Valeting / Detailing / two bucket wronguns

[dugong]

Pah!  You amateurs!  Read the link below and enter a world of total fucking sadness.

http://www.detailingworld.co.uk/forum/showthread.php?t=81391

 

TL/DR?  

 

Executive summary:

 

Utter fucking twat buys goppingly shit car, is impressed by fact that Vauxhall office has pot plants in it, almost rejects shit car because paint two microns too thin, then spends fucking months and spaffs every penny he owns buffing the insides of the dust caps, etc.  End conclusion: twat sells still shit car to random Barry, who strips it out and uses it as trackday slag.    Twat is still twat.  The End.

NOBODY WELCOMES DERMATITIS

 

They did an INTERNET ALL TIME GREAT piss take of that Vauxhall lad's first thread (where he details the blue Astra) over on Barryboys. It was years ago, but I can clearly remember laughing my bollocks off it and even the user name of the piss taker (guybrush Threepwood).

The lad himself did a detailing thread on his Dyson vacuum cleaner and took shots of it in a moodily lit car park.

 

The BB skank jacket (with Moon Ska patch) was brilliant, admittedly.

[beko1987]

He did a shit job on that Dyson too!

[Kiltox]

Anyone able to recommend a not ridiculously priced set of polishing pads, backing plate and polishes?

 

Shit that came with my polishers isn't brilliant (cheapo eBay DA and a silver line rotary)

[scruff]

They did an INTERNET ALL TIME GREAT piss take of that Vauxhall lad's first thread (where he details the blue Astra) over on Barryboys. It was years ago, but I can clearly remember laughing my bollocks off it and even the user name of the piss taker (guybrush Threepwood).

 

http://www.barryboys.co.uk/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=25802&start=100

 

The PosiSoft bit gets me every time

[Aston Martin]

Tips for removing water stains on the seats? Least I hope they're water stains.

[vulgalour]

Two ways of doing that.

 

Cheap way - foaming interior shampoo, 99p plastic bristle nailbrush.  Follow instructions on can and vacuum when dry.

 

Expensive way - Vax machine.

 

Unless you can borrow a Vax machine from someone in which case Wilko do Vax AAA liquid for £3 or so which will do the entire interior.

[Aston Martin]

Two ways of doing that.

 

Cheap way - foaming interior shampoo, 99p plastic bristle nailbrush.  Follow instructions on can and vacuum when dry.

 

 

 

 I tried this and hated it. The bristles are like fucking razor blades.

 

 

 

I'll use the foam, but try with the soft nail brush instead.

[vulgalour]

I remembered an even cheaper option: wash powder.  Sprinkle a little on the stain and work it in with the bristle brush and some water.  Clean off with a sponge, flannel, dishcloth or towel until dry.  It is pretty slow going so it depends how stubborn the stain is and what fabric it is.  On more modern seats this can actually work very fast.  Don't use laundry liquid, it doesn't seem to work as well, sometimes it doesn't work at all.

[fred]

NOBODY WELCOMES DERMATITIS

 

 

The lad himself did a detailing thread on his Dyson vacuum cleaner and took shots of it in a moodily lit car park.

 

The BB skank jacket (with Moon Ska patch) was brilliant, admittedly.

THAT is just X Files shite -!!

[fordperv]

Vulg I am shocked you havn't mentioned one of my favourites, stardrops, i love this stuff for cleaning seats and carpets

 

These were minging with stains and marks, a quick clean with stardrops sorted them out

 

[vulgalour]

I am surprised I haven't mentioned it either.  It is great for just about everything.  Those Recaros do look nice, like they've never needed cleaning.

[Lord Sterling]

I really want a hose.

 

I quite like washing my car myself but lugging buckets really does kill me - takes me a couple of days to recover and that is no joke!

This is what I was doing today. Bucket of very warm water, fairy liquid, and a car cleaning brush attachment...

