The grumpy thread

[Guest]

Mrs Tredia?

[Guest]

Actually, after the vows have been exchanged I dare you to belt out "You're going far Mrs Tredia, you are a sta-a-ar!" in front of everyone. DARE YOU DARE YOU

[trigger]

Nerves - They can fuck right off!I'm getting married in 3 1/2 hours and i'm shitting it!

Good luck Mike!, And don't get to pissed in the evening and tell your sister's mate how great her big boobs look in front of your new wife...

[Gompo]

Nerves - They can fuck right off!I'm getting married in 3 1/2 hours and i'm shitting it!

Were you late??I cant think of a better reason to be late for your wedding.Future (?) wife at church: Where the hell have you been??Bloke: Was just browsing Autoshite, obviously...

[dollywobbler]

Nerves - They can fuck right off!I'm getting married in 3 1/2 hours and i'm shitting it!

Were you late??I cant think of a better reason to be late for your wedding.Future (?) wife at church: Where the hell have you been??Bloke: Was just browsing Autoshite, obviously...

Bloke: And I've just traded our dream honeymoon for an Austin Maestro. In beige. That's ok isn't it? Oh, where's she gone?

[pogweasel]

LOL. I believe that is what they would term A RESULT.

[pompei]

F'ing Highways Agency/M1 Roadworks Notts.Twice in a week I've had to do the journey of doom. About 20 miles of roadworks with 50mph average speed cameras and this has been going on since Henry Ford was a lad. I've never seen a soul working here FFS. Why restrict miles of motorway when only ten feet is being repaired at a time? It's the main route from north to south, so make sure you've got a workforce there 24/7. (They resurfaced the road outside our house at night. Noisy but it was over in no time.) Bloody wasters.

[dollywobbler]

That fucking Peugeot 308 fat lardy bastard advert. The one with the (admittedly) attractive female and the slimy bastard acting as a salesman. "Fact me" she says. "Well, it's a continuation of the grave-pissing shenanigans of the 307 which was one almighty shit on the 306 that it replaced."Oh no, he doesn't say that does he? Has anyone bought a 308 because of that advert?! I fucking hope not...

[pogweasel]

LOL, I was just contemplataing ranting about the same nauseating bollocks. Why can't they just be straight. It's a mediocre mid-range car that if you get given one at the rental desk at the airport you won't be too pissed off.... I mean, do you know any foxy bints* who lust after drab family hatches, and are prepared to be sleazed by some showroom pleb?(*As this is autoshite, the home of social misfits, geeks & wierdos, I realise it is highly improbably that you know any foxy bints at all. Ever)

[Richard]

I know lots of foxy bints. I say "know", what I meant to say was "stalk".I've seen the aforementioned advert several times but never heard it, I hope to keep it that way. Peugeot have a history of wanky adverts, remember the "search for a hero" ones for the 406.

[dollywobbler]

I know lots of foxy bints. I say "know", what I meant to say was "stalk".I've seen the aforementioned advert several times but never heard it, I hope to keep it that way. Peugeot have a history of wanky adverts, remember the "search for a hero" ones for the 406.

lol!Yeah, Peugeot's Blue Lion advert which featured a Pug 505 estate and went on about saving weight to save fuel. Yeah? So why does a 308 weight nearly as much as a 505 estate then?! (sorry, I think this is a re-rant).

[pogweasel]

Tomorrow, I have to drive 411 miles in my shitty little van. I am very much not looking forward to this, it is making me grumpy before I have even begun. And I have to get up at 4 am to do this journey. FFS. I wish I had a Jaguar, or any other wafty device that could eat 411 miles with ease.

[dollywobbler]

Tomorrow, I have to drive 411 miles in my shitty little van. I am very much not looking forward to this, it is making me grumpy before I have even begun. And I have to get up at 4 am to do this journey. FFS. I wish I had a Jaguar, or any other wafty device that could eat 411 miles with ease.

Could be worse. For a recent holiday, we drove 300 miles in a day in the 2CV out of personal choice! (Well, the Alfa would only have broken...). Have fun in the outer hebrides!

[pogweasel]

I'm not going that far. "sunny" Irvine in fact.

