The Chod Squad – going where others fear to tread!

[messerschmitt owner]

This week’s installment of The Chod Squad brings us an epic trip through five countries, five buses, two aircraft, one ferry and two cars, all in 36 hours of car purchasing stupidity.

 

Episode One Part One finds us up at 5 a.m. for the 6.02 No. 24 bus from outside the front door to Gloucester. £2.30 for the 16 mile trip in one of Stagecoach’s finest double deckers, through the rather dark but very sylvan Gloucestershire countryside before hitting the city itself at 7 a.m.

 

Time for a commercial break - the café at Gloucester bus station does good brekkies – and a great coffee – ideal for the intrepid idiot on his way to pick up a car bought sight unseen in a foreign country.

 

Next bus is the 94 Gold – complete with leather seats, wi fi and grumpy passengers. In that way of the world, it’s £2.90 to go five miles from Gloucester bus station to the hub of international travel that is Staverton airport. Up through Gloucester, I spot four smart roadsters in different houses in Cheltenham Road – is this a record for a single street in the UK?

 

And so, dropped off at Messier Dowty, propeller manufacturers and purveyors of suspension and nose wheels for all sorts of aircraft, it’s time for Shank’s Pony to the airport – it’s about half a mile, past a Canberra cockpit and a Second World War pill box, guarding the runway.

 

IMG_1382 by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

The pillbox – stop line for the German invaders.

 

IMG_1385 by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

The entrance.

 

Check in takes all of about five minutes and you can arrive 40 minutes before your flight. We’re not talking jumbo jets here – there were eighteen of us waiting for the plane and one of us was randomly selected to be searched – luckily not me. Standard security involves questions like did you pack your rucksack yourself. Then our plane is called and it is a short ten feet walk from the arrivals and departures to the departure lounge, with a single x-ray machine and twenty seats.

 

IMG_1386 by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

 

 

 

IMG_1384 by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

Gloucestershire airport is great for spotting plane chod – this is from the main road at the end of the runway.

 

 

International hub this may not be, but there are always some interesting private planes about – two American Lear jets this time, plus at least two big choppers (OK, OK, a Eurocopter and something small)

 

IMG_1387 by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

Our teeny Russian plane.

 

Flight time to Belfast is a scheduled 2 hours 30 minutes – slow plane or what? Nope, it wasn’t slow, but it was a Russian 19 seater with a great view of the cockpit. It was noisy, which probably explains the Buster Keaton silent movies on the screen and there is nothing better than watching the props spin round six feet from your face.

 

Soon, we are over the water, looking at the rather choppy irish Sea about 4,000 feet below. I notice we’re going down. We can’t be near Belfast as there’s still more than 90 minutes to go. Is the plane about to ditch? Are we in mortal danger? No, but we are landing at Isle of Man International Airport to transfer to the Belfast plane. There is a bus waiting for us, to take us about 200 feet.

 

IMG_1388 by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

I could have walked …

 

A slightly larger departure lounge here – with a small café and a shop, where I spend £8 buying some Manx toffee as a souvenir for the girls back home.

 

 

IMG_1392 by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

Professional boarding card!

 

 

IMG_1390 by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

Another plane at Isle of Man International!

 

On to our next Yak for the short hop to Belfast George Best International City Queens Island Next to the Titanic Museum Airport. Stop in arrivals for a few minutes and pick up some tourist brochures – including one for the new Titanic Musuem, which according to the bumpf does not have a single item that is of any age in it. I mean, how difficult is it to spend a few tens of thousands buying up some original material relating to the ship. That means I have officially had more items that have been on the Titanic than the museum about the ship owns.

 

Outside the airport is the bus stop for the shuttle bus (£2.20) to Europa Bus Station, where I catch the express coach to Newry - £8.80 for 45 miles. You see all sorts of interesting places on the way to the bus station – from Samson and Goliath (the big yellow cranes at Harland & Wolff’s) to the City Hall, which is a nice building.

 

IMG_1393 by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

The Belfast whistle stop tour includes Harland & Wolff.

