The grumpy thread

[myglaren]

A conglomeration of neighbours setting fire to food out on the street, enlivend by 'music' at high volume and clipping like a chainsaw.

 

Started with 'Cascada' or something equally awful and descended into someone 'singing ' in this style accompanied by what sounds like someone dragging 1,000 empty bean tins over cobblestones.

 

Lovely

[Station]

The Co-op!Why are the people behind the counters so f*cking slow? The number I've gone in and got round the corner by the till and there's a queue of 10 people, with two people staffing the tills, and just scanning single items like they're in slow motion! The CO-op is universally SLOW. Why can't they serve FASTER! It's OK in a corner shop, but not when you have to queue EVERY TIME.Also:Queuing at the petrol station. I'm waiting for either of two cars to pull away from the pump. I got here first, so I can choose. Then some daft female pulls in front of me as one of the cars move. I'm blatantly waiting in the queue and she gets out and says 'If you're slow, you lose!', and fills up her Fiesta. I'm fuming as it is, but this little quip is putting me over the edge. I don't lose my temper, but I set my wheels on fire as the car moves and leave an 11 on the forecourt, slamming my door and foaming at the mouth, glowing bright red and staring at this silly horrible looking woman as I fill up.This happened AGAIN by another ugly female before the Cholmondley show. I'M IN THE FRIGGING QUEUE! LOOK, I'M WAITING!ALSO

[pogweasel]

Also:Queuing at the petrol station. I'm waiting for either of two cars to pull away from the pump. I got here first, so I can choose. Then some daft female pulls in front of me as one of the cars move. I'm blatantly waiting in the queue and she gets out and says 'If you're slow, you lose!', and fills up her Fiesta. I'm fuming as it is, but this little quip is putting me over the edge. I don't lose my temper, but I set my wheels on fire as the car moves and leave an 11 on the forecourt, slamming my door and foaming at the mouth, glowing bright red and staring at this silly horrible looking woman as I fill up.This happened AGAIN by another ugly female before the Cholmondley show. I'M IN THE FRIGGING QUEUE! LOOK, I'M WAITING!

Don't buy your pez, just whizz round anfd be poised for her to leave the petrol station... then carve in front of her and block the exit, get out, lock your car and go inside to buy a chocolate bar (that you will spend 10 mins choosing). When you come out, simply apologise graciously to anyone else who has been inconvenienced, explain patiently that you are bloking her in because she is a TOTAL CUNT. (You can scream that bit in her face). This works really well if you are driving some really ancient old beater that looks like you might do rapes or murders in the movies.

[barrett]

Drank a couple of ladyboys at about 2am (Alan Partridge fans will know what i'm talking about), and now my entire body is on the verge of total shutdown. was supposed to go down the victorian sewers today but couldn't quite handle getting up at 8am. And just now, I sat on my bed it fucking broke. bugger.

[OwdChina]

Somewhere here I have one of those comedy "Karma Chameleon" phones. I think I should put that one in my office, though I would never answer it, just sit there watching it do it's funny dance and seeing it's belly light up "red, gold & green" at the appropriate moment in the ringing sequence.

Top Man, I got one too, makes me grin

[CIH]

I was at the pezz station withsome bitch holding up the line because she didn't get double nectar points or something. FUCK THE POINTS GET OUT OF MY WAY!!

[Guest]

I was in the Poundshop buying some coffee for work and there was some gaunt and unwell-looking middle-aged woman buying a little set of fuses, this basically happened.

 

Woman: (places tiny little set of fuses on counter)

Shop assistant girl: (scans item) That's £1.

Woman: (fiddles through purse for a lifetime and eventually pulls out £1, hands it over)

Shop assistant girl: (gives receipt)

Woman: Oh, can I have change for £10?

Shop assistant girl: We don't usually-

Me: (SIGH!)

Woman: Just £5 and five £1 coins?

Me: Jesus Christ!

Shop assistant girl: (looks hesistant and then swaps her £10 for change)

Woman: Oh, and can I have a carrier bag?

