The grumpy thread

[Inspector Morose]

You're not alone.

[Cavcraft]

 

individuals begin to behave erratically and impulsively, often making poor decisions due to unrealistic ideas about the future, and may have great difficulty with sleep.

 

 

Yep, that's getting married for you!

[Cavcraft]

Can I just add that however well you might think other people are doing, it's not always the case? On paper some people can seem to have everything (house/family/flash car/whatever) but it doesn't necessarily make them happy and it sure as fuck doesn't make them better than you. 

 

I think we're sort of force fed a load of bollocks about success equalling shit loads of money and a big posh house, which undoutably is why most people buy big posh cars as they think it shows off their 'success' in life. Of course it's nice to have a swish car and flash house, but do people actually 'need' these things? Do they bollocks as like.

This though (inadvertently as it may be) does sort of make you think that you must aspire to be like that, that the big paying job and fancy lifestyle is a must. Yes, it'd be ace to be Brewstered and spend money like there's no tomorrow, but when you don't have much you generally spend it wisely and enjoy any treat you can get far more.

Old shit cars are great because you can get a lot of interest and fun out of them, plus it cocks a snoop (whatever that means) at the flash Harrys of the world. Just try and enjoy your hobby/ies and fuck everyone else and most inmportantly as Hillman Imp said

 

LISTEN TO REGGAE or Ska

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMrNDnU6PPk

[SambaS]

mmm croissants! ^^love that song but my record got broke

 

Aye money isn't the be all, I was surprised to hear about my mates Dad being on the same meds as me, my mate, his sister, seems everybody is (or was) on these pills. Good for the drugs companies. I say I was surprised as he's ran and sold several successful businesses, owns a nice house, 2 new cars every couple of years, a beautiful wife, 2 kids, grand kids... things making you happy must be an illusion.

 

I still want my camper, I'd keep the laptop and put my records into storage somewhere, and my car brochures and pretty much everything else could go to a charity shop. But 10 cars isn't really realistic, that's a burden in itself, so some would have to go and I don't want them to. Suppose if I wasn't paying rent, council tax, as much for electric and heating I would have a bit extra to rent more storage for them. Trouble is if I hated it though.

 

Guess I just have to keep plodding along until they finally build these new homes, the project is already 6 months behind and no sign at all of them doing anything.

[Cavcraft]

We're moving into a bungalow which is nice but it does have one major flaw.

[chaseracer]

You're not alone.

 

Quite.

 

I've found - as I approach the half century - that giving considerably less of a shit about stuff that doesn't matter helps immensely. The trick is identifying what is and isn't important to you, and often (not always) that only comes with life experience.

 

This time last year, I was a "senior elected lay leader" of one of the big trade unions, operating at regional and national executive level, chairing political committees, speaking at union and Labour conferences, on first-name terms with the people you see shouting at each other on the telly or from the green benches. If this makes me sound like an insufferably fraudulent prick, it's certainly how I was seeing myself. Everything was noise.

 

So I stopped. My day job was redundant; I left my employer of twenty years and was fortunate enough to be able to take six months out. I was able to devote more time to family & friends, to 'reconnect', and to take on more of the care of my son and my mother-in-law. The lovely one known as Domestic Management has been incredibly supportive.

 

Now I'm an independent caseworker (partly for the same union!) working from home - much happier and better off in all ways...

[chaseracer]

We're moving into a bungalow which is nice but it does have one major flaw.

 

Don't they all...? 

 

[MrDuke]

I did put a post up about 'achievement' earlier, but it's been eaten by the internet. Anyway, the gist was that there is nothing wrong with trying to achieve, in fact it's vitally important that you should. The problems start when you allow other people to dictate, actively or passively, what those achievements should be.

I had a very good friend with major social & MH issues, whose weekly achievement goals included sitting outside his house for half an hour without having a massive panic attack. His biggest achievement, post-illness, was letting another friend take him for a 45-minute drive and going into a village shop on his own. I'm pretty sure that one event meant more to him than the OU masters degree that he also managed to achieve in his life.

