Datsuncog's Heaps: May 2025 - Fleet Addition, Avensising

[BorniteIdentity]

6 hours ago, Datsuncog said:

Well, made it to Tebay by lunchtime, so broadly on track.

Stereo does not work at all, nor does the aircon; sunroof turns out to have been bodged shut with Sikaflex and small pieces of timber.

Luckily, I have a stereo replacement on hand.

I love it.

Corr that's fabulous man.  I love the slightly clumsy styling of the rear boot.  I'd definitely not kick this out of bed for trumpeting.  Safe travels dude. Dx

[Split_Pin]

Glad to see you've not lost your touch of forging ahead to the front from St. Georges!

[Datsuncog]

Well, the crossing was good and smooth, and I'm glad I forked out the extra for the Plus Lounge as there was footballing on and a lot of supporters absolutely everywhere, so the view was decent enough from my ivory tower...

Pretty flat.

And then from the Stena port out by the Dargan Rd, I headed out of Belfast and home again along the familiar M2/ A2, to introduce the Avensis to its cousins of a similar vintage in what's rapidy becoming the new DC turn-of-the-millenium Toyota fleet:

MrsDC was most keen to see her new acquisition, and immediately on my return took it out for a spin - with me riding shotgun.

After a half-hour or so hammering it over The Knockagh and out along the Beltoy Road, she pronounced herself satisfied with its handling and performance.

(Library pic of The Knockagh - there's a lot of tight twisty bends on the way up and on the way down, so basically this was kind of like doing a night rally stage - and MrsDC has form for that sort of thing...)

(No, really)

And then - it was time for a well-earned sit-down, and a little bit of a nightcap after a very long day.

With bonus Tebay farm shop produce (only very slightly melted).

And the cat's happy that all her people are back home again safely.

Phew!

Cheers all, for your encouragement and good wishes throughout the day! It's made it all waaay more enjoyable than just pottering about airports and bus stops by myself.

Think I might have a bit of a lie-in tomorrow, before properly going over the new arrival to see what's what...

Night night! DC out.

[bunglebus]

Your crossing looks a shit load calmer than mine after meeting you at St. Georges. Decent snacks on the ferry but they were in danger of reappearing 

[Datsuncog]

Right then, now that the dust has settled a little from last weekend's collection, maybe a bit of backstory to tie together some loose ends might be handy - just for the sake of thread continuity.

The Yaris has had an increasingly annoying issue with the back brakes for a while now, resulting in multiple MOT fails year on year for an imbalance which had caused much head-scratching.

MrsDC has owned this Yaris from new; it's been a great little car in terms of reliability and general willingness, and apart from an attempt to part-ex it for a new Chevrolet Aveo back in 2009 (which was scuppered by a ludicrously incompetent salesman who apparently couldn't have sold a bucket of water to someone on fire) she's had minimal inclination to take a chance on anything else.

It's maybe worth pointing out that the Yaris was only ever intended as a starting point; MrsDC had always intended that once she graduated and got into a decent job, and insurance stopped being such a drag, she'd be happy to upgrade into a bigger, newer car.

But... the 2008 financial crash torpedoed the job market for many, and life in general took a few twists and turns, so - the Yaris just kept on being An Car. There was no pressing need to change it, so it kind of became a Car For Life. She oftentimes said that she was going to drive it until the wheels fell off, then buy another one. Hey, it's outlived fourteen of my cars in the same timeframe, so I can't really criticise...

BUT.

The brakes were a concern. Every year, it would fail its MOT, have to be booked in to the garage for brake work (which would take a few weeks), get retested, fail again on the same issue, go back down to the garage again...

It would always get through eventually, but we weren't sure what the problem was. We'd replaced nearly everything - shoes, cylinders, drums, flexis, cables - to little or no avail. Potentially bigger issues such as faulty ABS modules were raising their head.

Also, the fact that the underside looks like something that's been raised from the seabed by a Robert Ballard dive mission (and has been like that  ever since the car was about four or five - but, curiously, hasn't got visibly worse in all that time).

But it was becoming a hassle, and an expense, to have the car off the road for around a month each year just to pay someone to footer about with the brakes.

