Wibble’s Wittering - Cortina, Senator & occasional Skoda & family ramblings, soz!

[Wibble]

6 minutes ago, danthecapriman said:

You’re never too old for a dad’s hug! I’m 39 and still get them!!🤣

Hopefully you’ll be able to get through this bad spell your having. Maybe with a new year might come a change in fortune!?

Cheers Dan, I totally agree! I still got them until last year but at 53 now, I know I was lucky to have him so long and am very grateful for that!

Yep, fingers crossed for next year being better but I think we probably all said that last year. I hope to post something positive soon, about cars hopefully! Really conscious of the negativity of this thread at the moment and it’s not what I want and I apologise but the support from you guys is priceless. Cheers all!

[Wibble]

Well, we made it. Mrs W & junior didn’t get back from A&E until 2am so was a later start than planned. We got through the blizzards in Cumbria before it got serious and arrived just before 6pm. £30 to park at the hotel, robbing bastards!

Good news though, mum’s CRP count down to 22. Beginning to really feel there is hope. Too late to see her today, so we’ll go after mass tomorrow.

[Wibble]

We saw mum today and she was very pleased to see us all. Unfortunately, she wants to tell the consultant tomorrow to withdraw all treatment. She says she’s had enough and after almost 2 months in there, just wants to go.

I'm going to the hospital first thing tomorrow with my sisters, so we can hear what the consultant says but, if there’s no chance of a full recovery, which we don’t feel there is, who can blame her?

It’s her choice of course but if the consultant can see any chance of recovery, we hope to change her mind. Not a good day😞

 

[Matty]

Never easy. But the fortitude that folk show when they feel the end is near never ceases to amaze me. What bravery to make a choice like that. I hope your mother is wrong and a corner gets turned but you should be proud of her.

[Wibble]

1 minute ago, Matty said:

Never easy. But the fortitude that folk show when they feel the end is near never ceases to amaze me. What bravery to make a choice like that. I hope your mother is wrong and a corner gets turned but you should be proud of her.

Thanks, we’ve always been proud of her, she is an incredible woman. Fortunately she has strong faith and not scared of death and would be with dad. Of course,  we are selfish and would rather she recovered.

[danthecapriman]

It’s a tough situation to deal with. Of course as a child, regardless of your age, you will always want your parents around. That’s not how life is though sadly. My grandma was similar, she had been suffering with dialysis for her final years, which at her age was not easy. She went into hospital one time and briefly did ‘go’. She was brought back around but always said after that, she didn’t want to come back again if she ever went again. 
It is an incredibly brave way to be I think. I’m absolutely convinced people know when it’s their time in these situations though. I think sometimes there is a case for going on your own terms when you’re ready.

It’s not easy, at all, on those around you of course but it’s better to be at peace and not suffering anymore than to just keep slogging on sometimes. I know I’d hate to be in the same situation my grandma was in.

Sorry for the rambling! 
I sincerely hope things improve for you all.

[High Jetter]

4 hours ago, Wibble said:

We saw mum today and she was very pleased to see us all. Unfortunately, she wants to tell the consultant tomorrow to withdraw all treatment. She says she’s had enough and after almost 2 months in there, just wants to go.

I'm going to the hospital first thing tomorrow with my sisters, so we can hear what the consultant says but, if there’s no chance of a full recovery, which we don’t feel there is, who can blame her?

It’s her choice of course but if the consultant can see any chance of recovery, we hope to change her mind. Not a good day😞

 

My Mum said, enigmatically to me, that she wanted to take the Primrose path. Kinda shocked me when I looked it up, but respect...

I hope I'd be brave enough to do the same, tbh.

[Wibble]

19 minutes ago, danthecapriman said:

It’s a tough situation to deal with. Of course as a child, regardless of your age, you will always want your parents around. That’s not how life is though sadly. My grandma was similar, she had been suffering with dialysis for her final years, which at her age was not easy. She went into hospital one time and briefly did ‘go’. She was brought back around but always said after that, she didn’t want to come back again if she ever went again. 
It is an incredibly brave way to be I think. I’m absolutely convinced people know when it’s their time in these situations though. I think sometimes there is a case for going on your own terms when you’re ready.

It’s not easy, at all, on those around you of course but it’s better to be at peace and not suffering anymore than to just keep slogging on sometimes. I know I’d hate to be in the same situation my grandma was in.

Sorry for the rambling! 
I sincerely hope things improve for you all.