[Station]

Jesus, that manic depression sounds exactly like me. I had a huge sense of elation and energy (roughly between the years 4 - 21), and then a horrible drop when I realised the world wasn't looking after me and I had to do everything on my own (21 -present). Seriously though, as said, there is always someone much worse off than you, if you dwell on small problems and don't attempt to better yourself then it's always going to seem terrible.

 

Growing up I the mantra of Henry Rollins screaming 'Deal With It' drove me on and stuck with me to this day. The words in this song are great (unless you're a Q reading music snob)

 

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=I-mrnEL0gWk

[Junkman]

Can I just add that however well you might think other people are doing, it's not always the case? On paper some people can seem to have everything (house/family/flash car/whatever) but it doesn't necessarily make them happy and it sure as fuck doesn't make them better than you. 

 

I think we're sort of force fed a load of bollocks about success equalling shit loads of money and a big posh house, which undoutably is why most people buy big posh cars as they think it shows off their 'success' in life. Of course it's nice to have a swish car and flash house, but do people actually 'need' these things? Do they bollocks as like.

This though (inadvertently as it may be) does sort of make you think that you must aspire to be like that, that the big paying job and fancy lifestyle is a must. Yes, it'd be ace to be Brewstered and spend money like there's no tomorrow...

"Die glücklichen Sklaven sind die erbittertsten Feinde der Freiheit" - Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach.

Literally "Happy slaves are the most bitter enemies of freedom"

 

And what you just described is the perfect happy slave.

In my first life, I was one of them and it would have never occurred to me, what a burdening and self-limiting madness that entire success/consumerism brainwash dictate really is and who really profits from it (hint: It's NOT the slave!).

 

It was all lost in a day and I became extremely depressed as a result, literally to the brink of being suicidal.

It was pure intellect that saved me - being suicidal made me rationalise that something is wrong and I went to see a doctor.

The rest is the usual story, therapy and years of being bipolar and living in total poverty. My survival strategy was simple rationale. Sort of oh, I'm having a depression now, but that's just part of the illness I have and it will go away. It worked for me.

What I realised during that period is that those old hippies have a point - real freedom is when you have nothing left to lose. This helped me to be able to remain calm and relaxed when things are bad and this in turn helped me to secure a job that is well enough paid so that I can afford to provide a halfways civil life for a family of four without racking up debts, while being fully aware of the fact, that life is a zero sum game anyway. The more relaxed you are, the more likely you will succeed.

I'm fully aware that I'm a raving lunatic, but I learned to accept that this is neither my fault, nor can I do anything about it. And as long as I'm not a menace or danger to others, I claim to be entitled to be just that. I also learned to accept, that I will never find widespread acceptance, as long as I keep doing things that aren't generally accepted.

 

 

, but when you don't have much you generally spend it wisely and enjoy any treat you can get far more.

Old shit cars are great because you can get a lot of interest and fun out of them, plus it cocks a snoop (whatever that means) at the flash Harrys of the world. Just try and enjoy your hobby/ies and fuck everyone else...

Back in the day, I had some really flashy shite, Corvettes, Imperials, an Iso Grifo, a Maserati Ghibli, Cadillacs as everyday cars, several of these stereotypical Muscle Cars and literally a second house just for my model car collection.

Now I have a 1500 quid LS&2SB-style P6, a maybe 300 quid Peugeot 405, a Benz W108 resto project, a Mobylette, a pushbike collection, and my model car collection fits in one room of the dungeon of my rented 3-bedroom semi. I have much less trials and tribulations, am under a lot less pressure, and the people around me aren't grudgers and parasites, they just like me because I am me.

 

 

...and most inmportantly as Hillman Imp said

LISTEN TO REGGAE or Ska

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMrNDnU6PPk

Nah, man.

 

"Just listen to as much blues as you can" - 'Joliet' Jake Blues.

[rml2345]

Its a shame no one does blues reggae as that could probably cure depression and anxiety far better than hours of chat and wee pills.

