Ronald Mc_Bo11ox's LAGUNA ODYSSEY OMG FTP SOS ETC LOL

[R9UKE]

The dephaser, which that DEFINITELY is, will not cause the car to have a Failure To Proceed moment - as already mentioned.  It sounds shit, but on a £150 car you can live with it!  If it were me, I'd get a spring, a part worn, and carry on regardless

[SiC]

Just stick one of these on the side and no-one will even suspect

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/GENUINE-RENAULT-LAGUNA-II-DRIVERS-SIDE-FRONT-DOOR-1-9-DCi-BADGE-8200048613-/320911035845?hash=item4ab7c9cdc5:m:mGA6Dn9YGNRW46OhRww-zMA

[Kiltox]

Dephaser can be had slightly cheaper (new) on eBay from Poland or somewhere like that - I bought one for a 1.6 VVT Megane quite reasonably (but still mental money to spend on shite like this)

[Sigmund Fraud]

Verdict so far : the car is not beyond salvation, but is still a Laguna II.

[406V6]

The information from SiC is interesting, especially the Renault forums post. Having read it makes me an instant Internet expert so I will share my pearls of wisdom

 

On the face of what’s written it sounds like the de-phaser solenoid is releasing the de-phaser from cold rather than just when the oil is warm causing the de-phase to rattle from cold. Maybe the solenoid is stuck or there’s an electrical problem with it ? Perhaps a de-crudding exercise or general fettling will fix it at no cost other than your time.

 

We all really want your car to work Mr B !!

[stripped fred]

I think it's worth us all chucking in a couple of quid to get this sorted as it makes very entertaining reading!

[garethj]

Yes, maybe just an oil change and flush will help that dephaser.

 

Let's ask another owner for his experiences of giving an oil change to an old Laguna.  What's the worst that could happen?

[HillmanImp]

Look, bin this piece of crap and do some fucking work on the sodding Maserati. I assume you still have that?

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Yeah its still there, getting submerged under an ever-increasing pile of jiffy bags from stuff I bought off eBay for other cars

[scaryoldcortina]

Start feeding the bags to the laguna.

 

I was feeling all smug when I read this earlier, but then mine decided to not work at all seconds after I put fuel in.

[oldcars]

Just stick one of these on the side and no-one will even suspect

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/GENUINE-RENAULT-LAGUNA-II-DRIVERS-SIDE-FRONT-DOOR-1-9-DCi-BADGE-8200048613-/320911035845?hash=item4ab7c9cdc5:m:mGA6Dn9YGNRW46OhRww-zMA

Thats dear, can you not get a whole car for less?

[carlo]

Scrap the fucking thing just for ruining your evening.  What's the point of them?

[Dave_Q]

If I was Senor_Ballsack I'd be popping a part worn and a second hand spring on and punting it on to the next optimist as SPEARS OR REAPERS.

 

Any funds raised to be spent on driving gloves and a driving pipe for cruising round in your ROVER 45 V6 like a boss.

[wuvvum]

 

I know you can't form an opinion about Renaults from a single £120 example, but i did enter this thinking 'how bad can these be?' and it would appear that i have got the answer to my question!!! Fucking Nora.

At least you haven't made exactly the same mistake three times, like what I did.   I somehow managed to convince myself that the previous car(s) were just bad apples and that statistically the next one would surely be a good one.  What a twat.

 

My last one broke its front spring whilst parked up as well.  It dropped down so much that the tyre rubbed on the arch as soon as any lock was applied.  It wouldn't start either as the camshaft had seized so pushing it out of its parking space was a right twat.

 

In summary, if you've only lost 150 quid on Laguna IIs you're not doing too badly.

[nacho man]

A new year a new start for lagunas. That's what it looked like. Now there both causing heartache.

 

Still, I have a feeling there not all that bad. Shirley.

[Lankytim]

A Pal of mine heard a loud bang one night on his front window, in the morning he found his Laguna had snapped a spring while parked and the end of the spring had shot out into his bay window, it was lying on the floor next to his front door. This is the same guy who took out a loan to pay for his shiny Laguna est and lost a fortune on it when it exploded.

[SiC]

Same thing happens with springs to a lot of cars of this era to be honest. The Laguna takes a tyre out because its not slammed to the ground like a lot of German stuff, so the spring base is higher.

[garethj]

It's obviously too much strain for the car, any mechanical object can fail under arduous situations, such as being parked in the street and not moving at all.

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

Went up the garage today. Plan was to check the laguna over and if all seemed OK, swap my insurance onto it and have it on the road!!!! IN order to help the karma along I bought a gallon of oil and a new (laughably small) oil filter.

