Lies people tell you

[jakebullet]

I sent the Ma on a shopping expedition.

 

Engineering merchants, 1 x 10.3mm drill bit plz.

 

Man hands her a bag with a 10.2mm in it. This is a 10.2. I want 10.3mm. Lies told: It'll make the same size hole. It's impossible to buy a 10.3mm, nobody makes them.

 

Motor factors. 3m of 1/2" heater hose. (giving her a sample of hose cos they're bloody useless)

Lie told: We only have 2m left. Quinton hazel went bankrupt and you won't be able to buy 3m of heater hose anywhere.

 

What lies have you been told recently?

 

I expect you have plenty of scrapyard tales on the lines of you should buy the engine out of that builders van, it's low mileage with full service history.

[vulgalour]

That clear hose is fine for petrol.  Queue a strong smell of petrol and an engine fire narrowly avoided.

[Timewaster]

I'm afraid that part is on back order.

 

Translation: shit, I forgot to order it.

Lord knows how many times I used that one!

[Shep Shepherd]

The eBay ad for The Wentworth stated that 'everything works' on it. Does it fuck.

[andy18s]

It only needs air in the spare tyre to pass it's mot

[catsinthewelder]

Shouldn't need much for an MOT, I just haven't got round to it.

 

 

Lobbed it in for one to be shown a floorpan already covered in yellow crayon,  last time I trust an ebayer.

[TRW]

You should buy this German car, it is a far better machine than anything else you could buy for half the price.

 

This Ford CVH is as quiet as a mouse and starts first time every time with its VV carburettor.

 

I have only used this Ital several times over the last 8 years. Its ideal for pulling a twin axle, six berth caravan.

 

And a genuine one I heard in about 1995, honestly - "Its a what........Kia, they'll go bust by next year with that fucking thing (@ the whitewalled Pride that was standing infront of us)"

[fordperv]

Oh you've got a capri, I used to have a 2.8 injection laser it was the spesh edition with a supercharger and a turbo it needed the spare wheel well filled full of cement and a council slab in the back so it went round corners

[Angrydicky]

"Good car but since the MoT the brakes have become unbalanced and need looking at"

 

Translates as: car dragged out of yard where it had sat for 10 years, got running (badly), bucket of water over it for the Ebay photos, a bent MoT from some dodgy East London garage and Bob's your uncle. And complete brake replacement for the new owner, among many other things.

[TRW]

I was held up for 4 hours in a traffic jam. At the front of the queue was a knackered Beige BL Princess with a man in a two piece suit and hat/loafer combo claiming iffy clear fuel lines or somesuch bollocks. ALL LIES.

[Shep Shepherd]

"The aircon just needs re-gassing"

 

Read a conversion from R12 to R134a, then a re-gas, which will probably make it function for a week at most

[Jim Bell]

They all do that sir.

[Junkman]

It'll be ready by tomorrow 2 o'clock.

[Luckythirteen]

31.2% of all things said from the staff side of an ECP counter.

[Vince70]

When I had my smart roadster I wanted the optional extra turbo boost and temperature gauge fitted and was told it would mean a complete wiring loom and a couple of hundred quid for the gauges by my local Merc dealer..

 

I did a bit of homework on the subject and found that smart made a wiring adaptor for the gauges at £11 and that the gauges could be had for £50 cash on delivery from a Merc dealer in Germany..

 

It took all of 15 minutes to fit, but every time I went to the dealer the car would come back worse than when it went in and it was lie after lie but I kept going back as I wanted to keep the manufacturers warranty up.

 

It put me off smart and Merc main dealers for life... And being I only had a smart I only got the paper cups and not the Merc best china when having my free coffee at the dealership lol

[Parky]

Oh yes, the Rover 1400 cc unit is a Honda engine.....

 

It's a vw, of course it will be reliable

[Timewaster]

Your call is important to us. Please hold and we will be with you as soon as possible.

[Jim Bell]

Just needs a good run....................

[DeeJay]

Barn find.

[pilninggas]

check engine/ABS/brake warning/SRS light flickers on occasionally

[Junkman]

It's only a stuck thermostat.

[saucedoctor]

"I'm on the pill"

 

oh, right, cars:

 

"Best car I ever had, never let me down". Why the fuck are you selling it then?

 

"It's really a BMW 5 Series" - seller of Rover 75

 

"It doesn't use any AdBlue" - seller of a CLS I looked at.

 

 

and the old favourite "just serviced"

[dollywobbler]

'Humans are the only animals that kill their own kind.' No Roald Dahl, that's bollocks. I'm willing to believe in giants and granny-supersizing drugs, but sometimes he did go too far.

[Parky]

"No, of course I am not seeing anyone else!"

[Junkman]

Underneath it's solid.

[sutty2006]

"its a V6 and the V-Tech kicks in at 4000 RPM" - Seller of a 3.0 24valve Vauxhall Senator.

[mat_the_cat]

The LPG system works fine, it just needs filling up.

[Parky]

Oh that, that's UV exposure

 

Owner of a mk3 escort I looked at in the early nineties to explain the mismatched colour, crazing and micro blistering all over the drivers side. Oh no, definitely not been in any accidents.....

 

"I have been reliably informed that the mileometer running fast"

[vulgalour]

Of course I know what I'm doing.

[Luckythirteen]

"No, of course I am not seeing anyone else!"

 See also: "It's not you, it's me..." and "We can still be friends, right?"