When the Corolla also failed its MOT unexpectedly in April on rust and then took the best part of a month to resolve and retest - the whole issue of 'one of us doesn't have a car for a goodly chunk of each year' became more than just annoying.

Bangernomics had always been my forte; with MrsDC playing backstop to my various antics with end-of-life sub-£300 shitters by being the responsible adult with a reliable modern car, to ferry me to my next date with automotive destiny once my latest heap inevitably shat the bed and a replacement was needed...

But now - the Yaris was turning 20. It wasn't exactly modern anymore. And, with all the recurring MOT hassle, couldn't really be called reliable now (even though it stopped, started and drove faultlessly).

So the big question lingered... had the little Toyota had its time? Well, the obvious thing was to start looking for another car. But... what?

[Datsuncog]

MrsDC had been expecting such a moment to arrive for some time, and had been diligently adding to a replacement car fund. She wasn't really that sure quite what she wanted - something a bit bigger, maybe, and ideally something a little different.

A reasonable first step was check out a trusted Shiter Approved outlet, such as that operated by our very own @R9UKE, to see what wares might be on offer.

As it happened, she was quite taken by a tasty little number that had just arrived in:

Ooh yeah.

We'd both commented previously that we found the Superb estate to be a nice bit of kit, and this 3.6 V6 was exceptional in terms of spec and condition.

Interior was pretty special.

Boot space was cavernous.

We took it out for a drive, and were bowled over by that creamy V6 engine and silky smooth autobox. Toys such as the automatic parallel parking function seemed like witchcraft.

Tax was ruinous, as we'd expected, but it was well within budget, looked and drove pretty much like a new car, and overall represented pretty damn good value.

It was very good, and we both liked it a lot, but somehow it didn't feel like it was the right car for us. Or rather, that we weren't the right people for this car.

It was a bit confusing, and annoying. I think we both wanted it to be the right car, but we knew it wasn't.

Hmmph.

Also on the cards was this recent trade-in - a Mondeo 2.0 petrol hatch.

It was... fine.

It was a Mondeo.

The interior felt somehow a little claustrophobic, and although it drove very well and pulled smoothly up to motorway speeds, there was something about it that MrsDC just didn't gel with - all she could say was that the clutch  was 'very Ford' (she learned to drive in the family cars, which at the time were an Escort and a Fiesta).

I drove it for a bit too, and could see what she meant - not only was the clutch reminiscent of my Cortina's, but the judder when using engine braking to help bring it to a halt seemed a bit rough. Apparently, that's what they're like - the Focus is similar - and while I guess we might have got used to it by dipping the clutch a little earlier than we're used to, I didn't find myself warming to it.

Good boot, mind.

So - while not quite the result we expected (we'd gone along fully intending to drop a deposit on one or other of them), it was certainly food for thought.

So the search continued...

[Datsuncog]

Classifieds.

Lots of classifieds.

What kind of shocked us was how many folks were looking big money for anything that looked even vaguely capable of getting an MOT.

Or even if it wasn't.

MOTs are a bit of problem in Northern Ireland right now, with not enough test centre capacity and waiting lists that can stretch for months, but the number of cars advertised locally with no MOT that people were still asking many thousands of pounds - or even non-runners that were an 'easy fix m8'- were startling.

The days of the £300 runaround seem to have gone. Not that she was even looking for a £300 runaround, but splashing £2,500 on some car that 'JUST NEEDS ECU FLASHED TO RUN GOOD' seemed monumentally imprudent.

Anything reasonable locally seemed to be £5,000+, but even then - the horror stories we've heard of colleagues having to stump up thousands to fix their moderns made us wary, especially of supposedly private sellers who seemed unnecessarily defensive...

So. Where else to look?

Ballyclare Auctions?

Well, we weren't that desperate.

Yet.

[Datsuncog]

Yes, the eBay Tat Thread came to the rescue.

Someone had posted a link to this Carina II up...

Which was nice, very nice.

Probably worth four bags of sand if as clean as described, but at the same time wasn't substantially different from my E110 Corolla.

But we started browsing the seller's other wares...

