The grumpy thread

[retrogeezer]

I have just realized that I have blown a grand on two tiny tubs of cosmetic product.

 

Should have gone to Aldi.....4.7 out of 5 as a vote for their £1.89 tub of this stuff:

 

http://www.marieclaire.co.uk/news/beaut ... l-out.html

 

And before you ask, there was an article in the paper about how everywhere was selling out of the stuff.

 

The skincare range at Aldi has previously hit the headlines when a study by Channel 4's show How To Look Good Naked, asked 100 women to blind test a range of popular face creams including Aldi Siana Skin Kind Nourishing Anti-Wrinkle Night Cream priced at £1.89. The cream was voted the joint best skincare product, together with Lancome's luxury night cream, which costs £51 a pot. How shocking is it that a cream priced at £1.89 can rival a cream costing over 50 quid!

[warren t claim]

The 'new' (as from last general election) local MP is a hunt supporter. I didn't vote for the cunt so I'm doubly gutted the wanker got in. Maybe a cat shit-envelope-post box interaction is on the cards.

 

At least Giles Brandreth was anti hunting.

 

Anyone who gets dressed up to enjoy the ritual slaughter of wild animals is a cunt in my opinion.

 

Post the twats home address on a few choice websites.

[dollywobbler]

Seems odd to call this lot a shower of shit when the last lot were not exactly great Mr Chaseracer! They're all as bad as each other.

 

Anyway, let's not get into a political rant. Returning to cosmetics - just find the right woman! My wife doesn't go in for potions, and has even made her own hair conditioner from nettles (it's quite good actually). What angers me more than all the shit that women get convinced they need is the fact that they're now trying to turn their attentions to us blokes. Skin conditioner? Piss off!

 

Mind you, mascara ads make me laugh. All trying to outdo each other and the fake stuff they wear and the post-production (which they have to tell you they've done) leave the model looking nothing short of ridiculous. I bet they can't actually see where they're going with a pair of hairy caterpillars on each eyelid.

[ChinaTom]

Bit late for that DW - we've been married for a fair few years - I suspect the divorce would be more expensive even than this. Anyway, it'll be my fault somehow. After so many years of marriage (this one and the last), I know the key for marital bliss, and it goes something like "sorry dear, my fault"

[dollywobbler]

It is true that me and Mrs DW rarely argue. I find it hard to disagree with her most of the time...(yes, I SHOULD have done that properly!)

[Mr Lobster]

I know the key for marital bliss, and it goes something like "sorry dear, my fault"

 

This is possibly the truest phrase ever written

[Cavcraft]

The 'new' (as from last general election) local MP is a hunt supporter. I didn't vote for the cunt so I'm doubly gutted the wanker got in. Maybe a cat shit-envelope-post box interaction is on the cards.

 

At least Giles Brandreth was anti hunting.

 

Anyone who gets dressed up to enjoy the ritual slaughter of wild animals is a cunt in my opinion.

 

Post the twats home address on a few choice websites.

 

Bang on the money.

Brandreth was still a twat though and he still backed down when I suggested he should ring my door bell so I could punch him back down every step of the communal stair case. That was in my pre-medication days mind, though I'd probably still be tempted.

 

Gordon Brown was a twat, though I'd rather have Labour in charge any day. I voted for Ed Milliband in the leadership thing (my lame to fame is he 'phoned me at home a week or so ago) as I reckon we're going to need him when the next election comes.

 

Back onto cosmetics all birds are the same on that score methinks. It only takes the hairdresser who charged them a hundred fucking quid for a perm to tell them they need some shite shampoo at fifty bleeding quid a bottle and they buy it.

[chaseracer]

Seems odd to call this lot a shower of shit when the last lot were not exactly great Mr Chaseracer! They're all as bad as each other.

I've known you for many years, Ian, have immense respect for you, and would defend to my final breath your right to hold a different view to mine...!

[Louise2cv]

I don't wear make up or use cosmetics of any sort, I only use hair conditioner once every couple of months out of guilt (I knew I shouldn't have bought it), I have my hair cut once every 6 months and never have it coloured, and I HATE shopping so much that I will only go when my last pair of trousers have a big enough hole in them. I don't have a handbag and I don't collect shoes.

