Shitting in the shallow end. *Arse friends electric*

[Jim Bell]

6 minutes ago, barefoot said:

Surely CD stand for Consort Diplomatique?

I bow to your superior automotive acronym knowledge sir. 

[Jim Bell]

4 minutes ago, Flat4 said:

Can't help but be impressed with that recovery wagon! The engineering it must take for it to be able to do that with the weight of a car on board is rather cool.

Yeah he said they normally only use that perticular wagon for really low sports cars with minimal ground clearance. 

So when he heard it was an Astra SXI, he knew he had to use the supercar wagon. 

[barefoot]

CS is Consort Sportival and CC is Consort Comfort?

[greengartside]

57 minutes ago, cort16 said:

It's for holding your cigarette while you fill er up

“BY JOVE, HE’S ONLY FUCKING CORRECT WHAT WHAT…”

[Jim Bell]

 

Where the ven diagram meets, is where we play. 

[High Jetter]

1 hour ago, barefoot said:

Surely CD stand for Consort Diplomatique?

Used to be Corps Diplomatic, AFAIK

[AndyW201]

Bloody lovely thing that. For some unexplainable reason, I've ended up having two Astra G SXis in the past. They're really not a bad steer though, the 1.6 is quite punchy and good on juice, and the SXi spec suspension means it handles pretty well.

If this comes up for sale (hah!) I might be interested...

[Jim Bell]

Well we left this on the naughty step, having a good long think about how it's behaved. 

I wasn't massively concerned. Sometimes I quite like GETTING THE BUS TO WORK. 

 

 

 

 

 

[Jim Bell]

Luckily for me, there are shitters with greater skill and endeavour than me, who always seem keen on lending a hand. 

Step forward @Lacquer Peel who traveled far to aid the Astra's mobility. The brakes were attacked. 

 

Remove the drawer of win. 

 

 

Attach and grunt.

 

 

 

Take photos so future generations can marvel at what we achieved. 

 

The passenger side cleaned up fine. 

 

[Jim Bell]

On to the driver's side. 

 

 

 

 

Then the locking wheel nut key ate the locking wheel nut. 

 

 

So the drivers side wheel was going nowhere. 

 

 

 

 

[Jim Bell]

As it's a tradition, an old charter and generally THE FUCKING LAW around here, we did consider hammering a slightly smaller socket over it. But there was on a slip ring collar on the locking bolt, so that wouldn't work..............

 

OR WOULD IT?!!?

 

Maybe the smaller socket would crush the slip ring and bite. It's worth a go isn't it? 

 

Pam the dog was all for it so fuck yeah. Fetch the hammer. 

[Jim Bell]

Lol. Well that didn't work. 

 

Hammered it really hard too. But it just spins in place, doesn't bite, and is now firmly stuck. 

 

 

 

[Schaefft]

I couldn't help but chuckle, I'm sorry.

It might be time for attacking it with an angle grinder. Or try removing the socket with the bread technique.

[3VOM]

Welding? Remove other nuts and drive around private car park?

[ruffgeezer]

Remove the other lock nuts before anything else.

You can buy a Vauxhall master key set for about £30 from the tool academy. 

[loserone]

HAMMER A SMALLER SOCKET OVER IT

[loserone]

No, A SMALLER SOCKET

[Jim Bell]

After a few days of just fucking driving it with that brake dragging and a socket stuck over a wheel nut, I decided to do what all red blooded males would do. I downloaded the grinder app and googled HOT MIDDLEAGED MEN IN MY AREA  WHO TWIST YOUR NUTS FOR CASH. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

fantastic service. Whipped the other three locking nuts off within the hour for less than the price of a round of drinks.

 

[Jim Bell]

4 minutes ago, ruffgeezer said:

Remove the other lock nuts before anything else.

 

They have indeed literally been thrown into the river Wear. Not my favourite river, but it was the closest. 

[NorfolkNWeigh]

On 7/29/2023 at 9:08 PM, Jim Bell said:

Sport Xtra Injection aparently man. 

