What shitty luck have you had with cars?

[RustyNuts]

We've all had that car that was a royal barstard when it comes to bad luck so i thought it might be nice to remember those rotten times and share with others so we can all have a laugh at someone elses misfortune!

 

I'll start!

 

The fucking thing is a renault, not just any renault but a rare 2.5L jobbie with a 5 cylinder volvo lump. Nobody really likes renaults and their shitty glitches but this being a volvo powered luxo barge was very reliable until some twat decided to drop me in it engine wise.

 

Engine had to come out for reasons i won't go into and thats where my troubles started. The water pump bolts snapped and had to be drilled out. Then when i started again the torque wrench decided not to bother clicking off and sheared every single bolt hole of thread - 7 in total. Fucking HALFORDS professional trash did that to me. 

 

So having spent £250 to get that rectified and 7 helicoils later... I'm refitting the engine into the car and got the engine bay rebuilt. Do you think the fucking thing would start? would it fuck. Cranked and cranked and cranked and swore and cranked and kicked the wheels and cranked some more....

 

Engineer comes out, runs away 3 hours later, mates come round, nobody can find anything wrong, timing gun bought to check its sparking, plugs pulled out to see them sparking... all ok... fuel going in and being puffed back out of the open plug holes while cranking...fuck. Over a year later my neighbour randomly says to try replacing the ignition coil. Pulled out a spare... put that in and with the fucking exhaust disconnected the shit roared into life in less than half a turn of the engine. I nearly shit myself it was so loud.

 

So then the cooling fans decided to drop dead... then become intermittent, then reliable... and then decided to drop dead again while i've left the car running on the drive convinced that the cooling works. Result? Overheated fucking engine. So then it decided not to start again for another 8 months. Cranked over by hand ok but no action from the starter. Starter itself was ok, but as soon as it was put back into the car nothing would happen.

 

Then I found a leak in the drivers footwell... had to dismantle half the dash to find where that was coming from and fix that. Then I found the rear wiper leaking into the boot...shit. To add further insult to injury i'd only just managed to stop the sunroof drains flooding too which was dripping into the roof liner (which miraculously hasn't stained!).

 

Then i had some luck! I found why the engine wouldn't start - something to do with a connector under the autobox... had tried it before to no avail but this time it did some voodoo shit and the gearbox computer suddenly fell for the autobox again and reported the gears correctly thus letting the car start. Result!

 

So then naturally the head gasket slowly starts to fail. All my mates are telling me not to worry about that creamy mayo... it's just condensation from inside the engine where its been stood so long they say. Wankers.. every single one of them. Positive mental attitude does nothing to fix a fucked head gasket and these pillocks need to realise that.

 

So then i ended up having to remove 4 years of rust... got that done and realised the brake line has corroded right through. Made up some lovely nice new lines, refilled the thing only for a nipple to snap on a caliper. Got that fixed and the brakes are full of air after being bled. Probably a new MBC needed now or the abs pump cycling.. neither of which is a nice option for me as i suspect it'll be both!

 

Oh and somehow its got a nail through a tyre... so i fitted another from my shrunken once large spare alloy collection (I literally had 13 spares and reduced it to 4 for a house move). Fitted a spare, plenty of tread... thats gone flat too.

 

So now i've an engine thats pumping out water through the exhaust, brakes that are fucked and a cooling system that recently activated the fans when it thought the ecu had a fault... disconnected the battery and reconnected it and the fans have been dead again ever since.

 

and people wonder why i'm a pessimist?

 

 

Come on... tell me your tales of woe!

[Ghosty]

Rare 5 cylinder Renner?

 

Safrane?

[Richard]

N955RAV, an early example of the last facelift Escort estate. It was just over five years old when I paid £2000 for it, so I knew a bit of fettling would be required but nothing could prepare me for the trouble I'd have with this car.

 

Soon after I got it the starter motor failed and it needed a bottom arm.

 

The self-adjuster on the back brakes stripped its teeth, that ended up being a dealer only part. The shoes were worn in a wedge shape, I later discovered that the drum was that shape, and the new shoe slipped off the cylinder under heavy braking. It needed a handbrake cable too, dealer only part.

 

Squeaky fan belt turned out to be a cracked alternator casing, I bodged that up using bits of alternator from a Transit and a 1.8D Sierra.

 

It had one of those horrible bubbly seat covers, which I removed. Within a couple of days I could barely walk, the seat padding had collapsed and a bit of the wire frame was sticking into a nerve. That's why the horrible seat cover was there.