This idea that we must achieve and continue to achieve is a symptom of the system in which we now live whereby we're taught from primary school that achievement will make us better. Learn more, run faster, study harder, get better grades, go to university, work for 40 years and you too will be considered a success.

Bollocks.

I'm only 25 and many would say I know bugger all. Many would be right too but I learned the hard way trying to live the model of success that some nutters think is essential that none of that matters even a tiny bit. Success for me now is being able to get up before 2pm.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that measuring yourself against the goals of others is never going to work out well.

Bit rambley, it's still early...

[Inspector Morose]

Right. Without it sounding like a depression pissing contest or some obscure Monty Python 'old Yorkshire men with mental health problems' sketch I shall tell you my tale.

 

You see, I have mental health problems too. Depression and crippling social anxiety to the point of the first time I've been out of the house for anything related to my own wants (i.e. not to the shops for a pint of milk etc but because I wanted to do it just for myself) in eighteen months was for an Autoshite meet (the rather excellent Cannock auctions). Before this, I had a rather fun job touring Europe on exhibitions using old buses and coaches, had my own house, a shite car to play with and a bit of surplus cash to go out for a pint or two when I felt like it. Now I've lost the house, all my friends, can't afford a car and now am holed up with the wife in a single room of my wifes old parents house.(my wife, bless her, has stuck with me all the way while I self destruct) All this was because I had the start of a depression session and got pushed out of a job I liked by others who were more than happy to stick the knife in my back while pretending to be my 'friend'. Meanwhile, I self destructed, refused to face up to the world and effectively walked out on everyday life.

Its been the same for most of my 41 years on this miserable little planet. In the past I've tried suicide more times than I can remember. Ive had more counseling than you can shake a shitty stick at and at times my anti depressant doses would put a celebrity drug user to shame. They both work but you have to realize that the effects can be short term or last a while or could not work at all. It depends on many things but you have to persevere with it as there is no real alternative apart from the ultimate one and I just cant do that to my wife.

It's getting better now. Soon I'll get to the point where I can rebuild my life and free us of the mountain of debt I've acquired over the past year and a bit. I still have an issue with social anxiety to the point of recently walking from a rather spiffing sounding job with lots of promise because I had to interact with the same people day to day. Hey It's a glitch in my self repair and it put me back a few months but I'll try again. Meanwhile if any of you in the locale fancy a pint one night to help a withering mental.......

Half the problem for me, and I think a few more here, is boredom. You see, it important to constantly find myself new problems to solve.Every minute.  Every hour. Every day. If I don't and take the 'easy job that you can do without engaging brain power' my head will just turn on itself, just for something to do. It takes its new found task up with relish to the point of sending me into the quivering wreck and implodes all life around me with great flourish. What I need is a constant distraction, a sort of 'jangling keys just out of line of sight' type of thing. I haven't found it yet. Yet.

So that's me. To you all, when I said you're not alone, I meant it. For the young ones just starting on the journey, do get help. The docs is a god place to start and what they can do does give relief albeit sometimes more temporary than you'd like. For the others (read older!) if you could see yourself clear to give me an idea on how to find that distraction and so be able to get on with my life, feel free...

 

I've said enough now. Some of it might even make sense.....

[Lacquer Peel]

I wondered how my colleagues managed to do it on the same wages and it became clear on examination that every single one of them is partnered up, so with dual income they can manage it. So the bottleneck is still money, but the other solution involves finding some broken miserable woman who is crushed and defeated enough to accept waking up to my chiselled features and charming personality, yet physically able to work so the bills can be split. My search for "the one" has been been unsuccessful, probably as I offer so many deal-breakers they're spoilt for choice (ironically, I think the main one is that I still live with my folks). In ten years or so I've had two dates, which to be fair was the same bird, so she at least must have felt sorry enough to put up with some more stilted, awkward conversation.

