Small FTP and procrastination over - Cookie's adventures in shiteing

[Cookiesouwest]

So here goes.

I'm Andrew, but everyone except my mum calls me Cookie. 48yrs old and have been buying and running shite since I passed my test at 17.

I can't remember how many cars I have had over the years, as I have never bothered keeping a record. But it is many. Not as many as the hardcore members of this forum, but still a reasonable number. Also don't have pics of most. I realise now that this has been an error. I will try to compile a list and update it as and when my brain remembers what cars I have owned!

Another error is I have only just joined your excellent forum, despite knowing of the existence of the beige brigade for a few years. 

So why am I posting?

It's for me, although all are welcome to view this public thread. I need a place to document future and current shite and some non shite, so that when I am old and the kids have put me in a home, I will still have a record of my car history, to relieve the boredom of the nursing home.

Pre Forum list - probably lacking detail like spec levels but will try to keep them in historical order. Plus owned multiple cars at some points

1  1983 1.6 L Blue Ford Sierra hatch - my dads old car and my first.

2 1987 1.6 LX Red Ford Sierra hatch

3 1992 2.0 L Red Vauxhall Cavalier hatch

4 1996 1.8 Black Audi A4 Saloon

5 1995 2.0 16v Grey Vauxhall Calibra - one of the few I miss

6 1988 2.0 Red Saab 900 (pre GM one)

7 Mk2 1.3 e Black VW Golf

8 1988 Red VW Golf GTI

9 1992 Champagne 1.6 Pug 405

10 1997 Green 1.8 Pug 406

11 Grey 2002 Passat 1.8t - 3 months warranty. Crapped its oil pump 2 weeks out of warranty. A known issue with that particular engine (awt?). Except I didn't. 

12 1989 Blue (ish) 1.6 L Vauxhall Cavalier Hatchback

13 1997 Red (ish) Audi A4 2.4 tiptronic

14 1998 Green Audi A4 2.4 tiptronic - no idea why, must have fancied a change of colour

15 1989 Champagne E34 530 auto

16 1993 Silver Merc C220 auto - 180k on clock when I bought it, in the late 2000's

17 1995 Green Vauxhall Omega 2.5 v6 GLS auto - 2mpg when booting it round the ring road

18 1985 White Merc 190E

19 1997 Blue Fiat Punto - think it was a 1.2 but could be wrong

20 Mk1 Blue Toyota Rav4 3dr. Cant remember the year

21 1994 Green E34 525 manual

22 1997 Green Audi A4 avant 1.8 SE

23 1993 Grey E34 520 manual

24 1989 Grey E32 735 Auto - had it a month. It was old, tired and cornered like a boat.

25 LDV convoy LWB HiTop - cant remember the year

26 Renault Master LWB HiTop, again I cant remember the year. I do remember it was a pig to drive but I liked it. Just like the Convoy.

27 1999 Green Mondeo ST24 estate

28 1995 Green Rover 416 auto - still one of my all time favourites

29 1997 Green Nissan Primera 2.0 hatch

30 1998 (I think) Blue Saab 900 2.0

31 1995 Silver Ford Galaxy 2.0

32 1997 Green E39 523i manual

33 1998 Silver Escort 1.6 hatch

34 1998 Green E39 523i manual - not same as 30, different shade of green

35 2001 Red Ford Mondeo 2.5 ghia X

36 2000 Blue Audi TT 180 6 speed

37 2003 Grey MG ZS 180 loon

38 2004 Anthracite MG ZS 180 loon

39 1999 Anthracite MG F 120

40 2001 Trophy Yellow MG ZS 180 loon - in addition to the one sitting on my mums drive. See below.

41 2004 Zafira 2.0dti - kept for 3 yrs. Longest I ever owned a car. Still miss it. Only recently departed.

Will continue when time and memory allow.

Current Fleet (Including Mrs Cookie)

1 2005 Black Honda CRV 2.0 - daily Mrs Cookie

2 2006 Black Vaux Vectra 1.8vvt SRI - new arrival for daily

3 2001 Trophy Yellow MG ZS180 - off road for last 3 yrs, waiting for a lottery win or simply some time to restore

Fleet News

Picked up the vectra on Sunday. 900 quid. 96k on clock. Impressed. Mind you compared to the HRV even a moped would have felt like an improvement ?

Cambelt done at 86k June 2018. Last oil change at 70k June 2014 !! Thermostat not working.

[New POD]

????

[wuvvum]

I had a blue / purple / rust 3-door 1999 HRV a couple of years ago.  I quite liked it to be honest.