 

It failed its first MOT with me on front brake hoses. Dealer only again, and the new ones were too short really.

 

Wheel bearings (3)

 

The 16000 mile old timing belt failed. The AA man said the 1.8D engines all do that. I measured the valve clearances, they were all ok so I invested £75 on a genuine belt and tensioner kit. Even though the cam was twisted it was a success and the engine ran better than ever.

 

The clutch got progressively heavier until it would barely work. The release bearing had cut through the fingers, something else they all do apparently. Changing the clutch was a bastard. I'd changed Renault and Peugeot gearboxes in the street before without any major problems so I thought this would be a breeze, especially as I had the use of a garage. Every single bit of it fought me.

 

The battery tray rotted through (it had already needed a battery, naturally) and the replacement also rotted through within a year. It needed both sills too, all before its eighth birthday.

 

The back springs broke, not a huge problem to fix, but more expense.

 

The replacement driver's seat collapsed the day before we were going on holiday, £60 for replacement foam.

 

Because it was so new there weren't many of that shape Escort in scrap yards. It seemed to share virtually no parts with the older version, even simple things like brake hoses were a slightly different arrangement. Without exception the Mk5 Escorts I was finding in scrapyards were in better condition than mine.

 

While I had the Escort I bought a Renault 19 1.9D for my wife. It was older and had a few issues of its own, but once it was fixed it stayed fixed. I took that as a cue to buy a Renault for myself.

 

I struggled to get £400 for the Escort and it was one of those rare cases where it really would have been cheaper to buy a brand new car. It was scrapped a few months after I sold it, still well under ten years old.

 

Not bad luck really, just bad judgement.

[Pillock]

My Seat Leon TDI.

Bought from a shady character, the turbo failed about 40 miles after purchase. I had taken the brand new sump as a sign it had been looked after, not a sign that some moron had ham-fistedly fixed it up in their back garden and then sold it on for a quick profit.

So, new Turbo and £550 later, I drove it round to my mate's house, he proclaims it "quite nice" although was laughing at me that I had to pop a new fuse in every time someone used the passenger side electric window. On the way back from his house (I've done about 100 miles in it by now), the crank tries to get out of the case and starts lurching the engine around in the bay. Call AA, he proclaims it "knackered". Get towed home. Source Skoda engine from a VW breakers (gotta love shared parts bins) for £650

Albert Ross of this parish then offers to chuck the engine in for me, which took a day. He fitted it, I made a cool time-lapse video (stick to what you're good at and all that).

In the coming months it blew a turbo hose, failed an MOT on various suspension components and then proved itself to be a proper twat to fix when every captive nut sheared off and needed bits cutting open to weld them back on. It also had an ongoing MAF fault, and then the injectors started playing silly beggars and it went into limp.

 

Traded it in for a nearly new Focus which was better for 75,000 miles, and then went all modern-diesel on me.

[saucedoctor]

Rover R8 214 SEi RDZ6797, brand new.

 

• shat the PAS fluid @ 3 days old
• back seat was burst on delivery (I didn't notice straight away)
• Barmy instruments
• Handbrake jammed on
• Alternator FELL OFF. I noticed that the alt was loose on my 25, but at least it has the excuse of being 14 years old.
• Central locking packed up in the driver's door.
• Coolant wouldn't stay in - kept barfing out from under the cap
• Loads of other wee things. The car was so unreliable I had to buy a 1987 Escort as a second car.

Sward reckons it was a nightshift car.

 

No HGF, mind.

[LabRat]

Had many a shonker, worst one was a 1994 Toyota HiLux Surf 2.4TD auto. Total, utter shitheap with no redeeming qualities at all!

 

Within 3 days the crank oil seal shat itself and the sump contents all over the road.

 

Rear diff shat itself.

 

The vacuum controlled 4wd system only ever worked in 3 wheel drive and would cost £££ to get right. Or leave it as rwd and hope for the best.

 

Autobox lunched the overdrive somehow.

 

The turbo was controlled by an electronic/vacuum set up that was handily disabled with a variety of bolts in the hoses, so no turbo until fixed, then lots of turbo, black smoke and no mpgs at all!

 

The last straw was when it developed a spectacular earth fault- both batteries did something terrible to the starter, which kept cranking until it overheated and set the power steering lines alight, along with the handbrake cable and the gearbox ecu.

