face palm, petrol station howler

[gordonbennet]

Speechless was i in Morrisons petrol station today.

 

Popped in to top the LPG up in one of the cars, there's one pump with a pipe outlet either side, bloke just pipped me to the petrol pump on my correct side so i just backed in to use the the other lpg pipe...comprende?

 

Any old way, the counter zeros and there's gun and gas pressure there but the gas won't flow, remade the connection twice to double check, still no go.

Nipped to the kiosk to ask if anyone's had trouble with number 13, ''NO'', ok i'll try 14 when the other geezers gone....his 206 eventually sputtered into life, thought it was gunna be a push out job.

 

Hey presto lpg pump 14 works fine.

 

Go to pay and let them know 13's definately faulty.

 

and now we come to the face palm...

 

''It probably won't work because you were facing the wrong way''   how would that effect the pump i stupidly asked and immediately wished i hadn't  ''the pump might not be connected right that way''

 

give me strength.

 

 

[OwdChina]

Oh yes.........it make you wonder how some people manage to get through the day, LOLs

[andy18s]

My fave petrol station incident where I was the star was when I stopped to fill my old Xtz660 Tenere

Pulled up,side stand down and then do a sort of side shuffle to get my left foot on the ground properly

Only I hadn't put the stand down properly which resulted in the bike moving forward and falling over to the left

Didn't go that far,as I was trapped in between the falling bike and the pump dispensors

Took me a few mins to get back up vertical again as I was laughing to much to do anything

[M'coli]

I've been in the Imp and had the staff diss me over the tannoy for trying to put petrol into the engine. This was in the 1990s, too...

[gordonbennet]

I'm expecting a warning shout when i'm stuffing gallons of petrol in the landcruiser,

 

90 series petrols very rare and make their presence known by drinking the stuff like its going out of fashion.

[Albert Ross]

Ex Military 1961 Land Rover. Filler(S) under the front seats. Cue all pumps off and a tannoy message warning me to stop... All because I had the driver's door open and the nozzle inside. They thought I was trying to set fire to the place.....  I had to drag one of the "operatives" outside to show them the set up.... "That can't be legal" he said. "It's ex Army, they make their own rules. They still make them like it today", Then silence as he just stood there, pondering summat.
"It's to stop grenades being thrown down the filler neck", says I, looking away.  It's probably the truth, but his eyes widened before I turned.   I got my fuel though.

[mercrocker]

I still remember (under therapy) the occasion when I first tried to fill up one of the Mk1 Polos my mate used to flog. I was all Minis and Renner 4s back then - simple stuff like. I really thought the quarter panel vent was some trick filler flap. Come on, you cunning German bastard, which way does it flip, where do I press it? Before it got really, really embarrassing I put the holster back and pissed off without any fuel.....

[DSdriver]

The first Volvo I bought, a 740. Picked it up from showroom and realised it needed fuel so stopped at first available filling station. Couldn't work out how to get the filler cap off. Drove back to the dealer, running on fumes and learned that the bloody filler actually unscrewed - not a quarter turn jobby like every other car I had ever filled. 

[sporty-shite]

On the day I passed my driving test, I went out in my newly taxed and insured Dawson Cherry Coupe and thought I'd treat it to a FULL TANK of petrol. Felt in my back bin and felt paper money, so off I popped. Brimmed it, went in the shop and pulled out..........A fiver.

 

Payphone. Mum. Can you bring me the money I've left at home.

 

Heartbreaking thing is it only took £22 to fill it.

[KruJoe]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTd9WuOJXZA

[bub2006]

Annoys me when folk queue up the road to petrol station because they want the side closest to filler neck. I understand vans doing it but majority of cars can be filled from a nozzle opposite to fuel filler. Filled punto up tonight and got some dirty looks for actually using the length of hose to reach to nozzle.

[spike60]

About 10 years ago me and my two teenage boys were staying with friends in France and when we went out for the day in the camper I intentionally left any valuables behind, taking about 20 Euros and a card.

On the way back I stopped a small super market fuel station to fill the van, the kind with a pay booth on way out. As it was set up for LHD cars I walked to the booth and when I got there I noticed the huge sign with a card and a cross through it, -cash sales only. Whoops....

[PhilA]

As much as people there gripe, I'll say that for here- either pay cash up-front or stick your card in the machine.