[Bren]

I like vectras. Pics please.

[Cookiesouwest]

2 hours ago, wuvvum said:

I had a blue / purple / rust 3-door 1999 HRV a couple of years ago.  I quite liked it to be honest.

I like it too, but it has a couple of very annoying foibles and I know it wont pass MOT in march, so time for a change.

[Cookiesouwest]

1 hour ago, Bren said:

I like vectras. Pics please.

Only one I have at mo and it's too dark to take anymore tonight

[Matty]

Still think they're a bloody handsome car

[Cookiesouwest]

59 minutes ago, Matty said:

Still think they're a bloody handsome car

I agree. No idea why I've never considered one before. Although I am finding the one touch wiper control annoying. Sure I will get use to it.

[Asimo]

1 hour ago, Matty said:

Still think they're a bloody handsome car

So did Jaguar, who copied the look for all of their saloons of the last ten years.

[Asimo]

11 hours ago, Cookiesouwest said:

I'm Andrew........... have been buying and running shitters since I passed my test at 17.

OK but   " Shitting" means doing a poo.    "Shiteing" refers to a life with shite old cars.

And your Renault Master - was that the Vauxhall Movano sort, or the previous & purely Renault, Master?    Coz I like those "Star Wars toys"  Masters.  Pix please!

[Cookiesouwest]

2 minutes ago, Asimo said:

OK but   " Shitting" means doing a poo.    "Shiteing" refers to a life with shite old cars.

And your Renault Master - was that the Vauxhall Movano sort, or the previous & purely Renault, Master?    Coz I like those "Star Wars toys"  Masters.  Pix please!

Purely Renault Master and sadly no pics

[Cookiesouwest]

34 minutes ago, Asimo said:

OK but   " Shitting" means doing a poo.    "Shiteing" refers to a life with shite old cars.

And your Renault Master - was that the Vauxhall Movano sort, or the previous & purely Renault, Master?    Coz I like those "Star Wars toys"  Masters.  Pix please!

And I have had a little edit iro the Shite comment

[Cookiesouwest]

*** update on Vectra. Despite garage saying nowt wrong with stat, it clearly is overcooling (used the onboard diagnostic menu - very useful). So new stat needed. Cant be without car for a couple of weeks, so it will have to wait. Mate is borrowing the HRV for some undercover work, so have to wait till it returns to the fleet 

180 quid bill for basic service and 3 wiper blades. Will need rear brake pipes doing for MOT and pads are down to 2mm. Will do pads myself when the time comes. May even do the stat ***

[Cookiesouwest]

The HRV

[Cookiesouwest]

Mrs Cookie's CRV

[Cookiesouwest]

I've got the raging shites this morning. Paid my roffle money, for my first ever roffle, then while browsing auto trader found this. Me and Mrs Cookie are staying in Minehead tonight. This dealer is on the way (using man nav). A small detour required. It looks terrible but I kinda like it. The raging shites is a terrible disease

[Supernaut]

A pogweasel yellow polo with the asthmatic 1.4 that VW seemed to make forever?

That looks utterly grim. Top work.

[Agila]

On 2/6/2020 at 4:29 PM, Cookiesouwest said:

May even do the stat ***

If you do the ECP one was adequate for me. Get yourself a 1/4 torque wrench as it's only 8nm or something. 4 or 6 e torx bolts (something like e5 or e6) and a spring clip. 

A 10 min job. I didn't drain any coolant, just lost some and topped back up. 

Vectra c.com is a great forum.

[Cookiesouwest]

First long run with vectra this weekend. Discovered a few things. 1. Not bad on fuel, considering stat is knackered. Reckon with working stat might get a couple more mpg. 2. After playing the entire Ace of Spades CD, then putting in another, CD didn't work. Refused all reasonable requests to play any others, so reckon a new CD 70 Navi unit is needed. Will live with just the radio for now. Plus you have to program replacement units to the car with Vauxhall Tech 2. Too much faff for now. 3. Seats are comfy and supportive. I like them. 4. Brakes are bloody good. 5. On good tarmac it rides really well, on bad tarmac its inclined to follow the road, if you let it. 6. Mrs Cookie has started referring to this forum as 'that place full of Shite Bangers' - quite like the Shite Bangers tag. 7. Mrs Cookie likes the vectra 8. Mrs Cookie was more nervous about the roffle this Saturday, than me lol 9. Mrs Cookie pointed out 'in amazement' that I had neglected to list the 3 MK1 Focus on my cars list - list to be updated shortly

[Cookiesouwest]

Vectra C - It's first commute

Considering how bad the traffic is in Bristol and the stat is knackered, I'm quite happy with the MPG. Was expecting worse tbh

Stuck in traffic, the temp gauge came up to 90c. For a few seconds I panicked as I'm use to it being at zero lol It also dropped to 80c when fans kicked in, so at least they work

Annoyingly the car keeps telling me that the main right headlight bulb has failed. It hasn't. Advice from Vectra C FB group was hit the headlamp.

