The Bikeshite Thread

[warren t claim]

When I did my DAS I paid for an intensive course, 3 or 4 days I think it was.

 

They were a pretty old school outfit in Bradford, sound as fuck but overall I didn't really think I got the best value for money.

 

Arrive 9am

Coffee and a fag

Head out about 9:45, ride around for less than an hour

Fag break and a chat

Another short ride

Back to base, dinner, coffee, fag

Another short ride

fag break

back to base and finish about 3pm

 

Honestly probably got about 2-3 hours riding per full days training. 

 

Having said that I passed first time so not really complaining.

Sounds like us! You probably didn't need to practice U turns and emergency stops but it gives us a chance for a fag break. Sorry for the spoiler alert!

[They_all_do_that_sir]

When I did my DAS I paid for an intensive course, 3 or 4 days I think it was.

 

They were a pretty old school outfit in Bradford, sound as fuck but overall I didn't really think I got the best value for money.

 

Arrive 9am

Coffee and a fag

Head out about 9:45, ride around for less than an hour

Fag break and a chat

Another short ride

Back to base, dinner, coffee, fag

Another short ride

fag break

back to base and finish about 3pm

 

Honestly probably got about 2-3 hours riding per full days training.

 

Having said that I passed first time so not really complaining.

My instructor was a top bloke but a chain smoker and story teller, most lessons were peppered with smoke breaks and its a miracle I got any time on the bike.

 

Having said that either he knew what he was doing or I grasped the concept quick enough as I passed the mod1 (off road bit) first try.

 

I bought a cheap CG125, and spent every lunchtime at work riding around every combination of the local test routes I could (they used to publish them online) so when mod2 (on road) test day arrived I knew within two corners which route I was on.....had to catch myself out couple of times making it too obvious I knew where I was going next....

 

I was mega lucky I passed when I did, as shortly after they brought in all the complicated rules. I passed on a 125, was restricted (ahem officer) for two years and then onto anything I wanted.....

 

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[Dave_Q]

Sounds like us! You probably didn't need to practice U turns and emergency stops but it gives us a chance for a fag break. Sorry for the spoiler alert!

 

Didn't have to do any of that as it was all in module 1, so mostly practiced on their off road area, with the instructor walking around with a fag on, obviously. 

 

They did also have a spot near a tower block nearby where they set up a few cones to do the swerving and emergency stop carryon as the shape of the road was similar to the course. 

 

As you might imagine, this was done with the instructor stood by the cones, chain smoking and shouting as required if you didn't do it right.

[twosmoke300]

When i did my bike training it was run by the local council as a series of 10 evening classes. Cracking bunch of blokes , a few im still in contact with 20 years later. Really relaxed and cheap at the time.

[Fat_Pirate]

My CBT instructor was very chatty, but unfortunately it was all tales of previous pupils who'd gone on to kill themselves (one chap came off a bridge and landed on electrified railway tracks, that was my favourite).  

[warren t claim]

Stop me if I'm boring you here guys.

 

Examiners.

 

Now I've already told you about our local examiner so let's discuss the other two who were not only based in Chester and Widnes but used to cover our local test centre on holidays and overtime.

 

This is a tale of two Daves. 

 

Firstly there was Daffy Duck Dave, so called because of the Daffy Duck tie he wore to the office. He's the sort of prim and proper person who put his immaculately ironed hi-viz on to walk to his mk1 Toyota Avensis and then fold it up on the back seat before getting in to conduct a bike test. I never knew him to ride a bike although he was a decent guy and friendly enough. He used to invite me along for a ride along although I never summed up enough courage to ask him why he drove his Avensis automatic locked onto second gear for the entire duration of a test. 

 

The second Dave was someone we referred to as Dave The Cunt. He worked almost exclusively out of the Chester test centre and was unaffected by the Pan Euro ban due to being a BMW rider. An ex-military man he expected candidates to be turned out in the right gear and for it to be clean and presentable which if I'm being totally honest was a higher standard than even us instructors managed! It was hard work to keep yourself from uttering 'oh fuck it's him' over the one way radio when turning up at a test centre and seeing his 1100RT parked outside.

 

Give me a few mins and I'll make a start on the next chapter.

[warren t claim]

Here we go again with another almost true but partially fictitious chapter ...

 

Sometimes things don't go according to plan.

 

Now your average CBT candidate counts down the days until his 16/17th birthday when he can finally hit the road. It's his/her first taste of independence and if you're 16 you can't wait to be signed off and collect your scooter and cause mayhem while a 17-year-old sees this as their first step to a full licence and finally getting that restricted SV650 or Bandit. In both cases, they're jumping up and down outside the gates before you get there in youthful excitement. Sadly for the instructor, whether he be a taxi driver or a publican it's just another day at the office and to be honest we'd rather be still drinking or tucked up in bed. Most of us are capable of conducting a CBT in our sleep and according to my then girlfriend, I actually did just that once! The DSA have strict guidelines on how long the off road compound element of a CBT should last but as this is a work of fiction and I'm amongst friends I'll tell you the truth and say it lasts as long until the instructor thinks he stands a sporting chance of passing a police breathalyzer. Sometimes things go almost well with both pupils having similar levels of ability and learning curves my I can assure you that this is rarely the case. CBTs were booked in where one guy was a 16 year old who'd been riding stolen scooters for years and positively romped through the compound work while the other punter was a lady who couldn't even ride a push bike and had zero balance.

 

Shall I talk about the various punters that went through our door next? 

[Guest Hooli]

Just to interrupt these amusing tales. I've treated all my leathers with saddle soap tonight, they feel like new now as they are so supple. I did my big leather coat too, but that's not bike gear so I won't mention it

[warren t claim]

I'm beginning to think I should have maybe made a new thread for this?  

