Marm Toastsmith

I can't help but think it might just be tired gaskets that have failed from heat/cool cycles. Has the oil level noticeably dropped?
VAG don't give warning on oil pressure unless the engine has been running for long enough. Turning over should be the same case where it thinks it's running. However I'd thought it would build enough pressure when cranking. 
Also don't discount an electrical glitch from extending cranking and low voltage. 

Good old "the internet"
https://www.audi-sport.net/xf/threads/306861/

Explains why a whole bank will have lost spark if all the coils on that side are sodden with oil. 
Presumably this is coil with lead rather than coil on plug looking at the photos. 

I used Febi valve cover gaskets on my S3 and previous A4, they seem to be pretty good quality. 
https://www.amazon.co.uk/febi-bilstein-29619-gasket-cylinder/dp/B006DHYY2Y
I'm assuming that is a kit for both heads, but it's not very clear from the description or pictures. 

The oil will be from the valve cover gasket. I think it's possible for there to be enough oil to interfere with the spark so you could start by trying to clean up the leads and plugs as much as possible 

Coil packs are dumb and wouldn't show up via diagnostics unless through misfire detection while running, so yeah a spark check or a look at the plugs to see if one lot are soaked in fuel would be a good next step.

VAG coil packs are a known consumable item ...
I think this age will be the ones that failed often enough to make a watchdog episode. 

Why am i freezing my ass off in a dorset village waiting for a post office to open?
 
Well it all began at 5.15 when i fired up the w220 and drove into deepest dorset, to do a swap.
For this 230te 7 seater 

After we did the swap it became clear its on the disabled tax thing- hence freezing my ass off waiting for the post office to open- where im hoping that my v5c/2 will allow be to change the tax category, and tax it.

We all know how @LightBulbFun the DVLA have got ever stricter with their v888 vehicle history requests.
In my day you could just state you wanted to research the history but AFAIK you just get rebuffed these days.
But what if a personal effect has been hidden in the car…..

 
Lets find out….
 

Bloody hell, that's weird, last night I dreamt my dad had bought a VW jetta with the front and rear end reversed... 
@Zelandethfantastic work on Trabi improvements. I'm torn between wishing I'd bought it and thinking it went to the right person. As an ex MZ tinkerer it's nice to see so many of the little details that make these German vehicles so enjoyable to work on.

You get a warning cough from the engine when the tank gets down to 6 litres remaining...  You  switch to 'Reserve' on the fuel tap at that point, and get fuel next time you're passing! 

OTT but I feel this car is half way between life and death. It was almost banger raced, its got a non original interior and paint and no history, and the parts fetch a fair bit - im just giving it a bit of a send off most probably. But is it giving me a send off? untimately we are all condemned to the scrap pile.
#seize the day

The equipe is really nice. Saw the trabi at Lidls the other day.

When i got my s class, it would be on its bumpstops after about a couple of hours and do a lowrider impression, along with the airmatic red warning message of doom on the dash. Usually people run a mile but as said s class was cheap enough, I thought- why not, its only air finding a way out somwhere?
It looked cool but basically valves should maintain the ride height when the car is not being used so something was amiss. Despite my limited skills I decided that fixing borked merc air suspension was something i should have a go at. The compressor also made a very loud noise as well so i decided to jack/axle stand  it and have a look…

 

So the noise was certainly from the sprung rubber bushings being replaced with cable ties, which were basically clamping the compressor to the bodywork, acting like a sounding board;hence the noise. As it was VERY noisy i couldnt rule out the compressor itself (which had been replaced at some stage already) being on its last legs. Very much so as it was working overtime to counter the deflating suspension.
I also thought there might be an issue with the valve block (sat above the compressor) as the whole car sank, rather than one end or corner which might otherwise suggest a local rather than control system pressure loss.
I was working on a few assumptions but decided a second hand valve block and compressor would target a few issues at once.

£80 quid later i had the sub assembly ready to go. 
This lives under the OSF wheel arch….

 
Being methodical i marked up all air lines…

And swapped it all over piece by piece.


And before long the spaghetti was all back where it should be..
 

And with crossed fingers I started it up, the properly isolated compressor was silently doing its job. Or was it? Being so used to the racket i was worried it was inoperative! but once the totally depressurised system was pumped back up , no longer do i have a low rider on its bump stops after a few hours parked, and its working perfectly, Result! 

The mechanic I've been taking my cars to recently (Dave) has one that he hires out for weddings and stuff. He's a good guy, not too expensive and into old cars. Which makes me feel like I could safely* buy this from @HMC when the time comes with no worries about future maintenance. Also, while picking up my 13 year old daughter from school today she suggested that my next car should be "not an Audi" (I had just remarked on an A8) but something "properly posh, like a Rolls Royce or something".
Looking forward to hearing how you get on with it. PLEASE CAN I COME AND SIT IN IT?
Here's Dave's one.
 

The mechanic I've been taking my cars to recently (Dave) has one that he hires out for weddings and stuff. He's a good guy, not too expensive and into old cars. Which makes me feel like I could safely* buy this from @HMC when the time comes with no worries about future maintenance. Also, while picking up my 13 year old daughter from school today she suggested that my next car should be "not an Audi" (I had just remarked on an A8) but something "properly posh, like a Rolls Royce or something".
Looking forward to hearing how you get on with it. PLEASE CAN I COME AND SIT IN IT?
Here's Dave's one.
 

Similar reg  number to several of the government p5bs…

The mechanic I've been taking my cars to recently (Dave) has one that he hires out for weddings and stuff. He's a good guy, not too expensive and into old cars. Which makes me feel like I could safely* buy this from @HMC when the time comes with no worries about future maintenance. Also, while picking up my 13 year old daughter from school today she suggested that my next car should be "not an Audi" (I had just remarked on an A8) but something "properly posh, like a Rolls Royce or something".
Looking forward to hearing how you get on with it. PLEASE CAN I COME AND SIT IN IT?
Here's Dave's one.
 

The mechanic I've been taking my cars to recently (Dave) has one that he hires out for weddings and stuff. He's a good guy, not too expensive and into old cars. Which makes me feel like I could safely* buy this from @HMC when the time comes with no worries about future maintenance. Also, while picking up my 13 year old daughter from school today she suggested that my next car should be "not an Audi" (I had just remarked on an A8) but something "properly posh, like a Rolls Royce or something".
Looking forward to hearing how you get on with it. PLEASE CAN I COME AND SIT IN IT?
Here's Dave's one.
 

The mechanic I've been taking my cars to recently (Dave) has one that he hires out for weddings and stuff. He's a good guy, not too expensive and into old cars. Which makes me feel like I could safely* buy this from @HMC when the time comes with no worries about future maintenance. Also, while picking up my 13 year old daughter from school today she suggested that my next car should be "not an Audi" (I had just remarked on an A8) but something "properly posh, like a Rolls Royce or something".
Looking forward to hearing how you get on with it. PLEASE CAN I COME AND SIT IN IT?
Here's Dave's one.
 

How would sir like his rolls royce? ropey and having dodged the oval last year?
STEP THIS WAY



Its not for sale (yet) i need to make a nuisance of myself by breaking down in prominent locations etc whilst smoking a pipe first.
 

The secret handshake is just avoiding eye contact