Grogee's spannering (Maestro , Corsa & Avensis). FONDLE MY PARTNER

[grogee]

More shedding cash in pursuit of cleanliness. 

Went to see these guys to give the Puma a once-over, seeing as it's been totally abused in the salt and icy conditions lately. 

https://classiccardetailing.co.uk/

Friendly pair of fellas, I'm now £150 lighter. This includes £25 on a bottle of some sort of snake oil nano coating, which they reckon will last a year between treatments. We'll see. Zirconite ZG-365, apparently.

The rest of the £125 was a thorough de-tox and clean followed by the aforementioned coating. They seem to have done a good job and it included a thorough deep clean inside too. They gave the headlamps a good polish as well.

Getting there was a bit scary. Google took me through a couple of small villages with lanes that haven't been gritted; one had a steep downhill that I thought twice about descending. In the end I went down it at walking pace in 1st gear and just managed to keep traction. It would have been ironic to travel to a car detailing place and stove in my pride and joy on the way. 

It's now back and predictably the tyres are dirty again. It'll be filthy again within a week but my theory is that the grime will fall off easier in the spring when I finally get some facilities and a home.

[Jenson Velcro]

It will be interesting to see how that coating holds up . There are always plenty of products that claim to last for a long time, but none that I’ve used seem to do better than a couple of months.

[grogee]

1 hour ago, Jenson Velcro said:

It will be interesting to see how that coating holds up . There are always plenty of products that claim to last for a long time, but none that I’ve used seem to do better than a couple of months.

Indeed. I'm as sceptical as the Next Man, so I'm keen to see how it performs. 

While I've looked after my Puma, I can't speak for the eighteen years previous to my ownership. In other words, this treatment is akin to polishing a turd (or rolling it in glitter).

I wonder if it's any relation to the snake oil they sell you when you buy a new car? I think it has various names... Diamondcote maybe?

[grogee]

The MG wheel centres arrived, primed for silver paint.

The red lettering is causing me a bit of grief. Do I get them sprayed then paint in the red with a brush?

Anyhoo, took Mrs Grogee's Alfa to Shaun the friendly mechanic for glow plug diagnosis. Having shelled out for new plugs and a relay, I was all out of ideas.

It was a feckin fuse! The ones that sit on the battery +ve terminal. Ah well, it's done now and should last a while. Seemed to run better when warming up too, which isn't a surprise.

He reckons the rough running/misfire is an injector, while I've convinced myself it's a blocked DPF. Either way it's going on the two post lift on the 27th to swap out the dpf for one with smashed-through innards. If it's still rough after that I know I've got to do injectors.

And, since DPF will be absent, it needs a remap too. The standard map is shit, it's been optimised for EU test which is totally unrealistic for everyday driving. Anyway I don't want OMG MUCH BHP but rather better driveability, delete swirl flaps and delete EGR.

[New POD]

Erm paint the whole thing red.  Then paint the whole thing silver. Then get some masking tape, and carefully mask up the edge of the letters. Then spray it red again. Then spray it all silver and get a tiny brush and attempt to paint the letters red. Then give up.  

 

[grogee]

On 12/23/2022 at 3:13 PM, New POD said:

Erm paint the whole thing red.  Then paint the whole thing silver. Then get some masking tape, and carefully mask up the edge of the letters. Then spray it red again. Then spray it all silver and get a tiny brush and attempt to paint the letters red. Then give up.  

 

Makes me wonder how they did it on the original. I do have one as a template, not that it helps me an awful lot.

I think I'm going to have a go with masking tape and Humbrol 'fire hydrant' red.

[New POD]

1 hour ago, grogee said:

Makes me wonder how they did it on the original. I do have one as a template, not that it helps me an awful lot.

I think I'm going to have a go with masking tape and Humbrol 'fire hydrant' red.

The options I'd try (as a manufacturing engineer) is

A precision cut tool to fit in the recess, paint it all red. Place tool in recess. Spray it silver. Remove tool. Touch up. 

Or 

A hot foil marking tool. 

Spray silver. Print Red MG with hot foil. 

