Rupert_Ballsack's predictable CROMER shitbox tale (feat. amateur ham-fisted diagnostics)

[mrbenn]

Re the seat, could be worth trying a cheap heated seat cushion. I've had one in my Focus since I bought the car. Took it out a while ago and found I got really bad back ache if I was in the car more than an hour. Don't even have to switch the heat on, just gives me enough support/cushioning to make a real difference for me despite only being quite a thin affair.

http://tiny.cc/z4tcfz

[dollywobbler]

Pains me to say it, but I reckon a Mk4 Astra dizzler is what you want. Smart looking things I reckon, though your back may not find the seats any more comfortable. 

[New POD]

4 minutes ago, dollywobbler said:

Pains me to say it, but I reckon a Mk4 Astra dizzler is what you want. Smart looking things I reckon, though your back may not find the seats any more comfortable. 

Go for giffer club spec and not sport or SRi 

Son has a 1.6 club. Comfy enough. 15 inch wheels, sift suspension, forgiving seats 

I had a 1.6 sport. Hard as fucking nails. 16 inch wheels. Hard suspension, rock hard seats.

 

[Split_Pin]

Think he's had one already which pooped it's waterpump right before sale.

[Andyrew]

2 hours ago, dollywobbler said:

Pains me to say it, but I reckon a Mk4 Astra dizzler is what you want. Smart looking things I reckon, though your back may not find the seats any more comfortable. 

From what I can work out, 04 onwards the seat materials changed and the foam became firmer? Mine has the dust/fluff magnet velour type fabric which seems comfy but is a nightmare to keep clean. 

 I find it comfy but the seats are an odd shape

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Yeah the former Mrs_Spudulike had a Mk4 Astra which used to give my back a hard time even though it was 10 years younger than it is now! Very good cars, but I think probably not for me because of that.

[Isaac Hunt]

Bol, brilliant thread.  I knew it would be good when you said summit like 'the stilo needs a new clutch and cambelt which will be the thick end of £300 groats and a weekends work''. So I might as well spend the £300 and a bit more some on some other shite that needs another £400 on top............if on.y because it will make an interesting thread and move the skill set on.  

Hope that replacement EGR nails the EML shiz.  If you can get that to behave, the next thing will be a really good Italian tune up, one of those good long motorway runs held in a gear or two lower than you normally might.

the seat comforts is a shame, cos when you've sorted it, be good to get your 'effort investment back'.   There are folk running round in all sorts of Shite that you've fixed, trouble free whilst you take on and fix somebody else's shite.

[Lankytim]

I bought a piece of software and an OBD lead for my laptop from ebay called MPPS or something. Never used it but in the right hands you can upload the ECU software and remove items like the EGR and DPF (I think you replace a 1 with a 0 in lines of program or something) OBV I never got it to work and it was a massive waste of time me buying it but some have had great success with it. 

 

A guy was showing me how to use it, he uploaded the ECU and made a copy in case he ballsed it up, altered a couple of bits of code and reinstalled it.  My Citroen C8 then wouldn't start so he had to use the saved copy to put it back to factory. 

[Tre3]

On 11/2/2019 at 3:13 PM, Lankytim said:

A guy was showing me how to use it, he uploaded the ECU and made a copy in case he ballsed it up, altered a couple of bits of code and reinstalled it.  My Citroen C8 then wouldn't start so he had to use the saved copy to put it back to factory. 

He sounds like a real pro.

[RobT]

With the seat, have you tried backing off the lumbar support fully and giving it a go?  I've found that can help sometimes, which might seem counter-intuitive but possibly worth a go.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

I’ve done nearly 5000 miles in this thing now so its well ‘settled down’ after all the fettling. I hate it slightly less than I did, but its really not a great car overall.

 

The seat is still dreadful, I have tried it in 1000 different positions and with many combinations of rolled-up towels and bits of foam wedged down my back, I’ve sort of made peace with it for the time being, but its still bad. I am not at all sure I could drive to France or Spain in it!

 

I am half-arsedly looking out for something to replace the Croma with, nearly bought a Laguna Initiale turbo the other day but just missed out on it through too much dawdling and indecision. Quite fancy a Volvo S80 D5 as well if one pops up.

[SiC]

 Being it's supposed to be a similar/same chassis, do Saab 9-3 seats fit in?

[jonny69]

Isn't there something Japanese you can get that will be zero spud ache? Early 00s should still be thick velour and shag pile, maybe with some tassles if it's an import.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Had a drive up to one of the remotest bits of Northumberland in this Croma this weekend. Thought I might take the opportunity to do a brief update on it.

It will be a brief update, as after a shaky start I have now covered 12,000 miles in this thing with absolutely no issues (well, no new ones is more accurate)

Still got an EML stuck on for non-functioning EGR valve but its starting and running absolutely fine, DPF is regenning OK and it pulls cleanly and repeatably so I've stopped worrying about it. Will need to sort it for the MOT, but thats 6 months away.

Changed the oil a couple of weeks back, that and a set of front pads have been the only time I've had to put a spanner on it since all the palaver with the inlet manifold etc. Done a few lightbulbs and a new pollen filter but other than that I've just been getting in and driving. Fuel economy is an unshakeable 43mpg on every tankful.