 

Sold the fucker for spares and it got its revenge by totaling the recovery truck that arrived to cart it off. Daft twat driving the truck put the surf in neutral on a hill and cut the handbrake cable, thinking it would roll gently onto the load bed.... It flew down the hill, up the loading ramp and through the cab!

 

It was so unreliable, I bought a Mitsubishi carisma instead.

 

 

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[xtriple]

Where do I start?

 

Bentley.

 

Lotus.

 

Those two alone would fill the autoshite servers to overflowing. Yet, still I persist... masochist!

[Felly Magic]

N236DYG, Mk1 Felicia 1.3 GLXi, bought at just under 2 yrs old with a fairly high 36k on from a main Skoda dealer, 2nd day of ownership, exhaust fell off, they fitted a 1.6 system that borked the catalyst, constant brake issues, sticking calipers, clutch cable snapped, replacement was fitted by an AA clown, was touching the manifold and melted the casing, clutch went soon after, damp in the front footwell on the nearside, carpets lifted, noticed a plate welded in badly, with rust stains, car had been fitted with dual controls, yes it was an ex driving school car, the final straw was the fan switch failing, leading to the inevitable Rowenta syndrome, dumped the fucker in part ex, garage phoned up a couple of days later saying it popped it's head gasket. I just said 'ah well'. 

[strangeangel]

My cars are all either uniformly great or completely useless, with nothing in between.

 

So far the Completely Useless list comprises three cars: SIII Land Rover, Mini 1000 automatic and Skoda Felicia 1.6, which isn't too bad for the amount of time I've been driving around in shite cars. More went wrong with those three hopeless bastards than I have time to write about just now, sadly.

[Lukas]

I will not tell my Volvo S80 story again. I will not tell my Volvo S80 story again. I will not tell...

 

[Slartibartfast]

 

Without a shadow of a doubt it was The Beast 1. Looks quite tidy, doesn't it?

 

Mostly it looked like this:

 

 

Or this:

 

[Lacquer Peel]

I have a bad habit of spending a lot of time and money on a car, getting sick of it and scrapping it. Seems to be a recurring theme here.

[Bren]

N955RAV, an early example of the last facelift Escort estate. It was just over five years old when I paid £2000 for it, so I knew a bit of fettling would be required but nothing could prepare me for the trouble I'd have with this car.

 

Soon after I got it the starter motor failed and it needed a bottom arm.

 

The self-adjuster on the back brakes stripped its teeth, that ended up being a dealer only part. The shoes were worn in a wedge shape, I later discovered that the drum was that shape, and the new shoe slipped off the cylinder under heavy braking. It needed a handbrake cable too, dealer only part.

 

Squeaky fan belt turned out to be a cracked alternator casing, I bodged that up using bits of alternator from a Transit and a 1.8D Sierra.

 

It had one of those horrible bubbly seat covers, which I removed. Within a couple of days I could barely walk, the seat padding had collapsed and a bit of the wire frame was sticking into a nerve. That's why the horrible seat cover was there.

 

It failed its first MOT with me on front brake hoses. Dealer only again, and the new ones were too short really.

 

Wheel bearings (3)

 

The 16000 mile old timing belt failed. The AA man said the 1.8D engines all do that. I measured the valve clearances, they were all ok so I invested £75 on a genuine belt and tensioner kit. Even though the cam was twisted it was a success and the engine ran better than ever.

 

The clutch got progressively heavier until it would barely work. The release bearing had cut through the fingers, something else they all do apparently. Changing the clutch was a bastard. I'd changed Renault and Peugeot gearboxes in the street before without any major problems so I thought this would be a breeze, especially as I had the use of a garage. Every single bit of it fought me.

 

The battery tray rotted through (it had already needed a battery, naturally) and the replacement also rotted through within a year. It needed both sills too, all before its eighth birthday.

 

The back springs broke, not a huge problem to fix, but more expense.

 

The replacement driver's seat collapsed the day before we were going on holiday, £60 for replacement foam.

 

Because it was so new there weren't many of that shape Escort in scrap yards. It seemed to share virtually no parts with the older version, even simple things like brake hoses were a slightly different arrangement. Without exception the Mk5 Escorts I was finding in scrapyards were in better condition than mine.

 

While I had the Escort I bought a Renault 19 1.9D for my wife. It was older and had a few issues of its own, but once it was fixed it stayed fixed. I took that as a cue to buy a Renault for myself.

 

I struggled to get £400 for the Escort and it was one of those rare cases where it really would have been cheaper to buy a brand new car. It was scrapped a few months after I sold it, still well under ten years old.

 

Not bad luck really, just bad judgement.