And there were a lot of really, really clean-looking Toyotas in there.

Including this one.

Now, I'd never considered an Avensis. To be honest, I'd kinda nearly forgotten these Mk1 models even existed until I saw a silver hatchback one near Abbeycentre a few weeks ago. A schoolchum's father had bought a very early one in late 1997, and it looked... fine. Quite crisp, but very anonymous.

I remembered the ads on telly, featuring Iggy Pop's 'The Passenger', and indeed I'd even bought that track as a reissued cassette single along with a press picture of the car on the back and a sticker in the top corner saying 'As seen on the new Toyota Avensis TV ad' - clearly, going all-in for the Yoof Market, hey?

But that was pretty much all I had to say about the Toyota Avensis.

Until now.

Yup, this one was kinda giving me the horn.

I didn't even remember seeing the estate version in real life, but this one looked stunning.

I mean, I know you can't trust photos... but this one looked really nice.

The interior was super-clean, and in optimal GLS trim (I'm not a fan of the CDX, which basically just added leather seats - hey, I prefer velour).

Fake wood a-go-go.

Y'know, it's horrible but I kinda like it.

The rear of the cabin looked like it was unused.

Good sized boot: practical, yeah? Tonneau cover still present.

And a 2.0 petrol lump up front.

83,000 miles from new - some little marks here and there, but we weren't looking for a show-winner, just an honest car that was capable, dependable and maybe a little bit different.

This seemed to tick a lot of boxes.

With a degree of trepidation, I showed MrsDC.

She liked it.

I liked it.

[Spottedlaurel]

I'm intrigued to know how the story continues! I've had a look through that seller's listings every so often, he certainly finds some interesting/good stuff.

[bunglebus]

Time to get busy with the underseal

[500tops]

I see the advert mentions:

Aircon - not tested 

Sunroof - not tested

No mention of the wireless though...

 

Cool looking car. I don't remember seeing that many estate versions at the time. Unbelievably unusual now.  👍

[Snipes]

1 hour ago, Spottedlaurel said:

I'm intrigued to know how the story continues! I've had a look through that seller's listings every so often, he certainly finds some interesting/good stuff.

Yeah me too. He's always got amazingly clean looking mid 90s Toyota rammel in. I've no idea how he finds them tbh.

[Datsuncog]

With a growing sense that this could well be the kind of car we were looking for, I rang the seller on the landline number provided the next morning, just to find out a bit more about it.

After the call was redirected at least once, it rang and rang but no-one picked up.

I left an answerphone message.

I then sent a written message through eBay around lunchtime, just in case this was the preferred mode of communication.

Later on that afternoon, I tried phoning again. Still nada.

By the time MrsDC came home from work, I was mildly fraught and wondering if carrier pigeons were still A Thing.

I'd put together a likely itinerary of planes and ferries which could get me over to collect the car in Bradford and then get home again without the need for an overnight stop, but if there was no way of getting in touch with the seller...

Thankfully, it was third time lucky when the seller picked up in the early evening . Turns out he'd been out and about all day, picking up another car (an E110 Corolla which sadly turned out to have a failed head gasket, but which had made the journey back to base anyway).

A brief chat was had, during which the seller disclosed a couple of things I'd picked up on from the photos and the ad - yes, there was a slight crease on the passenger door. No, the aircon didn't work, but could well just require a regas. No, the sunroof didn't work either. The stereo was described as 'having a mind of its own', which sounded rather less than good.

But what he kept coming back to was that the underside was superb - it was a one-owner car from London, kept under cover and really well looked after. And I had to admit, that sounded pretty positive. Who needs a sunroof, anyway?

He WhatsApped me a couple more pics of the underside, and I had to agree, it looked super clean.

And it was gorgeous.

He agreed that he could have it all ready to go for Saturday morning, including a fresh MOT to take place on Thursday afternoon.

I'd been a little concerned because the online MOT checker indicated it had done so very few miles in recent years - like, less than 10k since 2009, with only 166 miles recorded between its tests in 2023 and 2024. Would it be able to handle 200+ miles of fast motorway/A-road driving if it had done nothing but potter about London at 20mph for the past decade?