Me: FOR FORK'S SAKE! (walks past woman, slams £1 on the counter) I'm buying this! (holds coffee jar in air whilst walking out)

 

Didn't bother looking back. Hope the shop assistant didn't mind, wasn't her fault she had to deal with some dozy bint holding everyone up. I suspect the surprised look on the face of the old bag will have made up for it, I didn't get to see it.

[Guest]

Also, house alarms going off at nearly 1am. Might torch the place just to shut the damn thing off.

[RedSparrow]

Hey, having worked in a fair few shops in my time, I don't recon you should've been so harsh on the girl at the till.You would probably have found that she would have agreed with you once the old bag in front had gone.

[Parky]

I mentioned I had a number of interviews recently......Anyhoo, consultant calls me yesterday for feedback. Very impressed, etc but concerned about me not speaking Dutch, and apparently the other candidate does what him being a Dutchman and all. So its not looking good.....which wouldnt be a problem if I hadnt told them at every interview that I dont speak Dutch so to drop me on that is quite annoying. At least be honest with me (crap suit, bad teeth, balding, smells of jelly babies, etc). Next week will reveal all.Also Volcano travel insurance. If my flight was cancelled due to OMG ash chaos, why is a cheque for less than half the value considered full settlement? Feckers. And it was a nice day today so I did some Garden stuff. Needless to say I am sunburned and my neck and head are are VERY sore! And if you see a weed which resembles a stinging nettle, dont assume it isnt and grab it with your bare hands.........

[vivavictor]

i also tried to do the garden with a lawnmower that wouldnt cut through butter!!and the feckin thing decides to blow what it did manage to cut all over the otherside of the feckin driveway me thinks.. bollox... go online buy a new lawnmower... calls wickes... sorry sir we dont have that item in store... well your website site says you do.. ah yes sir thats in our larger stores... erm.. let me get this right.. your a company that supply building materials yes?.. yes sir... well cant you feckin build an extention onto your store so you can fit lawnmowers in then im guarenteed that you will stock the said item?.. he hung up calls larger branch.. they say we can deliver it on monday/tuesday.. but the ad on tv says next day delivery... ah not at weekends sir..oh feck it i give up.. just gonna grow a bloody rainforest in my garden ITS GOT YOUR NAME ON IT...BULLSH1T IT HAS

[Guest]

Hey, having worked in a fair few shops in my time, I don't recon you should've been so harsh on the girl at the till.You would probably have found that she would have agreed with you once the old bag in front had gone.

Dunno if I've not put myself across right - I didn't do anything to her, it was all directed at the customer (I was practically breathing down their neck). Wasn't the shop bird's fault that some old bag turned up and started being an issue, though I admit I might have caused a problem by just wandering off. Then again, they'll have known it was a quid.I suspect I would not be able to work in a shop, at least when I'm on the end of the phone I'm unlikely to be involved in a violent and bloody confrontation.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

et this right.. your a company that supply building materials yes?.. yes sir... well cant you feckin build an extention onto your store so you can fit lawnmowers in then im guarenteed that you will stock the said item?.. he hung up

I'd have hung up at that point too i'm afraid

[Station]

Living near the arsehole of England (Birkenhead), I have to occupy the same space with shell suit wearing 30 somethings who have to master decency, manners or subtlety. I'm filling up in petrol station (again), and there's a chappy wearing a white Reebok vest, white Reebok shorts (up to the knee), white Reebok classics, those girly socks that come up to the ankle, a gold necklace, a shaven head, no sun block (lobster red) and a laughably awful arm tattoo (hence the vest). He's on the phone while filling up. He's swearing like a bugger and his kids are in the car. Does he know they're there, or has he forgotten. If my dad started f*cking and sh*tting like he was in his horrid hybrid of scouse/birkenhead accent, I'd've been out with a bucket of water, assuming he was on fire. It wasn't even an argument, it was just a conversation with his horrible mate.I see the same types when I'm parked up on the beach. There's kids with families and four or five of these Reebok wearing horrorbags run into the water with every other word f*ck sh*t, etc.I've only really noticed it amongst the 12 year walking abortions whose parents don't care about, but recently (over the past couple of years), I've noticed this language just being used in everyday conversation. Two scallies walk into a shop with mums and their kids talking about some 'fucking slag' he 'fucking shagged', and he 'can't be fucking arsed with his fucking hangover'. Then the shop assistant -someone who works there!- describes the card machine as 'fucking shit'.Where has all this come from? I'm no prude, and I can turn the air blue at any point, but never when kids are around, or with people I don't know!