 

So There. All women are not the same.

[dollywobbler]

You sound very like my wife Louise! Rachel HATES hairdressers (I usually have to cut her hair), severely dislikes shopping and wants to live in Wales.

[ChinaTom]

Louise, I truly didn't mean that rant to be as chauvinistic as it sounded. My Mrs is Chinese, and tribal Chinese at that, so by the laws of nature, she is likely to inherit her mother's, grandmothers etc etc propensity to become quite wrinkly. She's paranoid about it, as are most Zhuang/Miao/Yi and Dong girls (bit like different tribes of Red Indian). Trouble is, the Asian view on Cosmetic products is that the more expensive it is the better it MUST be. She is the marketing department dream. If SKII bring out a product costing 17 million pounds, she'll save up for it. It's because of Chinese medicine. A willy from the rarest tiger will be expensive, and due to the VERY "uneducated" (in the sense of understanding how such compounds work, and lack of programmes like That's Life and Watchdog) background of these tribes, they will believe that a rare tiger willy based potion will be magnificent, and so is to be aspired to.

 

from this:

to this:

The older lady is 53 years old. (i.e. 20 years time!)

 

My anger is not actually directed at the female species - it is actually self directional in that I didn't check the price. I gather that if you are buying this particular product, you are not in the slightest bit bothered by the price, in which case I am batting way out my league.

[Louise2cv]

Hey I don't mind really! I just like to be different, hence the Allegro I suppose.

 

I just don't get the whole make up/shopping thing. My sisters used to spend hours "getting ready"... what a waste of time!! And shopping? Walk round dull shops getting frustrated because the clothes on you look nothing like the clothes on the mannequin (because the shops cheat and use knots and safety pins) spend £35 on a t-shirt (WTF?). All it does is reinforce the idea that you are too fat or too thin or your boobs are too small or too big. Spending money and time on torturing yourself? No ta!

 

I should be apologising for making out all men think all women are the same!

[Guest Leonard Hatred]

I'd moisturise her face.

[Rusty Pelican]

Commer is miss firing like a bastard and dispite checking and swapping everything in site still is ,

FUCKSTICKS

[Minimad5]

I just don't get the whole make up/shopping thing.

 

Why can't i ever find a woman with this mentality ?

[MrDuke]

Only a mildly grumpy one, some of it makes me chuckle in hindsight.

 

I got a lift back to Tesco this afternoon to try and recover the car. While explaining authoritatively to my friend exactly how I was going to hotwire the plugs, I confidently popped the bonnet and connected one end of the jumplead to the battery, and the other end to the fuel rail. No, I don't have the slightest fucking idea why. The first shower of sparks sent my friend back about 4 paces, so I just smiled, got in and turned the key to the 'warm-up' position. It can take around 6 seconds from cold, so I counted 5, then tried to fire it up.

I can't remember what I noticed first, the look of abject terror on my friend's face, the huge plumes of blue smoke, or the flames, but by the time I'd switched off and jumped out, he'd managed to disconnect the half-melted plug and retreat back behind the next car. Not wanting him to clock what a total retard I'd been (although I'm sure he worked it out), I ignored the scorching heat in the cable and re-attached it, while laughing at him. Then, after another two face-fulls of sparks, I attached it to the glowplug rail instead. Returning to the car, I cranked it over about a dozen times, at which point the battery went flat.

So I went into Tesco, told them the shitty-looking banger right near the entrance wasn't going anywhere, then went home. Tomorrow I'll phone a guy I know who services lorry and heavy plant engines for a living, and ask him to do something clever with it.

[Des]

Ebay.

I stopped using ebay a few years ago, had been using it for about a decade and followed the slow change from a brilliant innovative marketplace to a pisstaking corporate clusterfuck. I've recently been clearing out allsorts and still have an awful lot of old stuff from my ebay days, so swallowed my pride and commenced a listing splurge. Had to really go round the houses, via paypal to get first item listed, ok, should get easier now, attempted to list next item and a security page pops up, now I must validate, wants me to phone a number which won't work quoting a code, well there's live chat, don't think so. What was I thinking, how is anyone still using this shit? I've had more than enough and this is well before having to deal with the inevitable moron bidders. Paying for a skip seems a more attractive option than giving the arseholes a penny in commission.