 

 

[grogee]

Not sure if I updated this thread with the latest tat to go on the Maestro. As well as the wheels and a couple of doors, there are now front and rear shocks (or will be once I collect from Derby).

Most rally drivers I know* say the combination of Spax shocks rear and Leda on the front absolutely transform* the handling of this finely-honed* sports* hatchback.

[pervypaul]

On 12/23/2022 at 2:54 PM, grogee said:

The red lettering is causing me a bit of grief. Do I get them sprayed then paint in the red with a brush?

Get a small syringe and injection the red paint into the MG recess. May take a little longer to fully dry but should be easier than other options

[Fumbler]

On 23/12/2022 at 14:54, grogee said:

The MG wheel centres arrived, primed for silver paint.

The red lettering is causing me a bit of grief. Do I get them sprayed then paint in the red with a brush?

Anyhoo, took Mrs Grogee's Alfa to Shaun the friendly mechanic for glow plug diagnosis. Having shelled out for new plugs and a relay, I was all out of ideas.

It was a feckin fuse! The ones that sit on the battery +ve terminal. Ah well, it's done now and should last a while. Seemed to run better when warming up too, which isn't a surprise.

He reckons the rough running/misfire is an injector, while I've convinced myself it's a blocked DPF. Either way it's going on the two post lift on the 27th to swap out the dpf for one with smashed-through innards. If it's still rough after that I know I've got to do injectors.

And, since DPF will be absent, it needs a remap too. The standard map is shit, it's been optimised for EU test which is totally unrealistic for everyday driving. Anyway I don't want OMG MUCH BHP but rather better driveability, delete swirl flaps and delete EGR.

The way I'd do it is paint the thing silver. Once dry, cover the entire thing in masking tape, thoroughly press down everywhere and ensure everything is stuck down. Concentrate on the MG recess, as this'll tlell you where to cut the tape. Use a razor blade/box cutter/sharp Stanley knife/hand sharpened flint stone to then cut the tape out of the recess. Spray your red, take the tape off and lacquer.

Either do that or as @pervypaulsays inject paint into the recess or use a small brush to do the inside.

[grogee]

Today I drove to Derby to collect the Leda front shocks. Apart from the tatty paint they seem nice, and the damper adjust knob does indeed adjust the damperiness.

My Puma's indicators have begun to stop self-cancelling, TADTS. Last time I fitted a 2nd hand stalk unit but this time I've splashed out £37 on a pattern unit.

It is a very minor annoyance, BUT. The one and only time I owned a brand new car, I very nearly crashed into a Fiesta IV that was indicating left while I was turning right out of a T-junction. I know one should never trust an indicator, but whatever, that one time I did and the Fiesta wasn't turning left after all. Luckily I think I must have stopped millimetres from collision as there was no mark on either car.

Anyway, that's why non-cancelling indicators annoy me. Citroens are excepted from this of course, because they're ace.

The Maestro lockup is now an impressive collection of scrap, with a full set of shocks together with two good used doors to replace the ones full of wob. 

I am trying to figure out how I'll get the headlining off but I think I'm just going to have to brave it outside the lockup. There was a guy there yesterday blocking up the place while he changed his brakes on his shitty 1-series. So I don't imagine anyone will complain if I spend an hour removing the headliner before it goes on @worldofceri's magical mystery bus.

In other fleet news, tomorrow we are going to Northampton to view a Galaxy for Mrs Grogee. It is a fair price, private sale. Has had engine replaced (good), but airbag light is on (bad). I will be bringing my code reader which rescued our Espace when it threw a similar paddy (it was the side impact sensor and not hard to fix).

[grogee]

Went to see this Galaxian in Northampton. The weather was biblical rain which meant I couldn't (or wouldn't) get underneath it.

Anyway, headlines: it's a 2010 Titanium X but weirdly in Doom Blue. 2.0 TDCi which has been replaced, which means the mileage is a moot point - 73,000 for the engine and lots more for the rest of the car.

Asking price £3600, very reasonable these days.

It has an aftermarket radio/touchscreen thing in which I didn't really like although it had lots of whizz-bang features.

First impressions were OK, and it drove nicely on the short run I did. Fords really do feel nice to drive, even at this age.

