Autoshite Quote of the Year

[vulgalour]

North Devon Link Road... mr cunty boots... I honestly hope with all my heart that he is showered with skunk shit for the remainder of his days.

[vulgalour]

North Devon Link Road... mr cunty boots... I honestly hope with all my heart that he is showered with skunk shit for the remainder of his days.

[vulgalour]

No, man, what I am is not abnormal, it's a - wait - what's the French word for 'connoisseur'?

[vulgalour]

No, man, what I am is not abnormal, it's a - wait - what's the French word for 'connoisseur'?

[dollywobbler]

This guy has consulted his sock puppet and has decided to sell this beauty

75k,few small dents,3 owner,mot til aug13

 

[dollywobbler]

This guy has consulted his sock puppet and has decided to sell this beauty

75k,few small dents,3 owner,mot til aug13

 

[Wilko220]

I'll be a mod so I can BRING THE FURY OF THE BAN HAMMER AGAINST ANYONE WHO DISAGREES WITH ME TO MAKE UP FOR ALL THOSE TIMES I WAS BULLIED AT SCHOOL. Erm, I mean delete spam threads.

[Craig the Princess]

if you lose, I will reimburse your £20! PLus a fiver for 'internet gobshite mechanic tax'

[vulgalour]

As with all "show car" listings, the description starts with it being the best car in the known universe, and then slowly various small but quite important defects start to appear, [which usually "only" require £20 and 5 minutes to sort out] by the end of the listing the vehicle obviously has no floor pan, an engine running on half the available cylinders, and a large collection of lights on the dashboard warning of impending doom.

[sporty-shite]

Scrapping that would be like killing your gran because she broke her hip.

[dollywobbler]

 

No paper work but this can be easily obtained from DVLA.

 

Yeah like Watson and Crick 'easily' discovered the structure of DNA

 

More comedy gold from the Ebay thread.

[Junkman]

YOU NAME IT, IT,S GOT IT

 

Has it got a spare wheel?

 

SPARE WHEEL IS MISSING.

 

LIAR!

[Minimad5]

Ever since it caught fire last December it has been problematic.

 

Only on Autoshite would that statement not cause alarm.

[Junkman]

I hope it is a Lucas!

[Cavcraft]

Wat on form (as ever) with:

 

'You see, the first problem was that you bought a VAG TDi.

 

The second problem occurred when you tried to fix it. Until you sell it on for a stupidly inflated price completely at odds with what the car is and what it represents, you'll continue to have difficulties.'

[vulgalour]

Apart from a battery, alternator belt, drive shafts, OEM clutch cable, new gear lever shift bearing thing, tyres, radio, strange unobtainable rusted out rear suspension bit, same again - other side, 3 new shock absorbers, replacement gearbox, new gear knob, carburettor, new rear carpet & bowl for dog, door pins, discs, pads, rocker gasket, strut tops and front struts it's been pretty much trouble & cost free.

[Junkman]

Retro rides= Hipsters telling you to "hit it with a stick" and put it on banded steels, with the contents of a charity shop on a roof rack and at least one panel covered in stickers/rust because that's 'retro' (though if memory serves, late 80's/early 90's period retro mods would be coat hanger ariel, capri four spokes and filler/primered wings)

[Station]

YOU NAME IT, IT,S GOT IT

 

Has it got a spare wheel?

 

SPARE WHEEL IS MISSING.

 

LIAR!

 

[Pillock]

 

I must admit to also laughing out loud like a nutter when I read that. I was on my own in a hotel at the time which sucked because I just wanted to show it someone so they'd laugh too.

[explosive-cabbage]

Regarding Cyanide Steve's FSO resto thread:

 

 

outlaw118 wrote:

Couple of hundred quid and a few weekends and you'll be laughing.*

 

 

 

Oops, wrong thread....

 

[DSdriver]

Madman Of The People wrote

...Cimarron has me in a glass-half-full sort of mood, even if that glass is half full of disappointment.

 

A lovely turn of phrase!

[worldofceri]

We should put together a book of Autoshite porn..."Fifty Shades of Beige"

[rml2345]

What the fuck did he take those pictures with? A toaster?

[skattrd]

What could possibly go wrong?

[Wilko220]

I dunno why people get so worked up about them on here as they are a terribly proportioned, blandly detailed half-baked spastic noncebucket of a car. Alright, maybe not that bad but I don't see the appeal myself.

 

.

[Junkman]

Long live the cheap unloved car.

[Volksy]

WarrenTClaim wrote

 

If you look on Amazon for an XM workshop manual at the bottom of the page you'll see that other people who bought this item also purchased a rope and a stool.

[DSdriver]

/\ I was just about to post that too.

[Junkman]

I'm a bit undecided today.

 

 

Either

 

You're tarting up a car that normal people wouldn't piss on if it were on fire. You're living the Autoshite dream* right there

 

 

or

 

The Ford Aspire is not the same car as the 3-dr 323. It's a Kia Avella, essentially a rebodied Pride (121). In case you were wondering!

 

 

They both are priceless. The second one I think broke the all-time-record for how much autoshite can be mentioned in a single sentence.

[quicksilver]

This made me chuckle:

...spent quite a few happy hours making paper allegros. I didn't realise at the time they used the same process/materials on the real thing...........