Please don’t apologise for rambling Dan, it’s valid and what I’m doing. We’re just struggling with how we’ve got to this. If she’d had treatment following the camera scan 4 months ago, we don’t believe we’d be at this point but, despite her calling the hospital gastro department for results, nothing happened and she never had a call back and ended up not being able to eat and getting so weak she was admitted for malnutrition. Even then, nothing was done to help her, just fluids. This place seem content to manage death, rather then help recovery. I can’t explain how angry we are with NHS Scotland. It is a total repeat of what Dad went through last year.

Mrs W was ok whilst we were with mum, but burst into tears when we left and our boys are in bits. I’m lucky to have a wife who loves her mother in law so much but this shouldn’t be happening. I’m so angry and upset.

 

[danthecapriman]

9 hours ago, Wibble said:

Please don’t apologise for rambling Dan, it’s valid and what I’m doing. We’re just struggling with how we’ve got to this. If she’d had treatment following the camera scan 4 months ago, we don’t believe we’d be at this point but, despite her calling the hospital gastro department for results, nothing happened and she never had a call back and ended up not being able to eat and getting so weak she was admitted for malnutrition. Even then, nothing was done to help her, just fluids. This place seem content to manage death, rather then help recovery. I can’t explain how angry we are with NHS Scotland. It is a total repeat of what Dad went through last year.

Mrs W was ok whilst we were with mum, but burst into tears when we left and our boys are in bits. I’m lucky to have a wife who loves her mother in law so much but this shouldn’t be happening. I’m so angry and upset.

 

God, that’s awful! 
Years ago (2006) my uncle went into hospital for treatment for cancer. He’d had it before but came through it. Basically they did the usual tests then found it was worse than they thought so had to operate. He ended up losing most of his bowel because of how it’d spread. Obviously he had to have a colostomy bag after that… we had our reservations about the lack of action and slowness off the hospital but what happened next really was bad! One day he was in a lot of pain (at home!) and he’d actually ended up passing surgical staples which had ended up in his colostomy bag! 
He never recovered from the cancer. It had spread so much they told him there was no more they could do. We lost him shortly after but to see that man go from my uncle, a big, healthy, happy guy, to a tiny skinny very clearly terminally ill man he was at the end was utterly heartbreaking. 
Some years later another uncle suffered from a burst stomach ulcer. If you don’t know, these are terrible for bleeding and can be incredibly hard to stop. 
The same hospital as above treated him. They eventually got the bleeding to stop but found other health problems related. In the end he lost a leg because of it!  
A short while later the hospital wanted to move him to another hospital (god only knows why!?) but when they did the ulcer started to bleed again. They couldn’t stop it and he bled out and we lost him.

The state of the healthcare system in this country is dire imho. I don’t blame the majority of the staff as they do an incredibly difficult job in terrible conditions but I do blame the overpaid fat cats running the show and the government (all of them regardless of party!) for allowing this to go on and consistently underfunding the whole thing. 
See also the MoD, but that’s another story…     

I think the worst thing though was to see both my uncle’s at the end. A shadow of how they were, and should be still. 
Both men should still be with us today. 
Although, if I’m honest, if I were them I wouldn’t want to finish my time in this life like they did. I’d gladly have chosen to go before it got like that. Sometimes preserving any life isn’t the best thing to do. Sometimes, I’m sure, quality of life has to come into it, and if there’s no quality of life likely after treatment then I really don’t see the point. Let them go peacefully and with dignity.

It’s a bloody awful subject, and not an easy one to talk about tbh. But that’s just my personal opinion and thoughts! I could be totally wrong. My uncles might have even thought differently and wanted to fight to the end?? Who knows. The only person who can make the call really is the person it actually is.    
I really wish, like everyone in these situations I guess, there was something you could do, or a reset button to push or a magic wand to fix it, but there just isn’t. It’s just how life is.

I hope this all gets resolved for you with a positive outcome. And I really hope nothing I’ve said here is upsetting for you or anyone else… it’s honestly not intended to be, just my thoughts and experiences (and rambling nonsense!)

 

[Wibble]

7 hours ago, danthecapriman said:

God, that’s awful! 
Years ago (2006) my uncle went into hospital for treatment for cancer. He’d had it before but came through it. Basically they did the usual tests then found it was worse than they thought so had to operate. He ended up losing most of his bowel because of how it’d spread. Obviously he had to have a colostomy bag after that… we had our reservations about the lack of action and slowness off the hospital but what happened next really was bad! One day he was in a lot of pain (at home!) and he’d actually ended up passing surgical staples which had ended up in his colostomy bag! 
He never recovered from the cancer. It had spread so much they told him there was no more they could do. We lost him shortly after but to see that man go from my uncle, a big, healthy, happy guy, to a tiny skinny very clearly terminally ill man he was at the end was utterly heartbreaking. 
Some years later another uncle suffered from a burst stomach ulcer. If you don’t know, these are terrible for bleeding and can be incredibly hard to stop. 
The same hospital as above treated him. They eventually got the bleeding to stop but found other health problems related. In the end he lost a leg because of it!  
A short while later the hospital wanted to move him to another hospital (god only knows why!?) but when they did the ulcer started to bleed again. They couldn’t stop it and he bled out and we lost him.