But... it's the little things, isn't it? Driver's seat belt got kind of stuck and wouldn't retract (MoT fail). Owner opened the glovebox and there was a random wire hanging across the opening. Doesn't fill me with confidence for the aftermarket fit of the screen unit.

Then under the bonnet - no engine cover (so what, but why is it missing?) and a home-made harness extension to the airflow sensor on the airbox.

The nail in the coffin - I noticed it was marking its territory after I'd been for a run in it. It may only have been a drip, but because it was so wet on the ground, the oil leak was very obvious.

Controversially I wasn't put off by the airbag light ("only comes on when it's wet, m9"). Plugged in my code reader and a quick google of the code suggested a clock spring fault - not hard to fix.

My spidey senses were tingling though, and I thought I would forever be cursing whoever fitted the replacement engine, and also the aftermarket stereo/nav thing. So I decided to walk away.

I raised the possibility of the Merc estate on the journey home but I got: "I'm the one driving it most of the time [true]. I'm not having a Merc, end of". She then showed me a picture of a Kuga for sale in Cov at a dealer... I am desperately trying not to buy an SUV but I may lose this battle, particularly if @robthedonkey doesn't hurry up and get in touch.

It wasn't a totally wasted trip though - we went to Five Guys for lunch. Christ, that is a tasty burger. And LOADS of really nice chips. Service was quick, restaurant not too busy. Kind of like a hungry man's wet dream really. I honestly don't begrudge the £43 paid for the three of us, it was that good.

[grogee]

Went to semi-employer's place this morning. He's fitting fibre glass doors to his racing Porsche which is turning into a massive ballache - don't fit, holes in wrong place etc etc. Racing cars are a pain in the ass.

Anyway he's treated himself to another bundle of joy, because he's minted so why not? I made sure to disparage it by saying "I see you've bought yourself another Beetle then".

They really are quite oddball, I didn't realise but he said they weren't sold in the UK. Leaves me cold like most other air-cooled stuff to be honest. 

Of his collection, I'd take the 1990 Golf GTi and his immaculate early 924 bASe.

Anyway, while he was fettling the plastic doors, I treated* myself to repairing the heater flaps on his SIII Land Rover. What a cluster fuck of rust, flathead screws and shitty cabling.

He's selling it if anyone's interested but it'll be £££, he's hoping to double his money apparently - I don't know what this equates to.

[grogee]

New fleet addition. I am taking a gamble here, and I've broken a few of my usual rules, but my thinking is that even if I spend £1000 fixing the damn thing, I could still break even.

2009 Espace, sadly not the extended Grand, but seven seats nonetheless. We'll be mainly using it with the 3rd row removed so it's basically a giant estate.

2 previous owners, seemingly some good stamp action going on in the service book and only 80 odd thousand on the clock. "Nothing for one of these" as they like to say. Which sort of checks out - our old one had 130k on when we sold it and was still largely behaving. 

Known knowns: condensation in headlight, scratches on body and rear bumper, scabby alloys, and a slight 'clonk' when mounting the drop kerb. Hopefully just drop links, but I've done ARB bushes on these and they're do-able but fiddly.

Full set of motley ditchfinders. I've given up caring about this; it's a family bus not a GT1 Le Mans car.

Battery looked too small, I'll change it.

Unknown unknowns: Ours used to use a bit of coolant, and eventually I replaced the thermostat housing (plastic). This one had a high level of coolant suggesting it may have been topped up, but it didn't 'smell' leaky.

It also used to shit its EGR from time to time, I think a replacement cost £50ish. Again, not a horrible job.

Good: no (big) dents, interior seemed ok, has sat nav, sounded exactly the same as our old one - quiet and civilised. Except the turbo was quieter than ours. Air con works. 12m test. 

Bad: vendor was a chippy c__t. This breaks my usual rule of 'buy from someone nice'. But there were so many plus points, it outweighed this 'issue'. And, unless I take him to court, I'll hopefully never see him again. 

It's got a private plate. Meh, don't care. Won't change it.

Shook hands on £2500, collect this weekend. 

[PistachioPlus2]

Pretty sure the 914 was sold in the UK, but only LHD and not for long. There was a 914-6 which is a flat 6 version (914 is flat 4), I don't think that was ever sold in the UK.