 

After giving it a right slagging earlier on in the thread, I've since warmed to it a bit, my back has made some sort of peace with the drivers seat and overall I've built up a decent karma with it.

Think its best aspect is the side view, its a bit lumpen from some angles (e.g. rear 3/4)

It does need a couple of little jobs doing now, not least an interior valet, a new drivers door handle, broken front foglight (common to a Ducato van so cheap and easy to get!) and a bit of TLC on a slightly sticky rear brake that I have never bothered investigating. 

I've recently bought the ex-Bramz Volvo S80 D5 which if/when I get round to sorting its few foibles is likely to take over daily duties from the Croma. When Bramz dropped the Volvo off, I drove it up to Chesterfield and I had to admit that is vastly superior to drive compared to the Croma. Smoother, easier to drive 'well', more comfortable, it just drives much better. Like welding with a proper professional Mig after you've been battling on with a £100 job from machine mart.

Anyway, told you it would be brief! A rare tale of trouble free shiting!!!

 

[loserone]

What a fuggin hero, sticking out this shitbox for 12k.

[cobblers]

It looks like a stretched chinese copy of a mk4 ibiza, but with differently gormy proportions.

 

[cobblers]

BTW what was remote northumberland like? The mrs really wants me to drag her and the dogs up there in the talbot

[Mr_Bo11ox]

I love it I do. You can defo achieve a level of seclusion/isolation not available anywhere else in England. That last photo is taken here:

https://www.google.com/maps/@55.0373459,-2.5220633,3a,75y,40.34h,74.26t/data=!3m7!1e1!3m5!1s6gdRbfG5Su2YXuKvjjDOlQ!2e0!6s%2F%2Fgeo3.ggpht.com%2Fcbk%3Fpanoid%3D6gdRbfG5Su2YXuKvjjDOlQ%26output%3Dthumbnail%26cb_client%3Dmaps_sv.tactile.gps%26thumb%3D2%26w%3D203%26h%3D100%26yaw%3D91.54059%26pitch%3D0%26thumbfov%3D100!7i13312!8i6656

Just discovered that road this weekend, probably the most secluded I've yet found. Another great spot for total 'self-exclusion' is here:

https://www.google.com/maps/@55.0350541,-2.4354446,3a,75y,344.11h,68.35t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1sMDZAyQGn9G-so2LtCKLSSQ!2e0!7i13312!8i6656

I reckon you could take some grub with you in your van, park up there and not see another person all weekend. Bliss!!!

[yes oui si]

It really is the best of the berlands. 

There's a few of us up here. 

[Isaac Hunt]

On 3/9/2020 at 9:45 PM, loserone said:

What a fuggin hero, sticking out this shitbox for 12k.

He’s at high risk of getting Fiat Ca-Roma virus after 12k.  Got some return on grief employed though if no FTP

[cobblers]

23 hours ago, Mr_Bo11ox said:

I love it I do. You can defo achieve a level of seclusion/isolation not available anywhere else in England. That last photo is taken here:

https://www.google.com/maps/@55.0373459,-2.5220633,3a,75y,40.34h,74.26t/data=!3m7!1e1!3m5!1s6gdRbfG5Su2YXuKvjjDOlQ!2e0!6s%2F%2Fgeo3.ggpht.com%2Fcbk%3Fpanoid%3D6gdRbfG5Su2YXuKvjjDOlQ%26output%3Dthumbnail%26cb_client%3Dmaps_sv.tactile.gps%26thumb%3D2%26w%3D203%26h%3D100%26yaw%3D91.54059%26pitch%3D0%26thumbfov%3D100!7i13312!8i6656

Just discovered that road this weekend, probably the most secluded I've yet found. Another great spot for total 'self-exclusion' is here:

https://www.google.com/maps/@55.0350541,-2.4354446,3a,75y,344.11h,68.35t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1sMDZAyQGn9G-so2LtCKLSSQ!2e0!7i13312!8i6656

I reckon you could take some grub with you in your van, park up there and not see another person all weekend. Bliss!!!

Top stuff, they do look a fair distance from anywhere at all, I'm definitely on board with that, my usual massive field miles away from anywhere is under 4" of water at the moment.

Not sure I right fancy 3 hours up the A1 with these fucking mud terrain tyres on but I've saved a mental note for when I flip out and go all alan partridge and drive to Dundee in my bare feet.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Yeah I can spend hours dreaming about driving my imaginary Dodge horsebox up to the second of those spots and just staying there all weekend on my own, sat around in my kegs drinking tea, staring out at the rain and working my way through my pile of books (the ones that are too hard to read at home because of Mrs_Nuts' habit of barking endless instructions at me and/or chuntering on about f**king washing my hands or whatever).

Both are 4 or 5 miles from Haltwhistle which can provide fish & chips or a curry, and/or booze as required. Very close to the Roman wall and endless miles of footpaths for dog walking. Glorious.

[omegod]

That looks like you've done a nuclear fart and it's stretched the car to it's seams