I did

1. It didn't fix the problem 2. The plastic lenses are REALLY thin. 5p 50p moment as I thought it would break. Note to self. Don't hit the headlight so hard.

The headlights are bloody awful. I could illuminate the road better, by sticking candles on the end of the bonnet.

Lenses need a polish. Because I'm lazy and using the 3M kit, managed to melt  Mrs Cookie's CRV headlight when I did it last year, I'm going to use the Armourall wipes. Not convinced what look like wet wipes will work. Must be impregnated with some bloody nasty chemicals. Needs 3 hrs to dry by all accounts, so will have to wait till weather is better, hopefully at weekend. Will bung some better bulbs in too, which, fingers crossed, following wind, will clear the bulb failure fault.

Tyres - it's got cheap tyres. Nearly understeered off a precipe at 30mph. It is a bad surface (so worn, the tarmac is shiny) and the HRV use to understeer on same corner. Tread is 2mm, so after pay day she needs new front boots. Gonna go Avon ZV7. They are bloody expensive though. I thought tyres for the ZS180 were pricey. Seems as though the Vectra has tyre size that is not that common, so price is high.

List of work needed gets longer

1. New stat

2. Headlight polish

3. New headlight bulbs

4. New front tyres

5. Replacement CD 70 Navi needed

6. Trip to Vauxhall stealers to get replacement Car Pass (seems its needed to code new navi to the car).

On the plus side, I've found a brilliant little shiter for the fleet. Can't get there till Saturday, so hope he still has it. Subject to Mrs Cookie not being too unhappy, as HRV still in fleet and wont be back from undercover duties till weekend.

[Cookiesouwest]

My brain has remembered another 5 cars and a truck that I have owned, so list will be updated shortly.

Shite rules for 2020 - As the HRV will be roffled off this weekend, I've started thinking about some rules for myself, to prevent my raging shite disease becoming a problem that will need counselling.

1. Max 4 cars in fleet - 2 daily's and 2 shitters. Not including the zs180 which is sorn and off road.

2. Max 750 quid purchase price.

3. Except for roffle wins, can only buy car within 50 miles of home.

4. Purchase price is the max I can spend on maintenance / servicing, so I'm going to have to get the spanners out more often. Obviously not including roffle wins.

5. 3 months MOT on any car I buy.

6. Must keep for 3 months minimum, unless it turns out to be an absolute shit bag.

7. Can't buy something I have had before.

8. Any of the above rules are null and void, if I find one I fall in love with

The challenge of the above, should keep my habit under control and stop Mrs Cookie divorcing me.

Vectra update - booked in for stat change in 2 weeks. Looking at LED or HID upgrades to solve appalling lights.

Off to see a Corsa C tonight for first shitter of the year. Unless it sells before I get there.

[Cookiesouwest]

Due to mum having a heart attack I didn't get to see the Corsa this evening.  She is in hospital, should be ok.

No idea why I am even posting given what happened. Taking my mind off things I think. 

Seller was understanding and will keep it so I can view this weekend sometime.

52 plate. 1.2 elegance. 80kish 6 mths ticket. Needs front spring, exhaust blowing. Front grill trim missing. Loads of history. 300 quid. Told him I wouldn't haggle if it was ok.

Off to Hospital 

[Agila]

1 hour ago, Cookiesouwest said:

Due to mum having a heart attack I didn't get to see the Corsa this evening.  She is in hospital, should be ok.

No idea why I am even posting given what happened. Taking my mind off things I think. 

Seller was understanding and will keep it so I can view this weekend sometime.

52 plate. 1.2 elegance. 80kish 6 mths ticket. Needs front spring, exhaust blowing. Front grill trim missing. Loads of history. 300 quid. Told him I wouldn't haggle if it was ok.

Off to Hospital 

My heart goes out to you. Same thing happened to my Dad. He wasn't as lucky and died in my arms.

Really wish your Mum a very speedy recovery.

 

 

Not important:vectra light bulbs will fail. It's got a physic ability to know when it's going to fail. You've probably got two weeks before it actually goes.