 

IMG_1397 by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

And the view from a bus of Belfast City Hall

 

 

IMG_1398 by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

As well as the delights of Europa Bus Station.

 

IMG_1399 by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

 

Bus to Newry is comfortable and I had forgotten just how gorgeous Irish girls are – stunning girl, about 20, is sitting opposite me.

 

Arrive in Newry at 1.20 and am on the phone to the insurance company to arrange cover as the vendor meets me. Visit his parent’s shop to collect the paperwork and we are off to his house to collect the car. He has a very nice Toyota Celica. Five minutes later, we are at his house and the XM is on the drive.

 

Looks nice in blue but nowhere near as tidy as the petrol XM I have just sold. None the less, diesel XM estates in four pedal form are pretty rare and as Leslie Crowther would say, the price is right.

 

We sit and chat over tea and do the deal – a wadge of £20s is handed over and a green slip and some paperwork comes in exchange. There’s fuel aboard so I trundle off into the sunset, trying to get the measure of the new beast.

 

 

IMG_1407 by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

Eddie Stobart spotting on the M1 near Drogheda.

 

 

Clutch is good, although it takes some getting used to as it is quite new. All the controls are in familiar places and the info panel on the left has some dodgy pixels – but what’s new! Don’t try floor it till I am back on the motorway and heading for Dublin to catch the ferry to Liverpool but notice there isn’t a huge amount of movement in the accelerator pedal. About half an hour in, I thinks to myself that the floor mat must be under the pedal and stopping it move so far. Reach down, pull mat back, plant foot in floor and whoooooooosh, she’s away!

 

Sunroof doesn’t work but all four leccie windows too – back left is a bit sticky though! Temperature sits resolutely at about 88C, and steering and suspension work just great. Almost everything is working just fine, it seems! Toll road approaches and I realise I have no Euros in cash – yes, country number four is reached, one more country to go and them it’s home. Blind panic sets in so I head for Drogheda and a bank, withdrawing €40 on the way, stop for some lunch too and some fuel at €1.51 a litre – and isn’t petrol expensive in Ireland at €1.60 something. Follow the signs for the motorway and discover I must have missed the toll! Drive to Dublin, arriving there about 3.30 and go sight seeing.

 

IMG_1402 by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

Irish parking bays are a sensible size!

 

IMG_1406 by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

In the service station was this Irish Chod

 

IMG_1408 by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

Dublin is still one of my favourite cities! Strangely, I managed to park outside an Irish pub that wasn’t Irish themed!

 

 

 

Have a bite to eat – not too much as I want to get something on the ferry. After a tour of Dublin by car, up and down Custom House Quay, over the Liffey, and under the city by tunnel - €3), it is time to park up in the ferry terminal and enjoy the delights of the passenger area.

 

IMG_1410 by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

The queue for the ferry.

 

IMG_1411 by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

In Terminal Decline

 

 

 

 

It was quieter than a Rolls-Royce at 70 but had the ubiquitous tea and coffee vending machine. Quick cuppa of an indeterminate brew purporting to be white coffee and it was time to board.

 

IMG_1412 by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

Enjoy!

 

IMG_1414 by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

On our way from misery to happiness today …

 

They’d loaded lots of the trucks and us cars and small vans were up on deck 5, squashed in the corner of this primarily freight only ferry. Who would I be sharing a bunk with? Axe murderer or nice Irishman.

 

Frankly, I didn’t care – the effects of a long day were already making me drowsy! Lowered the suspension on the car as the crew came round with chains to lock the lorries down – don’t want them chaining the XM and discovering in the morning that the car has settled overnight and onto the links!

 

IMG_1416 by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

no chains on my wagon!

 

 

Upstairs and straight to the restaurant for dinner – free and it genuinely was eat all you can. I didn’t go back for seconds but I did have quite a lot.

 

IMG_1417 by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

dinner!

 

By 9.30 we had let go and were off down the channel to the Irish Sea. After dinner, it was back to the cabin, where my room mate for the night was there – he told me he was across to Leeds to buy construction machinery at auction there, and liked his cars. We had a chat about mine and the XM on deck 5.