 

First problem: Flat battery. Bust out the jump leads.

Second problem: 'start button' is jammed 'in' so cannot start it. fanny about sorting that.

Third problem: Handbrake seems to be stuck on. Well, it has been sat for a month. Slip the clutch a bit and POP!!!! Fsssshhhhhhhh.... MOTHERFUCKER

 

 

Fucking grade A, the bastard spring has snapped and torn a hole in the tyre.

 

 

I took the wheel off, turned the spring through 90deg (so the sharp end pointed away from the tyre) and went to fit the spare.

 

Fourth problem: no spare wheel. FFS

 

Fifth problem: The engine now sounds like the proverbial skeleton having a tug in a tin of Crawfords 'ROVER' biscuits. Listen to this:

 

 

Now when i bought this the lad did say 'engine ticks when idling'. When i picked it up it did have a slightly odd drone but sounded OK to me. Now, although I havent driven it anywhere, the whole flippin top end is clattering like an absolute bastard, it sounds horrendous. The din is coming from the whole of the valvegear rather than just the pulley end so fuck knows whats going on there.

 

In summary, when i picked this up it was running, driving and seemed to me to be serviceable. i test drove it up the road and couldnt really fault it. A month later, despite it not being used in the meantime, its completely immobile and the engine is (to my ears) shafted.

 

 

I havent got the enthusiasm to start changing engiines and I can't even push it across the yard into the workshop now so I think the bridge beckons. I've got £150 in this car of which i will see approx £0 back although it does have a nice big and fairly new-looking Halfords battery which i have robbed.

 

I know you can't form an opinion about Renaults from a single £120 example, but i did enter this thinking 'how bad can these be?' and it would appear that i have got the answer to my question!!! Fucking Nora.

 

 

Myt 1.9DCi did that just before purchase - when bort, the fucked tyre was in the boot with the side wall ripped out and a brand new passenger front spring. It's a common fault, amongst 123 other common faults.

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

 a reliable, useable car 

 

Sadly, there is a flaw in your plan.

[Mr Lobster]

Look, bin this piece of crap and do some fucking work on the sodding Mazda 929 I assume you still have that?

FTFY

[garbaldy]

Its not just the new lagunia that give problems, after a spell in a 85k 02 dci and fitting a new clutch it then decided to eat its turbo along with the contents of my wallet, I vowed never to grace the inside of a modern Renault ever again until this one came along,

this lovely looker had covered 70k with full history and was a 1600 sport and petrol which lulled me into a false sense of security, that didn't last very long as it started to misfire after just 2k miles, to cut a long story short the cams had chewed the alloy from the head and it was scrap,

 

onto a less Renault bashing story the shakin its ass megan dci on an 05 plate went like stink and as far as I know is still going to this day and I bet its well on its way past the 150k mark.

[Bren]

I had the self shifting variety.

 

Very nice until it no longer wanted to shift.

 

Gearbox repaired and car quickly moved on.

[Split_Pin]

Got to be one for the 'Award winning shite-fixing blog"!! Having said that, it's not my money....

[egg]

modern coil springs = just a routine service item 

[Bstardchild]

At least you haven't made exactly the same mistake three times, like what I did.   I somehow managed to convince myself that the previous car(s) were just bad apples and that statistically the next one would surely be a good one.  What a twat.

 

My last one broke its front spring whilst parked up as well.  It dropped down so much that the tyre rubbed on the arch as soon as any lock was applied.  It wouldn't start either as the camshaft had seized so pushing it out of its parking space was a right twat.

 

In summary, if you've only lost 150 quid on Laguna IIs you're not doing too badly.

 

You really do have issues Wuvvum..... But thanks for making me laugh

 

Popped in here cos Mr B is doing a shite job of keeping his award winning blog up to date... It appears understandable if he's been buying fecking renna's from after the millenium!!!

[Pillock]

It's fine, as Renners from after the millennium have the reliability of a 1970s BL product that was knocked out on a Friday, so they fit into The Plan just perfectly.

[Isaac Hunt]

Ahah, Mr Bol, spotted one here with Loghoona. The boys are missing you over on The other 'old rides forum', last seen with 1.5 Rover 214's and 3/4 of a trailer.

 

Your tales over hear look just as entertaining. I've switched channels to keep up dated on your tat tales, prefer Rovers but a bit of French will do.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Yeah soz about that, I have been a bit lax on the tat blog, loads of stuff has happened since I last updated it. I will get my finger out and start getting it up to date this week hopefully. Cheers for seeking me out!!!!!!

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Been accumulating parts for this, I am hoping to be back where i started for under £40, stay tuned!!!