[Mr Pastry]

1 hour ago, PistachioPlus2 said:

Pretty sure the 914 was sold in the UK, but only LHD and not for long. There was a 914-6 which is a flat 6 version (914 is flat 4), I don't think that was ever sold in the UK.

I think that is correct, and there never was a factory RHD 914.  I had a long-term customer with one so I know my way around them, but I found it absolutely dismal - It looked exotic and interesting, but it was awkward to work on, not very well built, excessively large and heavy for a 2 seater (and very wide, which wasn't ideal with LHD).  Not really that nice to drive - it felt and sounded like a souped-up Beetle, which would actually be more fun and more practical, and I speak as an ex Beetle owner.    Really nothing to get excited about.

[FakeConcern]

I've only ever been in two Porsches and both were 914s!

 

[grogee]

1 hour ago, Mr Pastry said:

I think that is correct, and there never was a factory RHD 914.  I had a long-term customer with one so I know my way around them, but I found it absolutely dismal - It looked exotic and interesting, but it was awkward to work on, not very well built, excessively large and heavy for a 2 seater (and very wide, which wasn't ideal with LHD).  Not really that nice to drive - it felt and sounded like a souped-up Beetle, which would actually be more fun and more practical, and I speak as an ex Beetle owner.    Really nothing to get excited about.

Absolutely this. Severe lack of appeal in my view. I mean, I don't mind a slow Porsche - standard 924 isn't exactly quick - but the 914 compromises are not worth the effort for something so needy.

Possibly just an age thing, as an 80s enthusiast I prefer the front engine ones.

I'm sure I'll get to see exactly how needy it will be after a few months once he gets bodywork sorted out. It takes the place of the SIII Land Rover which I'm also not keen on, even though it's about as complicated as a spoon.

[cort1977]

3 hours ago, Mr Pastry said:

I think that is correct, and there never was a factory RHD 914.  I had a long-term customer with one so I know my way around them, but I found it absolutely dismal - It looked exotic and interesting, but it was awkward to work on, not very well built, excessively large and heavy for a 2 seater (and very wide, which wasn't ideal with LHD).  Not really that nice to drive - it felt and sounded like a souped-up Beetle, which would actually be more fun and more practical, and I speak as an ex Beetle owner.    Really nothing to get excited about.

Sorry to hear that, always quite fancied one but don't know much about them.

[Matty]

6 hours ago, grogee said:

New fleet addition. I am taking a gamble here, and I've broken a few of my usual rules, but my thinking is that even if I spend £1000 fixing the damn thing, I could still break even.

2009 Espace, sadly not the extended Grand, but seven seats nonetheless. We'll be mainly using it with the 3rd row removed so it's basically a giant estate.

2 previous owners, seemingly some good stamp action going on in the service book and only 80 odd thousand on the clock. "Nothing for one of these" as they like to say. Which sort of checks out - our old one had 130k on when we sold it and was still largely behaving. 

Known knowns: condensation in headlight, scratches on body and rear bumper, scabby alloys, and a slight 'clonk' when mounting the drop kerb. Hopefully just drop links, but I've done ARB bushes on these and they're do-able but fiddly.

Full set of motley ditchfinders. I've given up caring about this; it's a family bus not a GT1 Le Mans car.

Battery looked too small, I'll change it.

Unknown unknowns: Ours used to use a bit of coolant, and eventually I replaced the thermostat housing (plastic). This one had a high level of coolant suggesting it may have been topped up, but it didn't 'smell' leaky.

It also used to shit its EGR from time to time, I think a replacement cost £50ish. Again, not a horrible job.

Good: no (big) dents, interior seemed ok, has sat nav, sounded exactly the same as our old one - quiet and civilised. Except the turbo was quieter than ours. Air con works. 12m test. 

Bad: vendor was a chippy c__t. This breaks my usual rule of 'buy from someone nice'. But there were so many plus points, it outweighed this 'issue'. And, unless I take him to court, I'll hopefully never see him again. 

It's got a private plate. Meh, don't care. Won't change it.

Shook hands on £2500, collect this weekend. 