 

Vauxhall

L = Lux

LS = Lux Special

GL = Grand Lux

GLS = Grand Lux Sport

SR = Sports Refinement

SRi = Sports Refinement Injection

SXi = Sports Xtra Injection

GTE = Grand Touring Einspritz (German for Injection and probably spelt wrong)

GSi = Grand Sport Injection

CD = company Director

CDX = Company Director Xtra

 

 

(Or so says the internet)

The internet is obviously a cunt.

SR is Sport Rallye. Opel badged various Sporty cars as “ Rallye” until a GM bean counter pointed out they could save millions by abbreviating it to R , this was patented by The Rover Motor Car Company for their ultra high performance 105 R and 110 R not to be confused with the Skoda S110R Coupe which got around the copyright infringement because of the communists regime not respecting British Empire traditions , hence their downfall not long after Vauxhalls adoption of SR  for semi sporty small and mid range hatchbacks .

The Company Director nonsense has already been dealt with and the designations implied connection to the ter Corps Diplomatiq and its little CD plaques accepted. Although Vauxhall very cleverly avoided saying anything in this non information.

Your Astra in this great tradition of nonsensical badging appears to show no Xtra Sportiness to the untrained eye band you should remove the lying badges as soon as possible. Maybe find some from a more suitably monikered vehicle ; Citroen Traction Avant Normale or if your status allows a Renault 21 Manager.

 

[Jim Bell]

With that sorted, it was time for a run out to Weardale to see shitter extraordinaire @Jimbob McGregor for a good look over it on the ramp to see what the unseen delights on the dirty side were. 

Hup!

 

Computer, track up and left. 

*Clicking noises*

Computer, enhance. 

*Exhaust fart noises*

Rotted through at the lowest point like one of them cars that's been sat still for a few years. 

 

Rest looked ok. 

 

 

[Jim Bell]

Timing belt inspected and declared FINE by professional and shopping list drawn up. 

 

 

 

After a front to back and a drive up and down the road, we decided on a nsf shock (was leaking and only slightly damping) a back box, front and back brake clean up and grease, alignment and hoover the Mr Kipling crumbs from the passenger seat. 

 

Verdict:

[Jim Bell]

It had a service light fault for one fan open circuit and a eml for LEAN running. 

 

Grabbed some fan relays from eBay

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tried a whole PUZZLE of combinations of relay combinations and finally managed to get it from ONE fan open circuit failure, to TWO fan open circuit failures. 

 

 

FFS. 

[Jim Bell]

Cooling fans still operate on speed one and on speed three so theres just the middle speed missing. Why? Who knows? Car stays cool on the road, in traffic and the fan kick in when running parked, so it's a head scratcher but not a massive concern. 

 

 

 

 

 

[Jim Bell]

 

 

Achievement unlocked. 

No EML. 

[Jim Bell]

 

Dang it shut up Bobby. 

[Matty]

It's blown my mind this. I never had you down as looking so much like Peter Falk. It's uncanny

[Jim Bell]

Collected today and in fine fettle. 

Set off for home on a lovely summer day feeling great. 

 

 

 

 

I made it about 4 or 5 villages then beheld a great wailing from the osr. Like grinding. Combined with a smell I recall well enough. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Right, that's it, I'm going for a toilet. 

 

 

 

[Jim Bell]

Wolsingham Public Conveniences, 7/10. 

 

 

EXASPERATION SHIT completed, I bought some fresh friction cooland and called the river a cunt. 

 

Cunt. 

 

[Jim Bell]

Once the the brakes had cooled, they were absolutely spot on. Went the long way home and they were faultless even up and down all the countryside hills and dales. No dragging, no noise, just great pedal feel and excellent stopping. Greatly improved at the front and the back and I'm over the moon with how the car drives now. Big thanks to @Jimbob McGregor for getting the old G in top shelf fettle.  

Rides fantastic now. The Sxi having the SPROTSIER suspension and seats, you're really held in place when winding it out through the scenery.