[Guest]

Oh God, look at all these England flags on cars! It can only mean one thing - the World Cup. Time to go through the tedious charade of people who have absolutely no interest in football suddenly being fascinated by it and banging on about it constantly until I want to pull their faces off.At least I have the decency to remain uninterested in it, though no doubt it'll creep into my life because loads of people will want to go and watch it in the pub and I'll have to mess around with my hours because for some reason video recorders must not be able to tape football games.Plus points are that I can drive around on completely empty roads when a big game is on (that's about it).

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Apparently North Korea are sending a team to play in the World Cup, so i'll be loudly egging them on in the office. COME ON RI MYONG GUK!!!!!

[Milford Cubicle]

Oh God, look at all these England flags on cars! It can only mean one thing - the World Cup.

Didn't you hear? The flag's been BANNED. http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/gro ... 6717742919

[RedSparrow]

Oh God, look at all these England flags on cars! It can only mean one thing - the World Cup.

Didn't you hear? The flag's been BANNED. http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/gro ... 6717742919

Bunch of morons can't even speak English. I bet the Polish people they hate so much can spell better than them too.Stuff like this actually makes me ashamed to be British. I'm sure I was born in the wrong country. And the wrong time.Group reported for racism.

[Lankytim]

What group is this then? I cant open it.Ill be following England and cheering them on in the world cup, although im not really a football fan. I frigging hate those England stickers that seem to adorn every chavmobile in town but was too late to prevent the Mrs sticking a few into the windows of the Audi! Thankfully they arnt that big and will peel out easily.

[Milford Cubicle]

What group is this then? I cant open it.

I can't make a hyperlink out of it, you'll just have to copy and paste the whole address. Warning; possible brain cell destruction may result from glancing at it.

[Lankytim]

What group is this then? I cant open it.

I can't make a hyperlink out of it, you'll just have to copy and paste the whole address. Warning; possible brain cell destruction may result from glancing at it.

Ok, ive opened it now... Its just one of "those" groups again. Worryingly one of the members is my sister, who is on max benefits and has a 20 year old son who refuses to work. Apparently you need to be "mental" to try to get a job, as you can sit at home and do FA all day and get paid for it- and get a house!Annoying.

[Alexg]

As some of you may know I sell Fiats for a living. Here is a typical example of a Numpty customer I had the other day...Take phone call asking to test drive a 500 and make appointment for midday. Lady arrives and starts poking around the car in the showroom.Woman: I love it, so cute (etc etc), the only thing to get over is the four rather than 5 seats. And they dont do a 5 door do they?Me: No, just comes like this...Woman: Ok, ill just have to think about if 4 seats is enough, but I do love it so I guess I can make compromises.Me: OK, lets go for a drive then.*15 minute test drive, pull back on to forecourt*Me: So what do you think?Woman: I love it, but I really need a 5 seater with 5 doors so I'll have to leave it...Me: So why did we just... oh never mind

[whiskeyonesix]

My huge sister-in-law (6ft tall, nearly as wide, and 160kg) broke my bloody couch yesterday. I could understand her being embarrassed about not admitting it, but when she left she said we should get a new sofa as that one was knackered. I'd have a certain amount of sympathy normally, but she really is a nasty piece of work.. You could hear the timbers crack when she sat down........ So..... today, remove cover from underside of couch, remove broken plank of wood. shape new plank of wood, attach springs, realise wood doesnt fit. Get annoyed. Fabricate another piece of wood, make angle bracket, reattach springs, bang a load of nails in. Wood splits, shoulda used screws. Get annoyed again. Have cup of tea. Bodge the whole thing up with cable-ties, and hope the fat-arsed munter never darkens my doorstep again...

