Things that put me right off

[sierraman]

54 minutes ago, colino said:

The reason good car salesmen ask good questions is that they often have to be the grown up in the conversation.  Just because you've got your Christmas bonus doesn't mean that 911 is going to be any good to you when you know 99% of your time is spent ferrying around your four, chunky kids on dad duty.

Back to topic.  Cars pictured in clearly not the sellers residential street.

I’d just let people take responsibility for their own lives. If you get a lease on a Mercedes EQ then discover that you are eating chicken nuggets for six months every time it needs new tyres that’s actually your fault. You didn’t look it up. 

[RayMK]

Tax and MOT excempt.

Honest condition.

Huge recent expenditure.         (i.e. it still doesn't work, hence the sale)

Recent respray.

Undersealed.

All photos from one side.

[sierraman]

25 minutes ago, HMC said:

The generic retail background that some places have behind the car. Looks like a large white  showroom , slightly out of focus.

Often in a real photo, whats in the background tells you just as much about the transaction as the image of the car itself. 

100%. If it’s parked outside any of the following: dodgy looking flats, on where the grass was but no driveway, outside some council garages… it’ll be a bag of shite. 

[Soundwave]

"Good condition for age."

It's either in good condition or it isn't, which is it?

[stripped fred]

Alpha Romeo

[I_am_Diesel]

When they put ‘Not GTi/GTE/RS/XR’ or whatever in the title of the advert so their pitiful car appears in your search when you’re looking for something more sporty.

[sierraman]

3 minutes ago, I_am_Diesel said:

When they put ‘Not GTi/GTE/RS/XR’ or whatever in the title of the advert so their pitiful car appears in your search when you’re looking for something more sporty.

I’d gone out looking for a concours RS500 but I was so taken in with the F plate 2.3 diesel that had been sat in a bush for 30 years that I couldn’t help myself. 

[Bren]

Cars than have been abandoned - " was a good runner."

So was the titanic.

"Drives mint" WTAF does this mean?

Alien abuction / yeti / loch ness monster quality photographs - it's 2025 for fucks sake, even the cheaper phones have decent cameras.

 

[SiC]

PULLS LIKE A TRAIN

Yeah a 318d isn't quick even if it was (badly) remapped. Probably smokes like a knackered 60s diesel train. 

[SiC]

Also FIRST WHO SEES WILL BUY.

Or BARGAIN NO OFFERS.

Then you read that the advert has been up for 2+ weeks and both are inevitably not true. 

[sierraman]

‘These cars run forever’

’Bulletproof Engine’ - That alone makes me want to ask them to sit in it whilst I test this theory. 

[Jenson Velcro]

If I don’t get ( the massively inflated) price  it’s up for then I’ll scrap it . 

[RayMK]

54 minutes ago, stripped fred said:

Alpha Romeo

... and Citreon, Wolsey  etc.

[Shite Ron]

9 minutes ago, Jenson Velcro said:

If I don’t get ( the massively inflated) price  it’s up for then I’ll scrap it . 

This is the biggest red flag ever, I have seen cars I really like in the past but really do not want to meet or talk to this type of person, this comment is 100% sure to prevent a sale at any price.

[wuvvum]

33 minutes ago, SiC said:

PULLS LIKE A TRAIN

Yeah a 318d isn't quick even if it was (badly) remapped. Probably smokes like a knackered 60s diesel train. 

I've always thought that was an odd turn of phrase.  The fastest train in the UK at the moment is the Class 755/3 which is used by Greater Anglia on regional services - when running on overhead power it'll do 0-60 in 27 seconds.  By that reckoning "pulls like a train" is not going to be a compliment for anything other than a 2CV.

[wuvvum]

I have to say I do sometimes obfuscate number plates, depending on where I'm advertising.  But then I've had plates cloned in the past and I know how difficult it is to persuade the powers that be that it wasn't actually you when someone triggers a speed camera while using your reg.

[Shite Ron]

Back in 2007 I started a job where I was told I either had to have a company car or could opt out but had to have a modern 4 door equivalent. At the time I was driving a Cortina and had no interest in anything newer so decided to go to a car supermarket and look at what options I had. Before they let me see any cars they wanted to ask me some ridiculous questions:

How much do you want to spend a month!!!!!! How was I supposed to answer that? I wanted to pay as little as possible in one payment. They did  not understand that I did not want anything on the never never and also did not want to spend any more than was necessary, total morons!

If an Astra estate was £5,000 and a Mondeo Ghia estate was £8,000 I would probably have bought the Mondeo (which I did from somewhere else) but at the time I wanted to see what was the best option out of all the dull modern cars. i.e. space, comfort etc.
 

In the end I walked away and ended up buying elsewhere purely because of their attitude. A friend retired last year after years of driving company cars and went to buy himself a car, he also went to a car supermarket and had the same experience, he also walked away. How do so many people buy from these places?

[Urko]

"Here we have" when did that start and why in the name of fuck does anyone think there's any point in writing it?

[SiC]

20 minutes ago, Shite Ron said:

How do so many people buy from these places?

I think they're setup for the huge market of people who "need A car" right now because their current has made a few big bills and don't have any ready cash to buy anything outright.  They also don't really know what they want apart from something "practical" and "reliable", letting the sales person do the figuring out for them. 

[delux]

'...because someone else is coming to see it at 7.' 

Cool, I'll find another. Thanks anyway! Tit!