[autofive]

useless b'stards DHL

 

one day last week i had two parcels picked up by dhl, a carb. to Spain, a full size keyboard to Ireland (about 50 quid in total fees)

 

tonight i get an email from Ireland; "My keyboard hasnt arrived, but I have a box with car parts in it"

 

 

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH useless feckin DHL driver has put the wrong stickers on the parcels, and i checked with him TWICE before he left my house, needless to say, no one of any use available at DHL until monday morning

[scaryoldcortina]

Uh-oh... I sense a second complaint coming very soon...

 

"The carb does not fit my manifold. It does however seem to be in tune....."

[scaryoldcortina]

Only a mildly grumpy one, some of it makes me chuckle in hindsight.

 

I got a lift back to Tesco this afternoon to try and recover the car. While explaining authoritatively to my friend exactly how I was going to hotwire the plugs, I confidently popped the bonnet and connected one end of the jumplead to the battery, and the other end to the fuel rail. No, I don't have the slightest fucking idea why. The first shower of sparks sent my friend back about 4 paces, so I just smiled, got in and turned the key to the 'warm-up' position. It can take around 6 seconds from cold, so I counted 5, then tried to fire it up.

I can't remember what I noticed first, the look of abject terror on my friend's face, the huge plumes of blue smoke, or the flames, but by the time I'd switched off and jumped out, he'd managed to disconnect the half-melted plug and retreat back behind the next car. Not wanting him to clock what a total retard I'd been (although I'm sure he worked it out), I ignored the scorching heat in the cable and re-attached it, while laughing at him. Then, after another two face-fulls of sparks, I attached it to the glowplug rail instead. Returning to the car, I cranked it over about a dozen times, at which point the battery went flat.

So I went into Tesco, told them the shitty-looking banger right near the entrance wasn't going anywhere, then went home. Tomorrow I'll phone a guy I know who services lorry and heavy plant engines for a living, and ask him to do something clever with it.

 

LoL.. you just sent me spinning into "what makes you grin"....although maybe I should be more careful with my advice! I'd guess from the still not going situation that it's the stop solenoid that's gone west. Having it picked up and looked at is a good idea

[autofive]

Uh-oh... I sense a second complaint coming very soon...

 

"The carb does not fit my manifold. It does however seem to be in tune....."

 

dm dm tish

[warren t claim]

Insecure wife beating pschopaths.

 

Mrs-Claim has just called me to say that her and a friend are currently searching the underneath of her mates Toyota Avensis for a tracking device planted by her friends ex, really! The prick has done this before and she had to get a mechanic to find it. She bought a de bugging device that will pick up signals and it is beeping by the front wheel. Does the Avensis have plastic arch liners? Any flat surfaces behind there that will be big enough to attatch a magnetic device the size of a 20 box of smokes to?

[scaryoldcortina]

^ yes, and yes..

 

what a total nobber. I'd be tempted to attach his tracking device to a no 10 bus

[autofive]

^ yes, and yes..

 

what a total nobber. I'd be tempted to attach his tracking device to a no 10 bus

 

how about a bin wagon or police car

[warren t claim]

Obviously if I was there I would attatch it to my truck and take him on a round Britain trip.

[scaryoldcortina]

if it's only the size of a fag packet you could attach it to a cat..... or maybe a swallow could carry it.

[autofive]

if it's only the size of a fag packet you could attach it to a cat..... or maybe a swallow could carry it.

 

african or european?

[warren t claim]

This is where he gets his bugs from...

 

http://www.onlinespyshop.co.uk/

[scaryoldcortina]

This is where he gets his bugs from...

 

http://www.onlinespyshop.co.uk/

 

 

wow, thats fucking expensive. I'm glad I can make my own*

 

 

*I want to find the person who stole my car, and re-create scenes from Long Good Friday on them"

[MrDuke]

A reasonable response on the female's part, would be to attach a similar device to her ex's car in return. I say 'similar', I mean about the same dimensions, maybe a little bigger, only packed with C4. And stuck near some fuel lines.

It really is the only way to deal with cunts like that. And I'm not joking, my (thankfully very limited) experience of violent control-freak boyfriends/husbands has proved that they're pretty much beyond any reasonable kind of treatment.