The grumpy thread

[twosmoke300]

shit it's a 30k service. Fuel filter, brake fluid change the lot. Does autoshite change the pollen filter or just blow it out?

[chaseracer]

Pollen filter?

 

We might scrape some of the leaves out of the scuttle if we remember...!

[phil_lihp]

 Does autoshite change the oil filter or just rinse it out?

 

Fixed that for you

[trigger]

I've just had a message to say my old Suzuki Alto has died in a cloud of smoke on the A14, apparently the big end has shat itself, the lad who bought it is gutted, and so am I.

[Angrydicky]

It's in such good condition, it's still got to be worth saving surely? I'm sure an engine swap on one of these would be very easy, they're so small and presumably light.

[skattrd]

I was going to say, I'm sure engine swap/upgrade shouldn't be too difficult.

See about buying it back Trig and fit an F6A  (660cc turbo) out of a later Alto/Cappuccino/AZ1 for mucho boost fun.

[trigger]

I think the problem is finding a replacement engine, he's given me first refusal on it before ebaying it on as spares but I don't want it again! If you knew of a good engine then I guess an engine change would an afternoons work.

 

[Felly Magic]

Poor Alto, I liked that car too, and unusually for an old Jap, the body is mint too.

[vulgalour]

Sad news indeed about the little Alto.  If ever there was a reason for bike engine transplants, this has got to be it.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Theres still a few rotten ones of those knocking about, I bet an engine can be located with a little patience.

[Cavcraft]

I've just had a knock at the door from the police. Have I got a 306 estate? Yes. Is it still here? Hang on I'll check. Yes, here it is, why? Some silly fucker down south has cloned it for doing a crime!

VIN and reg plates checked, no bother my end. Hopefully they've got the fucker/s who did it in custody. I don't know how desperate you'd have to be to clone a shit heap like this, but there you have it. Perhaps someone has driven off from Aldi without paying for 3 litres of Crisp N Dry or something? 

[Station]

I think the problem is finding a replacement engine, he's given me first refusal on it before ebaying it on as spares but I don't want it again! If you knew of a good engine then I guess an engine change would an afternoons work.

 

IMG_6060.JPG

 

I reckon a Bedford Rascal/Suzuki Carry engine would go in surely?

 

 

 

Everything looks in the same place?

Were these Alto's only available in four door?

[trigger]

They did also come in 2 door but I'm not sure if they were sold in this country or not. I think the Bedford engine maybe different but I can't remember now, I remember is called a SS80 engine.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

The Bedford is a 4 cyl engine, unlike the Alto

[HillmanImp]

I've just had a knock at the door from the police. Have I got a 306 estate? Yes. Is it still here? Hang on I'll check. Yes, here it is, why? Some silly fucker down south has cloned it for doing a crime!

VIN and reg plates checked, no bother my end. Hopefully they've got the fucker/s who did it in custody. I don't know how desperate you'd have to be to clone a shit heap like this, but there you have it. Perhaps someone has driven off from Aldi without paying for 3 litres of Crisp N Dry or something? 

 

That will help you sell it knowing thats its on the polices wanted car list.

 

"Is this your car sir?"

 

"Yes. "

 

2 days later

 

"Is this your car sir?"

 

"Yes. "

 

2 days later

 

"Is this your car sir?"

 

"Yes. "

 

2 days later

 

"Is this your car sir?"

 

"Yes. "

[dugong]

Computer is doing my head in. Ideally I'd get another one but that's rather difficult with only £overdraft to spend. I managed to scrape £100 together for the NEC and spent £60 of it - the rest is going towards the tax for the Citroen at the end of the month.
 

Deleted Chrome because I couldn't get rid of CouponDropDown. A bloke I work with keeps calling me mental and says he's never had that problem and I was daft to get rid of it. NEWSFLASH : JUST BECAUSE IT HASN'T HAPPENED TO YOU DOESN'T MEAN IT CAN'T HAPPEN TO OTHER PEOPLE. 

Firefox was crashing every ten minutes, locking up and shrieking it couldn't understand various page scripts [and then crashing again]. I couldn't update it either - it flat out refused.  

Opera hated my machine and IE sort of works so I'm grudgingly using that for a bit. Can't get rid of the ads on Facebook via IE but that's just an excuse to use it less [not that I needed one].
 

