Crappest Car of the 'Noughties'

[Mr H Sceptre]

Afternoon folks.Reading the 'what car defines the last decade' thread got me a-thinkin'. What car is the crappest of the last decade?OK, there are some fairly poor cars at the lower end of the market from Far Eastern maufacturers, but these cars are meant to be cheap 'A to B' transport, so in my book aren't crap.OK, so, off the top of my head:New VW Beetle. Cynical marketing excercise, look (& apparently drive) like shit, poor specification, driven by gullible women called Jacqui & Charli.BMW X5/Porsche Cayenne etc. Enough said.MKII Vauxhall Vecra. Never driven one, but in my opinion they look dreadful - bloated & bland, & have chheap looking interiors.

[dollywobbler]

BMW X6. The X5 is at least practical. The X6 is hideous and pointless and no other car in the world screams I AM A BIG TWAT as loudly.

[Mr H Sceptre]

Can't argue with that at all. The X6 is abysmal.

[whitevanman]

sadly? ....Not sure if I am or not.....but I couldn't tell you what car is crap or good from the last 10 years they are all just pish in my opinion....ugly, expensive, irrepairable by me.........

[CortinaDave]

Vectra Mk2 gets my vote. Possibly the dullest machine ever built by mankind.

[Ratdat]

I don't think the last decade has been a good one as far as car styling goes. We've seen never ending hikes in power outputs and gadgetry but I don't really think the car as we know it has made much real progress. Plenty of vile retro/lifestyle cars such as the new Beetle and Mini, both of which are totally cynical marketing aimed at numbnuts who don't know any better. Stupid and pointless crossover vehicles abound too. In fact there have been so many shit cars in the last ten years it's hard to pick one out but if I had to it'd be the Mini. That fucking appalling 'remake' of "The Italian Job" sums the cars themselves up nicely. All gloss and no substance and bearing no relation whatsoever to the original. And it's a damned ugly car too.

[Milford Cubicle]

Jeremy Clarkson did a good piece about the X6's uselessness on last night's Top Gear. Potential futureshite I reckon, if any of them survive beyond 20 years.

[trigger]

There has been a lot of shit made in the last 10 years, Most of them all look the same with only a badge to tell the differences.Most Daewoo's/Chevrolet & Protons seem like kack to me (I know there a few fan's of these on here though), The Rover City which has already been said in another thread, Vauxhall Agila, I mean what is the point of that?, Just buy a Corsa, at least it's better looking.Personally my Focus has been the worse car of the last 10 years, I had nothing but problems from it, the build quality was bad and it was rusty, something i wouldn't expect from a 3 year old car.

[strangehighways]

I think it has to be the Mark VI Ford Escort. Just such a crap car compared to the car that replaced it (the masterful Focus Mk I)

[AXrescuer]

I'd vote for any of those X5/Cayenne type things, especially those that slow down to 5mph when encountering speed bumps!

[warren t claim]

Can I have some support for my nomination of the Chrysler PT cruiser? I mean, Jim Davidson had one (between driving bans) ffs! Pointless old fashioned retro crap based on 70's underpinnings. (The Cruiser and Jim).

[Guest]

Depends what we consider crap really - I reckon this will be a bit more interesting if we justify our choices a bit, here's mine.

 

Rover CityRover: Quite apt that we're discussing this lately I don't reckon it was a massive joke of a car in itself, but it was one that suffered an enormous series of setbacks and became one. The Rover image wasn't doing so well at the time, the press needlessly going on about it being an rebadged Tata didn't help (note how nobody calls up the European Suzuki Alto for being a Maruti) and the pricing just didn't match the car. If you ever wanted a car to sum up MG-Rover's failure over adversity, this one would do alright.

 

Hummer H2: Big, hefty and supposedly not that useful off-road. Came out just as people were starting to care about the environment and was made the poster boy for polluting vehicles - not ideal! Seemed like people made a much bigger deal of it in America - environmentalists burning down Hummer dealerships and the like. I bet driving one of these around the more bohemian bits of the US actually places your life at risk. Some people drive them around regardless, but they probably enjoy the idea of people being really angry about it.

 

Subaru Impreza (MK3): Subaru decided that they'd change the Impreza into a cheaper and more practical car. The result of this is that I've seen two on the roads to date, even though they came out a couple of years ago now. They could have just kept making the old one and given it an even bigger bonnet vent, they'd have been quids in. Ah well, bad luck fellas.

[trigger]

Ah the Hummer H2, Now there's a good one, There's a night club i rarely go to anymore that runs one as a promotional vehicle, My sister was a rep for them for a little while and as a few of us were in town and the night club is in a village a few miles ago she got them to run us down there in this Hummer. What a POS it was, it was just to big for the road, The bloke driving it who was about 21 and 5ft tall could barely drive it and just wanted to pose in it, and according to the computer it was doing 3 MPG driving though town, He said he had it up to 15 mpg once.In the Army, yes it makes sense, In a sleepy Essex village. No.Totally pointless cockmobile.

