I think that's just made it worse.

[Jim Bell]

Tales of stupidity while attempting to enjoy the past time of fixing cars.

 

 

In the act of trying to get an old car started, I recently mistook an aerosol of carpet glue for Easystart, and sprayed it directly into a carb with the engine spinning.

 

Survivor:

 

 

 

 

This is by no means the first stupid thing I've done while attempting to fix cars.

 

While having an ill advised shot at rectifying a carb base air leak on a Volvo 340, I realised I was missing a washer. Just when I was putting the carb back on.

Was there three, or just two washers on the mounting bolts? I remember pondering as started it up.

Clattttter! Clatter clatter! Clatter!

 

Well that doesn't sound good.

Drive it round the block to diagnose the problem.

 

Scratch chin.

 

Yeeeeeeah. There's a washer in my engine.

 

Crank it with plugs out to try and blow out detritus.

 

Last plug is completely shattered at the arse end. Squirt a lot of wd40 in the hole, stood well back and cranked it. Lots of metal and plug remnants shot out like an army grenade.

That seemed effective.

 

Quick compression test, new plug and all was dandy.

 

Survivor:

 

 

 

 

 

Renner pushrod engines are hardy, and I am retardy.

 

Anyone have tales of lesser ineptitude?

[Cavcraft]

Revving the bollocks off a noisy Marina 'because it sounded like a rally car' instead of checking the oil. Result? Some engine part or other tried to make a break for it via the casting.

 

Hand painting (inc using a roller) a Hunter estate, using emulsion.

 

Putting a V grille on my 1989 Cavalier Mk3. The lads at the local Vauxhall garage literally stood there and laughed at me

 

Driving through a BFO puddle in a Vectra C 1.9CDTi because I thought it would be good fun. Which it was to my son as the car spazzed up in some style and went into limp mode for ever.

 

Ace thread idea by the way

[Jim Bell]

Emulsion on an car exterior is interesting. Any pics man?

[catsinthewelder]

"I'm amazed that I got that BX ball joint off in one piece,  I'll just put a tiny bit of copperslip on the threads so that it's this easy next time"

 

about a 1000 miles later

 

[Station]

Once disassembled a suspension strut by 'decompressing' the spring first. It took about 2 weeks to remove the whole thing.

[RichardM1]

Putting an entire 5-litre bottle of oil into a mates' Punto - cue driving to a local garage with the car making massive clouds of white smoke around the streets of Norwich - the oil was drained out and refilled - and it survived!

[phil_lihp]

Pouring Redex down the plug holes of my Citroen AX to try and decoke it, then not getting it all out before putting the plugs back in and starting it.  The resultant backfire was quite impressive, but not as impressive as the enormous quantities of blue and white smoke it produced on the test drive afterwards.  The nice RAC man pointed out the neat coolant pouring out of the exhaust and diagnosed a seriously blown head gasket, confirmed by a total loss of compression the following day which saw it leave on the back of a recovery truck.  On the plus side, when it came back from the garage it ran a lot better so it kind of worked.

[Jim Bell]

"I'm amazed that I got that BX ball joint off in one piece, I'll just put a tiny bit of copperslip on the threads so that it's this easy next time"

 

about a 1000 miles later

 

DSCF1852.JPG

Oh dear. Did it get such a fright that it did a wee?

[Cavcraft]

Emulsion on an car exterior is interesting. Any pics man?

Sadly not. It was my first car (circa 1981) and I probably didn't have a camera then. For the benefit of stupidity we all drew some sperm with smiley faces in red enamel paint swimming down the side of the car. It's what it would have wanted.

 

Oh aye, another Marina I had I dropped a fag down the dashboard somewhere, so I smashed it with an axe in a fit of rage.

[NorfolkNWeigh]

I had a Renault 16 when I was 18 and one night it stopped and wouldn't even turn over,me and my mates diagnosed seizure as did the RAC. Got it towed home and spent a couple of days cruising rough estates looking for an engine(pre ebay this was how it was done) found a scruffy TS for £15 that drove well,but was a little rusty,so much so one of the back doors was welded shut. Then towed the seized one 200 miles with the £15 one to my dad's house in Wales to swap it over. Discovered the bolts holding the starter had come loose- hence not turning over,then my dad noticed the low tension lead was broken hence cutting out.

To celebrate I decided to take the spotlights off the £15 TS, whilst drilling the front panel on the good one I put the drill through the radiator! Luckily I had a spare- that TS sat in my dad's field for 25 years and nothing else was ever used off it.

[Jim Bell]

Good investment. Bet it weighed for more than £15.

Plus free spotlights.

[overrun]

I once masked up and painted bump strips and door handles on my Primera, as I didn't know how to remove them at the time.

I used high-tack masking tape. It took about a year for the glue to come off.

If only the new paint lasted as long.

 

I also used to.apply tyre black from a tin with a brush. My sidewalls had hairs and brush strokes.

 

My mate once managed to drill through the rear of his Nova's roof skin when fitting an SR spoiler, as he chose to leave the tailgate on the car.

 

Another mate had me fit a 19 16v spoiler to his 5d 1.4 RT and claimed to have 'plenty of tools'.

This turned out to be a one-speed electric drill with a masonary bit that wouldn't be out of place for fitting a Sky dish.

 

It skidded about on the tailgate and then *Bosh!* it went through - interior plastics and all.

The look of this harelquin phony was then completed when said mate applied a second hand 16v badge with copious amounts of Loctite - so had a nice run mark.right down the tailgate.