 

I was in a very similar situation to you for years and thought I'd never escape, but I recently met a woman I clicked with in a big way. Remember, a lot of women are weirdos too - Ms. Peel even likes old Volvos. 

[chaseracer]

...if any of you in the locale fancy a pint one night to help a withering mental...

Any time.

 

 

 

[Angrydicky]

I must be very fortunate in that I've never had any major MH issues, just depression caused mainly by failed relationships. I've never had a job that pays more than minimum wage, started University in September to improve my employment prospects and so far it's been pretty good, although there's a lot of twats there. Lots of people with daft opinions and a blinkered outlook having never had to graft before. People who have always had everything handed to them on a plate from the bank of mum and dad.

 

Kind of on the same lines, does anyone know anyone who is a diagnosed schizophrenic? I'm considering asking a rather lovely young lady who I've known for a few years now out on a date, but the main thing that's keeping me back are her aforementioned MH issues. She takes regular medication, and as far as I know hasn't had any symptoms for a year now. 

[Des]

Early start yesterday morning, 300 miles to cover, moved my van off a yellow line to spoil the traffic wardens fun, drove car onto the road and as I went to close the gate a woman who'd been loudly jabbering away on a phone pleaded for my help to jump start her oversized great monstosity of a people carrier. 'Sorry I've no jump leads' I lied. The van I just moved has a set under the seat, there's another pair hanging just inside the door of the garage I was standing 4 feet from, along with 2 batteries full of volts from very recent bubbling sessions on a Lidl charger, that van has 2 fitted, again charged to a gnats cock of their capacity, that woman couldn't have asked a better equipped person for a jump start, she whined about the expense of such help from the AA the previous morning but still not so much as a twinge from my conscience, I just wouldn't help an example of a vehicle I hold in utter contempt on its way. I spent the rest of the day a little troubled by my action, wondering what kind of an arsehole I've become, in spite of getting cut up by similar vehicles, pushed out of a lane by one and the usual cut in front and brake from a lanehogger I came to the conclusion that I'd acted like a bit of a dick. Wrong, my instincts were correct. Guess what was parked across my drive when I got home. The miserable selfish ignorant fucking fat bitch.

[dollywobbler]

I was in a very similar situation to you for years and thought I'd never escape, but I recently met a woman I clicked with in a big way. Remember, a lot of women are weirdos too - Ms. Peel even likes old Volvos. 

 

Is that why you seem a little more chilled out?

 

Seriously though, my prospects improved immeasurably once I realised that I was never going to find the woman of my dreams in a nightclub. In Birmingham. Sure enough, Mrs Wobbler has never lived in Birmingham and has no desire to spend any time in a nightclub. A clever, independent woman living in the countryside is what I wanted and, like my hunt for a dishevelled Discovery, I got exactly what I wanted. Fortunately, she's in better shape than my Discovery, makes less irritating noises and doesn't constantly want showering with expensive gifts. 

 

Facebook is great for telling the world how well your life is going though, as folk edit out the stresses of life. You know, those moments where you think it's all gone to sh*t and major changes are needed. If circumstances allow, major changes can be good for the soul. Or a crock of shit. Either way they're an adventure!

[scruff]

I was in a very similar situation to you for years and thought I'd never escape, but I recently met a woman I clicked with in a big way. Remember, a lot of women are weirdos too - Ms. Peel even likes old Volvos. 

 

Yeah man. It just happens - I know everyone says that, but it does! 

 

What do you do for a living Hirst?

[scruff]

 If circumstances allow, major changes can be good for the soul. Or a crock of shit. Either way they're an adventure!

 

YES plus eleventy

 

Life IS too short and all other cliches apply... 

[Des]

Just a thought on the MH thing, the brain is a very delicate instrument, mines been ok so far, but I think luck and learning to really not give a shit from an early age has helped there. People / society and all that do seem to like to put the pressure on, play the game their way and join in the scrum all scrabbling for the same goal. 'Normal' life is a weird perverted mess of a thing, normalised by mass acceptance of a load of hopelessly stupid skinbags blindly working themselves into debt and slavery. All you can do is try to do what you want, other people will get in your way, they always will but if you're not playing their game then it's fun to oppose them, you live by your wits and if you don't win then at least you've pissed off the bastards.