[Pete-M]

I'd vote for any of those X5/Cayenne type things, especially those that slow down to 5mph when encountering speed bumps!

If you'd driven a Cayenne, you'd understand why they do that.Range Rover Classics and P38s are awful over speed bumps as well, two live axles don't make a nice speedbump experience. The L322 doesn't tend to notice 'em.My tragic choices of the last 10 years are as follows (in no particular order).The Vauxhall Vectra - for being less satisfying than walking - even if you need to be 300 miles away by teatime.The City Rover - for being a more cynical exercise than the Mk5 EscortThe Porsche Cayenne Turbo S - for the most hair-trigger throttle response in history. You know the way they always blast away from lights like they've been fired from a cannon? It's the throttle. Even after driving one for a few hundred miles I was still cursing the bloody throttle in it. To make things even more annoying, not much more happens if you nail it, but if you try and just flow with the traffic it's not easy. Nothing - too much - nothing. Awful.The Kia Shuma - for being weapons grade shite even when new.My winner, however, is the BMW X5 3.0d. How BMW could take a lot of the underpinnings from the glorious Range Rover and fuck everything up so badly is a mystery to me. The X5 is a car that solely appeals to thugs, gangsters, hairgelled cunts and wannabe WAGs. They are always driven terribly, they look abysmal, they're shite off road and I've only ever seen one actually towing something - and it was being driven badly whilst doing so.

[wilko]

Jaguar X-type estate, with 4 cylinder diesel engine & FWDI bet they are bloody good, because the mondeo they are based on is superb, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I can "cope" with Jag doing diesels - as long as they are quiet, refined and fast. I could cope with Jag doing estates - as long as they looked cool in a Chrysler 300C type way, I can sort of cope with the concept of non-RWD cars, just about...But to build something with all of these characteristics out of a mondeo and then call it a Jaguar - it's either radical, or cynical and lazy.Probably the most "practical" and "easy to own" Jag ever - which is why I will keep & cherish my XJ6 4.2 and the only time you'll see me in an X-type is if I banger race one.

[Milford Cubicle]

Ah the Hummer H2In the Army, yes it makes sense, In a sleepy Essex village. No.Totally pointless cockmobile.

It's not even a military vehicle like the Humvee/H1, it's just a rebodied GM truck.

[Cheggers]

My vote goes to the Chrysler 300C. Probably not a bad car, but it seems to appeal in equal measure to the more affluent version of the PT-Cruiser-owning, line-dancing, airbrushed-wolf-sweatshirt-wearing wannabe 'merkins and the younger Asian gangster "innits" who seem to think it's some kind of Bentley Everything that's bad about the last decade...

[Mr_Bo11ox]

I vote for assorted massive Mercedes products of which you only ever see once every 3-6 months, dont even know what they are called, of the two I can remember one looks like an overgrown Hyundai Galloper and the other one looks like a colossal silver loaf of bread with lights on, both are just enormous and look utter shit.Also nominate the MG X-power coupe thing, I love MG rover but even through my rose-tints I can see that thing is plainly a hideous wobbly old crock.Oh and the Golf 'Plus', basically a vertically stretched golf. Who needs this rubbish? And all 2000-on Chrysler products except the 300C. Some of those 4-wheeled turds just beggar belief, I saw a 58-plate sebring convertible the other day and almost laughed my cludge off.

[AnthonyG]

Hummers - all of the GM ones. BMW X6 - pointless, ugly , JC summed up how useless they are. Most Chryslers designed in the era when Daimler Benz were just in a state of panic and cobbling together anything out of all sorts of bits - Dodge Caliber/Nitro, Jeep Compass/Commander etc.Edit: Mr B, Good call on the Mercs - R class (the silver loaf thing), GL class (a very large square 4X4) the B class (cheapo Scenic), any of the other assorted crap based on a van pretending to be a premium vehicle.In fact almost anything designed by the Germans mainly for the US market (which covers a lot of the above) is usually utter shit.

[dollywobbler]

My winner, however, is the BMW X5 3.0d. How BMW could take a lot of the underpinnings from the glorious Range Rover and fuck everything up so badly is a mystery to me. The X5 is a car that solely appeals to thugs, gangsters, hairgelled cunts and wannabe WAGs. They are always driven terribly, they look abysmal, they're shite off road and I've only ever seen one actually towing something - and it was being driven badly whilst doing so.

Oh no. I'm tooling about in one of those tomorrow. I wasn't looking forward to it BEFORE you wrote the above! I mean, everyone's going to assume I'm an idiot. I prefer them to meet me before they leap to that confusion!

