Autoshite Quote of the Year

[rml2345]

Not slow? If you found a three legged, asthmatic tortoise carrying a full three ton builder's bag of sand on it's back and nailed it to the floor it'd be quicker than a 308D.

[quicksilver]

Lankytim sums up everything that's wrong with modern society in one short sentence

 

I just don't get how people can bumble though life seemingly without a clue about anything and not die of starvation because they have forgotten how to eat or something.

[sporty-shite]

All those hundreds of thousands of years spent arduously evolving from primates and these cocknuggets have reversed it all in the space of a decade.

 

And Des' response produced a bitter-sweet lol, considering how very true it is.

[autofive]

Christ, what a shocker! If I saw that parked up I might mistake it for a portaloo and have a dump in it.

[Albert Ross]

Lankytim wrote:

Can ANPR cameras read a horses face and arse? If so then it will be easy to see if they are insured or not.

 

DsDriver Replied

Its a shame people don't ride zebras, then the divler could use a barcode reader an the anpr.

 

Either of these for me....

[AeroNautiCal]

However, Zorro was so taken with this £595 MOT-less example that he took his mask off for a better look.

 

This is outstanding!

 

I could barely breathe for laughing so hard!

[Louise2cv]

Oh thanks for reposting that Zorro one. I almost wet myself again.

[eddyramrod]

Oh thanks for reposting that Zorro one. I almost wet myself again.

 

...A contender in its own right!

[Spiny Norman]

'Bought for the missus but she's chief anagramist for the Daily Mail and refuses to drive round in a car that could be called the mangiest steaming minge sat'

 

Kwality.

[dollywobbler]

Oh thanks for reposting that Zorro one. I almost wet myself again.

 

It really is a genuine laugh out loud moment. Brilliant (the Zorro comment, frankly I'm slightly distressed by old age already causing Louise problems in the waterworks department. Bless.)

[Skizzer]

That reminds me:

'I'm selling this to fund an operation to remove the crab and the moss on the side of my head

 

I showed this to Mrs Skizzer (not something I often do with the eBay thread, for obvious reasons), and she's still chuckling.

[Cavcraft]

Sir Robert Inlaw on the eBay thread with:

 

I have just taxed it for 6 months and MOT'd it (expires 11/03/13).

'All tyres are good on nice alloys',

(fap fap fap fap)

The ashtray needs new clips on the hindges.

Stick it up your arse, why would i want it, heap of Italian shite'

 

[The Moog]

And the Volvo is like a fat bird. I like it, its fucking great to be in and does everything you tell it to, but would not want to be seen with it.

 

[ashmicro]

And another thing, the lanes around here are full of potholes and piles of horse shit. Why don't they train the horses to shit in the potholes?

 

QUALITY!!!!

[Skizzer]

BX door is reattached thanks to using two nails (as temporary measures until I could hammer in the hinge pins) and a trolley jack

 

Autoshite car maintenance, summed up in one sentence. Perfect.

[richardthestag]

this made me spit coffee all over the place

 

Be careful. Truth confuses the Labour party faithful. You'll be accused of being some sort of "I'm alright Jack" Daily Mail reading cunt by Autoshite's Union Rep soon.

[SambaS]

That 'crab and moss' thing passed me by the first time. But I've just seen the guys head and am still wiping tears off my face from laughin!

[dollywobbler]

Stick a whole union and a fuel tanker up your arse...

 

Courtesy of Louise2CV, and not in a fuel discussion either!

[vulgalour]

If your 1997 Fiesta is "Powered By Fairy Dust", why the fuck are you panic buying 60 litres of Diesel?

 

This made me chortle far more than was healthy.

[Cavcraft]

Hirst said 'Bradford West would vote for a lithograph drawing of Paul Daniels doing wheelies on a quad if it had an anti-Israeli/anti-war/pro-immigration agenda'

 

[dollywobbler]

I once saw a Volvo 340 with a Pollendines sticker in Coventry when I was at Uni, I celebrated by drinking vodka and snakebite to excess for four years.

[vulgalour]

Citroen BX

 

Glovebox hinges made of brie

[M'coli]

Whoop Whoop! Dat's Da Sound Of Da AA truck.

[sporty-shite]

That's like asking if you really need to knob Jennifer Lopez when you have Emma Bunton in your house and Cameron Diaz in your apartment.

[cms206]

7. Fanny repellant. A field full of British motoring failure will attract hot crumpet like a moth to a flame. You have been warned

[catsinthewelder]

I suppose that's shitist logic for you; 80s car doesn't work, replace it with something older.

[Angrydicky]

I like this one:

 

Instead of having a joggler what I like to do is blow a small hole in the metal and then chase it 3/4 of the way up the panel I am repairing. As a result of this I would say that about 65% of my imp is actually made from slag. In the whole of the UK, the Imp is only 2nd to Hull in slag statistics.

[cms206]

I once saw a Volvo 340 with a Pollendines sticker in Coventry when I was at Uni, I celebrated by drinking vodka and snakebite to excess for four years.

[Louise2cv]

Of BBC2's "The 70s":

 

I'm getting some great jumper ideas from this show, I've also seen Barrett a couple of times too.

[rml2345]

I found this highly amusing

 

I'd love to stand behind it and pump my hot fluorescent life-giving bouncy fluid right into its undercarriage