The state of the healthcare system in this country is dire imho. I don’t blame the majority of the staff as they do an incredibly difficult job in terrible conditions but I do blame the overpaid fat cats running the show and the government (all of them regardless of party!) for allowing this to go on and consistently underfunding the whole thing. 
See also the MoD, but that’s another story…     

I think the worst thing though was to see both my uncle’s at the end. A shadow of how they were, and should be still. 
Both men should still be with us today. 
Although, if I’m honest, if I were them I wouldn’t want to finish my time in this life like they did. I’d gladly have chosen to go before it got like that. Sometimes preserving any life isn’t the best thing to do. Sometimes, I’m sure, quality of life has to come into it, and if there’s no quality of life likely after treatment then I really don’t see the point. Let them go peacefully and with dignity.

It’s a bloody awful subject, and not an easy one to talk about tbh. But that’s just my personal opinion and thoughts! I could be totally wrong. My uncles might have even thought differently and wanted to fight to the end?? Who knows. The only person who can make the call really is the person it actually is.    
I really wish, like everyone in these situations I guess, there was something you could do, or a reset button to push or a magic wand to fix it, but there just isn’t. It’s just how life is.

I hope this all gets resolved for you with a positive outcome. And I really hope nothing I’ve said here is upsetting for you or anyone else… it’s honestly not intended to be, just my thoughts and experiences (and rambling nonsense!)

 

Dan, losing  your uncles like that is absolutely tragic and I’m sorry you had to watch all that unfold. You are also correct about the hospital staff, they have all been and remain fantastic.

Mum was in a bad way when we arrived this morning and we honestly thought she’d be gone soon. She was extremely weak and just said she was finished and wanted to go. Very upsetting. We spoke to a nurse who confirmed mum had told her what she wanted last night and they were just waiting for the consultant.

I have to say, she was absolutely bloody brilliant! She was kind and gentle and made it clear it was mum’s body and no one was going to do anything she didn’t want. She then asked her why she wanted this and explained that they were starting to withdraw antibiotics and cut down other meds, because she was getting better. She asked if she wasn’t eating in an attempt to speed up her end and mum gave a little smile.  She then explained that doing that won’t necessarily hasten her demise and why spend your last days in misery when, potentially, that time might some way off yet. She asked her not to do that and to try and eat. Asked her if she was happy where she was and mentioned the possibility of getting her home in the near future to be cared for there. She really was amazing.

She then asked us all what we thought. We said we were concerned that mum made this decision because she was feeling like a burden and an inconvenience. She had expressed concerns about our jobs/getting sacked for not being at work, as three of us live so far away. Was worried I was back up there after only having been there a few days ago. Mum didn’t say anything at this point but we all said we’d rather do these things and still have her than not and that the three of us that are down south had very understanding bosses.

Mum seemed to take some of this in and we got her sat up a bit and she drank a little water. Later she asked us all individually to go over again what the consultant said, asking if it was true, the mention of her maybe going home and we all said yes, if you put in the effort. She said she’d love to go home more than anything so we’ve asked that we all work towards that and get arrangements for care at home and a suitable bed put in place.

I’m not entirely convinced we’ll get to that but I think she was convinced it’s not necessarily her time to go just yet.

A pretty draining and emotional day all round.

[The Vicar]

On 01/12/2023 at 22:39, Wibble said:

Just had another update from my sister. Mum  is now in a private room but, and I’m scared to have hope, she is seemingly responding to the antibiotics. Her CRP count has gone from 194 to 99, her liver and kidney function have also improved. She is conscious and has eaten a little and talking. The hospital are saying they have more treatments they want to do, if she can get stronger but she needs to keep eating, doesn’t matter what, just eat. She has promised to try and has had some soup and part of a sandwich. 
 

The power of prayer? I hope so, because we’ve been flat out. Maybe @The Vicar could have a whisper too, if he has time?