Quite like them tbh.

[grogee]

1 hour ago, Matty said:

Quite like them tbh.

We liked her old one. It did the odd fault or wobble but never FTP'd. Well it did but only after I'd fiddled with it and borked the alternator circuit. 

Massively capable thing. Quite refined too. Certainly not something for chucking around the lanes, but as a cruiser it's brilliant. 2.0d = Nissan engine; I wouldn't touch any of the others. There are V6 diesels and petrols both of which are high on borkometer.

Genuinely couldn't see any rust under this one, not bad for 14 years old.

They are getting scarce, there are a few chancers trying for silly money on the Bay, £10k for one eg:

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/195407447339?mkcid=16&mkevt=1&mkrid=711-127632-2357-0&ssspo=qjo_O4pWSTe&sssrc=2349624&ssuid=2Z40wC2iSsq&var=&widget_ver=artemis&media=COPY

[Soundwave]

7 hours ago, Mr Pastry said:

I think that is correct, and there never was a factory RHD 914.  I had a long-term customer with one so I know my way around them, but I found it absolutely dismal - It looked exotic and interesting, but it was awkward to work on, not very well built, excessively large and heavy for a 2 seater (and very wide, which wasn't ideal with LHD).  Not really that nice to drive - it felt and sounded like a souped-up Beetle, which would actually be more fun and more practical, and I speak as an ex Beetle owner.    Really nothing to get excited about.

Indeed there was never a factory RHD 914... but Crayford, the somewhat hit-and-miss convertible conversion outfit, did aftermarket RHD conversions for them. Only a tiny number mind you.

http://www.356-911.com/modelinfo/914crayford.htm
 

[Mr Pastry]

9 minutes ago, Soundwave said:

Indeed there was never a factory RHD 914... but Crayford, the somewhat hit-and-miss convertible conversion outfit, did aftermarket RHD conversions for them. Only a tiny number mind you.

http://www.356-911.com/modelinfo/914crayford.htm
 

I remember looking at it purely out of interest to see if it could be converted.  It looked a lot of work as it just wasn't designed that way.   The Crayford conversion in your link looks very thorough - I wonder if they made any money out of it, although you could say that about a lot of their projects.

 

[Soundwave]

1 minute ago, Mr Pastry said:

I remember looking at it purely out of interest to see if it could be converted.  It looked a lot of work as it just wasn't designed that way.   The Crayford conversion in your link looks very thorough - I wonder if they made any money out of it, although you could say that about a lot of their projects.

 

Yeah, it wasn't a simple conversion apparently. In addition to a new custom-made bulkhead and dashboard they also had to fit a redesigned fuel tank (to make room for the steering column being on the opposite side) and use a pedal box assembly from an RHD 911 (which I imagine wasn't cheap to buy). Can't imagine it was a cheap undertaking for either Crayford or their customers!

[grogee]

Le spaceship is here, today I treated it to a key card repair and a new key card. Thus we have two functioning key cards in case of OMGLoSTKeY.

I took the trouble to set the tyre pressures as well. It's a motley selection of crap tyres but I will worry about it in the summer. 

Been looking at map update CDs. Confusingly there seems to be perhaps four different, separate nav systems. Ours appears to be a VDO unit with Navteq CD data. Navteq became Here (Nokia owned company).

There is a Here 2014 map on the Bay for £15 which I might have a punt at. After this point there's no updates at all, the system isn't supported, unlike other Renaults with TomTom systems which can be updated to present day.

Anyway, further impressions from driving it - it feels a bit slow, maybe leaking boost. Brakes have a long pedal travel but work ok once you're there. It hasn't used any fluids yet which is nice. Bit of a crunch into 3rd gear, might need a top up of gear oil.

It has standard, manual lights and wipers which feels a bit second class but at least it's one less thing to break. 

[grogee]

Took the Espace for a de-tox today. After informing Mrs Grogee it was a bit scuzzy inside, she insisted on a team of Eastern Europeans to give it a thorough seeing-to. It wasn't too bad really but they've done a fine job, including de-smearing the inside of the windscreen.

