The grumpy thread

[Negative Creep]

  Hirst said:

  Negative Creep said:

We apologise and regret our inability to find good matches for you. The time you spent completing our questionnaire, however, has enabled us to provide you with a free Personality Profile.. This Personality Profile lets you learn more about yourself and should provide you with valuable insights.

Would like to know what these valuable insights might be. Let's see!

 

 

A complete load of rambling bollocks basically. Apparently a "positive" is that I'm compassionate about people's feeling but a "negative" is that my response to other's problems isn't sympathetic enough

 

 

Oh and I didn't use my avatar pic. That's saved for my match.com profile

[ashmicro]

N.C., to be serious for a minute, be careful! A bloke I used to work with got hooked up with a woman from a dating site (can't remember which one). She was a Class A, gold-plated NUTCASE, who wanted him to beat her up, had a blood fetish, and later tried to poison him (he ended up in hospital). She looked normal, too, when I saw her at a works piss-up.

[Cavcraft]

He'll be ok, I ended up married to her.

[Guest Leonard Hatred]

  ashmicro said:

N.C., to be serious for a minute, be careful! A bloke I used to work with got hooked up with a woman from a dating site (can't remember which one). She was a Class A, gold-plated NUTCASE, who wanted him to beat her up, had a blood fetish, and later tried to poison him (he ended up in hospital). She looked normal, too, when I saw her at a works piss-up.

 

That could quite easily happen meeting conventionally, but the internet is a bit of a haven for big spastic mentalists.

[Negative Creep]

  Leonard Hatred said:

  ashmicro said:

N.C., to be serious for a minute, be careful! A bloke I used to work with got hooked up with a woman from a dating site (can't remember which one). She was a Class A, gold-plated NUTCASE, who wanted him to beat her up, had a blood fetish, and later tried to poison him (he ended up in hospital). She looked normal, too, when I saw her at a works piss-up.

 

That could quite easily happen meeting conventionally, but the internet is a bit of a haven for big spastic mentalists.

 

Well at least it would beat my impressive record of 5 months trying these things and not a single reply or message

[pogweasel]

Are you super fugly or sommert?

[Pillock]

Try plentyoffish instead - you just sign up and write some words about yourself. None of this computer matching rubbish.

I'm ugly, skint and depressed and even I got a couple of shags out of that site. Warning: one of them got a bit clingy (she was fatter, skinter and more depressed).

[Justin Case]

  Negative Creep said:

a "positive" is that I'm compassionate about people's feeling;

Oh and I didn't use my avatar pic.

 

Dear Mr Creep

 

You do not appear to be an entirely hopeless case, but I think that your name may be part of the problem and a change might be beneficial. I suggest that calling yourself Mr Positive Creep might create a more favourable impresion with members of the fair sex.

 

Yours sympathetically,

 

Agony Aunt Alfisti

[Guest Leonard Hatred]

I have had a look at these dating sites but I'm too socially retarded at the mo to even send a message.

[boobydoo]

£112 just to get a little petrol lawn mower serviced!! It's only two years old.

 

They saw me coming didn't they!

[pogweasel]

WHAT!?

Who charged you that?

[ashmicro]

^^ what Pog said. The Shifty House-Clearances R Us auction place in Belfast will sell you a good one for a lot less than that.

[retrogeezer]

  boobydoo said:

£112 just to get a little petrol lawn mower serviced!! It's only two years old.

 

They saw me coming didn't they!

 

 

Jeez, there is nothing to do on them!! Change the oil (and you can use car oil with no probs), clean the plug and filter and brush any stuck grass from underneath off!

The small ones only take half a litre of oil....what on earth have they charged for?

[pogweasel]

I'da done it for a 4-pack of hen.

POGZ SUFFOLK PUNCH TUNING SHOP.

[boobydoo]

The local ironmongers did it...

 

I just looked at the bill again....

 

Sharpen blades £7.50

 

Clean and set carb/ replace carb diaphram £5

 

Air Filter £6.00

 

Spark Plug £4.50

 

Change oil £6.00

 

Labour £50.00

 

Collection and Delivery £15.

 

Plus VAT of course.

 

I'm a twat, aren't I.

[Guest Leonard Hatred]

It seems like you've being charged for labour twice.

[CIH]

£50 an hour, and they will charge a minimum of an hour, isnt so remarkable. Atleast, not in the garage trade. No idea about the "mower trade" though

[retrogeezer]

As Len says, you've been charged labour twice on some things.....and what kind of ironmonger charges that amount of labour?? Is it an Audi dealership on the side?

 

£2's worth of oil

£2 spark plug

£3 Air Filter

5 minutes labour to sharpen blades and 1/2 hour max for the oil/filter/plug.

 

I know you are probably pissed off enough already but if it's a Briggs & Stratton engine they go for years with minimal maintenence. Changing the oil & plug is a 5 minute job. The air filters are washable and you can sharpen the blades with most knife sharpeners.

I'd be on the phone to query that bill, especially the labour. As already said, you could have bought a new one for that and a mower service should really be a 'fixed price' type thing for £50 total.

[Negative Creep]

  Pillock said:

Try plentyoffish instead - you just sign up and write some words about yourself. None of this computer matching rubbish.