The seller reassured me that he'd clocked up over 800 miles in it over the last few weeks and it hadn't missed a beat, which tallied with the pics of the odometer in the ad from April and the latest pics he sent me, so... 

Deep breath - I sent over a deposit.

And then booked a flight and a ferry.

[hairnet]

knockagh ftw

[Datsuncog]

All the fun of my 4:45 a.m. start on Saturday last has already been documented in exquisite detail, but yeah - I was at the airport and through security before 6 a.m, ready to board the 6:50 flight to Leeds Bradford Airport.

The minor fly in the ointment was that I'd messaged the vendor on Friday afternoon just to confirm that I was definitely coming over, and double-checking that everything had gone well with the MOT, since I'd noticed it hadn't yet updated on the DVLA site.

Erm... turns out he'd forgotten all about that. But not to worry, he'd get it tested first thing on Saturday morning, ready for me getting off the bus from the airport.

😬

So, feeling like I was taking more of a risk than I'd have ideally liked... off I went, into the clouds.

Flight over was fine, and all I had was a small backpack with me so no waiting at the luggage carousel.

Much as I'd have liked to carry a jump pack and small socket set with me, the restrictions on what you could and couldn't bring on the plane (even as checked luggage) were so onerous that I didn't even try. All I could do was hope that I wouldn't have cause to regret this...

The bus into town from the airport was on time and, bar a passenger who was snoring extremely loudly, gave me no cause for complaint. It even allowed me to top up my phone battery as I went.

After 45 minutes or so wending through the streets of Bradford (which were actually surprisingly scenic, despite what I'd been led to expect), I stepped off at the Peel Centre on Canal Rd.

The vendor had sent me a few messages as I'd been journeying, which gave me some reassurance that MOT testing was, in fact, happening.

Only, there was a minor issue with the rear brake flexis. The estimated time for meeting up was revised; I went into Tesco for a coffee and croissant to soothe my frayed nerves, then into Smyths to peruse their shite in miniature.

I knew the vendor's premises were just round the corner, so I went for a walk.

Seems to be a lot of independent vehicle dealers, and also storage yards for main dealers, in the vicinity.

Saw a pair of new Renault 5s parked up.

I wondered whether this might be the place - as there were a fair few Toyotas present - but maybe a bit too new, plus it all looked quite locked up:

Still - scenic.

I also passed a place that had various ropey-looking old nails for sale, including a green-stained K11 Micra, but the proprietor struck me as someone who wouldn't exactly welcome photography...

No wiser about where the premises were, and fearing I was about to blunder into The Old Murder District or some such, I toddled back round to Tesco, pausing only to take a snap in the security glass.

Y'know, just in case my headless torso was found in a field or something.

However, within a few minutes a very shiny black Avensis estate pulled into the car park at a rate of knots.

Aha.

[Dyslexic Viking]

9 minutes ago, Datsuncog said:

 

A Prius with the same steel rim and hubcap combo as @Jim Bell Prius, I'm guessing that's not common.

[Dyslexic Viking]

And this Avensis looks like a good buy, if it is maintained and the rust kept away it should last. I have owned 2 of these a 1997 saloon 1.6 which was one owner and high mileage got a good deal on it as was impossible to sell since saloon and high mileage, had it for 2 years and there was almost nothing it needed, was scrapped when I needed something with more space and was again impossible to sell so had no other choice, had over 300,000km on it at the end and didn't use oil or coolant and mechanically it could probably last forever.

The second one was bought a few years later and was a 2000 facelift estate with the crappy 1,6/1,8 Vvti engine this one a 1.6 and used oil like they do which was one of the reasons it was scrapped less than a year after purchase.

They are perfectly fine cars, nothing exciting but they were never meant to be either. Would much rather have one of these than a Mondeo or Vectra. The only bad thing I have with them is that they are very difficult to change gears, both of mine were like that hope yours is better and I would avoid the newer models.

[Jim Bell]

18 minutes ago, Dyslexic Viking said:

A Prius with the same steel rim and hubcap combo as @Jim Bell Prius, I'm guessing that's not common.