 

IMG_1418 by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

cabin fever

 

 

Woken up at 4.30 by the Captain telling us breakfast was being served and it was time to get up and vacate our rooms – or as they say on My Name is Earl, Wakey, Wakey, hands off Snakey!

 

IMG_1419 by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

truck driver’s breakfast

 

It was down a deck for breakfast and I joined the queue again for a monster platter of cooked breakfast, porridge, toast and coffee – lots of it!

 

IMG_1424 by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

women and children first!

 

IMG_1421 by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

truckfest.

 

IMG_1423 by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

is the ship rolling a bit?

 

 

It was an eternity before we were fully berthed – supposedly a 5.30 arrival but it was almost seven by the time the two Guinness trailers had been moved from in front of the cars and we were off!

 

 

IMG_1426 by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

 

What way to go home? M6 and brum at rush hour or tunnel, Wirral, Wrexham, Welshpool, Craven Arms and Hereford? It was decided! Wales it was, my fifth country in 24 hours. The XM (especially in manual form) is a great car for roads like these – comfortable, quick and fun to drive.

 

At 10, after a 30 minute or so stop near the Cadbury factory at Leominster for a nap, I hit home and parked up.

 

IMG_1430 by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

can a man have too many Citroens?

 

 

Mad rush then started to swap out the interior, knowing it was going to be raining later in the week. By that afternoon, before the lack of sleep really hit me, I’d removed the front seats from my car and was swapping them over with the new one.

 

Finally finished all this on the Saturday morning and it was time for me to say farewell to R267PGF, my trusty and rather gorgeous XM 2.0TCT estate and have it replaced by a slightly hanging but overall quite tidy 2.1TD in VSX spec.

 

The new car has been all over now – and has managed a complete tour of the British isles after a run to Scotland and back last weekend.

 

She failed spectacularly there with a leaking injector fuel pipe, which I could have fixed in twenty minutes myself but had no tools. That, and the rather fast drive to Scotland, probably explained the poor fuel consumption of about 670 miles from a tankful (should be 700+).

 

The leather seats from the other estate are sublime – comfortable and a 400 mile drive really does feel like a trip to the shops. Even fully laden, 100mph (allegedly) is no problem.

 

Jobs to do immediately are glow plugs (in the garage for these as this is being posted). New rear box for the exhaust (the original one is swinging there doing nothing), which is being collected on Saturday near Exeter and I need to work out where she is leaking from at the back end (that’s water not hydraulic fluid). Perhaps the sealed up sunroof is to blame …

 

I have to refit the towbar from my TCT onto the 2.1TD and want to repaint the roof as the lacquer has peeled but she is otherwise tidy bodily.

 

IMG_1435 by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

the ubiquitous up in the air shot!

 

All in all, she’s the good basis for a French tank and despite what anyone says, few cars have such road presence as an XM, and other lesser cars look titchy in comparison!

 

 

Things I have learned about Citroen XMs!

 

No.1 Do not believe people when they tell you Volvo estates are huge!

IMG_1438 by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

 

No.2

Rover Sterlings are teeny in comparison!

IMG_1444 by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

 

No.3

Six hours up the motorway feels like a run to the shops! Scotland was country number six in three weeks!

IMG_1442 by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

 

 

So how much did all this cost!

 

Let's see

 

About £16 in bus fares, £90 for the plane and £125 for the ferry, about £8 in tolls and a day and a half. Factor in £40 of fuel and 36 hours of your life and you have the Chod Squad - collecting cars worldwide and bringing the tale to a forum near you! Oh, and the car was £830!

[michiel]

Excellent.

[Bobthebeard]

Excellent +1!

Nothing beats a long trip involving various means of transport to collect a new* car!

Great write up.

[beko1987]

Excellent +2. You win on the breakfast front!

[CreepingJesus]

Top stuff! Re: the last picture. Did the pie shop at Tebay drag you in? It's had that effect on me, more than once!

[messerschmitt owner]

Tebay always drags me in - up or down - it is Britain's best motorway service station farm shop!