 

Should I copy and paste into a new thread on our off topic board?

[warren t claim]

Just to interrupt these amusing tales. I've treated all my leathers with saddle soap tonight, they feel like new now as they are so supple. I did my big leather coat too, but that's not bike gear so I won't mention it

Did you treat your leather executioners hood as well?

[Guest Hooli]

Did you treat your leather executioners hood as well?

 

I'm not even sure how to answer that. I did the inside of my helmet though....

 

I agree on a new thread for your tales, they are entertaining so far.

[They_all_do_that_sir]

I'm beginning to think I should have maybe made a new thread for this?

 

Should I copy and paste into a new thread on our off topic board?

A new thread would be ace. I'm enjoying these tales.

 

Again a dedicated bike section would be just the ticket.

 

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[warren t claim]

A new thread would be ace. I'm enjoying these tales.

 

Again a dedicated bike section would be just the ticket.

 

Sent from my F3211 using Tapatalk

Shall I post it on the main board or open forum?

[They_all_do_that_sir]

Shall I post it on the main board or open forum?

Possibly open? Less likely to get buried I guess?

 

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[warren t claim]

Possibly open? Less likely to get buried I guess?

 

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I've sent a PM to a mod for their opinion.

[They_all_do_that_sir]

I've sent a PM to a mod for their opinion.

Good man, and I look forward to more fictional* tales....

 

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[warren t claim]

So in the absence of any admin input, I suppose I should continue posting on here?

 

Over the years a few incidents are burned into my brain, for example, the other instructor had a test scheduled and all went well until the test finished and the happy punter had passed their full A licence, all good so far but when it was time to return to base the instructor realised that his ER-5 had run out of fuel. No problem, give the pupil a pilly back and then summon help. I walked over to the test centre to recover the dry Kawasaki from what was then my home a few hundred yards away from the test centre with a can of unleaded but no funnel. Fortunately, the pupil had left their complimentary copy of Ride On, the magazine given to all newly passed riders behind the test centre wall so I made a cone out of it and filled the bike up.  Having no way of carrying the can back to base I left it behind the wall before returning the ER-5 back to base. So far so good. The other instructor then offered to give me a lift home which I obviously accepted and made a mental note of picking up the petrol can on our way back. We got back as far as 250 yards away from the test centre only to find the whole area cordoned off by the police due to a bomb scare at the test centre, yes a car examiner known as Grizzly Adams had seen my fuel can and as this was the week following the 7/7 bombings had decided to report it as a suspect package. Needless to say the bomb squad were less than impressed with his somewhat overzealous reporting...

[AdeMk1]

Very amusing, keep them coming!

[Guest Hooli]

So in the absence of any admin input, I suppose I should continue posting on here?

 

I suspect some of them are still partially human & may sleep at night....

 

 

Great bomb scare though, good work

[hairnet]

woot mot pass

 

needs fork seals tho

 

 

[Guest Hooli]

The mileage you do it's due fork oil anyway, so easy win.

[Arthur Foxhake]

Any C90 lickers able to give me a simple rundown of which wires are needed to make the bike run please?

It was running fine from the key before i started dicking about with it and now i have no spark.

To fill you in, it is being prepared for a moped endurance racing event and i was stripping wires I don't need.

Obviously, i needed more than i thought and am now in the shit, with a birds nest of wires and not too much of an idea where to go from here.

I kept the ignition wired up but I believe I have lost signal from coil to spark plug.

Help a clueless halfwit please!

 

Edit. I had unplugged the CDI and forgotten. Problem solved.

 

Did I mention i was a clueless halfwit?

[UltraWomble]

Suggestions please for me saving my pennies for a commuter bike.

 

1) lightweight

2) small capacity ( sub 500cc)

4) Wouldnt say no to something with a bit of ground clearance for green lane use.

3) Prefer cast wheels but not essential. ( I seem to fook up spoked rears in short order).

[twosmoke300]

What’s the budget ? Crf250l or crf230 are good small trail bikes

[DodgeRover]

How about a Drjerbel? DR200/250, electric start XL600R can be had and are excellent hooligan fun machines in traffic.

 

Obviously you'll never be able to leave it parked anywhere other than maximum security though.

[UltraWomble]

What’s the budget ?

Probably sub £2500

[Dave_Q]

DRZ? Spoked wheels tho. The enduro version seems a bit cheaper as presumably the kool kidz want the supermoto version.

 

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Suzuki-DRZ-400-E-2004/153021491880?hash=item23a0caaaa8:g:OAMAAOSwZola6CPe

[twosmoke300]

God no - I fucking hate DRz400s - too many years pushing the overweight , badly made and suspended pieces of shit up lanes for people I suppose.

[blackboilersuit]

Bike for commuting - Honda NTV650. Shaft drive, cheap, what more could you ask for.

 

Green Lane - Honda CRF230. Cheap (for a small trailie) due to lack of power and basic suspension. Perfect off road novice bike because of a super low seat hight (by modern trail bike standards) and soft smooth power. It might struggle a bit on some of the really technical lanes but it won't get you into trouble and that's far more important. If you can find an electric start XR250 its a better bike than the CRF230. I have one and adore it. Sensible seat height, good off road and will sit on the motorway too, a great all rounder. CRF250 is ok but I find it a bit tall and heavy for what it is. It's got KTM seat height but without the light weight, great suspension and mega power.

 

While you can easily commute on a trail bike they are far more of a theft risk than most other bikes under £5k value so this is something to consider depending on where you have to park every day. 

[Jazoli]

A 3 year old Sv650 can be had for 2.5k if you look