Ronald Mc_Bo11ox's LAGUNA ODYSSEY OMG FTP SOS ETC LOL

[Richard]

It wouldn't take long to recoup your £99, if a garage charges £30 a go you would be in profit* the fourth time you plugged it in.

[panhard65]

I have got a clone version of Renault clip and it can turn off the tps easily. Well certainly a lot easier than trying to do peugeot ones. I did hear that they were coming into the MOT but only on much later cars as everyone knows how useless they are in these old Renaults. There was a thing on a forum somewhere that said you can turn them off by pulling a fuse of something. This does work but only for a short while (probably until you go out and start it again).

[SiC]

No it isn't. Nothing in the manual about tyre pressure monitors, so unless it's putting the ABS light on because it thinks a tyre is flat I can't see how it could be a fail.

 

Ah. Sorry, that was a bit of misinformation from me then.

 

Had a quick Google and found this:

http://www.motuk.co.uk/manual_410.htm

 

Appears that only newer stuff is a fail. (I'm quoting this below more for everyone else's benefit and for those seeing this forum 10 years later. As you no doubt know this all inside and out anyway )

 

The inspection of the tyre pressure monitoring system (TPMS) warning lamp only applies to passenger vehicles with:

 

. four or more wheels, and

 

. not more than 8 passenger seats excluding the driver’s seat, and

 

. first used on or after 1 January 2012

 

The check does not apply to quadricycles.

 

The TPMS warning lamp (as below) will generally illuminate and go off again when the ignition is switched on. If one or more tyre pressures are low, the lamp will remain illuminated.

In the event of a system malfunction, the lamp will flash a number of times and then remain on.

 

Vehicles must only be rejected if it is clear that the lamp indicates a system malfunction.

(underline is mine)

 

and a reason for fail:

4.

A tyre pressure monitoring system warning lamp:

 

. inoperative

 

. indicating a system malfunction.

Makes you wonder if someone in DVSA who wrote that, had some early 2000 car with dodgy French electrics on the road.

[scaryoldcortina]

Well that snuck in under the radar! I guess that's part of the 2012 changes. Expect it to be rewritten and then binned when too many cars fail on it. To be fair, I haven't seen many 2012 cars for test yet!

[3VOM]

It wouldn't take long to recoup your £99, if a garage charges £30 a go you would be in profit* the fourth time you plugged it in.

Or in about 2 weeks.....

[RoadworkUK]

Laguna II owners have their own special entrance at Renault dealerships; there's a chip and pin machine which debits £300 and Xperian checks your credit before the door opens.

 

There's also an area outside for passers by to discard their Laguna IIs as well as on-site psychiatric counselling. For those who choose not to.

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

Laguna II owners have their own special entrance at Renault dealerships; there's a chip and pin machine which debits £300 and Xperian checks your credit before the door opens.

 

There's also an area outside for passers by to discard their Laguna IIs as well as on-site psychiatric counselling. For those who choose not to.

That's RONG.

 

Renault dealerships had to send staff on Laguna II training courses, and offer a brightly coloured lounge with big comfy chairs, hot and cold tramadol and amytriptalyne, softly spoken Guardian reading councillors and an imitation plastic brick wall where owners could bash their heads without actual injury. Renault called it "Le Centre pour la misère et le désespoir". Entrance is free but bring biscuits. There is also a Laguna swapping game - chuck your Keycards into a bowl and see if you can drive away in a Laguna even more tragically fucked than your own. 

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Went up the garage today. Plan was to check the laguna over and if all seemed OK, swap my insurance onto it and have it on the road!!!! IN order to help the karma along I bought a gallon of oil and a new (laughably small) oil filter.

 

First problem: Flat battery. Bust out the jump leads.

Second problem: 'start button' is jammed 'in' so cannot start it. fanny about sorting that.

Third problem: Handbrake seems to be stuck on. Well, it has been sat for a month. Slip the clutch a bit and POP!!!! Fsssshhhhhhhh.... MOTHERFUCKER

 

 

Fucking grade A, the bastard spring has snapped and torn a hole in the tyre.

 

 

I took the wheel off, turned the spring through 90deg (so the sharp end pointed away from the tyre) and went to fit the spare.

 

Fourth problem: no spare wheel. FFS

 

Fifth problem: The engine now sounds like the proverbial skeleton having a tug in a tin of Crawfords 'ROVER' biscuits. Listen to this:

 

 

Now when i bought this the lad did say 'engine ticks when idling'. When i picked it up it did have a slightly odd drone but sounded OK to me. Now, although I havent driven it anywhere, the whole flippin top end is clattering like an absolute bastard, it sounds horrendous. The din is coming from the whole of the valvegear rather than just the pulley end so fuck knows whats going on there.

 

In summary, when i picked this up it was running, driving and seemed to me to be serviceable. i test drove it up the road and couldnt really fault it. A month later, despite it not being used in the meantime, its completely immobile and the engine is (to my ears) shafted.

 

 

I havent got the enthusiasm to start changing engiines and I can't even push it across the yard into the workshop now so I think the bridge beckons. I've got £150 in this car of which i will see approx £0 back although it does have a nice big and fairly new-looking Halfords battery which i have robbed.

 

I know you can't form an opinion about Renaults from a single £120 example, but i did enter this thinking 'how bad can these be?' and it would appear that i have got the answer to my question!!! Fucking Nora.