Arguably the worst ford of all time.

 

Just like a politician - no redeeming features whatsoever.

[Guest Hooli]

2.5 Leggy 4cam.

 

Seemed a really nice car, leather, full history blah blah blah...

 

Rotten fuel delivery hose thingy from the filler so the tank emptied on the floor as you acclerated. Plus a cracked head or block as I thought the head gasket had gone, replacing it lasted 12 miles.

 

Lost 70% of the value after spending 50% on parts in 3 weeks before selling it again.

 

Still think it would have been a great car if the engine had worked.

[fatharris]

My second car was a '96 406 1.8LX, a fairly impressive car for an 18 year old, low mileage, numerous cambelt changes and a little old lady owner meant ownership was sure to be a pleasure.

LOL.

Uneven tyre wear, tacho dropping in and out, then the speedo followed suit, exhaust was bodged horribly so kept knocking, brakes wore out rapidly, and the oil pressure light would come on if you went round a bend, leading me to discover it was leaking oil.

Eventually, the conrod decided to make a quick exit from the block, and the car was five days out of warranty, annoyingly, I hadn't even used it for the first month I had it.

Eventually bought back my old car from my brother after six months of taxis and trains.

[PiperCub]

LABRAT:  Sold the fucker for spares and it got its revenge by totaling the recovery truck that arrived to cart it off. Daft twat driving the truck put the surf in neutral on a hill and cut the handbrake cable, thinking it would roll gently onto the load bed.... It flew down the hill, up the loading ramp and through the cab!

It was so unreliable, I bought a Mitsubishi carisma instead.

 

 

As Prince Phil said to Queen Liz - "Now that's some funny-ass shit right there". 

[overrun]

I've never had an unreliable car, yet.

[dave21478]

I bought an Omega MV6 from a nasty council estate with old washing machines and sofas in the garden. On the way home the conrods popped out for a bit of fresh air. I abandoned it in some side street and since scrap was mega-valuable at the time, pikeys hiabed it that night, which was probably thge best thing that could have happened to it.

[HH-R]

My parents' 25, every time I drove it or was in it, some bizarre near miss would happen. Like the time there was a cow just standing there in the road on a blind NSL corner, that sort of thing. Ended up being in a 5 car pile up in it.

 

2nd Panda, oil filter seal failed at 70 MPH 6 months after putting it on, I've never had that before or since. Sadly it didn't seize, go on fire, or put a rod through the block because that was just the tip of the iceberg.

[Sealtainn]

Purchasing an Escort RS Turbo when I was 19 and the going rate for a 90 spec car was £5,000 and I paid £3,250 and then expecting it to go well..........

[conkerman]

Peugeot 307

 

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[LessThanEqual]

Birds shit on my Polo roughly 30 seconds after I wash it as it's dark green during spring and summer time. Does that count?

[Junkman]

I have a Rover which is possessed by an evil spirit.

[captain_70s]

Vauxhall Corsa D 1.4T "Black Edition": Bought at one year old with 4,000 miles on the clock. Within 5 days of ownership I ran over a large stone on the drive back from work. Punched a hole through the tyre AND the alloy wheel, new tyre was £120 and a wheel was £240... I also sold it at a £2,600 loss because depreciation. I should have kept my '08 Yaris...

 

Dolomite 1300: Bought for £1400, haggled down from £1600. Within 300 miles the top end of the engine disintegrated from sheer wear, it snapped a rocker arm. Not long after that it started burning all of it's oil and compression started getting steadily worse. Then the starter motor gave out, followed by the alternator, then the rear arches started falling off because they'd been riveted over rotten ones. It also transpired the headlight surrounds had rotted away, then I crashed it, then the exhaust fell off, then the alternator failed again, then the starter failed again.

 

Dolomite 1850HL: Span it into a fence backwards on a wet roundabout within 3 weeks of purchase, cost £400 to fix mechanically but the wing is stiff fucked. Thermostat jammed shut and overheated it blowing out the O-ring twixt water pump and thermostat. It started leaking everything from everywhere. Turned out the underseal was structural and was also keeping the brake and fuel lines together.

 

Honda Civic 1.6i: Bought as an emergency daily driver for £2400 as the Doloshites were deaded and I needed reliability. It was bought in a hurry and after I purchased it I realised it was due it's timing belt, then the exhaust fell off, then a halfshaft snapped, also the clutch is ending the end of it's life and new discs and pads are on the horizon. Within 6 months it's cost £1100 in repairs...