Yesterday I got the original key card repaired and another made up so we have two keys in case of dickhead emergencies caused by me. £204 which feels alright for Renault electronic bonkers key duplication.

Not much else to report on this happily. It was a little grumpy to start from -5 °C today, perhaps a glowplug or two isn't glowing. Also noticed passenger front window is slow to operate. I thought it might be crooked at first but I'm not sure now. I'll get the card off and give the mech some lube action at some point in the summer.

Awesome camera skillz m9:

[grogee]

Aaaaaaand it's FTP'd.

Mrs Grogee called and said she couldn't start it. Initially I thought it was something daft like not pressing clutch + brake or something.

Anyway she's done all that and no dice. Then radio died as well and central locking didn't respond. Not a sausage from the starter. 

To be honest I'd already spotted that the battery looked like the wrong one so it's probably a scrap unit just to get it sold.

Alternatively it's OMGRENNOWELECTRICS but either way, A Man is coming to have a look tomorrow. Which is nice, because I had visions of crawling around on her work car park in -5°C weather.

A nice bloke called Barry tried to get her going with jump leads but again, no joy - just a 'click' from the solenoid so I'm hoping it's just battery or maybe starter. (No she didn't leave the lights on, I checked).

[djoptix]

I had the only correct version of these, the 3.5 Grand one in Initiale trim. It was magnificent. (Though I do actually think yours is the best engine - you can get it mapped can't you?)

I think I have some drop links for it still, if you would like them?

Annoyingly I drove through your village the other day, I could have dropped them off.

[grogee]

12 hours ago, djoptix said:

I had the only correct version of these, the 3.5 Grand one in Initiale trim. It was magnificent. (Though I do actually think yours is the best engine - you can get it mapped can't you?)

I think I have some drop links for it still, if you would like them?

Annoyingly I drove through your village the other day, I could have dropped them off.

Village? VILLAGE?

How very dare you. (You'd have been welcome for a cuppa and chat although our temp accommodation is freezing.)

I imagine Initiale trim would be spectacular, and the 3.5 would go well too. Also a Nissan donk I think, with automagic? 

How long did it take to spontaneously combust?

2.0 diesel can probably be mapped, but I'm not sure the rest of the car is ready for that yet. Softly sprung, remote-control steering. Also, it's nice to temper Mrs Grogee's leadfoot tendencies a bit.

The drop links would be very welcome, there is a slight clonk I think from offside which may well be those. No rush though, I've got no facilities until late Spring. Priority at the moment is to get the bastard thing started, which I hope isn't anything more serious than a battery.

Are you going back to fix my sister's shower (St Wherbergs)? If so you could leave them there.

[grogee]

22 hours ago, grogee said:

Aaaaaaand it's FTP'd.

Mrs Grogee called and said she couldn't start it. Initially I thought it was something daft like not pressing clutch + brake or something.

Anyway she's done all that and no dice. Then radio died as well and central locking didn't respond. Not a sausage from the starter. 

To be honest I'd already spotted that the battery looked like the wrong one so it's probably a scrap unit just to get it sold.

Alternatively it's OMGRENNOWELECTRICS but either way, A Man is coming to have a look tomorrow. Which is nice, because I had visions of crawling around on her work car park in -5°C weather.

A nice bloke called Barry tried to get her going with jump leads but again, no joy - just a 'click' from the solenoid so I'm hoping it's just battery or maybe starter. (No she didn't leave the lights on, I checked).

"Darrell" the local mechanic has come and collected the car. Diagnosed as shit battery plus failed 300A fuse. £150ish to fix.

I'm absolutely fine with this, a new 110 battery is £120 and he's basically sorted it out on site and quickly - well, it'll be done by end of Monday which is fine. 

I do have some residual guilt about not throwing a battery on myself, but it's cold and dark plus the car is half an hour away from me. And no access to tools etc etc... I know it's only a 10mm spanner but honestly, getting someone else to sort this is blessed relief.

I'll have my own grease wrangling to do on Sunday when I get over to the SIII Land Rover to finish off the feckin heater flap nonsense. I can't decide if I prefer the prehistoric simplicity of the Land Rover box of rust, or the mental Swedish servo-driven flapfest of the Saab I fixed last year.