 

Another mate attempted to kit up his 'RS2' mk3 Fiesta with bits we found in the scrappy.

Drilled the holes with a wood bit in a seriously antiquated drill, and painted the kit with rattle cans from about 10cm whilst resting them in soil.

 

I also had a mate who's Clio 16v would often break (of course), so would bomb home in a huff and turn the garden hose on the red hot engine to enable work to commence immediately.

[dollywobbler]

On my first 2CV, I adjusted the valve clearances to improve running. It sounded absolutely horrific when I started it up though. Turns out it's very easy to over-tighten the rocker covers, so they get squashed down into the rocker gear. DOH!

[Partridge]

My original Merc (a 190) had a slightly rusty back box. I decided to get under the car and have a better look. Turns out it was a lot worse than it looked, as I managed to put my thumb through it 

[Bren]

I fitted an oil filter to my mother in law's granada without realising that the rubber seal was missing.

 

I was amazed how quickly four and a quarter litres of oil can be pumped out of an engine.

 

Fortunately I managed to knock it off before it started knocking.

 

Oh, I once polished the living room furniture using a rag and a can of waterproofer. I blamed my other half for leaving it next to the furniture polish.

[sutty2006]

When I was an apprentice diesel mechanic, I tried diagnosing rough running issues on my first 1800 petrol Manta by having a mess around with the HT leads........ While it was running.

 

 

Shocking.

[Junkman]

Shoehorned a Boss 429 semi-hemi into a 1969 Cougar to improve the handling.

Everything went well, including a provision cut into the inner wings to access the spark plugs later on, like on the big-block Mustangs, I was a smart* bassa back then.

A few weeks later, the battery died. It turned out that in order to change the battery, it would have been necessary to remove the RH cylinder head.

So I drilled into the battery from below and released all the acid, then cut it in half with an angle grinder, while a mate flushed constantly with a garden hose.

We both looked like baptised mice after the ordeal. Funnily, the clothes we wore that day deteriorated over the next few weeks.

The new battery was duly located in the boot.

[Jim Bell]

Bet your windscreen never overheated Wat.

[fordperv]

I made a huge facepalm moment when I was 16, I was cutting an exhaust by my shed with a grinder, I didn't notice the sparks were continuously hitting a huge caravan leisure battery, then the battery exploded bits of broken plastic fired at my head

[HillmanImp]

I also used to.apply tyre black from a tin with a brush. My sidewalls had hairs and brush strokes.

 

You were doing it wrong bro. You wanted some silver paint for instant low profile tyres innit:

 

[Mr Livered]

That^^ is absolutely fucking ace. It makes baked bean tins on the end of exhaust pipes to resemble* a large-bore system look positively professional by comparison. Gave me a megalol, anyway.

[Grundig]

I made an interesting coffee once, using ...... gravy granules

[Cavcraft]

Once spent probably 90 minutes trying to attach an A-frame to a scrap Orion. I decided to test it on a private road first and promptly the car sort of slid off and smashed straight into one of the brand new backlights I'd spent a full day fitting and wiring up.

I've never attempted to A-frame since and I never will again.

[daveb47]

Not my mistakes but seen during my working life.

Brand new Citroen cx21 pushed into corner of workshop by foreman as he wouldnt let any of us drive it.

When customer arrived foreman started it to drive it out,when suspension lifted water tap on wall went through bonnet.

 

Same garage ,they let apprentice spray his car,he decided to "borrow" some of their paint,Unfortunately it was 2 pack which he didnt put any hardener in..wondered why paint wouldnt dry.

[overrun]

I made an interesting coffee once, using ...... gravy granules

Alright, Uncle Albert!

[alf892]

On a call out (roadside) to one of our skip wagons..........an old Dodge 100 7.5 tonner

 

It just needed an alternator. No pulley on the new one so remembered to undo the nut while the old one was still on. Couldn't shift it so decided to chisel old one off.

 

Went really well............till the small bit I was chiseling off suddenly came off and hit the rad core neatly putting a small pinhole in it. Lots of water comes out of a small pinhole.

 

 

The driver had a full day on so I just squeezed it up and put a rad turd in it.

[mercrocker]

Most of my comedy spanner moments involve stripped threads, smashed knuckles and involuntary 12v bridging moments plus the inevitable non-sealing oil filters on B series engines....Particularly frustrating episode was when I expertly jacked up the Minor just prior to a "nice day out" whilst Mrs Rocker  looked on, picnic basket in hand.   I had heard a knocking shock mount crying out for more torque the day before.   All done in a jiffy and without getting filthy,  I then inexplicably took out the jack handle from the trolley and watched the little tube socket thingy flip uselessly up against the diff and jam  itself against the floor of the car rendering the whole thing unlowerable....

[DSdriver]

I was driving through London with a scrap DS on a trailer. Well it was until i pulled away from a set of traffic lights and it rolled off the back of the trailer to sit in the middle of the intersection. Fortunately, as this happened at about four o'clock in the morning I was able to back up, put the ramps on and drive it back onto the trailer before anyone important noticed. I made sure that the straps were properly secured this time as it taught me that the wheelbase length increases on a DS as it sinks on its suspension.

[daveb47]

Triumph herald,fitted AA badge ,all went well till i closed the bonnet and over long bolts holding badge went through radiator.

[DSdriver]

Triumph herald,fitted AA badge ,all went well till i closed the bonnet and over long bolts holding badge went through radiator.

Did you have to call the RAC to sort it out?