 

Sterling looked quite good after a wash and I was pleased I'd actually done it properly for once, it saved me £3/4 on the usual lazy way of getting someone else to clean it, but this is what happens when you have NO money. Fun though. I found a bottle of car polish and thought very seriously about applying to KV6 Sterling, but as it's due to go to storage I didn't bother.

 

I also washed a fellow yard users car, her car was quite muddy so I said I'd chuck a bucket over it. 55-plate Suzuki Ignis so was quite easy to do.

 

I also tried cleaning a neighbours very neglected Focus, he doesn't know I've cleaned it. He left the Focus in the cul-de-sac where I park my car and it has collected many months worth of mould/leaves/twigs and spattered road dirt upon the wheels as it hasn't been moved for a lomg time. I cleaned off as much as I could and chucked a bucket of warm water over it (water had to be transported from local yard) I cleaned off the spattered road dirt from the wheels and now it looks a bit less neglected though still very splattered in bird shit and still some mould persists as I didn't have enough water.

 

Guerrilla car cleaning?

[Justin Case]

On Sunday, I gave Mrs C's car a good clean,  wash with Autoglym  shampoo, wheels with some wheel cleaning stuff and  a toothbrush to get into the fiddly bits. I just managed to give the bonnet the three-stage Meguiars treatment when bad light stopped play. On Monday a bird shat on the bonnet

[robinmasters]

You people are mental. I can understand a bit of a wash now and again, but this is all a bit much.

 

Mine gets the occasional dirty rag wiped over the lights and number plates, and a bit of a rinse when it rains.

[Slartibartfast]

I washed my modern yesterday. Used the jet wash at the local Tesc because it was seriously caked in mud and since I hadn't cleaned the brake dust off the wheels for about four months you would swear they'd been powder coated black.

 

It still looked manky when I'd finished, only less manky.

 

I'm entertaining thoughts of getting some proper stuff and hiring a polisher to apply it. It's probably the only newish car I'm going to have for many years, I should show it a bit more love.

 

Talk to me of clay. How does it work?

[vulgalour]

If you don't like tedious jobs you won't like clay but it is brilliant.  Once clayed and polished a car stays clean much longer, it's very satisfying, and it reduces the effort in cleaning on future attempts.  To apply you just need a suitable lubricant in a spray bottle - play it safe and get a dedicated product or chance it with a tiny amount of soap in tap water - and just work back and forth over the panel/glass until it feels smooth.  A new car shouldn't need that much even if it's pretty grimy.  You need to use it after you've washed it too, you don't want the clay contaminated by loose mud and underseal and rust.

 

Magic things clay can do is remove tree sap and rust stains.

[fordperv]

If you get the right bilt hamber clay you can just use water in a spray bottle

[beko1987]

Yep, this is why I only use bilt hamber (plus it's bloody awesome). Just take the hose out of the pressure washer, put the garden rose end on and start claying.

 

Nothing nicer on a boiling hot day (but with no sun) than claying a car with cold water!

[Essex V6]

http://www.barryboys.co.uk/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=25802&start=100

 

The PosiSoft bit gets me every time

Cheers for that Bol - 24 carat gold right there - particularly liked his graph!

[Carlosfandango]

I bought this MX5 a couple of years ago from a friend who three years previously couldn't get it started..

He never sat back into it again after that. Some people just ain't as much into cars as others.

 

Anyway, this is how it was when I went to see it - 

 

 

 

 

 

Half way there -

 

 

And finally clean -

 

 

Now while I can't honestly say that I'm into detailing, this was extremely satisfying.

I sold the car the next day, making a tidy few quid for my efforts on a day off work.

 

Turned out that there was a loose battery in the car, causing an arc on the battery.

Took it out, charged it up, replaced the connections & off she went...

 

CFD

[Slartibartfast]

That bilt hamber isn't unreasonably priced it seems. How much do you get through for a normal sized car? Mine is ... probably about twice the size of a normal car

[beko1987]

If the car isn't too bad, maybe a quarter? I can do the Meriva in under 1/4 a bar, but it's been done before. I did the XM Estate and used just under half, but it had never been done before.