 

In summary I don't have luck with cars, they don't like me. The only decent one I owned was my Yaris and I ditched that 'cause I though it was too slow...

[Dick Cheeseburger]

My Seat Leon TDI.

Bought from a shady character, the turbo failed about 40 miles after purchase. I had taken the brand new sump as a sign it had been looked after, not a sign that some moron had ham-fistedly fixed it up in their back garden and then sold it on for a quick profit.

So, new Turbo and £550 later, I drove it round to my mate's house, he proclaims it "quite nice" although was laughing at me that I had to pop a new fuse in every time someone used the passenger side electric window. On the way back from his house (I've done about 100 miles in it by now), the crank tries to get out of the case and starts lurching the engine around in the bay. Call AA, he proclaims it "knackered". Get towed home. Source Skoda engine from a VW breakers (gotta love shared parts bins) for £650

Albert Ross of this parish then offers to chuck the engine in for me, which took a day. He fitted it, I made a cool time-lapse video (stick to what you're good at and all that).

In the coming months it blew a turbo hose, failed an MOT on various suspension components and then proved itself to be a proper twat to fix when every captive nut sheared off and needed bits cutting open to weld them back on. It also had an ongoing MAF fault, and then the injectors started playing silly beggars and it went into limp.

 

Traded it in for a nearly new Focus which was better for 75,000 miles, and then went all modern-diesel on me.

Was the Leon an 05-07 shape with the BXE 1.9 derv lump? I bought mine recently, but during my research failed to spot the horror stories of them imploding and 'cocking a leg'. It's behaving at the moment, but feels a bit of ticking time bomb. I'm thinking a n/a derv lump from a Renault 18 would likely be more refined and potentially more reliable. I just can't get my head around how manufacturers have taken a sound product, and in some cases, royally screwed up the best bits.

*Edit, just spotted yours also had a replacement turbo. Mine was replaced at around 105k apparently. Did I buy your old car?!

[John F]

I've never had a bad car yet. The one that's required the most work during my ownership is probably my Disco 300 TDi, and I love it to bits.

 

The only motorbike (out of 60+ that I've owned) I was glad to see the back of was a 2 year old Yamaha XJ900F I bought back in 1993. It wasn't a bad bike per se, it was fast & reliable and took me all round Western Europe, I just never bonded with it in the 2 years or so I owned it.

 

It's also one of the few vehicles I've lost serious* money on, I sold it for £700 less than I paid for it. Which I suppose isn't that bad depreciation for a new-ish bike.

[Pillock]

No, mine was a 2001 Y plate, older shape one.

Turbo was at about 136,000, so the engine was at about 136,050 and an old ASV or AFV or something. I forget. 1.9 with an oldschool pump.

[Dick Cheeseburger]

No, mine was a 2001 Y plate, older shape one.

Turbo was at about 136,000, so the engine was at about 136,050 and an old ASV or AFV or something. I forget. 1.9 with an oldschool pump.

Ah, ok that would have been a PD engine in that case. That's what my Leon's engine is based on, but they basically downgraded it to the point that it was ten times worse than the original. Generally, the original PD lumps are uber reliable and good for 200k without drama.

[Richard]

Was the Leon an 05-07 shape with the BXE 1.9 derv lump? I bought mine recently, but during my research failed to spot the horror stories of them imploding and 'cocking a leg'. It's behaving at the moment, but feels a bit of ticking time bomb. I'm thinking a n/a derv lump from a Renault 18 would likely be more refined and potentially more reliable. I just can't get my head around how manufacturers have taken a sound product, and in some cases, royally screwed up the best bits.

*Edit, just spotted yours also had a replacement turbo. Mine was replaced at around 105k apparently. Did I buy your old car?!

 

It's all here I think. http://autoshite.com/topic/8620-bought-a-lemon/

[Pillock]

Ah, ok that would have been a PD engine in that case. That's what my Leon's engine is based on, but they basically downgraded it to the point that it was ten times worse than the original. Generally, the original PD lumps are uber reliable and good for 200k without drama.

 

No, pre-PD engine on that.

 

 

 

It's all here I think. http://autoshite.com/topic/8620-bought-a-lemon/

 

 

Brilliant, I'd forgotten I was basically posting on here whilst my head was falling apart and my bank account was emptying. I seem to remember it was a case of "have huge failure. Drink. Google solutions. Ask opinions on AS. Drink some more. Sleep. Cadge lift to work" in an endless cycle.

 

Also, Albert Ross is still a top bloke.