As I’ve said, scared to hope too much, given what the hospital have said earlier this week and we know it can be good and bad days before the end and maybe this was just a good day. We’ll soon know I’m afraid.

Apologies, Wibble, that I’m just seeing this now. I didn’t have a chance this weekend to come for a lurk where I would have read this sooner. 

Be assured of prayerful solidarity from my end. Glad to hear that your mother is making some progress today. 

[Wibble]

4 minutes ago, The Vicar said:

Apologies, Wibble, that I’m just seeing this now. I didn’t have a chance this weekend to come for a lurk where I would have read this sooner. 

Be assured of prayerful solidarity from my end. Glad to hear that your mother is making some progress today. 

No need for apologies but thank you, this means a great deal.

[Wibble]

We’re heading home tomorrow. Nothings changed and I don’t think it will anytime soon. I watched mum have some soup at lunchtime and she sipped about 4 spoons before giving up. I looked at the bowl and nodded at my sister and she then gave her some more.

I think she is so weak, just lifting the spoon is too much. I’ve suggested she be fed food for a while to try and make some progress and my sister is going to try this. She’s gone back this evening with some of mum’s favourite pasta and  we hope she might have some of this. Still not convinced she wants to try so we may have to have another serious talk in the next few days. Maybe that if she deliberately stops eating, this could be considered suicide and therefore a sin. This might make her think and is our back up.

Dreading the drive tomorrow but fingers crossed. Thanks everyone again.

[Matty]

Best wishes pal

[Wibble]

2 hours ago, Matty said:

Best wishes pal

Thanks mate, all 5 of us are agreed on playing the religious card now if we have to. 
Mum refused to even smell the pasta this evening.

We’ll see what happens tomorrow.

[Wibble]

What do you think @The Vicar, is this a fair attempt to change her mind? I’m sorry, I know how busy you guys are. I also know you may not see this for days.

She’s had priests visit, thankfully, and received the sacrament for the sick ( last rights in the old days) and was anointed yesterday. We just feel this doesn’t need to happen and desperately want her to pull through.

[Wibble]

Said good bye to mum this morning and we’ve made it back to Basingstoke. Had an overwhelmingly sad feeling that I won’t see her again.

[Saabnut]

Sorry to hear this, there is nothing I or any one else can say that will make it better. I have been there myself and it still hurts, but be assured you are in my thoughts.

[The Vicar]

On 06/12/2023 at 01:07, Wibble said:

What do you think @The Vicar, is this a fair attempt to change her mind? I’m sorry, I know how busy you guys are. I also know you may not see this for days.

She’s had priests visit, thankfully, and received the sacrament for the sick ( last rights in the old days) and was anointed yesterday. We just feel this doesn’t need to happen and desperately want her to pull through.

It’s good and I was glad to hear that your mother seemed to respond well to the thought of returning home; I would nurture that, for her good and yours. 

For as long as ordinary treatment and care is not simply prolonging the dying process, a patient is both entitled and obligated to live. On a personal level, I would resolve to talk of obligation and sin as an absolute last resort. Try to focus instead on the gifts she has in her life; children who obviously care very much for her, her home, and wherever else you might know that will help to lift her spirits.

If I can be of any assistance at all please just shout. 

All the best 

[Wibble]

Thanks so much for your thoughts @The Vicar. This is the approach we’ve taken far and haven’t mention the religious aspect at all as we were keeping it as a last resort, as you suggest. We just want her to try but she’s still making zero effort and we were hoping she’d snap out of it. She has always been very devout her entire life and was only weeks away from taking her final vows as a nun when she met dad. Spent years as a missionary teacher in Africa with the nuns, it’s just so unlike her to not try. We understand she’s had a rough time but has decided to throw the towel in just as she was starting to get better. Anyway, sorry I’m rambling but thanks again.

[Wibble]

Just to welcome us home, because we haven’t enough going on, we returned to no heating or hot water. Suspect the combustion air fan on the warm air boiler has died, great.

Then, this morning I had just got to work when Mrs W rang. Said she didn’t want to add more to my worries but she’d broken down. Fucks sake. EPC light, EML light and no power from engine so she was sat in a car park near the school.

Borrowed an icarsoft scanner off one of my team and went to her. No surprise for a 1.2 tfi Skoda, code is for turbo actuator. Cleared the code and drove it home, with Mrs W following in the Superb. Just said fingers crossed it’s ok for now, haven’t told her what it could be and just assured her, if it happens again, drive to somewhere where you can safely stop, switch off for a few seconds and try again.🤦‍♂️

[Wibble]

It seems clear now that mum isn’t going to pull through. The hospital are arranging for a hospital bed to be delivered home and hope to get her back there possibly Wednesday, if she makes it that far. They are trying to organise hospice care at home, we should know more tomorrow.