It seems common on imports. Maybe a JDM option. 

[Datsuncog]

Yup, it was time for the star of the show to shine - the Avensis itself, finally.

And it was shiny.

I hopped in the passenger side, and introductions were made before we went round the corner to the yard.

Yes, it turned out to be the yard with the smashed Prius taxi out the front.

Of course.

Nonetheless, I was ushered into the driver's seat and proceeded to take the car out on a loop for a test drive, and I have to say it drove very well - surprisingly tight and quiet, with the engine pulling strongly and the gearshift nicely slick and precise.

Seems that Toyoman18 is actually two brothers, and the secret to their success is sourcing their cars from the south of England, having keywords and alerts set up so that they're notified as soon as a relevant ad is published online, and being ready to go and fetch a car immediately.

The Avensis had already played support vehicle to several other collections in the weeks they'd had it, clocking up nearly 1,000 miles since they'd picked it up - which reassured me that it had received a bit of a shakedown and therefore probably wasn't going to grenade once it got past 35mph.

On getting back to the yard, the brothers left me to make my own inspections of the car while they shifted some of their other stock around.

MrsDC's final instructions to me had been that it didn't need to be perfect; as long as it was no worse than the Corolla or Yaris, she'd be content.

And I wasn't stuck having to buy it no matter what - if it turned out to be rougher than described, my plan was just to get the bus back to the airport and catch the 1pm flight home to Belfast. My ferry ticket was refundable up to two hours before sailing, so I wasn't locked into buying a clunker even if it felt wrong.

It's always a bit different when you're buying a car on someone else's behalf, though. My standards are shockingly lax, but I know not everyone feels the same - and I'd never bought a car for someone else before.

I couldn't help but notice a dent on the leading edge of the bonnet, and that the grille had been pushed back about an inch on one side. Closer inspection showed that all the clips that secured it to the headlight surround were broken, and the whole mess had been semi-secured with a couple of self-tappers.

The other side of the grille was cracked as well.

The offside driving lamp had a crack in the lens too.

There were other sundry dings and scrapes to the bumpers and extremities, some lacquer peel to the top of the tailgate, and both numberplates were in poor shape.

The sunroof was not just 'untested', but had been sealed shut with mastic on the outside, and rather creatively jammed in place with random bits of wood and blobs of glue on the inside.

Mmm. Yes, that'd make it hard to test alright.

And the stereo head unit was completely dead; not even showing any interest in powering up.

This was something of a disappointment, as I'd found someone locally who had several Sony MiniDisc multichangers for sale which would plug directly into the back of this unit, giving an unparalleled CD/ cassette/ MD setup for all your nostalgic late-90s listening needs.

Well of course I still have MiniDiscs.

There were a number of cracks on the top of the dashboard too, by the windscreen demister vents on the passenger side. It looked a bit like an unsecured piece of timber had maybe been flung forward under braking, and hit the dash hard enough to break it.

Okay, so it maybe wasn't immaculate. But it was a 26 year old car; it had done a fair few miles and while it wasn't exactly in showroom condition it did seem pretty good overall - and generally honest. There was room for cosmetic improvement, sure, but it did seem to be remarkably unrusty - apparently because London doesn't use salt on the roads, and this was where the car had spent all its life.

And, let's be honest, after some of my other assorted nails in recent years, I kinda need unrusty. 

Well then. 

I felt that even if MrsDC didn't take to it, I could more than likely get the purchase price back by selling it once I got home, where anything even vaguely old seems to attract a shocking premium these days.

A deal was struck, and handshakes exchanged, and a fearsomely large sum was digitally transferred (at least, large for a cheapass like me who generally considers £300 to be my upper price ceiling for old nails).

The Avensis was ours.

[Spottedlaurel]

4 hours ago, Datsuncog said:

Seems that Toyoman18 is actually two brothers, and the secret to their success is sourcing their cars from the south of England, having keywords and alerts set up so that they're notified as soon as a relevant ad is published online, and being ready to go and fetch a car immediately.

I imagined it to be something along those lines. Wonder if I'd be getting an approach from them if I put the Carina E up for sale outside of here?....