[ChinaTom]

^ Fuck, that's funny!!!

[Minimad5]

Living near the arsehole of England (Birkenhead)

I feel your pain !Even at a place i did not expect it - Eastham, just outside the Tap.Me and afew mates were sitting sipping a coke, looking out towards Liverpool.And some fool as described by Station (Vest and everythin') decides that he will climb over the barrier.That is fine by me , but when your 1 year old daughter is copying you, and the drop the other side is atleast a good 20 feet, straight into the River Mersey ..... basically it pissed me off.And i was on my toes, ready to run over and grab the little girl.Thankfully she never fell in !But her dad turned around and started shouting "THE F*CK YOU LOOKIN AT LAD ?"I just ignored the fool, but was waiting for him to come over ... he never did

[Mr Lobster]

Oh God, look at all these England flags on cars! It can only mean one thing - the World Cup. Time to go through the tedious charade of people who have absolutely no interest in football suddenly being fascinated by it and banging on about it constantly until I want to pull their faces off.Plus points are that I can drive around on completely empty roads when a big game is on (that's about it).

+1Its already starting to annoy me. Went to Tesco yesterday and the place is festooned with flags, some old matches playing on a big screen and generally getting into the swing of things. Mainly by having a massive promotion designed to sell crate loads of cheap lager and massive flat screen tvs. I have no interest whatsoever in it which some people find strange but then I don't give a toss about the national hockey / tennis / badminton / whatever teams so why I should give a fuck about football is beyond me.Still, I look forward to the matches for the same reason as Hirst - roads will be empty

[dollywobbler]

Gawd, I really am sick of the World Cup already. Mind you, if we get time off to watch games, I may suddenly develop an interest in it! "That Gerrard Rooney is a good player don't you know. He nibbled that defenderer good and proper."For obvious reasons, I do hope that France don't beat England at any points. Nowt like hysterical, short-sighted patriotism to make life an absolute nightmare! Still remember when we must have lost to Germany at some point and all the BMW dealerships got smashed up. Even though at the time, BMW were doing great things with Rover. It must be the heat because I'm feeling right ranty about football now. It really is just shit, shit, shit. Maybe it's because I'm 32 going on 62, but I prefer snooker or darts, where it's the done thing to congratulate your opponent on a good shot and the audience will applaude whoever gets a good shot and gasp with horror even if the bloke they don't want to win misses a shot.But not football. No, it's fine to insinuate via certain arm movements that someone who gets paid £4 million an hour to kick a pig's bladder about enjoys playing with his tackle when he misses a goal. Well, he's a bloke, so I'm sure he won't go home crying.Then there's the diving, the crying to the ref with any old bullshit to get another player sent off, the money they're paid (again), the wives, the terrible choice in cars etc, etc. Just makes me sick.

[Station]

I hate football. I know for a fact England won't reach any heights during the world cup. The fans think the opposition fear England for some reason, even though they haven't won anything since the 60's. What a joke. If I'm in my car and I hear some lobster red, vest wearing mutha shout 'ING ER LUND' with his arms in the air, I'm going to mount the pavement and take him out.Stick to the only sport you're good at England, playing darts, getting drunk and making fools out of yourselves.

[barrett]

I'm not the biggest football fan, but I have some money on the world cup this year so will be watching with half-interest. I do agree with how annoying everyone gets around this time though, already started seeing england flags sprouting up everywhere.... I actually think I might be in the states by the time the final rolls along, hopefully someone will wire me the money that i'm definitely going to win!

[Rusty Pelican]

Dollywobblers said it all for me , how a game whos only goal is to kick a ball between two posts generates so much money and interest is beyond me ( pun intended )