[Jazoli]

1 hour ago, sierraman said:

‘These cars run forever’

’Bulletproof Engine’ - That alone makes me want to ask them to sit in it whilst I test this theory. 

Yep usually describing a worn out 250k mile PD VW or smoking 320d

1 hour ago, SiC said:

PULLS LIKE A TRAIN

Yeah a 318d isn't quick even if it was (badly) remapped. Probably smokes like a knackered 60s diesel train. 

That gets my goat too, the other thing that winds me up is spurious mpg claims, see it all the time on FB Moronplace,

“focus 1.8 diesel, 80mpg”

I hate buying cars and dealing with all the fucking idiots selling them, garages, traders masquerading as private sellers and actual private sellers, they are all a bunch of lying cunts in general*

*with very few exceptions.

[Erebus]

Phrases like "presents well"!  Oh do fuck off!

[Erebus]

Mix and match nearly bald budget death rings, especially on something they're asking strong money for and trying to kid you has been maintained regardless of cost!

[bramz7]

Marketplace specific:

A profile name clearly meant to disguise their real name. 

Just found this advert on my marketplace home page and it gives me the ick.

[SiC]

How many bingo squares does this one cross off?

 

[grogee]

3 hours ago, horriblemercedes said:

I always get a bit baffled about sales techniques. If I want it the product I'll buy it, if I don't want it, I won't buy it. I am happy to have a chat while I decide, but it won't make a bit of difference to my decision as to whether I like the product or not.

 

Equally, if I go to see a Citroen C4 at a dealership and it turns out to be a bit crap and I don't want it, there's no point suggesting a Ford Focus that's in stock. I came to see that car, so I might as well go home now I've found out it's not for me. But I suppose for some people who don't care and just want 'an car', it is just what they want.

Maybe, maybe not. 

Marketing can be effective. Example:

Approach A

"Would you like a drink?" 

Approach B

"It's warm today isn't it? I bet you're thirsty. How about an ice-cold glass of Coca-Cola? I've been keeping the glass in the freezer, and I've got freshly picked lemon and lime ready to slice into the glass, along with some crushed ice. 

Actually if you did want one, you're in luck! We've got a special on Coca-Cola sales today, if you buy now you get 25% off the list price. I'm going to get one for myself, can I get you one at the same time?"

[bramz7]

Would have been better/worse with some god awful IG story photo with a filter on top, but that's pretty terrible otherwise. 

[sierraman]

24 minutes ago, Jazoli said:

Yep usually describing a worn out 250k mile PD VW or smoking 320d

That gets my goat too, the other thing that winds me up is spurious mpg claims, see it all the time on FB Moronplace,

“focus 1.8 diesel, 80mpg”

I hate buying cars and dealing with all the fucking idiots selling them, garages, traders masquerading as private sellers and actual private sellers, they are all a bunch of lying cunts in general*

*with very few exceptions.

I completely agree. Some people live for it but driving about all day having my time wasted isn’t my idea of fun.

[grogee]

GDPR triggering stuff like:

"Dr B Sampson of 44 Sycamore Grove, Niceton, purchased this vehicle from Dalliard's of Chocolatebox on the 13th August, 1996. He used his inheritance from his recently deceased mother and part exchanged his beige Austin Ambassador which the dealer valued at £3250..."

And generic schpiel about the model:

"The Pontiac Fiero was launched in 1986 to great acclaim, as General Motors' answer to the Porsche 944. Just 381,433 examples were produced at the Mudswamp, Ohio plant..." 

[RayMK]

37 minutes ago, grogee said:

Maybe, maybe not. 

Marketing can be effective. Example:

Approach A

"Would you like a drink?" 

Approach B

"It's warm today isn't it? I bet you're thirsty. How about an ice-cold glass of Coca-Cola? I've been keeping the glass in the freezer, and I've got freshly picked lemon and lime ready to slice into the glass, along with some crushed ice. 

Actually if you did want one, you're in luck! We've got a special on Coca-Cola sales today, if you buy now you get 25% off the list price. I'm going to get one for myself, can I get you one at the same time?"

 

That will only work with me if they can first answer a few technical or financial questions concerning the vehicle I may be interested in buying.  Smaller or non- chain dealerships seem to be much better than car supermarkets in that respect.  I recall my first visit to one of the latter about 15 years ago:  Wanted to look at a specific car which was in their huge stock car park.  Could not get to it until I'd been through a ridiculous interrogation of 'how their system works' and 'how they could best tailor it to my needs.'  20 minutes of stuff that would be irrelevant if I did not like the car.  Was eventually led out to the car by a different salesman bod.  Got in the Citroen C5. Nice condition, stacks of space - then things went rapidly downhill.  Salesman started the engine. Sounded ok.  Suspension came alive....and settled into a perpetual up and down movement.  Salesman said 'these Citroens often do that when cold.  It will settle down.'  Like bollocks.  They don't and it didn't.  I went off it.  Obviously no pre-sales prep had been done except a valet.  Salesman clearly had no idea about Citroens and would probably struggle with sofas. We went home.  Have since heard that after sales can be very iffy with these huge outfits. It's all about rapid turnover.  Smaller dealers which have been trading for several years from the same premises (no Portacabin)  have had to work to gain a decent reputation.    

When assessing 2nd hand car dealerships I look at Google Street View and hit 'view earlier dates.'  If the outfit has not been there long or has had a different trading name every year or two I will be put off visiting.