Then the BIOS failed. Thanks to some handy hints from saucedoctor I was able to chivvy it back into life. Defragged the disc back to the last short n'curly and managed to clear 5.14 GB of temporary cack off the hard disc. Glary found 192 faults with the registry that probably wasn't helping much, either.

 

To be honest, it's seven years old and I didn't pay much for it. I've had my money's worth.

 

I've just had a message to say my old Suzuki Alto has died in a cloud of smoke on the A14, apparently the big end has shat itself, the lad who bought it is gutted, and so am I.

 

At least he isn't coming after you demanding that you pay for the repairs. Was he thrashing it?

I think a Cappucino engine in an Alto would be great fun. Or a 107 \ C1 \ Aygo motor. Or even something from Daihatsu's range. Sod it, just fit a Laverda Jota. I know someone who could do you one at good price and it would sound like death itself.

[trigger]

I know he's done quite a few miles in it up and down the A14, probably the shock of actually being used has done it in.

[dugong]

I know he's done quite a few miles in it up and down the A14, probably the shock of actually being used has done it in.

Well, I think with a bit of application \ imagination he could get it back on the road without too much difficulty - but that's his problem.

[dugong]

Neighbour (you know, the 'hilarious' one with a Kia Seoul) asks me what I think of his car. 

Far too easy. 

 

"It's a [censored] piece of dog-salad [censored] with shiny paint and [censored] tyres. You can't drive for [censored] and neither can your wife. Will that do?"

[Station]

I know he's done quite a few miles in it up and down the A14, probably the shock of actually being used has done it in.

 

I wonder what smoke it was? Mebbe oil starvation. I've had a load of Kei cars with tiny little engines, and they really put up with some abuse, the Justy is on 145k miles and still going strong.

[dollywobbler]

Has to be said, give my Sirion some stick and it gets all OM NOM with oil. Piston rings seem to be an issue. Reminds me. I need to put some more in after the thrash to Brum on Sunday...

[Lacquer Peel]

I wonder what smoke it was? Mebbe oil starvation. I've had a load of Kei cars with tiny little engines, and they really put up with some abuse, the Justy is on 145k miles and still going strong.

 

Didn't trigger's Suzuki have a ridiculously low mileage for its age? It's not always a good thing - I prefer a car with a 'healthy' mileage.

[dugong]

Didn't trigger's Suzuki have a ridiculously low mileage for its age? It's not always a good thing - I prefer a car with a 'healthy' mileage.

'Twas a mega low mile thing. As he reckons, the shock of being used probably did it in. 

 

There was something like a 3000 miles-from-new Piazza in the Owners' Club that a member [lol] got hold of. He replaced loads of stuff on it despite the insistence of the 'fruitcake as Tuesday' previous owner that it needed nothing.

 

It ended up doing its head gasket about a month after being 'recommissioned'. The tyres were lethal as well. 

[trigger]

Yeah it had done 23000 miles when I sold it, now on 27000 miles. the lads now looking into getting it repaired, he's found one of ebay apparently that he's looking at bidding on. I wonder if the oil pump packed up?.

[dugong]

Yeah it had done 23000 miles when I sold it, now on 27000 miles. the lads now looking into getting it repaired, he's found one of ebay apparently that he's looking at bidding on. I wonder if the oil pump packed up?.

Sounds encouraging, at least he isn't raging at you demanding you fix it on the advice of his 'expert' mates down the pub..........

[trigger]

Not yet he isn't!

[dugong]

Not yet he isn't!

I'd still tell him to foxtrot oscar. You can't pile the miles on an old car like that and expect it to be faultless. 

[dugong]

'Blah blah blah homecoming'.

Yet another Septic solecism that irritates.

Never ceases to amaze how the marketing men manage to turn a delicate subject into a crass ad campaign. 

As I've said to many Americans who criticise the English language - "If it's that f*cking crap, invent your own". That normally shuts them up. The land of supposed superiority in absolutely everything you dare mention, and yet...........

I have nothing blatant against the USA or much at all with the Armed Forces, but the bastardisation of an already etymologically challenged tongue annoys me. 

[inconsistant]

When did 'inspiring' turn into 'inspirational', and why?

[dugong]

When did 'inspiring' turn into 'inspirational', and why?

 

Around two thousand and twelve. The reason I know not.