Define Autoshite

[UmBongo]

Hello,

 

I recently discovered this website and it's the best antidote for a crappy day at work I've found yet.

 

So, as a new recruit, I ask, can anything be classed as Autoshite, or are there any rules for inclusion?

 

Thanks in advance for any amusing answers.

[garethj]

Yes, apply for the full set of rules in writing to the usual address.

 

Briefly, rule 1 is: Don't go talking about Autoshite.

Rule 2: always obey rule 1

[dollywobbler]

Do lots of people (outside this forum) like them? If so, it's not Autoshite. (I try to ignore the fact that these days, people actually like 2CVs. I got into them when they were still a joke!)

[rml2345]

Autoshite is everything that's left after we've finished arguing about what isn't Autoshite. Expect a definitive list around 2196...

 

Edited to add; What Dollywobbler said. 

[Junkman]

  On 05/10/2013 at 12:18, dollywobbler said:

Do lots of people (outside this forum) like them? If so, it's not Autoshite. (I try to ignore the fact that these days, people actually like 2CVs. I got into them when they were still a joke!)

You must be very old.

 

On a more serious note, Autoshite is a dying species, like dinosaurs once were. A lot of the stuff still considered Autoshite on this forum has long since left Autoshite territory and ever more is to follow. So being a real Autoshiter will soon be a hobby for the rich, which is actually already emerging, given how many Cortinas etc are parked in places like Kensington or Wilmslow nowadays.

And let's face it, every thread about present or future Autoshite has so far run dry after a very short time, because real autoshite hasn't been made since the 1990s.

[Sigmund Fraud]

Autoshite is the type of car bought by someone who knows all there is to know about buying cars but consistently chooses to ignore it.

 

See also 'WCPGW'.

[phil_lihp]

Anything that cost less than £300 with MOT. Anything made by Volvo or Nissan in the eighties or Citroen/Peugeot in the nineties. Anything made by British Leyland ever.

[Junkman]

It's probably more an attitude, than specific cars.

Looking for a 1.1 turbodiesel for your daily commute and then buying a 300 quid Jag V12 instead is definitely Autoshite.

The pinnacle of Autoshitism is if you buy it unseen off Mongbay, then go to collect it from some run down council estate when it's dark for the 300 mile trip home.

[bub2006]

Can always do what I did. Needed a reliable car for work and shopping etc so swapped the Nissan micra for an e class estate auto with a misfire and bigger thirst than Mr best and Mr reed

[vulgalour]

All cars are Autoshite, but some are more Autoshite than others.

 

It isn't a particular era or brand or model.  Lately, the emphasis is on 80s to early 2000 as candidates, but any car of any age from any country has the potential to be Autoshite, it's just that some got there straight out of the factory while others take a few years to earn the crust of shitiness to earn them their mantle and rightful place on the forum.

[dollywobbler]

  On 05/10/2013 at 13:12, Junkman said:

You must be very old.

 

 

I hope not, but I have owned 2CVs since 1996, when you could still buy them with loads of test for £650. The one I own now I bought for £450 (with a bit of test) in 2000.

[Barry Cade]

A picture says a thousand words.

 

[brickwall]

It can be the art of using your company car allowance to have two V8s and a Rover25 ,as I once did. it's not about  Concours d'Elegance on this forum

[HillmanImp]

  Quote

"Autoshite is a hub of great international activity, cunningly disguised as a dozen blokes posting up photos of Talbot Solaras"

 

[scruff]

  On 05/10/2013 at 16:32, HillmanImp said:

 

  Quote

"Autoshite is a hub of great international activity, cunningly disguised as a dozen blokes posting up photos of Talbot Solaras"

 

 

"Your Motoring Is Our Concern" summed it up nicely.

[fordperv]

It's a way of life

[Micrashed]

Its a website - you can find it at WWW.AutoShite.Com

[Bobthebeard]

It is Autoshite if:

Your neighbours wince every time they see it.

 

Your wife refuses to travel in it unless in an emergency*.

 

Your dog sniffs at it suspiciously before getting in.

 

The blokes at the local recycling centre drop their cakes/tea/fags to leap out and tell you they don't take cars, when all you went for was to dump some hedge clippings.

 

It is brown.

 

Etc.

[Richard]

If people keep saying "Why don't you sell all these heaps and buy a new car on finance?" you're probably driving autoshite.

 

[mercrocker]

All of the above....plus driving cars daily that others call "classic" and only polish and take to shows where they sit in gazebos and dont talk to anybody who hasnt got a Pudgely Porridge.   Fooling yourself that you are saving "bagsofmoney" on tax and depreciation as you sell another organ for a  week's worth of welding.   Finding yourself with five cars and riding your pushbike to work so that wifey can take the only runner to  see her grand-daughter.    And pissing yourself  laughing on a winter morning when chummy at work's new S-Max locks him out and shuts down when he got out to scrape ice from the rear window ...

[inconsistant]

Autoshite: A brown interior where once there was a proud man.

[Bobthebeard]

  On 05/10/2013 at 19:30, mercrocker said:

Finding yourself with five cars and riding your pushbike to work so that wifey can take the only runner to the garage for welding. And pissing yourself laughing on a winter morning when chummy at work's new S-Max locks him out and shuts down when he got out to scrape ice from the rear window ...

Yes.... The simple pleasures in life. It's the Autoshite way!

[Partridge]

I do hope you're taking the piss. Please say you are.

  On 05/10/2013 at 13:12, Junkman said:

So being a real Autoshiter will soon be a hobby for the rich, which is actually already emerging, given how many Cortinas etc are parked in places like Kensington or Wilmslow nowadays.

[Cavcraft]

Knowing you have the shittest car in the works car park, and knowing it annoys other people at work. And revving it when it smokes it tits off, therefore fumigating the entire area of the deadly veg oil moth.

[londonm]

  On 06/10/2013 at 09:46, Alan Partridge said:

I do hope you're taking the piss. Please say you are.

I can see where Junkman's coming from, cortinas are already rich boys toys like corsairs are. Escorts are the same, but I genuinely think that a new generation of shite is coming along. I think my girlfriends current shape Agila will be autoshite, the only ones that won't be will the ones which require lots of electronic diagnostic tools.

Basically, there'll be shite, but less of it.

[Jim Bell]

From the German 16th century horse trader Otto Scheisse.

Who bought knackered old horses, covered them in boot polish to hide their scabs and then was completely unable to sell them on at a profit.

 

Still a popular practice today.

[Wilko220]

  On 06/10/2013 at 09:58, londonm said:

I can see where Junkman's coming from, cortinas are already rich boys toys like corsairs are. Escorts are the same, but I genuinely think that a new generation of shite is coming along. I think my girlfriends current shape Agila will be autoshite, the only ones that won't be will the ones which require lots of electronic diagnostic tools.

Basically, there'll be shite, but less of it.

Just ignore Fords and their unfathomable scene tax and it's ok.

Ford Cortinas and Escorts may be silly money now but the Rootes, BL or other manufacturers' equivalents of those models aren't.

[Partridge]

I think they will tons of Korean shite soon. Sonatas, i302736462728245omgGreenMaticValues and the like will rare one day and we'll be allover them.

But how many of us will still be alive then?

[Cavcraft]

More importantly, OP: have you been drunk in the Congo?

[londonm]

The decider in this will be the cost of tax discs on higher polluting cars, Labour backed out of doubling tax at the last minute before the recession when they realised it was poorer people who'd be effected. If they get in again next time I think it will be on their wish list though.