[lesapandre]

There is a saying 'Don't let perfection be the enemy of the good' - means that we should not let the pursuit of perfection prevent us from achieving something good anyway. Avensis has some faults to fix - but a wise choice to purchase. That will still be trundling around when cars like the Skoda and Mondeo are long gone.

Looks great - all old estate cars look classy and they are not so plentiful with the rise of ugly SUV. 👍

[tooSavvy]

@Datsuncog.. " A deal was struck, and handshakes exchanged, and a fearsomely large sum was digitally transferred (for a cheapass like me who generally considers £300 to be my price ceiling for old nails)".

When I walked into Lloyds, just down the road from the dealer selling AVAS, the staff leapt on me when I gave them a piece of paper, with his trader bank a/c, and asked them to port over ' £££ A Wodge!'.... Concerned about scammers 🙀

I reassured them the car was real & parked on double yellers outside = could we 'get on?' 🤣

That Carina ll has been in his ad since I had ToMM©...

🚙💨

[beko1987]

I'd class the sealed up sunroof as a bonus tbh... It can't leak now 👌

[Snipes]

Tbh that sunroof would annoy me as "untested" implies it might  work when clearly it doesn't.

[hairnet]

so looking at the rally pic

if mrs dc had collected it - shed have been quicker ?

 

[IronStar]

On 28/05/2025 at 18:15, Sir Snipes said:

Tbh that sunroof would annoy me as "untested" implies it might  work when clearly it doesn't.

To be fair, pushing the sunroof button on a car with an unknown history would give me the fear as well. It's bad enough if it doesn't open, it's even worse if it gets stuck and doesn't want to close. 

[danthecapriman]

On 28/05/2025 at 11:23, beko1987 said:

I'd class the sealed up sunroof as a bonus tbh... It can't leak now 👌

Very much this.

Sunroof’s are the work of the devil regardless of where you are in the world, but in the wettest most miserable shithole on earth (the UK for avoidance of doubt!😄) they are a cunts trick! And are best avoided at all costs.

Imho, if this one doesn’t leak then DO NOT TOUCH IT. I really do mean DO NOT FUCK AROUND WITH IT AT ALL. 
By all means, make the wooden wedges or whatever they are look nicer etc etc but otherwise leave it alone. No good will come of trying to open it, or even thinking about trying to open it.

Seriously. 
I’ve had no end of trouble with the one in my Volvo and I’m most likely going to seal that piece of utter shite shut too. If I wanted wet stinky seats, wet stinky carpet and rotten floors I’d have bought a convertible… which I also hate!

Anyway. Nice buy Tim👍     
Looks a cracking car given its age, and estates always get the crap beaten out of them too which makes it that bit more unusual.

[beko1987]

My xm leaked through the sunroof motor gears and through the buttons no matter how clear the drains were! Had to seal it up for its own good as it dropped all over the keypad 😂😬

Sunroof worked perfectly, had to remove the motor to stop the capillary action (still have said motor in the shed...) then sealed it up for its own good with good old tigerseal

[danthecapriman]

1 hour ago, beko1987 said:

My xm leaked through the sunroof motor gears and through the buttons no matter how clear the drains were! Had to seal it up for its own good as it dropped all over the keypad 😂😬

Sunroof worked perfectly, had to remove the motor to stop the capillary action (still have said motor in the shed...) then sealed it up for its own good with good old tigerseal

That’s probably what I’ll do to mine now. It’s a manual sunroof and functions fine, drains are all clear etc but in heavy rain it just leaks no matter what. Twice now I’ve tried fixing it properly but it’s just not playing.

Theres a special place in hell for the inventor of the sunroof. Somewhere between Hitler and Stalin!😆

[Datsuncog]

Right then, where were we?

Still in Bradford! Sorry, I'll try to move this along rather more rapidly.

While checking the car over, I'd also surreptitiously been checking the DVLA website to see if the MOT details had updated.

They had not.

This was slightly concerning, though only slightly. The vendor told me it had passed - but when I casually enquired about the certificate, he laughed and said it was all done online these days.

Seems that Norn Iron's the only benighted backwater that still gives out paper certificates, then.