[Milford Cubicle]

Ooh, Irvine. Nice.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Y0LYn_j1SA

That 308 advert is appalling.

'Drive Sexy' eh - that's going to be difficult to do in a gargoyle features horror.

[M'coli]

Irvine = The Magnum Centre. A swimming pool and a fucking ice rink. What a grand day out/end of school long-distance trip, ffs. NOT.

[pogweasel]

Yeah, it MUST be a shit part of the world, because they've booked us digs on a Holiday park, anywhere that you can book 4 blokes into a holiday park cheaper than a scummy hotel during the peak holiday season must be an absolute armpit. Do get to fuck about with a boat this week though, doubtless hilarity will ensue.

[whitevanman]

15 years ago Irvine HAD 3 good pubs and a crackin' pizza/kebab shop...............otherwise its a fuckin' hole

[trigger]

Oh and Trigger, is this the voice of experience?

Good luck Mike!, And don't get to pissed in the evening and tell your sister's mate how great her big boobs look in front of your new wife...

Sadly yes it is... It's even on the wedding video to prove it, The next day after the wedding at the in laws with the whole family round we sat down to watch the video, Cue to the part when I'm doing my drunken filming and zoom in on my sisters mates tits and tell her they look great, My father in law pisses himself with laughter and my new wife runs out off the room in a flood of tears...

[Negative Creep]

I know lots of foxy bints. I say "know", what I meant to say was "stalk".I've seen the aforementioned advert several times but never heard it, I hope to keep it that way. Peugeot have a history of wanky adverts, remember the "search for a hero" ones for the 406.

lol!Yeah, Peugeot's Blue Lion advert which featured a Pug 505 estate and went on about saving weight to save fuel. Yeah? So why does a 308 weight nearly as much as a 505 estate then?! (sorry, I think this is a re-rant).

I can't let mention of the 308 go by without chipping in. Now the 306 was a very smart looking little car, even in base form. The 307 was dreary and soul destroyingly uninteresting. But the 308, dear God in heaven, who exactly thought that fr0ont end was a good idea? It is absolutely vile beyond measure and every time I see one (always in Ocean Finance mid spec) I have to resist the urge to t-bone it. I've also driven one, with seats and a driving position I can only compare to balancing on the edge of a church pew

[Mash]

There are three lanes on the motorway - count them: 3That means if I indicate to pull out after I've checked you also have somewhere to go you can pull into the third lane, not tank right up my arse and stay there till I've got out of the way. Are they scared of the outside lane or something?In other news, today I have been mostly driving a Renault Megane hire car. There are lots of things in it that are unconventionally shaped or acting but do nothing to improve on what went before. And auto wipers can fuck right off too. And that back end never has been and never will be anything other than extremely stupid looking.

[Mr Lobster]

Deep breath/Fucking kids I live in what a lot of the locals (the ones who are not methadone addicted, dole scrounging mouth breathers anyway) consider to be a nice estate of 1970's semis. When you tell people where you live they always say 'ooh it's nice there'. Bollocks. I want to move.In front of my house is a nice thick hedge. About 3m tall and probably 1.5m wide. So its pretty big. Between me and next door is a brick wall - about 1m tall and in the bit between the house and big hedge is block paved so I can park on it. So far so good.The local kids play football / cricket / teenage pregnancy outside the house, maybe because its a T junction on a quiet road and theres a bit more room. This in itself I do not have a problem with. I also accept that occasionally cars get hit by balls (although it does piss me off a bit). And that balls inevitably end up in the aforementioned hedge.What does start to get my piss boiling is when I get home from work at 7pm and find a kid stood on my wall. Before I got out of the car he got off anyway. So I sit down and have my tea and read the paper whilst Mrs L does a bit of work. Out of the corner of my eye I notice one of the kids trying to pull bits of the hedgeaway so he can see inside - seems that they have lost the ball in there again. This doesn't bother me greatly as its one of those things etc etc.What finally made me lose all pretence of calm was when I noticed a different kid stood on top of my wall, almost falling onto a car and shouting at his mate that he was a 'fucking twat'. At this point, words were exchanged and he dismounted said wall and returned to poking at it with a bat where he thought I couldn't see him.Is it just me thats a grumpy old sod or not? I accept on an estate where there are kids they will occasionally hit balls in gardens and stuff. But its just the basic lack of respect that pisses me off. They actually don't seem like particularly bad kids sometimes but then stuff like this just really hacks me off