She’s pretty unresponsive now, eating nothing and asleep most of the time.

We are all still struggling to understand how it has gotten to this and can’t get our heads around the fact that, if she’d been seen 4 months ago, we wouldn’t be here. Sorry, I know I’ve said that before but it’s true and we’re finding it impossible to digest.

[chodweaver]

So sorry to hear this, it's the most difficult of times.

[Wibble]

38 minutes ago, chodweaver said:

So sorry to hear this, it's the most difficult of times.

Thank you, it really is. My youngest sister expects me to be there but I just don’t have it in me to do that drive again at the moment. I’ve done it twice in a little over two weeks, which is over 2 thousand miles and I now wish I hadn't sold mum’s car, at least I could fly then and still be mobile whilst I’m there. Fucks sake, don’t know what to do but I know I can’t safely do that drive again at the moment. I’m too knackered and Mrs W has HR call from work tomorrow, which I need to be there for and hospital most of Friday. I’m getting a bit down with everything. Thanks for listening.

[Floatylight]

Really sorry to hear this Wibble, its a horrible situation to be in, when we lost my Dad a couple of years ago, it was a similar story, i he went into a hospice for some respite and just went in his sleep catching us all by surprise, my wife who used to work in end of life care says she could see it in his eyes that he knew when he went into the ambulance at home that he wouldn't be coming home again.  Looking back for me it was so tough to see the parent child relationship reverse.

Thankfully he was fairly local, I can't imagine what it's like with such a distance between you, just a thought are any Scotto shiters able to help with a loan car if you fly up? Shirely with all the Volvo's they've taken north there must be some spare?

But at the end of the day, do what you need to do for you,  for me my last memory of Dad was being at his bedside watching the Dad's army film  which was on TV that evening and laughing our heads off, for that I'm truly grateful, I said my goodbyes then and never did see his lifeless body.

Take care fella.

[Saabnut]

@Wibble Unfortunately I am stuck in the middle of the North Sea but hope to make it home at the weekend. If it is of any use then, contact me, fly up to Glasgow/Edinburgh/Aberdeen and I will pick you up and loan you a car. I am about 100 miles from where you need to be, but closer than where you are.

[AnnoyingPentium]

@Wibble I could loan you the Skoda for a wee bit if you're needing it.

I'm not too far from your Mum's either.

[Wibble]

Wow. Heartfelt thanks @Floatylight, @Saabnut and @AnnoyingPentium and everyone else for their support. I may well take one of you up in your amazing offers.

The waves of anxiety are the hardest part to deal with at the moment and feeling sick. I’m waiting a call from my sister with developments of today.

It’s often said, but this place is truly amazing.

[Wibble]

16 hours ago, Floatylight said:

Really sorry to hear this Wibble, its a horrible situation to be in, when we lost my Dad a couple of years ago, it was a similar story, i he went into a hospice for some respite and just went in his sleep catching us all by surprise, my wife who used to work in end of life care says she could see it in his eyes that he knew when he went into the ambulance at home that he wouldn't be coming home again.  Looking back for me it was so tough to see the parent child relationship reverse.

Thankfully he was fairly local, I can't imagine what it's like with such a distance between you, just a thought are any Scotto shiters able to help with a loan car if you fly up? Shirely with all the Volvo's they've taken north there must be some spare?

But at the end of the day, do what you need to do for you,  for me my last memory of Dad was being at his bedside watching the Dad's army film  which was on TV that evening and laughing our heads off, for that I'm truly grateful, I said my goodbyes then and never did see his lifeless body.

Take care fella.

Sorry , my heads a mess at the moment, I’m sorry you lost your Dad like that but glad you enjoyed that film together and that you didn’t see him afterwards.

When my Dad died last year, I had no intention of seeing him but Mum wanted to and we went and my sisters couldn’t manage the wheelchair for mum, so I had to. Brother didn’t, neither did one sister. He was still warm. He didn’t want me to see him, worried it would be my lasting memory of him. Of course it isn’t but it’s an image that comes back to haunt me now regularly and really wished I hadn’t.

Just had news from sister number 1, bed being delivered tomorrow, Mum will be brought home Thursday, carers going in 4 times a day. Then we wait I guess.

[Wibble]

Hospital bed was delivered today, mattress due tomorrow before 3pm and Mum coming home shortly after. First carers visit tomorrow evening. Still can’t believe this is happening.