 

Once you do it once though, if you do it twice a year you'll use a tiny amount, unless you drop it, then it's into the bin. I can have a claybar for about 2 years before needing more.

 

That's the joy with the bilt hamber. £10 for the clay, but then no extra bits to buy like another £10 on some lube (I find car shampoo breaks the clay down sometimes)

 

I use either the blue box or black box (I think blue is medium, black is harsher), I'd go with black if claying for the first time, and make sure the car is washed well before you start so you dont clog it up too quickly

[nacho man]

Cheers beko I have just ordered some of that bilt hammer clay.

 

I had some 3m stuff I bought ages ago but it went rock hard as I never used it.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[beko1987]

Car Wash liquid or Washing Up Liquid?

 

http://www.cleanyourcar.co.uk/washing-and-drying/car-wash-shampoos/dodo-juice-born-to-be-mild-shampoo/prod_490.html

 

Nothing else comes close for me

 

Amys aunt had an Audi A4 that was shitting its turbo out its arse at the time, and I gave that a detail to cheer her aunt up

 

 

 

 

That was rinsed (fuck me did that take some time), foamed, tightwork, wheels, rinsed, washed, rinsed, clayed, washed, rinsed, dried, polished, buffed, glazed, buffed, waxed, buffed, glass, trim and tyres. Was a lovely 9 hour job that was.

 

The soot and clag came mostly off with BTBM, but the clay did take off a grimey layer when I did that

 

 

 

 

 

 

Would love to do a job like that again, the transformation was amazing. Sadly it shat several of its suspension components a few years later at 270k and they binned it.

[beko1987]

I've got some of the sample pots and they last forever! Do keep having thoughts of a big pot of Rainforest rub though, but can never afford it. Nattys Blue wax is bloody good  too, and quite cheap

[Slartibartfast]

What's the best way to deal with:

Awkward bits of trim with bugs or other unshiftable dirt on, eg. around the radiator grill

Alloy wheels with brake dust that doesn't come off when scrubbing with an alloy brush

Tyres

 

?

[oldcars]

For bugs and trim something like autosmart g101 mixed to suit as per the bottle and a small detailing brush should do the trick.

 

G101 will also clean tyres, interior as long as its made up in the correct dilution.

 

Alloy wheels that have ground in break dust something like Valet Pro Dragons Breath is good. Its a fallout remover that removed imbedded iron and stuff. For really bad wheels there is stuff like malco brake off, buts its very harsh and i have not used it.

[beko1987]

G101 is ace! I use it all the time, for cars and vacuum cleaners.

 

My mate was going on about Dragons Breath the other week, it looks quite good. I use a combination of Bilberry and IronX which is good, but I'd like to try something else, had Bilberry for years and years.

[oldcars]

G101 is ace! I use it all the time, for cars and vacuum cleaners.

 

My mate was going on about Dragons Breath the other week, it looks quite good. I use a combination of Bilberry and IronX which is good, but I'd like to try something else, had Bilberry for years and years.

Its good, ideal for wheels as its thicker so the run off is minimal. Stinks big time but great product.

[Spottedlaurel]

There are two things I have read about car cleaning that stick in my mind:

 

First was in Jalopy, from an owner of something like an old Mazda RX-7. He was having to deal with rust and berated the previous owner, saying words to the effect of “he was waxing on top when he should have been waxoyling underneathâ€.

 

Second was from some supplement in a classic car mag about concours entrants and what they did. I think one particular chap had a Sprite and he said that he only used a chamois once on the bodywork before it got demoted to less important areas of the car. The thing probably never got dirty anyway, what a waste! He comes to mind almost every time I clean any of mine, with maybe the 3^rd or 4^th chamois that I’ve had over the last 26 years.

 

Back in 1992 I bought myself a Sunny that was nothing particularly special. I decided not to bother cleaning it, to see how bad it would get in one year. I was doing about 20k a year in just that one car, mostly on the rural roads and lanes of Suffolk, and it ended up like this:

 

1982 Datsun Sunny 1.3DX (B11) by Spottedlaurel, on Flickr