I'm ugly, skint and depressed and even I got a couple of shags out of that site. Warning: one of them got a bit clingy (she was fatter, skinter and more depressed).

 

 

I am on there as well (with a different username), sent messages before but never had a reply. I wouldn't say I have the look of Daniel Craig but I'm hardly Joseph Merrick either although I do hate having my picture taken. Hence I have 3 photos up which I think look rubbish

[Guest Leonard Hatred]

  Negative Creep said:

  Pillock said:

Try plentyoffish instead - you just sign up and write some words about yourself. None of this computer matching rubbish.

I'm ugly, skint and depressed and even I got a couple of shags out of that site. Warning: one of them got a bit clingy (she was fatter, skinter and more depressed).

 

 

I am on there as well (with a different username), sent messages before but never had a reply. I wouldn't say I have the look of Daniel Craig but I'm hardly Joseph Merrick either although I do hate having my picture taken. Hence I have 3 photos up which I think look rubbish

 

 

Plentyoffish seems pretty grim.

 

  Quote

I can be your sweetest dream and your worst nightmare,the way you see me - it's your choice!

 

  Quote

i am looking 2 meet new people and see wot happens i would like 2 settle down at some point but i am not in a hurry,i like all types of music mainly anythin thats in the charts

 

  Quote

looking for a good laugh!!!

 

  Quote

Im quite random at times which makes life more fun haha.

 

[Pillock]

Yeah, I said I got a couple of shags out of PoF - not a lifelong commitment! The fat one was after something longer term but I bailed - I'm not actually adverse to a few curves, AND she was utterly utterly filthy in the good way, but she was also pigshit stupid and that I can't cope with.

 

I don't think I've even got a profile picture up there and I take it all with a grain of salt and take the piss a little too much but it seems to work. At the moment my profile is on hold, I'm hooked up with a hot blonde from work but that feels like it's unravelling so I might pop back on there soon.

 

It's all about confidence - my ex-housemate was a right cocky bastard and he was going to 3 or 4 birds houses a week, every week, all off that site. All about the mouth. Just remember that every woman on there is dealing with a dozen men or more at any time - my skinny, blonde, young friend has a profile and she is fending them off with a stick all thanks to one photo.

 

Failing that, try dogging.co.uk - it's the same sort of thing but without all the faux-niceness and getting-to-know-you.

[Guest]

Don't listen to Norm, he's talking nonsense. I will teach you how to do this.

 

First of all check out your wardrobe and see what's in there, probably a load of Nafco 54 jackets and "popper" tracky bottoms. Chuck them in the bin, you need to look smart if you want to have any chance of success. The most important thing is having the right sort of shirt. By this I don't mean a George at Asda T-shirt with Oscar the Grouch on it. Think "smart" and keep going from there. Collared shirts are smart, but cotton isn't very smart. Silk is much smarter. And don't go for a plain one, you'll blend into the scenery, you want something along these lines.

 

 

It's all about fashion, heavily patterned silk shirts have a certain timeless appeal to them. They say "look at that guy - he's fashionable and trustworthy". One other point is to not neglect your shoes, birds are obsessed with them - they will judge you on them.

 

 

White loafers add a touch of class to any outfit, especially when paired with a matching white belt. Plastic ones are the best as you can remove the insoles and give them a good blast with the hose every so often. Keeping your smart clothes in good nick is important!

 

The next thing to remember is how you smell, if you reek of B.O. that's no good! The best trick is to experiment with a few different fragrances, find the best 5-6 and then apply them one after another. My "hot date" smell is a mixture of Blue Stratos, Brut 33, Old Spicy (it's off the market), Pina Colada bathroom air freshener and a dash of cheap whisky. Remember, you might get sweaty, so don't be tight with the amount used - the more the better.

 

Then it's just a matter of choosing a look that suits you best, I generally find driving around in a boxy 80s car with "Phil Collins - I Missed Again" blaring out at full volume with my arm on the windowframe and a big pair of aviators is the most successful, though you could also try leaning against a wall whilst smoking a roll-up or staring into the middle distance with a pensive expression. Don't smile - you want to be moody and mysterious, they like a bit of that.

 

Give it some time and then a hot bird will want to talk to you, then you just need to play it cool - try to mention about all your achievements as quickly as possible to keep them keen. Tell them some exciting stories which show you off as a bit wild and untamed - something along the lines of you setting fire to someone's house because they gave you some lip. Body language is important at this stage, try to cop a feel, it'll make them feel more wanted. Keep plying them with drinks until they don't really know what's going on anymore. After that, it's up to you - good luck.

[Albert Ross]

Are you still single Hirst?

[Guest]

Yeah, but my approach is spot-on.

[cobblers]

Stuck behind a brain donor in a corsa today for about 15 miles on the way home from Retford (Blyth road).

 

They would do 35mph in the national speed limit bits and then speed up to 45+ in the 30 limit built up areas.

[cobblers]

Oh, and in relation to finding a girl:

[ashmicro]

[morris_ital_lover]

One word...rohypnol.

 

m0rris

[Negative Creep]

Hang on a minute, why has no one mentioned a Stanza yet?

[chaseracer]

  Negative Creep said:

Hang on a minute, why has no one mentioned a Stanza yet?

Come, come, gentlemen - we all know the secret way to a woman's heart...

 

 

Oh yes...