Hid is the only proper way to go but get the ones with canbus error cancelling at £70 or you could get the cheap ones that will probably put error messages on the dash.

Standard vec lights are that dangerous they should be illegal. Yours aren't broken that's how they are and have to be seen to be believed.

[eddyramrod]

Wishing your mum the best of luck!

[Cookiesouwest]

Good news, mum out of hospital, so despite the weather a good weekend.

Honda HRV joy machine was roffled off last night. Now awaiting collection.

Just got back from viewing a possible new shitter. 52 plate, 1.2 elegance Corsa. 72k. FVSH. Needed exhaust and two front springs. Grill trim broken. Seller wanted 300 notes. 5 mins drive away.

I liked it. Good nick for age. Tyres were toyo and clutch ok. Drove well beside the springs. 

Was about to splash the cash when I thought I should check the oil / coolant. No coolant no oil emulsified oil on cap.

Seller was genuinely horrified and apologised for wasting my time.

We shook hands and I walked away.

Shame. As I had told Mrs Cookie the car was ideal for the eldest Cookie sprog to learn to drive in. I got no grief for trying to add to the fleet

The search continues .....

 

[Cookiesouwest]

This weekends purchase attempt.

Due to @maxxo thread, I've taken an interest in picasso's. Never considered one before.

A Bristol dealer was advertising a 2003 1.8 elegance with panoramic roof, 2 months ticket, 120 k, for 399. Figured I could get for 300 notes.

Saturday morning, earlyish start. Drive to Bristol, pick up mate.

Head for spoons for a fry up

Then down the road to see the car, cash burning a hole in my pocket, insurance policy all ready to go.

Bit of body damage, the kind that cant be fixed cheap. But hey its 300 notes, so I can live with it.

Budget tyres. So budget, I've never heard if them. Again its 300 notes and they are legal, so no complaints.

Found the interior (the dash) very weird. But oddly liked it. Liked it a lot actually.

Very clean MOT history, so that boded well.

Pop the bonnet. Coolant is water. Disappointing but easy to remedy.

Bit of mayo on oil cap - mate says don't worry it's probably been standing awhile.

Check dipstick. Oil is brown. Very brown.

Drop bonnet and walks away.

Would have been nice for dealer to describe it accurately. Not just great mpv in good condition. Which it wasn't.

Cash is still burning a hole in my pocket

 

 

 

[maxxo]

6 minutes ago, Cookiesouwest said:

This weekends purchase attempt.

Due to @maxxo thread, I've taken an interest in picasso's. Never considered one before.

A Bristol dealer was advertising a 2003 1.8 elegance with panoramic roof, 2 months ticket, 120 k, for 399. Figured I could get for 300 notes.

Saturday morning, earlyish start. Drive to Bristol, pick up mate.

Head for spoons for a fry up

Then down the road to see the car, cash burning a hole in my pocket, insurance policy all ready to go.

Bit of body damage, the kind that cant be fixed cheap. But hey its 300 notes, so I can live with it.

Budget tyres. So budget, I've never heard if them. Again its 300 notes and they are legal, so no complaints.

Found the interior (the dash) very weird. But oddly liked it. Liked it a lot actually.

Very clean MOT history, so that boded well.

Pop the bonnet. Coolant is water. Disappointing but easy to remedy.

Bit of mayo on oil cap - mate says don't worry it's probably been standing awhile.

Check dipstick. Oil is brown. Very brown.

Drop bonnet and walks away.

Would have been nice for dealer to describe it accurately. Not just great mpv in good condition. Which it wasn't.

Cash is still burning a hole in my pocket

 

 

 

The issue is at the moment trying to find a good picasso out there.....

There's far more bad ones than good ones and they're right in the disposible stage and people never seem to service them which is a shame

sometimes an absolute bargain comes along, one that's actually been at least sort of looked after

[Cookiesouwest]

I'm hoping to find an okish one. You are right, most of the local ones for sale (in my paltry shiteing budget), leave a lot to be desired. The search continues

[maxxo]

51 minutes ago, Cookiesouwest said:

I'm hoping to find an okish one. You are right, most of the local ones for sale (in my paltry shiteing budget), leave a lot to be desired. The search continues

Sort of a shame i'm not looking to sell mine.....i'd sell it within your budget

Don't worry about welded sills they all rust out....and that's about it for the common issues

oh yeah if it's an 03 or newer make sure the headlights don't turn on with the indicators

[Cookiesouwest]

10 minutes ago, maxxo said:

 

oh yeah if it's an 03 or newer make sure the headlights don't turn on with the indicators

?? A joke or a common problem ??