So I was just having to take it all on trust. I mean, it did have an MOT through to October, which was fine - I just would have felt a bit happier to know it had been checked over and given a clean pass this year.

Also, the Yaris' MOT is in October too, and the whole idea was to avoid having MOT fails simultaneously...

Unsurprisingly, when it came to getting the sales paperwork sorted, DVLA's online taxation services wouldn't play ball either.

So after filling in the New Keeper section of the V5, it was time to say cheerio to the Brothers Toyoman.

As a parting gift, I was given a pair of slightly broken Avensis headlamp protectors.

There's a missing clip and a crack on the nearside one.

And they're Australian, surprisingly. I'd thought the Avensis was only marketed in Europe, a handful of South American countries, and (in AWD wagon format only) as the Toyota Caldina in Japan.

Not quite sure what to do with these - but it was a touching gesture nonetheless.

I was also given some directions over to the Post Office in Shipley to get the tax sorted.

Reversing a large-ish, unfamiliar estate car out through a veritable maze of shipping containers and long-abandoned Mercedes Sprinters isn't really the best way to begin an ownership experience - especially when you're acutely aware that you're not the one who's paid for it - but at least I managed to avoid ripping the side off it (like I did to my Escort all those years ago).

Then - the open road did beckon.

Or, as open as roads in north-east Bradford on a Saturday morning can be.

You know that weird heart-in-the-mouth moment when you've forked over a substantial(ish) wedge of cash and are suddenly out on the road for the first time in your new acquisition?  It's a heady mixture of thrilling and fearful sensations - WTF have I just done? Is this thing going to blow up on me? Is it a turd rolled in glitter? Am I gonna even make it to the ferry without a breakdown (car or myself)? 

Yeah, that happened.

Aaaaand... breathe.

After only a few* wrong turns, I navigated my way to Shipley and parked up in the ASDA car park there.

I also pulled the air freshener off the rear view mirror and stuffed it in a bin. Sorry kids, not a fan of dangly things in my vision or synthetic smells.

After queuing for a bit in the Post Office, I remembered I'd left the rest of the V5 in the bloody car, so had to scuttle back and retrieve it, then queue all over again.

Smart.

Once I finally reached the desk, I was slightly wrongfooted because the clerk didn't want to see my lovely smudgy insurance certificate that I'd so diligently printed out the day before using the absolute dregs of printer ink remaining in my venerable Canon Pixma. Apparently that's all done online now as well.

I felt a bit like a cave-dwelling troll that had suddenly been teleported to a Blade Runner-esque future - you see, back on this side of the Irish Sea, Post Offices have big signs saying that car insurance documents must be provided in paper format, and digital documents will not be accepted for car tax purposes under any circumstances.

So 12 months' tax was extracted at the wave of a chip and PIN keypad, to the tune of £360.

Just like that.

Rather disappointingly, the clerk then gave me the green slip back but retained the rest of the V5, saying she 'had to hold onto that bit', which I hadn't expected.

Annoyingly, I hadn't properly looked at the details on the V5 for the previous owner - it would have been nice to know who had owned this car from new, as it was possibly further north than it had ever been before, and about to go further.

All I could remember from my cursory glance was that it was someone called Raymond from London, which doesn't really narrow it down a whole heap.

Ray, if you're reading this - it's in good hands, my dude.

With everything now 100% legal, I grabbed some water and snacks from ASDA (and made full use of their toilet facilities) before high-tailing it over to Morrisons out towards Wrose to fuel up.

Oh yes, a 60 litre tank. Ouch.

The Yaris and the Corolla only have tiddly 40 litre tanks, so this came as a shock to my cheap arse.

I threw £50 worth of E10 in, which didn't quite bring it up to the 'full' mark on the gauge, then sent a few texts about progress and gave everything another quick check over. Oil and water levels were fine, brake and power steering fluid levels looked about right, tyres were black and mostly round... eh, it'd have to do. Time was ticking on.

With the clock reading high noon, I set Google Maps for the west coast of Scotland and, with a degree of trepidation, edged out of the retail park and struck out for the M6.