[michael t]

Brilliant write up, Im about 10 mins away from Drogheda, that ferry terminal looks bloody grim

[messerschmitt owner]

Brilliant write up, Im about 10 mins away from Drogheda, that ferry terminal looks bloody grim

you missed the XM in Drogheda town - got my cash in the machine in the shopping centre with the multi storey car park! How difficult is it to park on street there too!!!?

[rml2345]

Excellent+3! Really enjoyed reading that.

XMs really do look like nothing else on the road.

[messerschmitt owner]

and yet, I hear people complain that a car just down the road is too far away!

 

If you want it, you will go and get it ...

[Danblez]

Chod Squad Ninja status attained!Good work!

[Bobthebeard]

and yet, I hear people complain that a car just down the road is too far away!

 

If you want it, you will go and get it ...

 

How true! 'Tis all part of the fun!

[hairnet]

nutter

 

youd have been in gloucs thru wales quicker if youd gone stena

 

been in belfast in the car in 6 hours ferry takes 9

 

xms are ace

[Shep Shepherd]

I more I see and read about XMs, the more I want to own one at some point in the future

[messerschmitt owner]

nutter

 

youd have been in gloucs thru wales quicker if youd gone stena

 

been in belfast in the car in 6 hours ferry takes 9

 

xms are ace

I wasn't sure what time I'd have arrived at the ferry terminal and I would have ended up back in Fishguard or Holyhead at midnight or just after on the eight o'clock ferries with a three-four hour drive back home after that - cabin on Dublin-Liverpool was a more comfy option and not actually much more expensive (about a tenner).

[Minimad5]

great write up !

If you're ever passing Wirral again, do give us a shout as free coffee or tea can be provided.

[dollywobbler]

Superb. I've undertaken some pretty daft missions to collect new motors, but haven't yet had to use aeroplanes and ferries! Just epic.

[messerschmitt owner]

Superb. I've undertaken some pretty daft missions to collect new motors, but haven't yet had to use aeroplanes and ferries! Just epic.

for what you lose on quality Ian you more than make up for in quantity!

 

I am a mere amateur in comparison!

[warren t claim]

Great write up. I feel hungry now!

[Spiny Norman]

Epic tat collection episode, I love how well they pack these wagons onto the ferries!

[messerschmitt owner]

next time I am going to get an 'old out yer 'aaaand' Mike Brewer pose as I take ownership - and if I have any more of those breakfasts, it'll be for real!

[beko1987]

We should have done that when I got PGF!

[messerschmitt owner]

We should have done that when I got PGF!

would have been funny!

 

I am sure I have a three sizes too big jacket and a couple of pillows we could have stuffed under it for the authentic Mike Brewer look!

[cort16]

That's one for all the folk (mainly on RR) that say "I would if it wasn't 14 miles away". Any car collection mission involving a plane deserves rezpekt.

[beko1987]

We should have done that when I got PGF!

would have been funny!

 

I am sure I have a three sizes too big jacket and a couple of pillows we could have stuffed under it for the authentic Mike Brewer look!

 

Then look at the camera, and proclaim 'I've just bought mesself........a CITROEN XM! What have I done?...'

 

Then drive down the road filming yourself nonchalantly talking about the car, and all the things for ed to fix and ways to ruin it...

[chaseracer]

Great 'mission report' there, Campbell

 

The sunroof cassette awaits you, as does a set of fully-pixelled displays (should you require)...

[stuboy]

good trip there lad........

[DSdriver]

A five star write up. I would love one of those "new" Citroens.

[messerschmitt owner]

A five star write up. I would love one of those "new" Citroens.

having grown up with IDs, DSs, GSs, CXs, BXs, Visas and XMs, I can tell your life is not complete till you own one.

 

Do we think I should post this on RR?

 

Mark, I'll be in Chester on 18 May, but it appears that I shall be driving into Stoke on the way home for some XM parts...

 

Chaseracer, be prepared for an XM invasion on the 18th, if that is OK with you!

[Albert Ross]

So, it's a Berkshire plate..... wass it a Citroen Fleet vehicle? Was it a press car?