 

[Jim Bell]

It's almost like a Laguna has done a Laguna in a thread full of tales of Lagunas doing a Laguna.

 

You just couldn't predict it.

 

These things are going to be worth a fortune in about a fortnight, when there's only three left in the world.

[Lankytim]

Have all the hydraulic tappets gone flat with sludged up oil? May clear.

[Sigmund Fraud]

If it's getting bridged either way, you may want to try a crude engine flush with a pint of diesel in the oil ? This may clear whatever is causing the top end noise - or completely destroy the engine.

[beko1987]

I agree. Do or die time, fill the engine with cod liver oil or something and see if that sorted it...

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Seemingly the top end noise IS this dephaser thing, there are assorted videos on youtube of Lagunas making exactly this noise which were supposedly cured with a new pulley! I'm still not sure I can gamble 100 quid on a pulley though.

[spartacus]

Bad luck with that spring, at the risk of sounding like a sensationalist it's a good job you weren't moving. I had a Berlingo van that actually came fitted with spring catchers, a collar that goes round the base of the strut, specifically designed to stop the spring spearing the the tyre when it breaks... It's a good job really, because both springs did break.

[twosmoke300]

Careful when you change the spring . I did one that was just caught on the top mount and came free once it was in my hand . The Spring gave me quite a punch in the guts ( plenty crumple zone there )

[garethj]

Even if you're sure it's the pulley, is it really worth having a Laguna that stands you £250 instead of £150?  When the next thing goes wrong it'll just make you feel worse about bridging it.

 

Might be worth putting on ebay for spares?

[Mr_Bo11ox]

springs busting and ripping front tyres to bits seems to be the no. 3 Laguna issue, after 'general electrical system meltdown' and 'DCi engine self-destruction'

[dave21478]

New pulley, new spring, new tyre, a spare wheel and tyre and a day of faffing...Easily worth the investment if you were likely to have a reliable, useable car afterwards, but this is a gamble too far I reckon.

[406V6]

Well Mr B you set yourself a challenge and you've reached the "Man of Steel" moment (actually just another moment in the rocky road of Laguna II ownership). Do you fix or bin ?  The Man of Steel would repair it and at least get it on the road. Autoshite hero Scaryoldcortina on another thread fixed his after the engine sh*tted itself so are you going to follow his brave lead ?  There must be a zillion of these heaps in scrapyards where you can get another spring and pulley for a few quid.

 

Your fans wait anxiously to see your next move in this fast-moving Autoshite soap. Better than any of that rubbish on TV.  Good luck from us armchair Laguna owners who don't have the balls or skills to take one on.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

I should have bid £1.01 on Scary's excess engine and robbed the dephaser off it

[Roverageous]

This is all very exciting, chaps. I sat in a Laguna II on one of Renault's experience day things back around 2001. Due to recent autoshite events I am eyeing them up as a potential stablemate for my 75.

 

This thread is only doing more to tempt me. I need this level of excitement in my life.

 

Sent from my K013 using Tapatalk

[HMC]

You couldn't make it up!!!! This Laguna seems determined to become another statistic.

[Lankytim]

SWAP 4 CIT XM 2.1 DIASAL WITH SUSPECT HG ISSUE??

[SiC]

Sounds very much like the Dephaser.

 

The Dephaser, to the uninitiated, is the pulley that goes on the end of the Camshaft that varies the timing for the VVT. It's actuated by oil pressure and there is a solenoid that does this.

 

Your lucky as its the 2.0l, and is only either on or off. Iirc though, the clatter is only when warmed up. The 1.6 VVT has a dephasher too, but this has infinitely variable levels of acutation and is used during startup. So when the 1.6 VVT goes it has massive starting issues.

 

Some have reported oil flush can help. Also cleaning out the VVT control solenoid. I wonder also, as its been sitting a while, oil hasnt got up to it. Given it a rev at all?

 

I've done a lot of internet research on these dephasers (Clio 172 has same engine and same problems) and despite sounding awful, I've yet to see a firm report of one clattering that subsequently failed. Seen one report of a completely failure on the Clio that they suspected was because of it, but then they reckoned it really was caused by something else.

 

The only thing that is making me wonder if it is the dephaser though, is that it happening from cold ..

[SiC]

See this: http://www.renaultforums.co.uk/showpost.php?p=749095&postcount=9

 

Tl;Dr: insides wear out and cause the pulley to rattle about, not locking the timing. So gives poor fuel economy and rattling.

Again mentions its a problem when the engine is warm.

[nigel bickle]

Wow Boll!

 

You & Scary have certainly put me off cheap turn of the century Renners.

I'll watch this with interest, but can't see me immersing myself when they start to dry up.

 

Utterly ridiculous, in this day/ age.

 

Keep at it fella - makes great reading...

[Bren]

I would have a punt on getting this sorted - using used parts of course.

 

Renault should have treated the laguna like fruit and vegetables- they should have put a "best before" sticker under the bonnet.

[cort16]

I think this is a good chance to experiment with any witches tails of how to mend a clattering engine like changing the oil for a mixture of 2 stroke oil, paraffin and fudge.

[Danblez]

I can hear it sniggering from here, the little twat.

[SiC]

They totally chose the wrong car for the remake...

 

A Laguna II not only has immobiliser problems, but it actually does speak to you in real life too. The Laguna II is a favourite old giffer car.