[retrogeezer]

Not just you...my house is in the bottom corner of a cul-de-sac and the 'kids' from the road started to put their metal framed goal thing at the entrance to MY drive! Cue the balls hitting my cars and the kids running across my garden to get the balls back. They live 4 doors up the road so I just told them to go and play outside their own house. It took a few times of telling them to move but eventually they got the hint I wasn't going to let them do it.I blame the parents myself, I wouldn't let my kids play football or whatever outside other peoples houses.Another day I came home and found the kids pedalling as fast as they could down the road on their bikes, up the kerb and skidding to a halt on my fucking grass! They rarely come near this Victor Meldrew now.

[CortinaDave]

Irvine is a shithole. Decent size tesco but thats your lot. One of the least appealling parts of Ayrshire after Saltcoats and Ardrossan

[Spottedlaurel]

The next day after the wedding at the in laws with the whole family round we sat down to watch the video, Cue to the part when I'm doing my drunken filming and zoom in on my sisters mates tits and tell her they look great, My father in law pisses himself with laughter and my new wife runs out off the room in a flood of tears...

Do you live in Albert Square or something?...

[Guest]

Work colleagues.THUD. THUD. THUD. Stop banging your mouse down. I don't care if you're angry, I don't care if you're upset, if you don't stop banging that mouse down I'm going to make you eat it.WAH THE SYSTEM IS SLOW WHY IS THE SYSTEM SLOW! Stop asking questions to which I have no answer, stop moaning about things which can't be controlled, I don't care how it never used to be like this in the old days, it is not "disgusting", DO NOT COMBINE THIS WITH SLAMMING YOUR MOUSE ON THE DESK!STOP INCREASING YOUR VOLUME ON THE PHONE AS YOU GET MORE UPSET! I should not have to take phone calls by climbing under my desk and sitting underneath it because I can't hear a damn thing other than your squeaky quivering "angry" voice, probably because your overly official pompous phone manner instantly makes you a punching bag for annoyed callers. Have you seriously not realised this?!DO NOT TRY TO TRANSFER YOUR STRESS ONTO OTHER PEOPLE! Whining about something and repeatedly asking other people about how terrible it is does not make the problem go away! Just shut the hell up, I don't want to know about your problems, I can not give answers to your rhetorical moans. AND STOP BANGING YOUR MOUSE DOWN, THAT WON'T FIX IT EITHER!EVERY MINOR PROBLEM IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD! Oh God no, one of the systems is down - they go down all the time, it just means you'll have to do something else in the meantime which doesn't involve that system, this will happen at least a few times a day with numerous systems, STOP MAKING A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT! THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD!I want to work from home. The job isn't even that difficult and is fairly free of stress (all things considered), but when work colleagues start moaning about stuff which is nothing to do with you, it makes it a real pain. It's like they're upset and want everyone else to be the same, when I really couldn't give a shit - I just want to get on and do my paperwork. There's been a few occasions where due to staffing levels I've had to work alone in a small office - just me and the computer all day, absolute bliss. I wish I could do that all the time.

[michiel]

Maybe we should all chip in and buy this Scottish island to live on in absolute peace & surrounded by shite?

 

http://search.knightfrank.com/edn080077

[M'coli]

Maybe we should all chip in and buy this Scottish island to live on in absolute peace & surrounded by shite?http://search.knightfrank.com/edn080077

but how long would we be surrounded by shite for? The rainfall there would dissolve it really quickly!

[michiel]

Didn't think of that... how much would it cost to cover a 350 acre island, Wimbledon style?

[Mr Lobster]

I'd be well happy with my own island.Convert the large barn in the overhead picture into my own private museum / tat store and then rent the assorted cottages and stuff out as shite seeing holiday accomodation. Then just need to buy an old Isle of White ferry to shuttle back and forth to the mainland on tat collecting missions and jobs a good 'un.