODAY. But thats not going to happen very soon, so it looks as if I'll have to put up with this shit for some time to come

 

On top of all this, I have family_Sterling and my possible Lady_Sterling living in Syria in the middle of this BASTARD civil war. It make me SICK to the fucking stomach worrying about them and knowing there isn't much I can do. Then of course i have to endure listening to peoples wanking opinions blindly blaming it all on MUSLAMIC types or whatever without knowing any facts. I'm pissed off that I can do nothing and feel very uneasy. I just wish I could land myself a shit load of money just so I can look after everyone.

 

Personally, I'm not sure how much more I can cope with this mental torture.

 

Sorry again guys, not trying to bring this conversation down or nowt, but feel I can at least try and relate to others problems.

[vulgalour]

It's impressive to me that people can be so open with their mental health issues.  Progress must be being made for us to be able to do this on what is actually a public forum.  I can empathise with much of the above, especially what Samba is going through.  My problem is that I have sought help numerous times from professionals and I get as far as them giving me a probable diagnosis, that they want to pursue it further and then for reasons I don't understand the help just dries up.

 

This time around I got as far as being told, again, that I suffer from severe depression which cannot be managed by medication.  Also that I suffer from 'some sort of psychosis but not bipolar' whatever that means.  So yeah, I've got as far as the mental health team telling me I'm a nutjob and no further.  Any attempts to follow up these appointments has resulted in me being told to go back to my GP and start from scratch so I'm left with no answers and have to deal with it myself.  The only reason I got any help this time around was because I planned out a suicide and ended up admitted to hospital.

 

Anyone got a spare brain I can have?  I'm pretty sure it's no more complicated than a K series head gasket fix or putting a Maestro engine in a Mini.

[HillmanImp]

I can't tell whether the fact I am suffering less doubt in my mental state of mind these days is due to doing less drugs or maybe a drop in some sort of hormone because I am getting old as my head seemed to sort itself out as both occured.

 

Either way i agree with what Cavette says, it always worked for me. Just take a look around you and see what other shit people are dealing with. Whatever you have is fook all compared to literally billions of people elsewhere but the problem in my head was always that it seems relative to the people around you. However I can confirm from my experience that if you take a step back and look at the situation its nowhere near as bad as it is in your head and you can try and arrive at a pragmatic solution. 

 

I also suggest listening to reggae on the way into work. It really puts you in a good frame of mind for the day. 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KoybgaNEg3c

[SambaS]

Don't know if this will work as I've switched to the .info site :/

 

LS your story rings true with me, bit uncanny, we went from a nice detached house down a sleepy street then when Dad left Mum and I had to move to the biggest shit hole in the town and am still here now. I too vow to buy back the old house if I ever could.

 

VG every time I have to go back to the docs it's like starting the whole fucking process again, i've been on and off since i was 16. A good friend of mine who is also crazy said you have to go in and not take no for an answer, tell them exactly what you want doing or they will fob you off with some pills and pretty much hope that you don't come back. It wasn't until he visited the hospital MH place that he got some answers, and the answer was bipolar.

 

See this is me to a T really: "Bipolar disorder, also known as bipolar affective disorder, manic-depressive disorder, or manic depression, is a mental illness classified by psychiatry as a mood disorder. Individuals with bipolar disorder experience episodes of an elevated or agitated mood known as mania (or hypomania, depending on the severity) alternating with episodes of depression.

Mania can occur with different levels of severity. At milder levels of mania, or "hypomania", individuals appear energetic, excitable, and may be highly productive. As mania becomes more severe, individuals begin to behave erratically and impulsively, often making poor decisions due to unrealistic ideas about the future, and may have great difficulty with sleep. At the most severe level, individuals can experience very distorted beliefs about the world known as psychosis.

Individuals who experience manic episodes also commonly experience depressive episodes; some experience a mixed state in which features of both mania and depression are present at the same time. Manic and depressive episodes last from a few days to several months."

 

I dont know if I always mistook the mania parts or whether I am trying to fit my experiences to <the above> I suppose that is the job of the professionals.

 

May go part way to explaining the ten fucking cars I have.

[vulgalour]

The cars are the one thing that keeps me sane, they are a worthy investment of my time, money and energy.  Plus, I get to meet interesting people because of them.

[SambaS]

They keep me poor, that's for sure. I should pay rent but have sent the MG off to have the engine fixed, I promised that car I'd see it right.

 

Have to say thank you to everybody that has joined in with their stories, I didn't realise there were quite so many of us in a similar situation.