 

Fill up, the pump will either stop at the amount you paid, or wander back in to get your change; either that or you grab your receipt and your card is charged for the amount that is on the screen when you hang up the pump handle.

 

Oh, and diesel is the green handle and gas is black. The sign will have red letters for gas and green for diesel on the prices also.

 

Plus, you pick the grade you want by hitting the button and the appropriate amount of xylene/additives are squirted in per gallon as you pump to raise the octane rating to something acceptable*

 

 

Worst I ever had in the UK was my Bluebird, where the nozzle went thump against the pipe on the inside over the years.. dragging the hose over the back at Sainsbury's one afternoon, with the handle upside-down to get it to reach, squeezed the trigger and ended up with fuel all over the floor as it pissed out of the rusty hole in the filler neck instead of going into the tank. Rusty, muddy fuel all over the forecourt.

Fixed that one with JB weld after that pretty quickly..

 

--Phil

[bub2006]

I'm annoyed also with the punto. Seems to click alot when putting fuel in. Blocked breather maybe.

[Joey spud]

Years back a mate of mine known as Fram 'cos he spelt farm wrong in a school spelling test reached 16 and took his FS1E to the Esso to fuel it up.
He had £2 on him and carefully squeezed in £1.90's worth of petrol and went in to pay and the young girl behind the counter said thats 19p please.

We ripped the piss out of him for months...

[UltraWomble]

Got a Vectra as a loaner a few years ago and it took me a fookin yonk to realise that the filler flap was on the central locking, thought I was going strange not being able to find a release lever for the flap.

[dollywobbler]

I never did get the hang of fuelling a Rover P6. You need to get the nozzle at some magical angle or it keeps clicking off. Once had a pump time out and refuse to give me anymore fuel! On many moderns, insert the nozzle, rest it on the lower edge of the hole and pull back slightly until it stops. That can help.

[beko1987]

I've had a few...

 

My first 206 had a fucked filler neck, I brimmed her up once, and the last quarter pissed over the forecourt... Had only been driving about 2 weeks, so was an embarrasing walk to the sand bucket...thought I would get a bollocking (a good £15 of derv was everywhere) but the lad on the till didnt care (was about 10.30pm tbh). Rang my mate who I bought the car off who casually said "yea, it does that..."

 

Again in the 206 I didnt spill anything, but stood in someone elses puddle whislt filling up, got in and my feet slipepd straight off the clutch and I got a brake pedal on my shin with force...

 

In the Puma, the tank used to pressurise like a fucker, making the cap impossible to get off. So, one bright sunny saturday I go to fill up, was very busy but I queued and waited. I turned the key so much I thought I;d snap it, so after 10 minutes of levering, pulling, twisting, swearing etc I give up, get back in, wait for the person in front to fill up and buggar off... cap came off fine in the morning so I filled up then...

 

Amys Corsa, I was brimming it up to the filler cap (Like I always did on the Puma). Except the filler neck design is different on a corsa and a full flow of pez shot back out of the neck and all over my nice new trousers I;d only bought a few weeks before... We were at Asda, going shopping anyway and Amy nearly threw up when I went to get back in the car covered in pez, so I had to walk over the car park to the store, buy a cheap cheap pair of chav jogging bottoms, get changed in the bog and carry on. I hung the trousers up in mums garage for a month and the smell went, but took the dye out where it hit and turned pink...have been my shitty job trousers since then and only just need burning retiring as one of the knees has torn completely...

 

1.4ZX - 5.55am, minus 7 in december, was on overtime so went in early... popped into the Esso as they opened the doors...cap lock frozen shut. Had to drive off, park up, heat the key with a lighter until it started to melt the plastic end, hold it in the cap lock until it all turns and go back...

 

Did slop a load of derv over the current ZX last week whislt trying to brim it full, wasnt too bad though, looks like a fucking desert now though as all the dust has stuck to it

[HillmanImp]

I once got told to 'Fuck Right off' from a 24hr petrol station as I was using the pump as a makeshift microphone to loudly sing 'My Way' at 5am.

[Dead_E23]

I'm annoyed also with the punto. Seems to click alot when putting fuel in. Blocked breather maybe.

If it's a MkI Punto, they seem to do that.  I think it's because the filler pipe is narrow and seems a bit contorted.  There's a knack to filling it without the pump stopping - iirc I hold the nozzle slightly more horizontal than usual and don't pull the trigger fully.