[Pete-M]

Mr Wobbler, I have driven an X5. Draw your own conclusions!

[wuvvum]

I vote for assorted massive Mercedes products of which you only ever see once every 3-6 months, dont even know what they are called, of the two I can remember one looks like an overgrown Hyundai Galloper and the other one looks like a colossal silver loaf of bread with lights on, both are just enormous and look utter shit.

Sounds like the GL and the R-Class - the GL is an unnecessarily huge 4x4 for twats with penis envy issues and the R is (yet) another pointless niche product in the Golf + vein.My choice would be the X6, for reasons already outlined by other posters, and Mr. Clarkson. Plus the fact that it really does look like a lurcher taking a shit.

[Guest greenvanman]

The [insert model of BMW here] is a car that solely appeals to thugs, gangsters, hairgelled cunts and wannabe WAGs. They are always driven terribly...

Edited for truth in about 95% of cases...

[Cavcraft]

X5: I don't actually care that they may be ok to drive, they're vile heaps of shit almost always piloted by baldy forty something gangsta wannabes or silly dizzy dyed blone bints. And usually about 0.000001mm from your rear bumper.Ford Ka: Horrible, rattly, rusty, nasty heap of shit with styling so ugly it's beyond comical.Ford Focus: as someone else on this thread. Rusty, cheap shite 'parts bin special' interior and piss all room in the boot. Not even remotely impressed.Ivecos: any of them. Absolute and utter shite. No discernible build quailty, everything falls off in your hand or on the road and just complete toss.VW Golf: any model, any age.(Possibly a bit old but worth including) Vauxhall Sintra: the people carrier that probably got carried by recovery trucks more than it carrying anything itself. Wank egine, horrific reliabilty record, shit electrics and shit everything.

[Pete-M]

Ford Focus: as someone else on this thread. Rusty, cheap shite 'parts bin special' interior and piss all room in the boot. Not even remotely impressed.

I'm astounded that you can put the best car of the last 40 years in a list of the worst ones.What is 'parts bin' about a Focus interior? The Mk1 shares the stereo and the electric mirror switches with a couple of other Fords, but that is about it.

[Guest]

Ah the Hummer H2

In the Army, yes it makes sense, In a sleepy Essex village. No.

 

Totally pointless cockmobile.

It's not even a military vehicle like the Humvee/H1, it's just a rebodied GM truck.

Yeah the H2 is not to be confused with the H1 - that actually is a proper well-engineered piece of military kit and can be used to give foreigners a hard time.

 

The H2 is tough-looking, but based around the same platform as the Escalade and Suburban. On that basis, whilst it isn't utterly useless off-road, it is incredibly lardy and pointless for no real gain.

 

Have to disagree on the Focus too - the MK1 is a great car overall, surprisingly entertaining to drive, decently-built, don't really rot much, can't complain to be honest. Don't reckon the MK2 is quite as good, but still good enough.

[Milford Cubicle]

What's so impressive about the Focus apart from its groundbreaking styling?They are nice enough to drive, but no more so than a Peugeot. The dashboard is ugly and plasticky, and the packaging isn't great.

[Cavcraft]

Ford Focus: as someone else on this thread. Rusty, cheap shite 'parts bin special' interior and piss all room in the boot. Not even remotely impressed.

I'm astounded that you can put the best car of the last 40 years in a list of the worst ones.What is 'parts bin' about a Focus? The Mk1 shares the stereo and the electric mirror switches with a couple of other Fords, but that is about it.

2.0 Ghia hatchback. The interior seemed very Mondeo Mk1/Orion and wasn't nice at all, it was rusty, didn't drive very nicely and to be quite honest I hated it.I swear I wanted to like it, I wanted to think it was as good as loads of people said it would be. I wanted to think I could live with one long term and that it would be a nice car.I was wrong.Everyone likes different cars for differnet reasons and in my personal opinion and experience it probably wasn't even the best car in the first week they hit the road, never mind the last forty years.

[mattblack]

environmentalists burning down Hummer dealerships

Who says the Americans don't do irony...

[Pete-M]

I thought the Focus was ugly when it came out, really didn't like the look of it. Then I drove one and was a convert. I love the Focus.The ride / handling is superb (and they handle better than the Pug 306 - I tried them back to back and you need to work a lot harder in a 306 than you do in a Focus to maintain the same speeds), the seats are comfy, the controls are well weighted, there's no Vauxhall slop in anything, they're excellent on fuel, loads of space in them and they're reliable.1.4s are mega slow, and the diesels are very nose heavy, but a 1.8 Zetec Mk1 with AC and ABS is probably the best sensible car in the world.The 2.0 is grunty but no quicker than a 1.8 in real world use. It's also a lot worse on fuel and has a nastier gearchange.I keep thinking I should buy one, but I don't like sensible cars.