[Cavcraft]

See, when you think everything in life is shit and nothing can improve, you find out Lenny Peel has a bird. There really is hope for us all!

 

 

Talking (earlier in this thread) of trying to consider people worse off than yourself, did anyone watch 'Treblinka: Inside Hitler's Death Camp' on CH5 this evening? Now there's a sobering reality, especially when you consider it was only 70 years ago.

[coalnotdole]

I had no idea so many people on here were having MH issues, to an extent I think its a reflection of the society we live in rather than individual weakness. I've  noticed quite a few people from my generation (late 20's, early 30's) have been having a very poor time of things lately. I know lots of people who are under employed, trapped in jobs with poor prospects bad wages and who are cut off from a lot of the things (houses, cars, relationships) that previous generations would take for granted.

 

I don't pretend to have the answer to that one, but in years to come I could see a backlash against the baby boom generation who had good jobs; half decent wages, full fat pensions and an affordable place to live. These are the same people who sold off all the states assets (for their own profit) offshore'd all the skilled work left those that came afterwards with a fucked economy, a county of bleak retail parks, low quality high density housing estates, shit mc jobs offering joke wages on which you'd struggle to buy or even rent a home.

 

I had a bit of a bleak / depressive spell in my late teens when I pretty much decided I couldn't see the point... It took time but I managed to see the back of that. Though to a certain extent you carry those scars indefinitely. In my case I found things I could engage in, creative outlets, I left home, went to university and got a decent degree etc. These days I just try to keep my head above the water financially, So long as I've got a few good friends, decent family and I can making progress on my personal goals and projects things could be worse. (Though meeting a decent girl would be nice!)

 

Hope those having a bad time of things now find things get better you soon.

 

Joe

[oman5]

sorry to join the "me too" group, but I've had MH issues for years. also on the autistic spectrum, only recently discovered that gem but it certainly explains a lot. I read up on aspergers symptoms, realised it described me to a tee and got tested yup, absolutely.

It just happens that cars are the one interest I latched onto and became obsessive about.

I'm shy, awkward, crap in social situations, hated school and everyone there and its  probably why I have the job I do- I get to work on my own most of the time, other people I work with are in my inner circle/comfort zone so no problem with work really. 

My massive mood swings and suicudal thoughts about 13 years ago led me to the doctors or I would have probably topped myself. the doctor prescribed seroxat (now dicredited and the subject of numerous compensation claims- it really fucks your head up) as an anti depressive which promptly made everything 100 times worse and pretty much finished my marriage, it turned me into a complete bastard.

I changed doctors and have been on happy pills ever since, it really is the only way I can deal with life in general. but it stops your brain acting like a tumble drier going round and round and over analysing everything that pisses you off and leading to a breakdown. it pushes all the frustrations, annoyances and black feelings away to a different place and you stop worrying.

I've remarried and have 2 great kids, but I think I'll probably be on the pills indefinitely- attempts to come off led to a complete reversal and I was back where I started at the bottom of a deep dark hole. 

It's important to get help, the fact that you are feeling this way is symptomatic that your brain cannot cope any more, so its not always possible to get out of it yourself. 

[Junkman]

MH issues? I don't suffer from them, I enjoy every second. I just don't want to be without them anymore.

And who established what an MH issue is anyway? A slave that has maxed out his overdraft, all his credit cards, his savings comprise a mortgage the size of Canada, a new Mercedes, an Audi A4 for the wifey, and a Mini for the daughter, all bought on hire purchase, a 55" flatscreen telly in four rooms of his six bedroom mansion (note: that's either four too many, or two too few) with neo-Georgian columns at his front door, and all the other successes* he had in life. It's his sort that's telling me what's normal and what isn't.