 

Mine's a diesel, and they used to be sufficiently uncommon that I occasionally used to get helpful advice over the tannoy when filling up.

[2MB]

After owning my E30 for a few years and it being roadworthy for about 4 months, I treat it to a full tank of unleaded. Only then did I find out that the tank had a crack on the seam so the last 30 litres dribbled out over the course of 5 hours on one of the hottest days of the year. I noticed after feeling my feet go cold from the petrol evaporating off them, and spent the rest of the day driving around, parking up and smoking nervously (a safe distance away) and not daring to leave the car unattended in case someone discarded a cig anywhere near it. It explained the fuel smell on sweeping bends, that's for sure

[cort1977]

I once brimmed a brand new diesel T5 van with petrol.   I drove it until it stopped.   I don't really want to talk about that incident except to say that all diesel pumps should be black FFS.

[Bear]

Rule 1: Never fill a cheap Capri over half full. See also "Rule 2: When you first get a car, brim it, then you'll know if it leaks".

I'm sure I've had loads, but the one I remember was actually a thing that played in my favour. Got a cheap Series III 109" from a dealer because they couldn't get fuel in it. The thing did 9mpg, so that was A Problem.

I filled it from a jerrycan, then drove to a petrol station. Sure enough, fuel pissed out everywhere. Looked underneath.

The breather hose was trapped between the body and a recently repaired outrigger. Tugged it free, there was a sound like an elephant farting in the bath and then the fuel went in just fine.

(Then straight out of the back. I suspect if you drove a Honda City behind the exhaust pipe it would have run on the emissions alone).

 

Hah, I just remembered. Anytime my friends offered to pay for petrol when in my Chevette, I'd suggest they fill it up for me then.

Later ones with black vents were, if anything, even better disguised...

[AlabamaShrimp]

A few weeks ago (could be months for all I remember) some silly tit shouted at me over the tanoy at Sainsbury's while filling up the fiesta. The filler thing is very low on the mk1/2 and they thought I was filling a can or something

[overrun]

I thought my mk4 Mondeo was missing the fuel cap.

[Taff]

Annoys me when folk queue up the road to petrol station because they want the side closest to filler neck. I understand vans doing it but majority of cars can be filled from a nozzle opposite to fuel filler. Filled punto up tonight and got some dirty looks for actually using the length of hose to reach to nozzle.

 

I know what you mean but I have become a "single-sider" since buying the F, I don't really fancy trailling the pump hose through the car when the roof is down.

 

On a capri-related face-palm note, I stopped once to wazz £20s-worth into my Mk3 2.8i. Reached £20 on the pump and released the trigger, and gave the nozzle a couple of gentle taps to get the remaining drips in. Heard a loud clunk-rattle as the nozzle fell off and slipped down my filler neck and into my tank, where it remained for 18 months & served as an audible reminder whenever that tank level dropped below a quarter.

[bub2006]

If it's a MkI Punto, they seem to do that. I think it's because the filler pipe is narrow and seems a bit contorted. There's a knack to filling it without the pump stopping - iirc I hold the nozzle slightly more horizontal than usual and don't pull the trigger fully.

 

Mine's a diesel, and they used to be sufficiently uncommon that I occasionally used to get helpful advice over the tannoy when filling up.

Mines a pre face-lift Mk2 on a x plate

[2MB]

All this talk of getting bollocked for appearing to fill up cans/spray fuel over the seats. I regularly squirt a bit of diesel/petrol into a veg oil container in the boot or on the front seat, and have never had anyone chirp up.

Although I did get asked to leave Govan Asda filling station for putting a few bottles of veg in the Merc along with their diesel

[HH-R]

Mines a pre face-lift Mk2 on a x plate

They must all be the same, my Mother had a W reg one and it was such a PITA to fill up she still gets someone else to do it 7 years and two cars later!

[dieselnutjob]

Once was when a police man stopped to have a chat with me about incorrect usage of my front fog lamps.

As I got out of the car it started to roll away because I had forgotten to put the handbrake on.

Luckily it wasn't too steep.

 

The other one I can think of was bump starting by rolling out of the filling station and dumping the clutch in first gear.

This caused the diff to explode covering the pavement with transmission oil.

 

Both in my 305 diesel estate.