I don't even muster to wrinkle one of my arse cheeks over bollox like that anymore. I certainly don't need those kind of people to tell me what's right and what's not. They are the arseholes, and I don't have to be one, too. It really is that simple, when you think of it.

[SambaS]

it stops your brain acting like a tumble drier going round and round and over analysing everything that pisses you off and leading to a breakdown. it pushes all the frustrations, annoyances and black feelings away to a different place and you stop worrying.

 

I'll have some of that please.

 

Went to work yesterday and made it 2 hours.

 

All orders were going out late customers ringing up asking where there food was took my second run out to the bar on camp, customer had rang twice already. I wasn't going into the bar, just not in mood tried customers phone twice no answer so in a fit of range I put car into reverse and went to angrily drive off when there was a scream from behind the car.

 

I must have been inches from running some woman down and genuinely though I'd hit her.. took my other order then decided enough was enough. Took the car back to the shop and ran home. Jumped in my car and drove down some country lane to text my boss sorry I am too stressed to do my job blaa blaa.

 

So there we go. Not looking forward to having to speak to a doctor.

 

Not looking forward to seeing my boss, don't feel I can go in to collect my wages on Sunday. hate myself for letting him down as we were struggling anyway. But what can I do.

 

Also turned phone off and it will be staying off. 

[daveb47]

I am the same,have been for many years,every day the same,get up in morning,first job is to work out how long before i can go back to bed,then clockwatch till i can..

Dont go out at all unless absolutely essential,hate being with people in general.If there is anyone waiting in doctors etc i will wait outside.

Never get upset or angry as i just cant be bothered

Cant say everyday is a struggle because i dont really give a fuck about anything even my health.

May sound silly but  when i had a major operation a few years & was told that i had 50/50 chance of death my only bizarre thought was well if i do die at least it will be something new.

Crazy...

[DVee8]

To move away from the MH issues for a moment

 

I ordered my 7 year old a X-box from Amazon for christmas on monday delivered yesterday by UPS.I was at work our lass had gone to collect the kids from school,nice mister UPfuckingS driver through the parcel over the gate at the side of the house,now the gate is around 6foot high on to a concrete path.Now this hasn't been signed for rang UPS to complain all we get was we need to speak to the driver we will get back to you.

[scruff]

 

So there we go. Not looking forward to having to speak to a doctor.

 

 

 

You deffo need to dude... Been there and it's not nice but it does help

[rml2345]

To move away from the MH issues for a moment

 

UPS are a bunch of shitehawks

Shortened but nonetheless accurate. All these courier companies are a bit shit TBH, Yodel in particular (which I believe used to be the parcels arm of Driver Hopelessly Lost, or DHL). The most reliable one I've found is Royal Mail...

[Mr Livered]

Lots of very interesting posts about mental health issues and their relationship to achievement. Feeling that you haven't achieved what you should is a major cause of profound unhappiness it seems.

 

A long time ago, when Samuel Johnson wrote the first ever English dictionary, if you looked up the word "idle" it would describe someone who was only prepared to do whatever they thought was worthwhile, not what society expected. A very useful word describing someone who was capable of thinking for themselves.

 

Nowadays, "idle" seems just to mean the same as "lazy". So the word has been taken away from us, as though it's no longer acceptable to follow your own path in life. There is only one legitimate path, and it's the one that's set out for you by society.

 

Realising this has helped my mental health immeasurably. I hang around on a forum called the Idle Foundation (http://idlefoundation.org) which is for people who live life their way, without worrying too much about what is expected of them. Consequently that forum is populated by some very cool people, and knowing that I am not alone has brought much happiness. The "idlers" on that forum do meet up occasionally (a pub in Bristol last weekend was the last meetup) and their company is wonderful because none of them are high fliers, none of them give a shit, and none of them will make you feel like a loser if you have a minimum wage job, or drive old cars, or feel like you don't fit in.

 

I think a lot of Autoshiters are probably also idlers at heart. Some of them might also be lazy, but it's about so much more than that. It's about looking after your mental health by accepting yourself for what you are.